Juan Feldman

Fade in:

Exterior. Aerial View of New York. Day.

The camera, to the music of a choral arrangement of "Old New York," begins with an aerial shot and then moves through a series of vignettes of New York slum life--the worst possible. Finally, it focuses and moves in on a single tenement window.

Cut to:

Interior. Tenement Bedroom. Day.

The camera roams and we see about a dozen sleeping forms--young, different shapes, sizes and colors--scattered through the room. Rats scamper over the dozing children until an alarm goes off. The rats, on cue, dash back to their holes. "Old New York" comes to an end and MRS. FELDMAN, a large, attractive Negress, enters.

Mrs. Feldman

(she speaks with a Yiddish accent)

So what are we all doing still in bed? There's sunshine coming up outside, the day is commencing.

First Feldman Child

(a little blonde girl with English accent)

Mummy, I didn't have a dream last night.

Mrs. Feldman

(indicating a swarthy sibling)

So you have to have a dream every night? Sammy will share his with you. He always dreams, don't you, Sammy?

Sammy Feldman

Gosh, Mom, the dream I had was pretty raunchy. I don't know if I should tell Sis.

Mrs. Feldman looks up in despair as several babies in the room start to cry. The camera then moves in on JUAN FELDMAN, asleep in underwear, hat and dark glasses. He is a typical New York, young, delinquent hippie. He's a little of everything. He stirs, sits up and looks about.

(continued on page 310)

Juan Feldman(continued from page 150)

Mrs. Feldman: Juan, don't be such a lazy. Show your brothers and sisters a little example. Get up, do some exercises, brush your teeth.

Juan: Cool that, baby. I'm hung this morning.

Mrs. Feldman: Oh, Juan.

Juan: And I don't need all this noise. Who turned on those kids?

Mrs. Feldman: They're just hungry, Juan.

Juan (sitting up, starting to dress) : Why don't they eat each other?

Mrs. Feldman: Juan, you shouldn't talk like that. This is a decent family. We're rising above ourselves, little by little, each day.

Juan: Sure, man. You got something to drink?

Mrs. Feldman: Juan, we want respect from the community, and can we have that if my oldest son has eye openers in the morning?

Juan (now up, getting into his shirt) : You know, baby, you've got too many kids.

Mrs. Feldman: Ah, maybe I should have gone to the clinic for instruction, but an old dog you're not teaching new tricks. But we are a little overcrowded.

Juan (picking up one of the crying babies) : I can help that.

He goes to an open window and throws the baby out.

Mrs. Feldman: Juan! It takes a long time making one of those.

Juan: He was ugly, anyway.

Sammy Feldman: Gee, Mom, Juan won't throw any of the rest of us out, will he?

Mrs. Feldman: And what will the neighbors think, seeing babies being thrown out of the Feldman window?

Juan (now dressed and heading for the door) : It gives the neighborhood color.

Mrs. Feldman: You're not going to kiss your mother goodbye?

Juan (makes a distasteful face, then turns around and gestures Mrs. Feldman to him) : OK. Come on.

Mrs. Feldman walks to Juan, smiling maternally, her cheek extended. Juan grabs her and kisses her passionately on the mouth.

Mrs. Feldman (pulling back) : Juan! Your mother you shouldn't be kissing that way.

Juan: Why not? We're going steady, baby.

Juan goes out the door.

First Feldman Child: Does Juan behave that way because we're underprivileged, Mummy?

Mrs. Feldman: It's the neighborhood. He's really a good boy, but the neighborhood is just not letting him grow.

Dissolve To: Exterior. Stoop of the Feldman tenement. Day.

A young Girl, extremely pregnant, is leaning against the steps. Juan comes out the door, trots down the stoop and pats her extended stomach as he goes by.

Juan: Still carrying that thing around?

He moves on down the street. The camera holds on a close-up of the girl as she looks admiringly after him.

Girl: Juan Feldman, you're a free spirit. I'm proud to have your bastard in my belly.

Cut to: Long shot, girl's point of view, of Juan as he waves to her without looking back.

Cut to: Exterior. Street corner. Day. Traffic is busy and there's a crowd at the curb. A Blind Man with cane is next to Juan as the light changes.

