QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK - Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Roland W., Columbus, OH:

What is the deal with James Brown? I thought he was dead. Now some DNA test says that he is the daddy of James Brown II. What does this mean now? Is he entitled to anything? Is his wife entitled to money too? It's unbelievable that they can go after a dead man's fortune.

The Lawyer of Love:

The Godfather of Soul may be deceased, but his reputation as a "sex machine" lives on. In his case, there's a myriad of estate planning problems, which are still at issue. Although there are many legal battles surrounding James Brown, this particular dispute relates to Brown's love of "the hynie." In particular, Tomi Rae Hynie, former backup singer for Mr. Dynamite, filed a lawsuit against Brown's estate in January 2007. Hynie claims that although she and her child, James II, six years old, were omitted from Brown's estate plan, she and James II are entitled to a portion of Brown's "assets."

Unlike the theme of Brown's popular song "Papa Don't Take No Mess," in this case, papa made a big mess. Brown executed his last will and testament and an irrevocable trust in 2000. The irrevocable trust, separate and apart from the will, covered the disposition of the bulk of his estate, such as the dispensation of music rights, business assets and his Beech Island estate in South Carolina. The will merely dealt with Brown's personal property. Brown's will (and irrevocable trust) disclosed that Brown's six adult children (they are all still living) were named, but Hynie and James II were omitted. Not that Brown's six children scored big -- Brown left them one-sixth of his clothing and personal effects. The big ticket items (music rights, etc.) were reportedly left to three of his business managers who were named as trustees of his estate and the irrevocable trust funds. The Brown clan jumped on the probate bandwagon and sued the business managers for mismanagement of the trust funds and estate.

Meanwhile, Hynie may still find her ass left out in the cold. Brown's lawyers are maintaining that Brown was never legally married to Hynie. Can you say b-i-g-a-m-y? According to The New York Times, the Godfather of Soul's lawyers "contend that Ms. Hynie was already married when she married Mr. Brown in 2001, rendering their marriage void. Her previous marriage was annulled, but she and Mr. Brown never held another ceremony, the lawyers said." Therefore, the validity of her marriage to Brown remains in contention. If the Hynster is declared to be Brown's spouse, she might stand to gain one-third of his estate. This issue is still pending.

Hynie's Golden Child, however, might prove valuable after all. Apparently, James Brown II's court-appointed guardian recently told the press that a DNA test confirms that James Brown fathered Hynie's son. This is not the final word, because the results of the court-ordered DNA tests have not been released and even the results of these tests may be contested by the litigants. South Carolina probate laws provide if a will is drawn up before a child is born, the child is entitled to the same amount he would have received if the parent died without a will. If the DNA tests are proven accurate, James Brown II would be entitled to one-seventh of the remaining estate, but only after Hynie's spousal share is determined (if she is successful on her claims to the estate).

In the end, the Brown clan (including half-brother, James II) and Mommy Hynie might not being feeling so good. If they lose the legal battle to the irrevocable trust, they are left with the provisions of the will -- namely, a portion of Daddy's barrister-like black wigs, Sansabelt polyester slacks and lifter shoes.

Kipp M., Montgomery, AL:

You are so purrty. I sure hope Playboy is going to take more naked pictures of you and put them online. I am a HUGE baseball fan, and I just saw online that Roger Clemens is being accused of having an affair with Mindy McCready (who is also real purrty, but not as purrty as you). What is the deal and why even bring this up?

The Lawyer of Love:

Clemens, the seven-time Cy Young Award winner, is under investigation by the FBI for perjury after he denied under oath his personal trainer, Brian McNamee's, contentions that he used performance enhancing substances during his baseball career from 1998 to 2001.

In January of 2008, Clemens filed a defamation lawsuit against McNamee, claiming that McNamee's statements were lies and Clemens reputation had been tarnished as a result. Now, McNamee's mudslinging campaign launched against Clemens makes the 2008 presidential quest look like child's play.

Numerous alleged extramarital skeletons have been hoisted from Clemens's closet. First, there was McReady, a country singer and a longtime "friend" whom Clemens met when McReady was 15 years old. Then, there were rumors about a former Manhattan bartender, Angela Moyer. Later, there was Paulette Dean Daly, the former wife of champion golfer, John Daly. Mind you, none of these stories have been confirmed. Clemens has denied an extramarital affair with McReady and stated that he made mistakes in his personal life. However, Clemens most certainly did not confirm any of the extramarital affairs.

If you have half a brain, you are asking: How is Roger Clemens's sex life relevant to a defamation lawsuit relating to whether he used performance enhancing drugs? Simply speaking, in order to succeed on a slander claim, Clemens must prove that McNamee made a false statement about him to third parties that damaged Clemens reputation. There is also an additional element for Clemens, because he is a public figure. Clemens must also prove that McNamee's false statement or statements were made with knowledge the statements were false. So far, so good. Well, maybe, assuming the judge is not brain dead, sleeping or has other agendas.

