#10 THE VENUS BUTTERFLY (MARCH 1987)
In an early episode of L.A. Law one of the characters referred to a sex act called the Venus butterfly. A polygamist with 11 wives had used the technique to keep his ladies happy. I have a suspicion that it has to do with the female labia, which, when spread, somewhat resemble butterfly wings. Can you explain the technique?
-- T.S., Marysville, Ohio
It's a new kind of Nielsen rating: Apparently, the producers of L.A. Law were inundated with several hundred phone calls asking for more details about the Venus butterfly. They got caught with their creative pants down. They took the official line that it was a secret technique and that viewers would have to watch later episodes. The response from the sex-starved hordes is such that it could become a running gag. Since it doesn't exist, the show's creators can't very well explain it; and according to our inside source (Deep Throat), they won't even try (though executive producer Steven Bochco did give us baby oil in the microwave on Hill Street Blues years ago). The Venus butterfly makes a marvelous Rorschach test. It brings to mind some of our favorite orchestral maneuvers in the dark. "Sensuous Woman" had a butterfly flick, a fellatio technique that consisted of moving the tongue in circular motions about the male penis while sucking on it. Substitute the clitoris for the penis and you have something. "Xaviera's Supersex" mentioned the butterfly, a maneuver that involves flicking your eyelashes over lips, nipples, or other erogenous zones -- slowly at first, then faster. The Pleasure Chest sells Joanie's Butterfly, a small vibrator that rests above the clitoris in a special G string. Clearly, none of these is ready for prime-time TV. If the Venus butterfly doesn't exist, it should. So we are announcing a contest: Invent a sexual technique that deserves to be called the Venus butterfly, describe it in 200 words or less and we will publish the best suggestions, after testing each one in the Playboy Test Bedrooms.
* This challenge brought in hundreds of creative responses, many of which were published in subsequent issues.
#11 CONDOM CONSCIOUSNESS (JULY 1987)
I am worried about contracting a venereal disease during sex. What should I do? Also, I suffer from premature ejaculation. Any suggestions? And, finally, I would like to increase the size of my penis. What do you recommend?
-- J.W., New York, New York
Here are the answers to your queries: (1) Wear a condom. (2) Wear two condoms. (3) Wear three condoms.
#12 HARD BODIES (FEBRUARY 1993)
My girlfriend and I were on a secluded beach. After swimming in the ocean, we went back to our blanket to towel off. While doing so, I rolled my towel into a rat tail and, though I intended to give her just a love tap, I managed to produce an audible, crisp, whip-like snap. The towel barely kissed her muscular ass, but that was enough. Her entire body went taunt, she turned to face me, her eyes squeezed shut, her lips puckered small and tight; she felt the pain. I stood there. I didn't know what to do. Then her lips curved slightly upward at the corners and she whispered in a challenging tone, "Didn't hurt." Her defiant statement earned her one on the other cheek. It had the same effect. She drew a long deep breath through her nose and said, "Take me home." We packed up, drove home in silence and took showers. When I stepped out of the shower, I was confronted by my smirking girlfriend in her birthday suit. She rolled the towel she had in her hands and tried to whip me with it, but it only wrapped around my knee. She giggled and tossed the towel at me and said, "Your turn." She then turned around and placed her hands on the door frame, legs spread apart. I repeated the action that had taken place on the beach earlier, leaving matching marks below the ones already there (being a college lacrosse player, I am well practiced in such locker-room antics). She took the towel from my hands, put it around my neck and dragged me into the bedroom. She pushed me onto the bed and began sucking my cock like a champ. At times she had my entire cock in her mouth -- she'd never been able to do that before. While she was doing this I spanked her. The harder I spanked, the more enthusiastically she sucked me. By the time I came I was spanking her so hard my hand was hurting. She swallowed every drop of come she could suck out of me. This is a girl who repeatedly told me she would never swallow, that it was too gross to even think about. So what gives? Why did the pain turn her on? Is it psychological, biological or just physical?
-- S.E., Chester, Pennsylvania
Okay, America, are we hot yet? We don't think we need to touch on the basics regarding sadomasochistic behavior -- your letter pretty much covered them all. A partner, thrilled at being an outlaw, led you both into new territory. She set the pace, directed the action and you both enjoyed the result.
#13 IS MY WIFE A HOOKER? (AUGUST 1997)
From time to time, my girlfriend and I enjoy role-playing in bed. My favorite fantasy is to pretend she's a hooker, give her money and demand she do anything I want. The problem is that she keeps the money ($20 to $30, depending on the tip). Does this make her a prostitute?
-- T.G., La Crosse, Wisconsin
She's not a prostitute unless she has other clients. You tip her?
#14 OUR KIDS SAW ME TIED UP (SEPTEMBER 1998)
One of my turn-ons is to be bound and gagged. With my husband due home from work in half an hour and my teenage daughters at a sleepover, I had a girlfriend tie me up (fully clothed) and leave me in a kitchen chair. My husband was late, but after 45 minutes my daughters appeared. Their sleepover had been canceled. After they untied me I told them their father and I were playing a game. They seemed to accept that but could they now think I'm weird? Should I attempt a better explanation?
