Conceiving Can Be Fun

"Should I adopt a child?"

So many ask, "Should I adopt a child?" The answer is clear: no, not if you can have one of your own. By all means try first. Conceiving can be fun, and is undertaken by many for its own sake.

A word of warning, however: Though you will run few risks during conception, you will enter rapidly into the period of pregnancy, which is fraught with danger.

How to guard your health during pregnancy

Medical science long ago solved the problem of the woman during pregnancy. Put your wife in the hands of a good obstetrician and she will be well cared for.

Pregnancy in the woman is normal and healthy. They often develop, even in their faces, a ruddy, full-blown, vigorous appearance.

Unfortunately, little thought has been given, either by medical science or by society as a whole, to the father during pregnancy.

This is a critical and dangerous period, and during these nine months you can suffer damage, both mental and physical, that may last a lifetime.

Guard Against Colds. The expectant father soon learns that the pregnant woman has an overabundance of natural body heat. If in her normal condition she likes a room temperature of 72°, during pregnancy (and especially in the later stages) she will be snug and warm at 55°.

"Davie, doesn't it feel stuffy in here?"

"Hadn't noticed it, pet."

(The inside thermometer reads 57°, and a 12-knot gale is blowing in through three open windows. But never complain.)

"Maybe you could open one more window."

"They're all open, pet, but I could knock out a wall."

Humor her, but preserve your own delicate system. Take these steps: (1) dress warmly, (2) keep your wife out-of-doors as much as possible, and (3) plan your periods of pregnancy. This last is best. Having babies in the fall can add years to the father's life expectancy, and will improve his disposition. This may be done either by the accidental, or "Oops -- sorry!" type of conception so common to us all, or by deliberate planning.

Keep Up Your Strength. Keep yourself in trim physically, hard-muscled and wellnourished. This is not as easy as it sounds. During pregnancy your wife will be on a rigorous weight-reducing diet, combined with peculiar and unreasoning desires for food.

Few men can do a hard day's work on a diet of cottage cheese, pickles and grapefruit.

Eat well, have plenty of rest, fresh air and light exercise. You will be ready for the little one when he arrives.

Guard your mental health

Pregnancy, especially the first pregnancy, is a time of adjustment. Once you realize that by the simple act of conception you have committed yourself irrevocably to a series of events over which you will have virtually no control for the next 30 years, you become mentally a mass of quivering jelly.

If you are the schizophrenic type you may be found alone in dimly lit rooms biting your fingernails. If you veer toward the manic-depressive you may alternate between orgies of buying cribs and playpens -- and periods of muttering brokenly over old check stubs.

Too often weaklings turn to alcohol for relief. Avoid this pitfall if you can.

The solution -- if there is one -- must come from our women. The keynote will be patience and understanding. The cheerful smile and the gentle phrase can make the difference between a sick mind and a well one.

Avoid Superstition. There is no truth whatever to the old wives' tale that strong mental impressions on the father during pregnancy will mark the child, for either good or evil.

No need, therefore, to guard the purity of your thoughts. Your opportunities to mold your children's characters will be legion, but they will come later.

Don't Believe Delivery Dates. Your obstetrician will give your wife a date on which the baby is to arrive. This means absolutely nothing. You can forecast the date of arrival just as accurately with an Ouija board or the Farmer's Almanac.

Try to outguess the stork. It will be a pleasant game that both you and your wife can play.

Plan your delivery date

The day of delivery is considered a holiday for the father in all civilized business circles. Some skillful chaps can even stretch it to two.

For this reason, the well-trained wife never has children on weekends. She tries, too, to have them at a convenient hour.

Persuade her to feel the first pangs of childbirth at about 7:30 or 8 A.M., on any day from Monday through Friday. It may take a few babies to acquire the proper skill, but you will find it worth the effort. You avoid interrupting sleep, and can catch yourself before leaving -- and preferably before dressing -- for the office.

If you do have time to choose your clothes, dress simply. No need to be elaborate. A sports coat, flannel slacks of good dark gray and loafers or tassel oxfords are best. A tie is optional if you wear a sport shirt. Better not shave. This creates an impression of boyish confusion.

What to do till the doctor comes

One has only to observe a Parent-Teachers meeting to see the appalling number of gray heads among relatively youthful fathers. How Many of these turned gray overnight needlessly!

Your first childbirth need not be the shattering experience it is for so many.

Too often, as the date approaches, the father becomes a trembling hulk, pacing nervously from room to room, checking the car for high-speed starting, and making trial runs to the hospital.

No need for all this, no need to leave your motor running or to sleep with your boots on. It takes longer than you can imagine to have a baby. Even if you dawdle in getting your wife to the hospital, she will be there for hours before anything happens.

Once you have put your wife in the hospital's hands, you will be treated as though you had no part in the enterprise, regardless of all you have been through in the past nine months.

Go home, nurse your wounds. You will be telephoned when the baby arrives.

Brace yourself

The first sight of your child may be something of a shock. You will expect that he, or she, will be a mirror of your own fine qualities and that this will be apparent from the start.

