Virginity

All sophisticated playboys are interested in virginity. We trust that the matter of your own virginity has already been satisfactorily taken care of. You must now face up to the problem of virginity in your female friends and acquaintances.

Most men recognize that virginity is an unpleasant little matter to be disposed of early in life. They appreciate that it's troublesome, a bother, and all things considered, just isn't worth having around. Unfortunately, this important information has been withheld from a large part of our female population.

Some men, shirking their responsibilities, might shrug this off as none of their concern. If you've a social conscience, however, you realize, of course, that it is up to enlightened members of the community to get the facts to the uninformed.

The most pleasant, satisfying, and generally successful method of spreading the good news is through demonstration. You will, of course, meet a certain amount of intellectual resistance from young ladies who have been previously misguided by narrow minded mothers, teachers, maiden aunts, etc. The purpose of this article is to show you how such resistance to learning (a form of social lag) can be most easily overcome.

First of all -- what is virginity? Those wise in the ways of women know that it is far more a state of mind than a state of being. Each girl seems to have her own peculiar and rather precise idea of just how far she can go without losing it. And since it is primarily a state of mind, you will most often meet with success by attacking the mind, not the body.

Your attitude is extremely important and will effect your entire approach to the problem. Remember -- and this is very important -- you are actually doing the girl a service. Some may suggest that you are trying to deprive them of something -- trying to take from them a cherished possession. This is nonsense. Actually, you are giving them a new freedom -- a means of enjoying life more fully -- a greater appreciation of life and its many pleasures. You must be fully convinced on this point yourself before attempting to convince anyone else. Such a healthy, clean minded, all American attitude on the subject cannot help but favorably impress members of the opposite sex.

Some difficulties have arisen because of the confusion (in female minds) between virginity and purity. The two have nothing to do with one another, and it is important that you point this out at the proper moment. Some of the most impure women we've ever known have been virgins and will doubtless die that way. On the other hand, we regularly share friendly intimacies with one of the sweetest, purest young things in all creation.

Thus armed with our convictions, we are ready to begin. First, of course, we must select a suitable subject and, these days, that can sometimes be more of a problem than you might assume. Often you may find the young lady you have chosen for enlightenment has already been enlightened a few times by others. And while there may be a certain amount of enjoyment involved in this discovery, it robs you of the special pleasure of spreading the good news -- and that, after all, is what this article is about.

Once we've found our subject, we are ready for the approach. In theory, we suppose, there are as many different approaches as there are women, since each requires a technique slightly different than the next. Indeed, a method that works like a charm on Monday evening may get you a clout in the snout with a different miss on Tuesday. It is obviously impossible to consider all the various possible techniques, but we will spend some time on a few of the more basic ones.

The Physical Approach. Boys are bigger than girls. And some guys figure that's all the advantage they need to make any seduction a success. Trouble is, that ain't seduction. If you're going to play the game according to the rules, you've got to win over the lady's mind first. The muscle method is too often confused with a dirty four letter word spelled r-a-p-e. The girl may not fully understand that you have only her best interests at heart. Such goings on can lead to misunderstandings, strained relationships, and long jail sentences.

The Alcoholic Approach. This isn't (continued on page 40) Virginity (continued from page 9) really an approach at all. Liquor, by itself, never seduced anybody. You can, however, dissolve a good many inhibitions in the proper amount of alcohol. A few drinks will usually help along any of the standard approaches, but we emphasize -- a few drinks. It is possible to reach a point of diminishing returns when imbibing. The girl may lose all interest in sex, you may discover -- at the last moment -- that you are not up to the occasion, the girl may get sick, you may get sick, she may lose consciousness. (Ground Rule 32b: It is unfair to take liberties with a lady who is unconscious. This cannot be properly considered seduction, since she has pretty well lost her freedom of choice. Some will argue that any amount of alcohol robs a person of a certain amount of free choice in such matters. We prefer to believe that liquor only gives a lady the courage to do what she would very much like to do when cold sober, but hasn't the nerve for.)

The Intellectual Approach. In its purest forms, this technique is best suited to librarians and girls working on their Ph.D's. With this approach, sex never even enters the conversation until the very end of the evening. Much time is spent, instead, in discussing the world's great writers, the philosophy of Aristotle, the pros and cons of world government, progressive education, Einstein's theory of relativity, etc. Throughout the evening, the emphasis is intellectual rather than physical. You compliment, not the girl's good looks or her 38 inch bust, but her mind. By the time you get around to the young lady's virginity, the physical side of life seems so completely unimportant, she will comply with scarcely a second thought.