From a strict construction standpoint, the evidence relating to the women -- if there is any -- should not come into play in the defamation suit. First, any effect on Clemens's reputation must be measured at the time of the Mitchell Report and McNamee's alleged libelous statements. Any effect from the statements about the women would be after McNamee's assertions. Second, McNamee's declarations allegedly damaged Clemens's professional reputation as a baseball hero -- marital fidelity has no bearing on his professional reputation (unless of course, they can prove that increased balling improves your baseball game). Last but not least, character and reputation, although confused by most, are not the same. Just because damage to reputation must be proven by Clemens, it does not mean that evidence relating to being a bad husband is admissible if not relevant. For those of you who think you are a lawyer and watch legal shows, calm down. This type of inflammatory conduct may be allowed into evidence for impeachment and credibility purposes, but this will also depend upon numerous unknown factors, such as McNamee's defenses and the creativity and intelligence level of the lawyers for McNamee. Because McNamee presently has a pending motion to dismiss Clemens's lawsuit, time will tell as to who will hit the homerun.

The thing is, Clemens might have opened Pandora's batter box. Even though the women might not be relevant to his defamation case, the federal authorities might start questioning the women about Clemens's use of drugs, if any. If so, the case will take on an unfortunate life of its own, leading to nothing but public humiliation and anxiety no matter what the slant, what is said or how relevant. Hopefully, the Rocket has not lost his firepower so he can be vindicated without crashing.

Paul T., Raleigh, NC:

My girlfriend is awesome and we have a great sex life, but, I'd like to start to experiment with bondage. We have talked about it a little bit, and she seems willing to try. I want to make sure that she has a great time when she's tied up and that everything goes really well. Do you have any advice on how to make her comfortable so that she enjoys the experience as much as I do?

The Lawyer of Love:

Merely tying up your partner and sticking your dick in her mouth is not true bondage and does not make you worthy of being called "Master." From the naïve tone of your question, it appears as though you need an introductory course at the Lawyer of Love's School of BDSM. Bondage is playful but can be very powerful depending on how far you go.

The first step when getting started is to determine whether you and your partner have trust, respect and boundaries. If there is no trust, respect or boundaries, neither of you will enjoy bondage play or your respective roles. The next step is to determine what aspects of bondage you and your partner are interested in trying. BDSM encompasses a wide variety of conduct, which may include dominance, submission, punishment, masochism, bondage, role play and other activities usually sexual in nature.

Because you seem more interested in this activity, it is prudent for you understand all that it entails before subjecting your girlfriend to a "grasshopper" role. You might want to peruse the Internet and review a wide variety of BDSM books, magazines and DVDs before actually engaging in this activity. You can share what you find with your partner before starting, so she can decide whether she honestly wants to participate. Before starting, you and your partner must communicate and keep the dialogue going so you both know the rules. This is commonly referred to in the bondage community as "negotiation." Negotiation is not the same as legal negotiation and not a bargaining process. Negotiation is open and honest communication about each of your desires. It is essential to be honest and nonjudgmental when discussing each other's fantasies, likes and dislikes, allowable conduct, boundaries and whether any childhood or other traumas exist. Bondage play does not have to be hardcore, but realize that bondage play can be very intense and might reach deeply into hidden fears and traumas. For example, if your girlfriend was beaten as a young child, it might affect how you tailor your bondage activities and role play. One of the thrills of bondage play is that you can extend your limitations. If you do enjoy this, you will naturally find yourself being more creative. But the process should be taken very slowly and gradually; you must also establish what is known as a "safe word." This means that you develop a code word that means to "stop" when either one of you feels unsafe. This is not a high school make-out session; stop means stop with no questions asked.

An easy way to start is to create an erotic and fun role play containing a dominant role and a submissive role. For example, your girlfriend could be a slutty, unruly hooker and you are the cop who must arrest her -- use your imagination. Another is the photo shoot, where you are the photographer for a popular bondage magazine and the model seeks to repay you with sexual favors of your choice. After you decide on your role play, take your girlfriend shopping for sexy clothing, which will undoubtedly heighten the fantasy. What are you waiting for? Go unleash your inner master -- and I do not mean masturbator.

Alan A., San Francisco, CA:

A couple of weeks ago I told my wife that I would like it if she would let me shave her pussy for her. I think it could be erotic and would like to share that intimacy with her. She flipped a lid when I asked her, told me that I was perverted and that she didn't think it was appropriate for a husband to shave his wife. Since then, we haven't had sex and she is barely even talking to me. What can I say to her to make her see my side of things and to get back into her good graces?

The Lawyer of Love:

Well, you can certainly say goodbye to hot erotic sex; if she will not allow you to shave her, it is not looking pretty down under. Rather than getting back in her "good graces," I would be more concerned about getting in. Perhaps, it was the way you asked her and the timing of your request. Try setting aside time to take an erotic bath with wine and candles. Concentrate on her needs and going down on her for awhile. While you are engaged in hot sex and before she has reached orgasm in the tub, try asking her again and telling her how hot she would look while being shaven and how much it would turn you on. If she resists, ask if you can try just one little strip and if she does not absolutely love it, you will stop altogether. Then, start slowly by licking her nipples and pussy for awhile. Next, try fingering her pussy while you eat her out. Before she reaches an orgasm, start swirling shaving cream all over her pussy and clit. While she is moaning how incredible it feels, shave one little strip of hair but very slowly, gradually and erotically. After your bath time together, the chances are very high that you will have a new calling.