By Blair R. Fischer
Gene Simmons is the biggest male rock slut of all time. He's got about 4600 shags to his credit and Polaroid pictures to back it up. As Howard Stern sidekick and Gene Simmons imitator Craig Gass might say, "If it weren't for Kiss, there'd be no sex." Perhaps the only thing the Demon appreciates more than a good lay is good pay, so it was no surprise that approximately six nanoseconds into Playboy.com's Dirty Dozen conversation, the tongue-endowed bassist was all business.
We hadn't even asked our first question when Simmons got down to dollars. "The answer to your first question is, Please be sure to pick up Kiss and Makeup, my autobiography that's coming out from Crown Publishers in December and talks specifically about every bush hair, nuance and old-ance."
Well, we couldn't wait till December to get Simmons to kiss and tell about his most memorable screw, a ménage à six or Morgan the Organ. Playboy.com called on Dr. Love to steal some of God's thunder with an explicit Dirty Dozen.
1. How old were you when you lost your virginity and what were the circumstances?
Gene Simmons: I had just turned 14. I had a newspaper route, and I had to pick up the weekly pay. It was a Friday night around Christmas, and it was freezing. This woman, Mrs. So and So, must have been in her early 20s and must have been drunk. She came to the door in a see-through nightie and started crying, "Oh, my husband. It's Christmas. Where is he?" I said, "Maybe I'll come back later, Mrs. So and So." She goes, "No, no, no, just come in." She sat me down, pulled my pants down and rode me. When it was all over I was afraid to ever come back. I got the money and a nice tip. I suppose I gave her the tip.
2. What's the most unusual place you've ever had sex?
GS: It's been all over, but one really takes the cake. It was nine or 10 p.m. in Los Angeles. This girl I'd met and I had just finished eating dinner in one of those outdoor restaurants on Melrose, right off of La Cienega, which -- for those people that don't live there -- is fairly well-traveled. We had been playing an "I dare you" kind of a game all night. "I dare you to eat some of that spaghetti and hurl it out your nose." "I dare you to drink some of that mustard." When we left the restaurant, she said, "I dare you to do me right here." She had one of those Catholic girl skirts on, very short, with the "please come play with me" socks. So I took my jacket off and put it on over myself and put her on right on my lap on the street corner.
3. What's the weirdest thing a girl's asked you to do with your tongue?
GS: I suppose pierce it.
4. What's the most women you've had sex with at one time?
GS: Six or seven. I was playing "pin my tail on your donkey." This was in the day when you used to have "chicken coops." A chicken coop was the room where all the girls would come after the show. After we got cleaned up, we went in there and just sort of chose. There were twins and some of their girlfriends, six or seven of them in all. And I took them all into this bathroom suite that we had and all of them bent over and the game I made up on the spot was I go and thrust once into every one of you and whomever I come in wins.
