The Top of the Heap

Last month we got you the right job. Now, with your feet firmly planted on the first rung, let us proceed upward on the ladder of success.

Beginners often spend their first golden months – or years – in the mail room, or shipping department. Years hence, when you are careworn, harried, and tax-ridden, you'll look back fondly on those golden, carefree times and see yourself as you were then, clad only in a three-button West-of-England tweed, cheeks tanned, eyes clear, trudging happily to the post office with a sack of mail.

But remember, the thing is to Get On, to succeed, to escape from the mail room, and it is to this purpose that this article is written. Let us leave the nostalgia to other, more skillful pens.

How to dress

After you have made your mark you may cultivate a studied carelessness, but the mail-room man must always make a good impression. In fact, it is impossible for an ambitious young apprentice to be too well dressed.

Dress at all times as though you were attending an informal wedding or tea dance: conservative – but well-cut – lounge suit, the best white linen, carefully knotted four-in-hand from Sulka or Countess Mara, and good, well-boned boots. Do not be concerned with expense.

How to live

How, indeed, the fainthearted will cry, if your tailoring bills alone more than consume your $27.50 a week? Never fear. If you are one of those poor devils without independent income or generous women friends, you can still survive easily. Supper money and judicious use of "taxi" money will allow you to eat lightly.

You need not pay rent. You will find that the offices of your firm's executives are handsomely equipped and comfortable. They are, in addition, often in a fashionable part of town and are, of course, close to your work. Choose an office with a large comfortable couch and quiet exposure. Some prefer one facing east. It is cheerful to see the sun rise! Generally speaking, the higher the executive the larger the office, the more comfortable the couch, and the later he will come in mornings. As long as you are out by nine-fifteen, no one will complain.

You need not perform menial tasks. It is extravagant to wear out a pair of $30 brogues on a simple errand! Keep the phone number of a good messenger service at your fingertips. While the fellow is delivering his package, wait at your university club, using the time profitably to plan your promotion.

Some useful tips on how to be promoted

1. Attract Attention. Let them know you're there – in a well-bred way, of course.

After an especially difficult assignment return with package directly to executive's office (not to mail room!) with visible evidence of hardship. A bit of blood is helpful, if wiped from the face in a devil-may-care manner as you enter his office.

"You must have gone through hell. boy!" he will say.

"Finch, sir, Pierrepont Finch." (Always be careful to establish the name.) "It was nothing, sir."

"Blood, eh?"

"Just a scratch. Some hoodlums tried to take it from me."

"Oh?"

"Taught them a lesson, sir!"

But don't push! Remember, the elevator and the men's room are the only places where you will meet the executives on a man-to-man basis. Don't press your advantage. Just a word or two is enough.

"Damned fine memo of yours on the wicket situation, sir," you will say.

"Oh, you like it, uh–"

"Finch, sir. I agreed with almost all your recommendations." (Note the "almost.")

2. Read Memos. You will soon find there is little information of any value in them, but they are mighty handy in cases like the above.

3. Write Memos. Write them on any subject. Small matter what you write them about, as long as you write them often. No one will read them, but someone will notice your name at the top.

4. Two Heads Are Better Than One. The chap who uses his head will not long stay in the mail room. Ideas are the thing, but you may find that because of your boyish appearance and young open face few people will take you seriously.

Don't be disheartened! Remember that two heads are better than one, especially if the other one belongs to an influential executive.

A quick run through the files will turn up a number of ideas over which some of the executives have fought long losing battles.

Read all the correspondence on one of these, then approach the man whose baby it was:

"Oh, pardon me, sir, I know it's presumptuous of me, but I haven't been able to sleep lately for thinking of the wicket retreading situation."

"Yes? Well, come in, son!"

(At the very words "wicket retreading" he will begin to breathe more rapidly.)

"Finch, sir, Pierrepont Finch. Please tell me if I'm on the right track."

Then rehash his whole idea in your own words.

"Well, what do you think, sir?"

"I think it'll work, Finch! I know it'll work. And it would have worked, too, except for an, uh, political situation."

"You mean it isn't a new idea?"

"You couldn't know that, son. Before your time. Incredible, though, boy of your age. Miss Willoughby, will you bring in that wicket retreading file–'48 I believe – and don't disturb us. I'd like to spend some time with this boy. Yes, uh–"

"Finch, sir."

"Yes, Finch, you must have a mighty good head on your shoulders!"

From this point on he will consider you his protege. You will be sure to have the first vacancy in his department.

This technique is far easier than thinking up your own ideas – and far more effective.

5. Be Generous with Your "Buddies." The lad marked for success is one who is openhearted and unselfish, happy to share his good fortune with others, particularly his colleagues of the mail room.

The callow chaps around you may not look like much, but they may well be tomorrow's captains of industry. Make them your "buddies." These rough-and-ready friendships will stand you in good stead in the years to come.

For example, suppose the personnel manager calls you into his office and says:

"Oh, Finch, we've been keeping an eye on you!"

"You have, sir?"

(It is well to be noncommittal at this stage.)

"Yes, you may not realize it, but we keep a mighty close watch over all you fellows. I think you may have the stuff, Finch."

"Thank you, sir."

"In fact, we've decided to give you a nice promotion. You've done so well as a mail boy that we're thinking seriously about putting you in charge of the whole mail room!"

At this point the run-of-the-mill fellow would accept willingly. Not you! Remember, be generous! Be big! Look him straight in the eye and say:

"Decent of you, sir, damned decent! And you know how I'd like to accept. Don't see how I can, though, in all honesty."

(He will look at you with new interest.)

"No?"

"Don't really deserve it, sir. Watson is your man. Quiet chap, not one to attract notice, but he's earned that job!"

Be sure you tell Watson what you've done for him. He'll be your friend for life, and of course he'll still be in the mail room, running it efficiently, long after you have gone ahead to higher things. (The personnel man won't forget how big you were about this!) It will pay off in extra service, too.

"Oh, Watson, send a boy up to my place, will you? These pencils are getting frightfully dull."

"Can't spare one, but I'll come myself for you, Ponty."

"That's a good boy, and make it quickly, will you?"

Of course, if the first offer of promotion will take you out of the mail room it is better to accept.

No good being too generous!

Just follow these simple rules for a few months and you will quickly be summoned to the department of your choice.

"Finch, we feel you're our type of man! We're taking you into the department. You'll sit at the old desk in back of the mimeograph machine. Only temporary, of course, and you'll get more money, too. Think I can swing $2.50 more a week!"

This is what you have worked for! You're a Junior Executive. No one can stop you now!

From "How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying." Copyright, 1952, by Shepherd Mead, published by Simon & Schuster.

(Next month: How to Stop Being a Junior Executive.)

You need not pay rent.