Notes from the Underground: Classifieds

Hip, bi U. S. Senator would like to meet hung single guys, couples, animals (with trainers) or still-warm corpses. Discretion vital. Call 542-1000.

San Francisco Free University: Wide variety of courses available--Bread Sculpture, Fundamentals of Mendicancy, Improvisational Astral Projection, Sciontology (prenatal child training), Japanese Cherry-stone Carving, The Swiss Cinema, etc. Call 647-7337.

Young single guy with slightly kinky taste, but sincere, would like to meet girl with whom he can "do his thing." Essential that she have no objection to minstrel attire and know something about vulcanization. 234-5094.

Dr. Marion Volstad, Berkeley veterinarian, conducts animal-human encounter group sessions aimed at creating better rapport between pets & owners. Quadrupeds preferred--no fish. 8:30 P.M. Mon. & Fri. Information--845-8041.

Groove while you Grieve! Psychedelic mourning bands--$2. The Wild Shape Mod Shop, Telegraph Ave., Berkeley.

Sexy underground movies--Son of Fanny Hill Meets Copenhagen High School's Girl Tumbling Team, Lashed but Not Leashed, Son of the Bride of Frankenstein Meets Fanny Hill's Daughter's Son's Masseuse. $5 Cine Club, Owens St., San Francisco, Sat. 8 P.M.

Sadomach Agency

Need immediately: girl who looks like R. Reagan, $450--$650 per mo. Lady wrestlers, farmers' daughters, $50 per day. Towne Bldg., San Francisco, 648-7634.

Aggressive, excessively energetic giantess wishes to meet male choruses, road gangs, soccer teams, etc., for mutual enjoyment & edification. 382-3423.

Adventurous, virile male, 29, currently in traction, wishes to meet attractive, imaginative groovy girl with acrobatic experience. 536-2921.

Moody, temperamental, intellectual songwriter (Blue Hegel, My Karma Done Tole Me) seeks wealthy, middle-aged female patron who will sponsor and indulge him. Goal: Creation of a grand opera based on the many uses of Scotch tape. 686-9413.

Athletic young psychology major wishes to meet Freudian girl in lighthouse tower or in ditch to compare views on sexual symbolism. 564-2679.

Betty Sue: Don't come home. Your mother is ecstatic. I feel free for the first time in 20 years. Will pay you and your creep boyfriend $25 a week to stay and rot in San Francisco. Dad

Gloria: Have you ever thought about what Eros spelled backward is? Phil

Help wanted: Foreman for maggot ranch. Must be 3'8" tall or shorter, white, with B. A. and long fingernails. Box GG348, Weeping Belly, Kansas.

Society of God

Bargain Sale

• Splinter from Cross.......85¢/splinter

• Core from Apple Eaten in

Garden of Eden......$2.49/core

• Chips from Tablet of Ten

Commandments...........25¢/chip

• Six Renaissance Popes (in

brine in a plastic bag)...$3000/all six

• Sea of Galilee............32¢/gallon

(plus state & Federal tax)

Send to: SOG, Sunset Strip, Hollywood, Calif.

Young man, horny, just wants to fuck. The old way: him on top, her on bottom. Isn't there anybody? Bruce, Box 24, Danville.

Occult Pet Shop: Vampire bats, trained howling wolves, black swans, snakes of all kinds, blind and yellow-eyed dogs. This week only--Tasmanian devils. We buy and trade. No insects, please. Telegraph Ave. 282-3938.

Gay, Really Hung Amputee desires meaningful, bizarre relationship with hung, understanding three-legged man. Send photo and sample poem. Box 88, Oakland. (No freaks.)

Wanted: Girl with figure like R. Welch and face like L. Chaney available for nude modeling. Have experience in avant-garde stag films. Call Rita, 339-4136.

Tired of the hassles at the free clinic? Don't trust Dr. Hip? Can't take the celibacy trip? Now cure yourself and your friends: Grow your own penicillin. Instructions. Write P. O. Box 377737, S. F.

Real Hep Cat just in from Sioux Falls, South Dakota, would like to meet sharp young dude to show him around town and introduce him to some real classy babes. You know what I mean. Call Red at the Y. M. C. A., 674 3211.

Free. Copy of Charles Manson's new book, The Family That Slays Together Stays Together, with each poster purchased from the Love and Peace head shop. Broadway. 285-8495.

Fem Lib. Meet us on Market Street for a screech-in. Uniform of the day: steel-toed boots, jockstraps, brass knucks and motorcycle helmets. Roll call at 1530 hrs.

Gay Lib. Market Street as soon as those dreadful dykes finish. Will assemble around the police station and blow it down. Refreshments afterward.

Lost--Six-pack, blonde wig & wild boar in vicinity of Sexual Freedom League, Berkeley chapter. Call 555-7474.

Tall, good-looking male, 34, seeks companionship with mature, attractive woman who shares his interests: Zen taxidermy, choral gargling, transcendental meditative sky diving, Al Smith. P. O. Box 6658, San Jose 95134.

Attractive, lonely, well-to-do male, 34, seeks experienced, understanding lady flamingo to live in, share each other's problems & pleasures. 545-5083.

Wanted! Dwarfs, strong men, braceros, soda jerk, fashion model, armadillo & trampoline for underground film. Good pay. 656-4329.

Lost--Hell's Angels momma, somewhere in vicinity of Oakland railroad yards. Black collar, nick in ear, swastika tattoo on left buttock, answers to name Tantor. Reward. Contact H. A. Hq., Oakland.

Thin, frail masochist--looks like mature Freddie Bartholomew--would like to meet fat lady who will fall against me in gravel pit while I wear my hair shirt. No photo necessary. Send weight, dimensions. Box 174912, San Francisco 94121.

Fetishists! Monogrammed Manacles Frosting Mixes Realistic Rubber Freud & Hitler Masks exploding contraceptives ape suits Electric Negligee Your order discreetly handled. Frolich & Gambol, P. O. Box 62543, Oakland.

Drum lessons given by experienced pro; worked with Eucharistic Chicken Fat, Blood, Sweat & Milk, The Chambers Sisters, The Heart Transplants, Mosaic Orgasm, Psychedelic Phlegm. Call 254-3000.

Marge

The tattoo of The Last Supper can be removed. It was my parents' idea. Can't we try again? Craig

Anyone knowing the identity of the clown who put plastique explosive in the silicone injections of the Condor's topless dancers, please contact management, Condor, N. Beach, San Francisco.

Is there Balm in Gilead?

Is the drug bag becoming a monotonous drag? Fed up with the same old routine of pot, laughing gas, TV, fly agaric, booze, etc.? Are your trips something less than orbital? Speed less than supersonic? Visions myopic? Do you find it a waste to get wasted? Looking for a really new high, something really different, that will put you up there where it's all balmy? We have the ultimate high--cheap, quick! Write PF Lobotomy, Box 6006, L. A. 90028.

Folk Guitar Lessons--$4 per hour, plus free remarkable series of timed photographs that record an ethnic folk singer hatching an ostrich egg by singing 150 pro-labor folk songs. Call 867-3495.

Found--Woman's diaphragm with embossed comedy & tragedy masks design. Owner call 647-5594.

Transcendental Dieting

New! Revolutionary!

My regimen of fasting accompanied by meditative exercises teaches you how you can transcendentally send the weight you lose to Starving Asian Children. $4 week. Start today. They will be glad you did! Transcendental Diet, M. T. Tung, Suite 3215, Russ Bldg., San Francisco.