Is She Your Kind of Dish?

playboy's food & drink editor

Any man can be his own private eye. All he needs is a menu.

The next time you are sufficiently interested in a young lady to want to explore some of the more hidden facets of her personality, follow this simple procedure. Invite her to a restaurant. Don't take her into the nearest hash house where the bill of fare is scribbled on a big slate board above the cash register. Avoid, if possible, the small creaky tea room featuring Aunt Priscilla's Southern Pecan Pie with Whipped Cream Topping. Make your reservation in an established restaurant which you know employs a fine French or Italian chef.

As soon as the lady is handed the menu, you can begin to make significant mental notes. She may be the obvious type of hungry femme that everybody recognizes, the diamond digger who is determined to make you spend a month's salary in an evening. She starts by ordering fresh Beluga caviar at $8 a portion, although she actually prefers domestic sardines when eating in her own boudoir. She'll ask for Petite Marmite, which she can't pronounce, at $1.25 rather than clam chowder at 60 cents. She can't tell a pheasant from a fryer, and yet she'll ask for the former simply because it has the big game price of $14 per brace. Anyone can identify this type long before the Baked Alaska is served.

But just to put all doubts at rest, watch her reaction when the $11 bottle of Veuve Clicquot is poured. The gimme girl, nine times out of ten, will make a remark to the effect that it tickles her nose or that it tastes just like lemon soda. At this point the case is closed. You finish the meal knowing damn well that you have an ordinary pocket twister on your hands and you send her home on the first taxi you can hail.

There is an opposite type. This girl is a little harder to scrutinize. She'll ask, "Can I have the sauerkraut juice to start with?" This time you observe that the sauerkraut juice is the lowest priced appetizer on the bill of fare.

Then she'll scan the menu very carefully and ask weakly if an egg salad sandwich would be all right. When you insist that you've taken her out to eat dinner and not a snack, and that you intend to satisfy your mansize appetite with a club steak and French fried onions, she'll yield and maybe order a single chicken croquette -- today's special at 85 cents. This pattern continues all through the ordering. She may not be very hungry, of course, and she may be the one person in a million who likes sauerkraut juice. Or she may be a two-way tootsie who is out to impress you with her extreme frugality and thoughtfulness when she actualy doesn't possess these qualities at all.

Here you are called upon to use extreme judiciousness and forbearance. The best plan is to let her drink her sauerkraut juice and eat her forlorn chicken croquette. If she seems to enjoy them, you can let the matter rest. But if she coyly snitches three or four shrimp out of your shrimp cocktail and if, when the steak is brought on, her eyes turn shiny and slick with envy and she eats at least half the meat on your platter, and if she continues to use her fork like a sharpshooter to grab your onions, your potatoes and your salad, while swallowing her croquette like a quiet snake in the grass, then you know she's a bad actor and you should beware.

Another variety of woman is the indecisive type -- the doubtful one who resists a decision like poison and who must study, weigh and consider each dish on the menu as though it were a life sentence. She flounders between the oysters and clams, hesitates over the cup or bowl of soup, is perplexed by the fish and completely nonplussed by the great variety of beef, veal, lamb and poultry dishes, huge worlds among which she wanders like a lost soul. She may have a pretty nose and eyes like jewels but she would make an aimless spouse and would turn your life into one big puzzlement. Write her off before it's too late.

Still another breed is the indifferent female who tosses the menu aside as soon as it's handed to her and barks, "Order something for me -- anything -- it's unimportant." She's a chain smoker, a horsey, bronzy type. Food must always be a minor detail because if it's considered for any length of time, it may interrupt the incessant flow of conversation about her own dear egocentric personality. She eats lobster newburgh with as much relish as she brushes her teeth. Coffee is a nervous habit, not a wonderful hot brew to be sipped, judged and enjoyed. She may have some values in life, but eating and drinking and other simple joys are not among them. She's a kind of social virus that needs treatment. You can hardly provide the kind of therapy she needs across the dinner table.

Then there is the girl whose eyes glisten when you hand her a menu because she sees a good time ahead. She's flattered because you want her to make her own choice and because you are not following the Emily Post practice of male ordering for female. She likes to sip an ice cold martini before she gets down to the happy business of choosing her dinner. She doesn't want a ten course formal dinner but she does know that a dinner should have a beginning, a middle and an end. You choose jumbo crab lump while she orders the honeydew melon with prosciutto ham. You both order veal cutlet Parmigiana. She accepts your word that the veal is divine. And she confesses that, although she is a woman, there is no fragrance in the world, no perfume and no flower, that smells more exciting than freshly grated Parmesan cheese, bubbling brown on a veal cutlet. The meal is a leisurely one and really becomes a celebration when the waiter, bending over the chafing dish, pours the black cherries in rum over the vanilla ice cream.