Juan: Let me help you across, man.

Blind Man: I can't believe it. I didn't think there was a soul left in the neighborhood who'd take pity on an Irish-American veteran.

Juan leads the Blind Man out into the center of the street.

Blind Man: You must be Juan Feldman. Am I right?

Juan: You're right.

Blind Man: Ah, I knew it. The pride of the neighborhood.

Juan (stopping in the middle of the street) : OK, this is as far as you go.

Blind Man: But we didn't take the necessary number of steps. We're still in the middle of the street.

Juan (letting go and walking off as the traffic starts) : Don't worry, man. No one's going to run over an Irish-American veteran.

Cars begin passing by. The Blind Man starts to laugh.

Blind Man: I'll say this: You've got a sense of humor, Juan Feldman. And that's what the neighborhood needs again.

The camera pulls away sharply, blurs, and there is the screech of brakes and the sound of collision.

Cut To: Interior. Tenement hallway. Day. Humming a little rock 'n' roll, Juan comes down the corridor and knocks on one of the doors. It opens a crack and a little old Lady peeps out.

Lady: Why, Juan Feldman! Land sakes, it's nice you're paying me a visit.

Juan: I'll give you a visit up the side of your head. Open the door.

Lady (opening the door and letting Juan in) : How you do talk, Juan Feldman. You're a sassy little thing.

Cut To: Interior. Lady's room. Day. It is cluttered with furniture. Only a little light filters through the window. In the center of the room, a large cage holds a small canary.

Juan (rolling up his sleeve) : OK, fairy godmother, you know what I'm here for.

Lady: Now, Juan, you haven't paid me for the last time.

Juan: Like, I need this! I didn't steer any action your way, did I?

Lady (getting out and preparing a syringe from her knitting basket) : You're an enterprising young man, Juan. No doubt about it. But, as the heathen Chinee say, "No tickee, no fixee."

Juan: Don't give me a hard time, man. I can see you got the stuff right there.

Lady: But this isn't for you.

She gets up and goes to the canary cage, reaches in with one hand and brings out the bird.

Lady: This is for Yellow Wings.

Juan: A lousy canary you're going to turn on?

Lady: She's been very good, haven't you, Yellow Wings? Learned to whistle God Bless America in four days. And she's going to get a little jolt as a reward.

Juan (whipping out a switchblade knife) : No canary gets a fix before Juan Feldman.

Lady: Now, Juan, don't get uppity. You know I like doing things for you boys in the neighborhood. Cookies, Cokes or a fix any time. But I have to live, too.

She gets the needle in, the canary starts whistling "God Bless America."

Lady: Isn't she sweet? Can't see why folks make so much of parakeets.

Juan sends the knife into her back. She lets the bird loose. Juan grabs the syringe and runs.

Lady: Oh, Juan. Oh, my Juan. You shouldn't have done that. Oh, mercy me. You young folks are just so wild today.

She goes to the window and leans out. Close-Up of her face.

Lady: Help. Juan Feldman's just about done me in. The little whippersnapper stabbed me in the back. (Chuckles) But that youngster's got a lot of gumption, 'n' if he jest gits a chance to use it right, he'll be a damned fine citizen.

She comes back into the room, staggers, drops to her knees.

Lady: Sing God Bless America, Yellow Wings, before your little old granny bleeds to death.

Cut To: Exterior. Close-Up of Policeman. Day. He blows his whistle.

Cut To: Exterior. Long Shot of Juan on street. Day. He's running through crowd.

Cut To: Exterior. Chase scene, streets. Day. The Policeman pursues Juan up several crowded streets and finally corners him in an alley.

Policeman (gun drawn) : Oh, young man, where are you running? Do you have a goal or is it just wild energy that can't be channeled into useful currents of society?

Juan (drawing a gun) : Kiss my ass.

He shoots the Policeman.

Policeman (twitching) : Oh, naughty, naughty, young man.

Juan fires four more times. The Policeman twitches with each discharge.

Policeman: Oh! All right, rage against society, if you want to. Ah! I love the way your eyes flash. Oh! God, you're an existential beauty, young man. Society has to salvage people like you if it wants a little spice in things. (He is hit again with a bullet) Oh! I think that one caught something vital--but, believe me, I understand.

