By Sam Jemielity
Who knew Bob Saget was so dirty? One minute he's a group hug-obsessed single dad on Full House and genial host of America's Funniest Home Videos. Then out of nowhere, he delivers the most depraved version of the dirtiest joke ever in the movie The Aristocrats. Playing himself on HBO's Entourage, he welcomed megastar Vincent Chase to his Beverly Hills neighborhood by joking that Vince better not fuck his daughters.
Of course, fans of Saget's stand-up know that he's been raunchy all along. In the stoner movie Half Baked, he lectures a roomful of addicts: "Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?"
Expect more of the same with Saget's new comedy special, out now on HBO. Back around the release of his movie, The Farce of the Penguins, Playboy.com threw some rude questions his way, and his answers were so funny we couldn't just stop at 12. So we doubled up this Dirty Dozen with a full 24 inappropriate questions -- and we're proud to say, we think we offended Bob with a few.
1. What's the most memorable sexual experience you've ever had?
Bob Saget: I shouldn't say this in print, but it was years ago with one of the winners of America's Funniest Home Videos. "Jacuzzi Dog."
2. Ever have sex in a public place? Where?
Banks: In the 10 items or less aisle in the 99 Cent Store. I was so excited I'd spent less than $10 for 10 items that I had an orgasm.
3. How old were you when you lost your virginity and what were the circumstances?
Saget: Forty-five. I was alone at a park in Beverly Hills riding a teeter-totter, and I think my hymen snapped.
4. What celebrity would you most like to have sex with?
Saget: The pig who played Babe.
5. What's the most unusual place you've had sex?
Saget: Am I wrong, is it just me, or are these questions a bit personal?
6. What do you consider the funniest sexual act, and why?
Saget: Having sex with a dentist on nitrous oxide.
7. Ever had sex in an airplane?
Saget: Yes. In the cockpit.
8. Ever had sex with a groupie or fan?
Saget: No. But once with a group of fans. I threw myself into the mosh pit and they 12-teamed me. I felt cheaper by the dozen.
9. Do you have any nicknames for your penis?
Saget: Yes. Ten thousand of them. My favorite is George.
10.Ever have a three- or more-some?
Saget: Truth be known, no. Unless that includes the time something was slipped in my drink, I was blindfolded and forced to have intercourse with some of the agents at my agency that I'd never met.
11. Ever videotape yourself having sex?
Saget: Yeah, but it worked out 'cause I fell out of bed funny and sent it in and won $10,000.
12. Are you good in bed?
Saget: At what?
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Photo: Patrick Harbron / HBO
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