The Stanford Tree's roots, so to speak, bark, er, hark back to the Seventies, when the university decided to change its team name. The students favored the Robber Barons -- a tribute to Stanford founder and railroad mogul Leland Stanford -- but the administration wanted the monolithic Cardinal. In protest, the Stanford marching band paraded out a series of mascot wannabes during halftimes of football games. And while mascots such as the Steaming Manhole and the French Fry provided drunken fans with plenty of entertainment, the Tree won out as the oft-derided pride of Stanford today.

The irreverent and sarcastic Tree recently took a time-out with Playboy.com to share, among other things, his illicit pre-game routine and the secret to scoring with college cheerleaders.

Playboy.com: Auditioning to become the Tree is an intense process. Tell us what happens.

Stanford Tree: During my first audition, my friends and I built this big pumpkin made out of tarp in the pumpkin patch behind the Stanford band shack. We filled it with haggis and got inside. After the band staff meeting let out, I started screaming and burst out of it. Haggis got everywhere, and they freaked out. But here's the kicker: I was also wearing a bulletproof vest, and I had one of my friends come running out from behind a tree and shoot me in the chest with a .36 caliber pistol.

PB: How'd that go over with the campus police?

ST: Oh, well, you don't tell everybody everything around here.

PB: Tell us a little about the Tree Protection Service.

ST: The Tree's had a history of getting in fights, so the Tree PS, as we call them, are my bodyguards. They've actually had to jump in a couple of times to protect me. But the truth of the matter is, with dance moves like mine it's impossible not to start riots.

PB: Who's your biggest rival? You have a bad history with Cal's mascot, Oski, and in 1998 you got in such a nasty brawl that it was covered on ESPN's SportsCenter.

ST: Well, he's a tool, first of all. And just for the record, Oski attacked me. But most of the time I'm not even going to waste my time interacting with another mascot, although I may say a few coarse words here and there.

PB: Who's your favorite mascot besides yourself?

ST: Actually, the assistant women's volleyball coach of Oregon State University is my favorite mascot. He stays in character, and he really is mascot-like in his tendencies. I'd like to see that asshole made into a big foam costume.

PB: Do the opposing team's fans heckle you?

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