Gene Siskel is taller and balder than Roger Ebert who is heavier and more nearsighted. Together, they host the popular movie-review program At the Movies. Separately, Siskel criticizes films for the Chicago Tribune, while Ebert does the same for the Chicago Sun-Times. Bill Zehme spent several weeks trailing them and reports: "Gene likes to call Roger 'Big Boy.' Roger likes to call Gene 'Old Paralysis Tongue.' They bicker constantly and hate sharing popcorn. Nevertheless, they do have a secret handshake: They clasp each other's wrists and check their pulses. It's a beautiful kind of friendship rarely seen outside of Lite Beer commercials."

Q 1

PLAYBOY: Be brutally honest. Review each other for us.

Gene Siskel: Roger is a lot of fun to be around--for limited amounts of time. He tends to hold court, and that can be oppressive if you don't like to be a subject. At the same time, he has a very good heart.

Professionally, Roger is one of the best in the country. He's a wonderful writer, and I like his ability to detect structural flaws in a film. On the other hand, he doesn't understand acting at all. And he often can get carried away liking one element of a film. Roger is more likely to enjoy slapstick than he is a head comedy. He has more of a country sense of humor. I have more of an urban sense of humor. Which makes sense, since that's where we're from.

Roger Ebert: There are two Gene Siskels: sort of a Dr. Siskel and Mr. Gene. It's as if he has a work mode and a human-being mode. When he's in the work mode, he's competitive almost to a fault. He is so competitive with me, in terms of our two newspapers, that he would go to almost any length to get what he fancies to be a scoop interview with a movie star. He's cutthroat. It's fun occasionally to send him off on a wild-goose chase.

When he's in the human-being mode, he's a real pleasure to have around. He turns into a big, corny pushover. The fact that he's had a baby girl, for example, has changed his outlook on things. He's a good critic and I think he has pretty good taste. If he has a weakness, it may be a kind of perfectionism that spoils his ability to enjoy a whole movie once he's found something in it that he thinks doesn't quite work.

Q 2

PLAYBOY: What's his most annoying habit?

Gene Siskel: Roger is not circumspect. For example, he doesn't realize how loud he shouts at people. He's not aware of his behavior. I think I'm more measured. I talk more quietly; I'm aware of not intruding on someone else's space. Roger just behaves, if you will. That, of course, will come from his being an only child, the smartest kid in his class, a little king at his newspaper and single. He's never had anyone in his life tell him when to shut up. Whereas I come from a large family, the youngest of six. I've had my head stepped on all my life.

Roger Ebert: And I thought you were balding naturally. Gene's greatest flaw is circumspection bordering on paranoia. I love it when we're on the set of At the Movies and we're miked up. Before Gene will ask me what time it is, he will cover his microphone with his hand. I think he would feel right at home in the Soviet Union. In the bathroom, he always flushes the toilet before he clears his throat. I think he takes himself too seriously.

Q 3

PLAYBOY: How about a random sampling of the all-time greatest Siskel and Ebert bald and fat jokes?

Roger Ebert: I often tell Gene that his hair is out of place. No, no, the other hair. But seriously, he is, as you know, the world's baldest film critic. Did you know that a study at Harvard indicated that thinking deeply about the movies will grow hair on your head? At least I can't be seen in satellite photographs when I'm not wearing a hat. They once took a close-up of Gene's forehead and NBC inserted it into a documentary about Three Mile Island.

Gene Siskel: It's dangerous for Roger to wear brown sweaters on the show. People flashing by the channel real fast may think that they're watching a mud slide. I have a standing offer that I'll give $1000 to the cameraman who cannot take a close-up of Roger. I frequently introduce him as the world's largest film critic. In fact, he was recently considered for an automobile ad. Yeah, it would show him alone getting out of a Volkswagen.

Let me tell you a true story. Roger and I were once seated at a table in a Chicago restaurant with Jack Lemmon. An older lady recognized me and came over, asking, "Are you Gene Siskel? Can I have your autograph? This makes my day!" So I gave her the autograph. Then I said, "Look who's sitting next to me." So she took a couple of steps over and said, "Ooooh, Jack Lemmon! Oh, this really makes my day!" Then I said, "If you think your day is made, look who's sitting over there," pointing to Roger. She looked at him and then exclaimed, "Ooooooh! Buddy Hackett!"

Q 4

PLAYBOY: Many people don't know that Siskel owns the white suit John Travolta wore in Saturday Night Fever. How do you think you look in his pants?

Gene Siskel: I've never put them on. I didn't buy the suit to wear it. I bought it for $2000 at an auction and outbid Jane Fonda, whose best offer was $1900. I loved that movie and I wanted a part of it. I bought it for the same reason Steven Spielberg bought the sled from Citizen Kane, only he paid $ 60,000 for it. I don't have that kind of money to throw around. But surely any movie fan can understand the appeal of buying that suit. Right now, though, it remains in a garment bag in my closet.

Roger Ebert: Actually, the suit is at the tailor's right now, where the crotch is being taken in. Buying the suit was probably a very good investment for him. One of the great sights America has been denied--in fact, I would pay a lot of money at a charity benefit to see it--is Gene Siskel in the Travolta suit disco dancing to the hits from Saturday Night Fever.

Q 5

PLAYBOY: Are the Oscars fixed?

Roger Ebert: No, they don't need to be. The entire selection process is biased toward a kind of applause for success. A box-office loser will very rarely get nominated and will never win. I lost faith in the Oscars the first year I was a movie critic--the year that Bonnie and Clyde didn't win.

Gene Siskel: The awards are overrated. Nominations can be bought with advertising. Critics have more right than the academy to pick the Oscars. They've given their lives over to films, and their choices would be based on more interesting criteria than the average academy voter's. And we have one important advantage over the people who now vote: We've seen all the movies.