Juan suddenly stops shooting, looks at the gun in disgust and throws it to the ground.

Juan: I'm bored, man. Take me.

Cut To: Exterior. Front of courthouse. Day.

Civil rights groups are picketing. Signs are being carried, inscribed with Police are brutal pederasts; If it had been a Rockefeller that killed a White Woman, would there have been any trial?; first dreyfus, then oscar wilde, now Juan Feldman!; Juan Feldman is a good neighborhood boy!

Cut To: Interior. Courtroom. Day.

Judge: Will the defendant please rise.

Juan, flanked by his lawyers, approaches the bench.

Judge: Juan, I hope you understand that the jury had no choice but to find you guilty; and I, as a judge, have to sentence you.

There are mutterings of dissent in the courtroom.

Judge: I know, considering the rat bites your lawyer showed on you, that it seems harsh; but it's the law, old fashioned and bigoted as it is, that makes me do this. (He is almost crying)

Juan: Don't blow your cool, Judge. I understand.

Judge: Thank you for that, Juan. I'll sleep better at night now. And so will my wife, who has a little Spanish blood in her herself. All right, then, Juan Feldman, it is the duty of this court to sentence you to six months of stringent meditation and self-analysis at the Borden Reform and Country Day School.

There are boos from the courtroom. Shouts of "Avenge Juan Feldman," "Hanging Judge," etc. Juan is led out of the courtroom.

Cut To: Exterior. Front of courthouse. Day. Cheers from the pickets as Juan is led outside. Group of Indians dances by with sign white man's law no good. Juan waves to group. The arresting Policeman pushes his way through the crowd to Juan.

Policeman: Young man, I hope you'll understand what I did was for your own good.

Juan (patting him on his head) : I dig, baby.

Roar from the crowd as Juan, led by two Policemen, gets into a waiting Rolls.

Dissolve To: Exterior. Reform school. Day. Close-Up of sign, borden reform and country day school. The camera pulls back and reveals Mrs. Feldman and her Children peeking through a high iron fence into the school. There is a rolling expanse of lawn behind the fence; in the distance, a large, white manse.

First Feldman Child: I say, Mummy, Juan has become very fashionable now, hasn't he?

Mrs. Feldman: Now my little Juan is belonging to the world.

Sammy Feldman: I wonder if they've changed him, Mom.

Mrs. Feldman: Whatever they do to him, he'll always be a good boy--the pride of the neighborhood.

Medium shot of Juan. He is sitting on the porch of the manse, dressed in a blue blazer, gray slacks, white sport shirt and blue ascot. He still wears his dark glasses. A Guard brings him a drink on a tray.

Guard: Here you are, Juan.

Juan: What took you so long, man?

Guard: Most of the boys like vodka in their lemonades. It took me a while to find tequila, the way you like it.

Juan (sipping) : It's real cool.

Guard: Thank you, Juan. It makes me happy to see you light up with pleasure. You've had a hard life, and you deserve lemonades with brown sugar if you want them.

Juan: Well, I've learned a lot. I think I know what it takes to make it the right way now.

He takes out cigarette and cigarette holder. Lights up, pushes back his dark glasses.

Juan: Now, what's that coming up the lawn?

Cut To: A shot of 50 young ladies in wedding veils and dresses, singing a Te Deum laudamus, approaching Juan.

Guard: That's a little surprise we've been saving for you. Each one of the guards here chipped in a sister or two for you to deflower and marry. We want to see you settled down in the world, Juan.

Juan: Hey, baby, how am I supposed to support all them ofay broads?

Guard: Juan! Those are enlightened girls. They each have ninety-dollar-a-week secretarial skills, hope for a better world and a Juan Feldman finally at peace.

Juan: And they're going to understand my little moods?

Guard: There are four psychology degrees in the first row.

Juan (standing and toasting the girls with his lemonade) : Then I'm ready to settle down.

Guard: The future is yours and the past asks pardon for its mistakes.

Juan: I just might forgive the whole damned world. I just might do that, baby.

Juan walks out to meet his brides as the camera pulls back and we fade out.