The Loveliest Ladder

I was on the boat with Bonaparte; we were going to Egypt, he and I, he a general and I a noncommissioned officer. We disembarked together, and he held out his hand to help me. Then we took Alexandria and pushed on towards Cairo across the desert.

How we suffered! There was nothing green, very little water because all the wells had been filled with stones by the retreating Arabs, only the distant mirage which made us think of cool lakes and increased our thirst. We passed by the pyramids with hardly a glance; we were interested only in getting to Cairo. At length, we reached our objective.

I was with one of the many small advance units supposed to take up strategic points throughout the city. Near the edge of the town there was a building which had a terrace along one side of the roof. Five of us climbed to this roof and found that we were thus provided with a good view of the avenue of approach as well as the cool shadow of a high wall. It had been six days since we had been able to sit in the shade.

Already in the distance we could hear the sounds of bugles and drums. A battalion of our comrades passed by, and then we saw him – our great general. In our excitement we jumped up and were about to yell "Vive Napoleon!" when suddenly a portion of the roof gave way. Before we could realize what had happened we were lying on the floor of what turned out to be a sumptuous bath house.

In the center of the room there were delightful pools of water and on the other side of the room 20 ravishingly beautiful women huddled together trying to hide their nudity.

But we hardly noticed the women then. We quickly threw aside our rifles and sabres, undressed and jumped in the water. It had been a long time since we had seen so much water!

When the women saw we were not going to harm them, they came forward timidly and continued their ablutions as if we were not there. Each one had a mirror in which she observed herself as she threw hot and cold water on her handsome body. When they became more accustomed to our presence they came to us and helped us to bathe. They giggled as they covered us with rose water, combed our hair and gave us cool drinks. They exclaimed over our white bodies which contrasted so vividly with our brown faces and hands. They whispered into our ears seductive words which we could not, strictly speaking, understand, but whose meaning transcended the barrier of language.

And so – while Napoleon was making his triumphant entry into Cairo – we, the advance guard, had fallen into a sort of Mohammedan Paradise provided with all the comforts and with 20 lovely houris to serve us. What a blessing to escape for an instant the noise, the dust,and the terrible heat of the sun! What a blessing to find all the fabled voluptuousness of the Orient!

Outside we could hear the steady sound of marching feet and the distant call of the bugle. We drank a toast to our less fortunate brothers-in-arms.

I have never been so happy in my life. In the midst of my little harem, I, a simple sergeant, was overwhelmed with attentions, and it seemed to me I was having my reward for all the fatigue and privations I had suffered since I had left France. I had found at last true oriental bliss and the exotic women who had been haunting my dreams.

The five of us were more conquerors of Cairo than Napoleon because we had immediately become a part of the intimate life of the city.

These women were probably the wives of wealthy men, and when they were in their bath, apparently no one had the right to disturb them, not even their husbands. Since they were in the habit of staying there all afternoon, we enjoyed their delicious company for several hours; but when it became evident that the afternoon was coming to its end, they made us understand that somebody would come for them, and if we were found there our throats would be cut.

But how were we going to get out? The wall going up to the hole in the roof was slippery from condensed steam. Outside the bath house there were servants on guard, and in case of trouble Napoleon would find out we had been with these women. We remembered his order:

Soldiers,

The people among whom we are going treat their women differently than do we; but in any country a man who outrages a woman is a monster. Any individual of the army who outrages a woman will be shot.

Bonaparte.

While we were pondering this situation, we never stopped embracing our sweet companions and sipping the last drops from our cups of happiness.

The position was critical, and we would have been doomed had not one of the women thought of a strategy. At the moment when we had resigned ourselves to the inevitable fate of having our throats slit or being shot, she placed herself against the wall just under the hole in the roof, thus becoming the base on which the women improvised the liberating device. On her strong shoulders climbed another nude woman, and on her shoulders the young one I had just been caressing finished making the loveliest ladder ever seen.

Two of the men climbed to the roof, holding their shoes in their mouths. Then we passed up the guns and sabres. There were three of us left: Eugene, Albert and me.

"It's your turn, Eugène," said Albert. When Eugene had climbed up two of the women, he "accidentally" slipped slowly down to the floor in order to recommence the climb.

We kept urging him on. "Hurry, Eugène, it's getting late!" But he slipped to the floor again and sighed: "You go ahead. I am going to stay here. I don't care if I die!"

Albert then took his turn. He was such a handsome fellow, the women kissed him all the way up. When he reached the roof he had a change of heart and decided to return, but suddenly there was no more ladder – the three women had jumped down and were dancing around with us!

After a while, and after we had tasted a multiplicity of new and varied delights, the women,with tears in their eyes, made the ladder again. I turned to Eugène. "We must put an end to this enchanting foolishness. You go up first, and I promise to follow right behind you."

Eugène quickly climbed the ladder, stopping for a short kiss at each level. I kept my promise and lingered only for a long kiss at the top. Albert and Eugene seized me and pulled me onto the roof. At that moment, however, we had another problem. The young woman at the top of the ladder suddenly joined us and made gestures which indicated she wanted to go with me. I shook my head, and she threw her arms around my neck. It was the most difficult decision I ever had to make, but finally I forced her to go back down into the room.

We jumped from the roof and ran to find our battalion. The next day we returned, but the roof was repaired and covered with strong iron bars.

Napoleon's soldiers climbed up to the roof