This girl simply loves to eat. It's the kind of uncomplicated love with which every healthy male feels a direct bond.

Men who have engaged in this kind of sleuthing for years will tell you that the clues thus developed are reliable and rewarding. There is only one objection to the practice. The girl whom you are investigating can turn the tables and investigate you with the same means you employ. When you grab the menu aggressively from the waiter, bristle about the choice of entrees and attempt to bulldoze her into ordering the lake trout in place of the brook trout because that is the choice you would make, she can't help but conclude that you are cheeky, bull-headed and ornery. When she sees you inspecting the menu prices with a magnifying glass and observes that you use a slide rule to compare the cost of the table d'hote and a la carte dishes, she knows that you are a plain nickle-nurser. When you are inspired to remark, as you read the menu, that dish after dish reminds you of Mom's noodle soup, Mom's roast and Mom's short cake, she must conclude that you are suffering from a bad case of Momism, an affliction against which she feels quite helpless.

Finally, even the most unanimated little handful of a girl can trip the cleverest bloodhound by simply saying, "What's that?" pointing to the line on the menu that read Coupe aux Matrons.

Here the dinner-deadeye needs some help. He can call over the headwaiter and ask him to interpret the term, but a great deal of prestige is lost by that gesture. For the amateur sleuth can never be successful if at the very beginning of his inquisitorial operations he gives the impression of being a plain dope.

No girl will expect him to explain the meaning of Greek Kolekethya Giahni or of the Chinese Ngow Jay Law Bok but she will expect him to know some of the common menu terms found in restaurants with a continental background.

For such men, Playboy offers the following glossary of foreign cooking terms which it hopes its readers will find useful:

Agneau (French) Lamb. Cotelette d'Agneau is a spring lamb chop. Roti d'Agneau is roast lamb. Rognons d'Agneau are lamb kidneys.

A la (French) The term means "in the style of" and is now only used for a few dishes. Instead of saying Shrimp a la Meuniere, for instance, modern day menus list the dish as simply Shrimp Meuniere. A la Mode means according to the fashion of the times. Beef a la Mode was created by a French restaurant owner famous for his pot roast cooked in a gravy with red wine. In front of his restaurant was a wooden steer dressed in garlands and ostrich feathers -- the style of the day. Beef a la mode is now served hot with its red wine sauce or cold in gelatin. Pie a la mode is an American invention.

Antipasto (Italian) Literally, before the pasta or spaghetti. It is a first course of sliced salami, olives, celery, capers, anchovies, scallions, etc., liberally doused with olive oil and red wine vinegar.

Arroz (Spanish) Rice. Arroz Con Pollo or rice with chicken is the most eminent of Spanish casserole dishes.

Aspic (French) Aspic once meant an asp or serpent but the culinary term is a jellied salad containing meat, poultry, seafood or vegetables.

Baba au Rhum (French) A small rich cake made of yeast dough. The baked baba is soaked in apricot sauce and rum before it is served. An inspiration of King Stanislas of Poland, and named after Ali Baba, whose riches the King admired.

Blini (Russian) Thin pancakes of the rolled variety stuffed with anything from caviar to cottage cheese.

Boeuf (French) Beef. Boeuf Roti is roast beef. Boeuf Sale is corned beef. Entrecote de Boeuf is sirloin steak.

Bonne Femme (French) Literally, good lady. It is a sauce of mushrooms, white wine and cream frequently served with fish.

Bouillabaise Marseillaise (French) A fish stew highly seasoned with garlic, tomatoes and saffron. The "baissin" or outer harbor of Marseillaise was once famed for the great variety of fish found there. On the docks of the inner harbor the fish was stewed in great iron kettles. In modern restaurants Bouillabaise may contain from 10 to 20 different kinds of fish and seafood, including lobster and mussels.

Brochette (French) A skewer of small pieces of broiled meat or sea-food. It may be a brochette of scallops, brochette of kidneys, brochette of lamb, etc.

Cacciatore (Italian) Chicken or veal stewed in tomatoes.

Canape (French) The canape or canopy was originally a cover for a bed. Later it meant the bed itself. A canape is a small appetizer on a bed usually of pastry, toast, crackers, etc. The canape should be bite size, neat, colorful and piquant in flavor since it is invariably served as an accompaniment for cocktails.

