Selecting Your First Wife

You may ask the question which is on every lip: "Why marry?"

The reasons are countless. They are as many as there are happy couples living in wedded bliss. Not every reason, however, would suit you.

Perhaps we should thumb through a working check list. Write down any reasons that appeal to you.

Greater Comfort

There is no question that marriage can give a man greater creature comforts. The familiar picture of the devoted wife, the pipe and slippers, and the tender loving care is all too true in many cases, and can last for months.

If you have no good clubs, service apartments or hotels in your neighborhood consider this seriously.

After children arrive, of course, you will have to shift for yourself. You will then be physically uncomfortable a greater part of the time. But in many cases the sacrifice is worth it.

More Companionship

The married man is never lonely. There are people around all the time, especially after the arrival of children.

In fact, many husbands and fathers have not had a moment to themselves for years.

The selfish husband who expects companionship from his wife, however, will be disappointed. The first wife, as we will see, must work fourteen to sixteen hours a day and has little time to be a companion to her husband.

Don't be unreasonable. If you want the companionship primarily of adult females, by all means stay single. You can have as much as you like, and of far greater variety. Find reliable unattached girls with similar hobbies and you will have companionship galore.

But will you be building a real foundation, a way of life that will last?

The Joys of Children

Children are certainly a great joy.

This is particularly true of other people's children. If you want to give joy to others, by all means have lots of them.

For your own pleasure, however, it is best to encourage brothers, sisters, or close friends to marry and procreate. It is the uncle or trusted friend who really enjoys children, and sees them at their best, too. They will be clean, well-dressed, well-behaved, and with their company manners. A gift or two may spoil them a little, but will go a long way toward making the non-father loved and admired. Romp with them freely. It will do you no harm if the children are well trained, and will be appreciated by the youngsters.

Grandchildren are best. To the grandfather go all the advantages of having children without any of the drawbacks.

How to have grandchildren without going through the occasionally messy process of having children first is a task we have thrown to our researchers.

Self Duplication

You probably feel, as so many men do, that your own qualities are unique and wonderful, and that there should be some way of making more of you. There is.

If you can get used to children, you will find that they often duplicate the parent to a marked degree. If you have enough of them you are bound to find at least one which recaptures some of your best points.

Though there are other ways of having children, marriage is the only one that is socially acceptable. Get married and before you know it the little ones will be on their way.

Longer Life

Any set of life insurance figures will show you that married men live longer lives than unmarried ones. This is true.

What it means is that the men who choose to marry are the longer-lived types, paradoxically enough the less adventurous and more sedentary. This is because of the popular misconception that married life is quieter and more settled.

Getting married will not actually make you live longer, however. It will shorten your life. But once again, in many cases it is worth it.

Sex

The man who marries for sex alone will surely regret it.

If you are one of this stripe, you have no need for marriage, since you will have few scruples against taking advantage of unmarried girls, and will find far more sex outside of wedlock than within it.

Our instruction is not for your breed, nor will you be welcome in any of our discussion groups.

Choose Your Own Reason

Have you found a reason that suits you? Doubtless not, for this is a matter in which you had best choose your own reason.

If you are decent and honorable, you may be swayed by the fact that getting married is the right thing to do. This alone will be enough for many of you.

Whatever your reason, if your choice is marriage, do not enter it blindly. The pitfalls are many, the margin for error small.

If you decide to marry, your problems will be to select your first wife, and to marry her quickly, since she will not have the qualities that make for a suitable fiancée.

Before we list the qualities to look for, we had best answer another frequent question:

"Shall I marry Beneath Myself?"

We must all face this question squarely.

Try to look at yourself objectively. Make an honest but accurate estimate of your merits, charms, and abilities. Be sure to tally up your mental qualities, the keen mind that is common to so many males.

Add to this sum your basic, simple maleness, which is so fine. You will probably be faced with this fact, as so many men are: you must marry beneath yourself. There is no other direction in which to marry.

The problem usually becomes one of degree. How far beneath you should you marry, and in what direction?

This leads us to the qualities to look for in the first wife.