-- L.L., Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
All teenagers think their parents are weird; you just confirmed it for your daughters. We like your explanation, and it's none of their business beyond what you offered anyway. But take a lesson from your misadventure: It's never a good idea to be tied up and left alone. Bondage requires safeguards, including supervision and "safe words" or signals. Your girlfriend should have hung around until your husband returned, even if she had one foot out the door. You should also send your daughters to camp.
#15 HOLDING OUT (JUNE 1999)
A friend of mine and his fiancée have agreed not to have sex until their wedding night, even though they've been sleeping together for several years. Have you ever heard of this?
-- R.W., McLean, Virginia
Reclaiming your chastity is a great way to build anticipation, even after you're married. In their book The Great Sex Weekend, Janet Lever and Pepper Schwartz suggest that couples remain abstinent for at least a week before any erotic getaway. "The minute we made sex off-limits, we were dying for it," one couple told Lever and Schwartz, who point out that abstinence can "heighten your appetite for sexual extravagance." Here are some ground rules: The couple can kiss and caress so long as they avoid the genitals. They can't masturbate (harsh!). They should talk dirty and tease each other silly. Imagine the longing you'd feel after a few months (or, God forbid, a year or more) of that. If this idea catches on, expect a lot more shotgun weddings -- with the groom supplying the shotgun.
*After this appeared, an anonymous reader responded by tearing out the page, circling the response and writing in bold letters, "You bastard!"
#16 WHEN THREE'S NOT A CROWD (DECEMBER 1999)
How many people does it take to have an orgy?
-- W.S., Los Angeles, California
Technically? Two is a couple, and three is a threesome. Four could be described as an orgy, but more likely it's two couples, or a threesome and a guy saying, "I thought this was an orgy." Five is more likely a threesome and a couple. Six could be two threesomes or three couples or a couple, a threesome and the same poor sap. You get the idea. It's an orgy when you lose count.
#17 INTO THE WOODIES (OCTOBER 2000)
Each summer, I drag a recliner into the woods near my house. When I feel horny, I sit in the chair in the nude and spray insect repellent everywhere on my body except my genitals. Is this normal?
-- G.B., Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Have you seen any other chairs out there?
#18 ONE-TWO PUNCH (AUGUST 2003)
Is it OK to masturbate while wearing boxing gloves?
-- R.G., Chicago, Illinois
Sure. Knock yourself out.
#19 GOOD VIBRATIONS (MARCH 2005)
I'm a car-audio installer. An instructor at a training conference told me that clitoral resonance is 33 hertz, give or take, depending on the woman's weight. This means that anything vibrating 33 times per second will cause the clitoris to resonate. Howard Stern made an example of this in Private Parts when he got a woman off by having her sit on a speaker, and just about any woman will respond to a bass note at that frequency if your subwoofer can play that low. Is there any truth to this?
-- J.B., Yuma, Arizona
Don't touch that dial. The idea that 33 Hz is the optimal resonance to get a woman off originated with an experiment performed in 1992 by car-audio consultant Todd Ramsey. While on spring break in Daytona Beach, Ramsey and his buddies spent three days asking women to sit in the front seat of a Honda Accord. The crew then swept the frequencies from high to low on an 18-inch subwoofer, powered by a 1,000-watt amp, in the trunk. The women gave the thumbs-up when the vibrations felt best. Once Ramsey had crunched the numbers for about 100 volunteers, including making adjustments for their self-reported weights, he calculated that the optimal resonance for a woman of 115 to 125 pounds is 33 Hz. Not so coincidentally, he says, that's about the same resonance as an idling Harley or a spinning washing machine. In 2001 Ramsey wrote about the CR (clitoral resonance) factor in Auto Sound & Security. "I'm still waiting for a call from one of the big automakers," he says today. One CR disciple is Richie Warren, founder of Fuel records, which produces bass-heavy music for car-audio systems. To promote Fuel at auto shows, Warren straps three models across the top of a Dodge Challenger and booms a 33 Hz tone "until they're coming all over the car." Visit the label's site at liquidinjuredhearing.com, where you will find a resonator that produces tones from 30 to 110 Hz. Ask your partner to sit on your quality subwoofer, hook up your computer to your sound system and sweep through the tones to find her number (the heavier the woman, the lower the frequency). The only downside is that she may leave with your stereo.
#20 A NEW SPECIAL FRIEND (JUNE 2006)
My girlfriend gives great blow jobs and loves anal sex, but she won't let me give her oral. Although she is 35, she says she is saving that for marriage. She also claims she has never had vaginal intercourse. Is that possible? Whenever I attempt to go around front, I get shut down. I would like to at least get a look at it. She is a Christian and sometimes even wears a dress to bed. She rolls it up so I can get to her ass. Should I be worried that she has issues?
-- R.H., Birmingham, Alabama
We'll put this as delicately as we can: You need a vagina to have vaginal intercourse.