No matter what you look like, this will not be the case. Regardless of what enthusiastic relatives will say, during the first week or so babies do not look like anybody.

However, he (or she) will be all yours -- and so will all the joys and all the problems that go with him. Prepare yourself. You are entering a dangerous period.

Welcome the little stranger

In a few days the baby will come home from the hospital. What a different place your house will be when it contains a little one! It will be a new and unusual experience for everyone.

Get acquainted. The bashful or timid father will miss many happy hours with his children. Get to know your baby, and the sooner the better.

You will find there is a Golden Time, a 10-minute period following each bath during which your baby will smell fresh and clean. Take advantage of this. Dandle him, both on the knee and freehand. A little dandling will go a long way.

Get to know your baby and -- equally important -- let your baby know you.

Avoid diaper rash

From the beginning your role as a father is one of guidance. You will be helping to shape the little mind. Time and again, however, you will be carried away by a wave of sentimentality and be tempted to enter into the physical, or bottle-and-diaper side, of parenthood. Control these impulses. Your duty is to the mind.

No need to be timid. It is perfectly safe to touch babies, preferably above the waist. An occasional pat on the head will do no harm whatever and is appreciated by the child. You will run small risk of infection as long as the child is kept clean.

It is easy to convince your wife that you are acting in the best interests of the family as a whole.

"David, wake up, it's your turn to walk the baby!"

"Ummmmm, yes pet. Looking forward to it. Oops!"

(Let any heavy bedside object crash to the floor.)

"David!"

"It's nothing, pet. Just my fingers.

Keep opening, you know. No need to worry. Just can't seem to hold things firmly."

"David, maybe you shouldn't -- --"

"It'll be all right. No problem to hold the little devil, if he doesn't move."

If this does not have the right effect, take the next easy step.

"Funniest thing happened, pet. Little rascal just slipped through my fingers."

"Oh, no!"

"Bed was right there. Lucky, wasn't it? Guess there must be some kinda Providence that watches over clumsy daddies, huh?"

Babies are sturdier than they look

Actually, you will find that babies are made of a tough, cartilaginous material and are far sturdier than they look.

Babies will bend, but seldom break. It is not good to drop babies purposely, but falls from moderate heights seem to do them small harm.

These facts, however, are best to hide from your wife. Keep alive the fiction that a small child is as fragile as Dresden china.

Try as you will, though, it is difficult to continue this tactic to the second and third child. You may run into this reaction:

"Gosh, pet, I just dropped the baby!"

"Oh? Didn't break the bottle, did you?"

At this stage it is best to use a different approach:

"David, what are you doing in there?"

"Just putting diapers on the baby. Did have to rummage through the closet a bit."

(The entire contents of the closet will be on the floor.)

"Oh, my!"

"Couldn't find the talcum."

"It was right there!"

"Oh, stupid of me. Was messy, wasn't I?"

(Give her a lovable lopsided smile.)

"Really, David, it's easier for me to do it myself!"

Soon she will see the wisdom of this last remark. But your attitude must still be one of cheerful cooperation.

Don't push your child

Time and again we find parents who attempt to push their children ahead, to make them walk, talk or perform other feats beyond their years. This is a serious mistake. It can cause physical and psychological damage not only to the child, but to the father as well.

No sooner will your child begin to walk than you will look back to the quiet peaceful days when he sat in a happy little lump, cooing and gurgling.

The child who learns to walk before reaching the age of reason is like an avenging army, bringing chaos and destruction wherever it moves. Everything that can be torn, broken or chewed must be moved to a high level. Soon the child will learn to climb and all will be lost.

The Case for the Backward Child. If your baby shows any sign of being backward, encourage him. The backward child is quiet, easily managed and far less destructive. He will be a real joy to you, and there is no reason to worry that this will harm him in later life. Thousands of our nation's leaders in business and government were backward children, many of them a source of needless worry to their parents.

Feeding the baby

Try to lighten your wife's load whenever possible. One fine way is to help her feed the baby, as long as he is in the bottle stage.

Bottle feeding can be performed by the father without any risk of physical strain, can usually be done in a feet-up position, say in front of the television set. The baby should be burped about once every commercial.

Other feeding, such as giving Pablum, had best be done by more skillful hands. Your first attempt at this will be enough to convince your wife.

"Isn't it cute, dear, how he goes for it!"

"What did you do, pour it into the electric fan?"

(This can be done, of course, but is seldom necessary if you have a healthy, vigorous child.)

"No, he did it all by himself! Show Mommy how we eat it all by ourselves!"

It is best to wear a plastic raincoat or other impervious garment for this demonstration.

Enjoy your baby

Once the dreary, time-consuming and unsanitary duties are handled, babies can be a real pleasure. To see their merry little smiles, to hear their bubbling baby laughter and to feel them put their little arms around Daddy's neck -- these alone will make all your sacrifices worthwhile.

Let the children think of you as the gay, fun-loving member of the family, always ready for a laugh, a romp or a game. You will have many happy hours together.

Next month: "How to handle women in business"