A Firm Healthy Body

The first wife, as opposed to the fiancée, must be practicable and serviceable. She is neither a toy, an ornament, nor a playmate. She will be your wife during the early, hard years before you can afford a staff of servants. She will serve as mother, cook, housemaid, chauffeur, nurse, and charwoman. This will allow her, if she is nimble, six or seven hours of sleep a night, ample for a sturdy girl.

It is best, before deciding definitely, to test for firmness. Few of us would consider buying a grapefruit without squeezing it — yet how many make the far more important choice of a close companion in a sloppy, hit-or-miss fashion?

Using the thumb and forefinger, exert gentle pressure along certain key muscles. A girl with good muscular tone will wear well and last for years, even if neglected occasionally. She will not tire easily, and will usually maintain a cheerful disposition despite long hours and hard work.

"Davie, you pinched me!"

"Oh, sorry, Phoebe. Must have slipped."

"Well, stop!"

"Have you ever thought of taking a bit more exercise?"

Endurance

Though the fiancée, as we have seen, needs occasional bursts of strength, the first wife must have endurance, must be good over the long haul.

There is no known method of testing this accurately, no way of telling by the cut of her jib, so to speak, how she will sail on a long beat to windward.

However, careful observation during times of stress, such as a marathon series of cocktail parties during Christmas week, will give some indication. Observe not the sparkle of personality nor the tinkle of surrounding laughter, but signs of physical deterioration, sagging of the diaphragm, and abnormal clinging to or leaning upon door jambs or male guests.

Doglike Devotion

The fun-loving qualities of the perfect fiancée have no place in the first wife, who will be allowed little time for unproductive merriment.

You will be looking for a girl who is earnest, conscientious, and possessed of doglike devotion and a strong sense of duty.

She should be willing to follow you through thick and thin, expecting little, yet happy for every favor you bestow, grateful for every pat or kind word.

Beware the schemer, the girl who pretends devotion only to trap you into marriage. Simple errands often point the way to the right girl.

"Davie, I spent just hours trying to get City Hall to answer your question. Must have been to twenty departments."

(City Hall is an excellent place to test strength of character.)

"Oh? Find the answer, Susie?"

"Well, no, Davie, I didn't, but— —"

"Got a permanent today, too, eh?"

(Be quick to note evidence of personal vanity or selfishness.)

"I simply had to — I——"

"Doesn't matter, pet, I don't mind at all."

(No use making an open display of temper.)

Keep looking. No effort is too great if you are to find the girl of your dreams.

A Flexible Mind

Many men look for a girl with a strong mind. This is a mistake. Your own mind will be strong enough for both of you. Powerful mental equipment on the part of the wife leads only to friction and unpleasantness. Sparks can fly and tears may flow.

The first wife should have a good but flexible mind, one that will bend easily. Keep bending it in the right direction, and you will soon have a wife that is the envy of all your friends.

Many believe that education is harmful to the good wife. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In hundreds of cases girls with actual degrees have made fine wives. Though there is little that the classroom can contribute to the work she will have to do, most modern girls' schools encourage games and body building sports. Field hockey, especially, is good. It ingeniously duplicates sweeping and mopping motions. Girls who marry quickly following school can even retain some of the same callouses, well-trained muscles, and nimble athletic reflexes.

Her real education will begin the moment the two of you become man and wife. All during this period, which may last for years, she will be learning, plucking the ripe fruit that hangs so heavily from your mental branches.

Good Breeding

The influence of heredity, which science tells us is so important, should not be overlooked. A girl with a good set of chromosomes is a prize indeed.

How, so many ask, can I check up on them?

Look to her family. A father, for example, who is on the Board of Directors of a number of influential corporations can be reasonably sure to have acceptable chromosomes. Worldly honors do not come by accident, and are only too often the result of good breeding and a well-chosen group of ancestors.

"Can I Really Find Her?"

"What are my chances," you may ask, "of finding such a woman?" Very small. But don't be discouraged. Remember that the new wife is only the raw material with which you will work. It will be your duty to train her, long and painful as the process may be.

If you keep at it, with little thought of self, but only a firm resolve to have a fine wife, you will succeed!

Next Month:

"Training your first wife"

Choose your own reason