The Freudian Approach. Here's a real favorite. Sigmund and Dr. Kinsey (discussed a little later) have done more for sex than any other men who ever lived. Explain to the lady that her virginity is really stuck up someplace in her super-ego, and not the spot where she thinks she keeps it. Explain that sex is a perfectly normal drive, like hunger, thirst, Hydromatic. Hint darkly about the dangers of frustrating the libido -- mention neuroses, psychoses, halitoses, and anything else you can think of to throw in. By evening's end, the poor creature will be begging you to save her from a life of frigidity, a traumatic-schizophrenic -- oedipus -- complex, (continued on page 50) Virginity (continued from page 40) or worse, and, big man that you are, you'll do just that.

The Atomic Age Approach. This technique has the advantage of being as up-to-date as tomorrow's headlines. Mumble something morose about the shape the world is in, talk about U.S.-Russian relations, mention the Hydrogen Bomb, spend some time discussing the effect one H-Bomb would have if it fell, just for the sake of conversation, on the roof of the particular bar in which you're drinking. If this doesn't get to her, start talking about flying saucers and invasion from Mars. When you've got her in the properly pessimistic frame of mind, slug down a stiff one and say, "We might as well live for tonight, baby, 'cause who knows where the hell we'll be tomorrow!"

This is actually a variation of the very successful wartime technique that ran to something like, "Love me tonight, 'cause tomorrow I'm getting blown to bits on the fighting fronts of the world." The advantage of this new approach is obvious, since you've two corpses to contemplate instead of just one.

The Snob Approach. Some girls like to think they're different -- above the common crowd. The technique should always be suited to the personality of the lady involved, and when confronted with one of this species, the Snob Approach is in order. Old fashioned morality, you will explain, is okay for ordinary people, but she (your date) and you are special cases -- above the taboos and restrictions that bind others. Sex thus becomes a method of proving her superiority.

The Kinsey Approach. You will meet, too, from time to time, the snob's counterpart -- the girl who wants to conform, the girl who wants to be just the same as everyone else, to do whatever everyone else is doing. For Miss Common Denominator, we suggest Kinsey's last volume, Sexual Behavior In The Human Female. You can prove almost anything with this book. Select your passages carefully, then read choice bits like 81% of all American women pet, 60% have pre-marital intercourse, 75% of the women who experience sex have no regrets afterward, those who indulge in pre-marital relations make better adjustments after marriage. Be careful to select only the parts of the book that help prove your point, and add ten or fifteen percent to the figures if you like. She'll never know the difference.

The idea is to bowl her over with the sheer mass of your statistics -- all proving that simply everybody is enjoying sex this season. Losing her virginity will seen very unimportant compared to the fear of being different.

The Persistent Approach. Some girls attempt to avoid most of the standard approaches by simply changing the subject whenever it gets around to s-e-x. For these we suggest persistence, with a capital "P". No matter what she talks about, you talk about sex.

For example, you're sitting in a restaurant. You've just ordered drinks and are looking over the dinner menu. Your date notices you eyeing her rather low cut dress.

"Do you like me in this dress?" she asks. "It's new!"

"Very much," you reply politely, "and I'd like you even better without it."

Somewhat flustered by this, she tries to change the subject to the weather.

"It's been an awfully hot summer, hasn't it?" she says.

"Not as hot as I am for you right now," you counter, in a voice suggesting both sincerity and quiet emotion.

Staring at her menu: "The fish looks good."

Ignoring your own menu, staring at her boldly: "Did you know that male fish fertilize the eggs after the female has laid them and that they never have bodily contact with one another? This has been suggested as the basis for the expression, 'poor fish.' "

She: "May I have the cherry from your Tom Collins?"

And so on.

Eventually she will become thoroughly undone, will find it impossible to avoid the subject any longer, and you will be on your way.

We have offered here, as we said in the beginning, only a few of the more basic techniques. With a little experimentation, you will undoubtedly be able to add a number of equally successful methods of your own. If you hit on any really good ones, be sure to let us know.