Canard (French) This has nothing to do with the English word meaning a false rumor. In French it simply means duck. Canard Bigarade is roast duck with orange sauce.

Chasseur (French) A sauce of mushrooms and tomatoes served with game or poultry.

Chateaubriand (French) A grilled small steak, usually tenderloin of beef.

Coquille (French) A sea shell. Coquille St. Jacques is the shell stuffed with scallops, shrimp and a white wine sauce, topped with cheese and glazed in the oven.

Couple (French) The French version of the American sundae. Coupe aux Marrons is ice cream with chestnuts in vanilla syrup.

Crepes (French) Pancakes. Crepes Suzette are small pancakes rolled with jam or jelly in a syrup and burned with brandy or liqueur just before serving.

Diable (French) The devil himself incorporated into sauces with the aid of freshly crushed pepper, mustard, worcestershire sauce and other hot condiments.

Dinde (French) This French word for Indian also means turkey -- the bird, not the country.

Emince (French) Small slices of beef, chicken, etc., usually served in a sauce. Not to be confused with the English word mince which means to chop very fine.

Escargot (French) Snail. In spite of their popularity in France, escargot is never a fast selling menu item in the United States.

Filet (French) Literally, a ribbon. A filet of beef or Filet Mignon is the tenderest cut of the carcass taken from inside the loin. A filet of fish is a thin boneless and skinless cut.

Foie (French) Liver. Foie Gras is goose liver paté. Foie de Veau is calf's liver.

Gateau (French) Cake. The French do not know how to make a delicate layer cake of the home made American variety but they excel in the small fanciful forms which we know as French pastry.

Haricots (French) Beans. Haricots Verts are string beans. Haricots De Lima are lima beans.

Homard (French) Lobster. Homard Americaine is not an American invention but a French dish of lobster, tomatoes, shallots and brandy.

Hors d'Oeuvres (French) Literally means outside the work or job. In olden days French waiters, miserably (continued on page 50)Kind of Dish(continued from page 40) paid, were given scraps of cheese, meat, etc. in the kitchen. From such leftovers they fashioned small appetizers which they sold as a first course, pocketing the money.

Jardiniere (French) Garden style or including a variety of fresh vegetables as a garnish.

Lyonnaise (French) With onions. It may be potatoes lyonnaise, omelette lyonnaise, etc.

Maitre D'Hotel (French) There are two meanings to this term. A maitre d'hotel is the headwaiter of the dining room. Maitre d'hotel is also the name of a sauce made of sweet butter, lemon juice and parsley, brushed over fish or chops before they are served.

Marguery (French) The name of a famous French restaurateur who created Sole Marguery. The sole is poached, then covered with a white wine sauce garnished with small shrimp, mussels and mushrooms.

Meuniere (French) Prepared according to the style of the miller's wife. Fish Meuniere is fish dipped in flour, then panfried in shallow fat, usually butter. It is an easy way to cook small fish such as trout, perch, etc. The miller's wife was supposed to be lazy.

Parmigiana (Italian) Prepared with Parmesan cheese. Veal Cutlet Parmigiana is a breaded and fried veal cutlet, baked in a casserole with tomato sauce and topped with both Mozarella cheese and Parmesan cheese.

Petite Marmite (French) The aristocrat of French soups, served in an individual marmite or casserole. The base of the soup is a beef and chicken broth. It includes vegetables and pieces of beef and chicken as well as beef marrow. Always served with toasted French bread and grated cheese.

Prosciutto (Italian) An air cured, pressed ham, sliced paper thin and served as an appetizer.

Saute (French) Literally, to hop or jump. In America it is called panfrying. The sputtering fat hops and the fry cook jumps to make sure the sauteing is uniformly golden brown.

Stroganoff (Russian) Beef Stroganoff, named after a minister of the Czar, is a beef stew seasoned with mushrooms and mixed with sour cream just before serving.

Vichyssoise (French) Cold cream of potato and leek soup, now the most popular of cold soups, created by Chef Louis Diat and named after the city of Vichy, near Diat's birthplace.

Vol au Vent (French) Literally, flown with the wind. A light airy pastry used to serve creamed poultry or seafood. Known in this country as a patty shell.

Weiner Schnitzel (German) A breaded veal cutlet garnished with egg, lemon, anchovy and parsley.

Zuppa Inglese (Italian) Literally, English soup but actually a rum soaked cake with a custard filling. It was named ironically after English travellers in Italy who would have no part of the poor peasants' soup but who dined instead on rich meats and pastry.