Can Tennis Swapping Save Your Marriage?

There is a lot more tennis swapping going on in the United States than anyone would like to admit. Almost every tennis and country club now permits mixed doubles out in the open and people are starting to talk about it for the first time.

While doing research for a book on what tennis was doing to destroy the American family, I interviewed people who admitted they had been swapping tennis partners and in many cases they said it had not only helped their game but brought them closer together.

Bob P. told me how he got into tennis swapping. "I'd like to say first that my wife, Carol, and I are very happy playing tennis together, but occasionally we like to swap partners just for variety. We got into it in a funny way. We were on a tennis weekend at Grossinger's and we met this couple named Ted and Alice. The first day my wife and I played them and we won eight to six, six to three and six to four.

"That night we had dinner with them and as a joke, Ted said it would be kind of fun if he played with Carol and I played with Alice. My wife blushed and I think I just brushed it off, though (continued on page 243) Tennis Swapping (continued from page 157) I must admit the idea of having Alice for a partner intrigued me.

"When we were alone in our room later, I said to my wife, 'You know, it might be sort of nice if we swapped partners tomorrow. We'd get a better game out of it.'

"Carol became furious and said I was a dirty old tennis player and she would never consent to any such thing. But about one o'clock in the morning she admitted that Ted's forehand had fascinated her and that she had wondered, while we were playing, what it would feel like to be standing next to all that power. She finally consented to give it a try.

"The next day I told Ted that Carol and I didn't know if he had been joking or not, but if he hadn't been, we'd like to swap partners for our morning game.

"He said Alice and he had also discussed it and nothing would please them more. Alice had been really turned on by my serve and he said he had dreamed about my wife's lob all night long.

"Ted told me he and Alice had been swapping tennis partners for two years. He said they do it only when they're away from home and nobody knows them. He told me they had met some wonderful couples that way and whenever he and Alice can find someone to stay with the children, they go somewhere for a mixed-doubles game.

"In every other respect, they are the all-American couple, pillars of their church and community. Far from breaking up their marriage, tennis swapping has not only helped them stay together but it's improved their game tremendously."

Bob continued: "After our game with Ted and Alice, which we both found unbelievably stimulating, we became tennis swappers ourselves. Sometimes we meet couples through ads in the papers, other times we go to a tennis club where we know mixed doubles are encouraged. It's changed our lives and we're sorry we didn't do it ten years earlier."

John and Mary L. were childhood sweethearts and had gotten married the day after they both graduated from college. When they were first married, they lived in the city and played tennis only once or twice a week, which they felt was enough. Then John was offered a job with a computer firm in Paradise Valley. He bought a $75,000 home in Paradise Acres, where all the executives from the computer firm lived.

A few weeks after they moved in, they were invited to an evening tennis party at the Paradise Valley Country Club.

John told me, "We were both very excited and we went out and bought new tennis outfits, including Adidas sneakers. When we showed up, all the courts were full. I knew a few of the couples and I was surprised to find they weren't playing with each other.

"Then Beecham, who was my supervisor, came up to Mary and said. 'You and I are on next against John and my wife, Suzanne.'

"Mary was shocked and looked at me wide-eyed. 'I don't think I want to play.'

" 'Oh, come on, Mary,' Suzanne said. 'No one in Paradise Acres plays doubles with her husband. Be a good sport.'

" 'John has a great future with the company,' said Beecham coldly, 'provided he plays the game.'

"I whispered to Mary, 'You have to do it. My job depends on it.'

"With tears in her eyes, Mary went onto the court with Beecham. At first she could do nothing but double-fault. But pretty soon she became angry and was hitting drives across the net like I've never seen her hit before. They beat us in three straight sets.

"That night Mary said to me, 'All right, you son of a bitch, you got me into it and I want you to know I enjoyed it. I'll play with anyone just to make you president of the goddamn company, but don't ever ask me to play with you again, because, buster, I am now a liberated tennis woman.' "

John said, "Well, the rest of the story is that Mary is now known around Paradise Acres as someone who will play with anyone who asks her. Whenever I come home at night she's on the tennis court. I guess it was my fault for getting her into it, but how the hell did I know she'd like it so much?"

Rod and Cynthia M. have their own tennis court and have been swapping tennis partners for 15 years.

Cynthia told me, "Our marriage was on the rocks. Rod and I lost interest in playing with each other and we were drifting apart. Then one day I was sick and Rod played doubles with our neighbor, a beautiful redhead. He came home and told me about it and I got so excited I insisted on going out onto the court and playing him at that very moment. It was the best tennis game we ever had. After that we would play with other partners, but the best part of it was telling each other about it at night. I would excite Rod discussing my partner's net game and he could drive me wild describing his partner's backhand. It brought a new dimension to our lives.

"We never get jealous, because I know that Rod is still the best partner I'll ever have, and he has assured me none of the women he has played with can ever fit in my tennis shoes."

Not all tennis swapping ends happily.

Lola Q., a California housewife, told me, "My husband and I had what we thought was a beautiful relationship. One day for a lark we decided to swap partners in a mixed-doubles tournament on parents' day at our son's boarding school.

"Jerry played with the mother of my son's roommate and I played with my son's math teacher.

"Jerry's partner put a top spin on her serve, which is something I could never develop. I was hopelessly outmatched.

"Since then it's never been the same between us. Jerry still plays with me, but I know he's only going through the motions. Every time I serve he closes his eyes and I know he's fantasizing about her top spin.

"We've been going to a tennis clinic for a year, hoping to get back what we had together, but it's over between us. How can I compete against a woman with a top-spin serve?"

Dr. Riband Rogenthaler, a tennis psychiatrist who has worked with many mixed-doubles couples, considers tennis swapping a healthy thing, provided both parties are willing.

"For years people have been repressed about their tennis, but now they feel the important thing is to let it all hang out.

"Tennis between two consenting adults can be the most beautiful experience in the world. We all need stimulation and novelty. But I warn my patients there are emotional pitfalls to switching partners in a mixed-doubles match. The important thing is to think of it as a game, and no matter who you play with, always keep your eye on the ball."