Who was That Masked Man and Who Cares?

Although no one seems to have noticed, 1973 was, more or less, the 25th anniversary of everybody's favorite piece of furniture--the television. While the tube has been with us since the Thirties, full-scale inanity actually took off around 1948 with such shows as Milton Berle's Texaco Star Theater. To say that television has not influenced mankind is sheer nonsense; to say that it has is horrifying. Yet, for many of us who were born in the Forties or later, it might be said that the idiot box has made us what we are today. If you're not exactly sure what that is, just take a good look at yourself, beady eyes, demented expression, gaping mouth, chronic sloth, inability to concentrate above the intellectual level of Hee Haw. To you, cinéma vérité was invented by Allen Funt and the televised Nixon-Kennedy debates were just another episode of Who Do You Trust? After years of expensive schooling, the only thing you've committed to memory is the theme song to the Mickey Mouse Club. And remember Miss Frances smiling, her hands smeared in finger paint, or Private Duane Doberman gazing philosophically into space? Of course you do. Let's face it, kids, it's been Howdy Doody time all your life. So, just to see how far gone you are, and to belatedly commemorate TV's 25th birthday, try your hand at the trivia quiz below.

1. "There's a holdup in the Bronx, Brooklyn's broken out in fights, there's a traffic jam in Harlem that's backed up to Jackson Heights" is:

A. a romantic poem by Mickey Spillane

B. theme-song lyrics to N.Y.P.D.

C. theme-song lyrics to Car 54 Where Are You?

D. page one of the Daily News, page 67 of The New York Times

E. a good reason to move to Rye

2. The Ed Sullivan Show was originally called:

A. Mister Ed

B. The Topo Gigio Show

C. The Toast of the Town

D. The Ed Sullivan Show

E. boring

(continued on page 217)Who was that Masked Man?(continued from page 163)

3. Gimmicks were big, especially in Fifties Westerns. In Wanted--Dead or Alive, Josh Randall, played by Steve McQueen, carried a:

A. mule through Death Valley

B. bullwhip

C. long knife

D. sawed-off shotgun

E. grudge against his horse

4. You Asked for It, emceed by Art Baker, was brought to you by:

A. mental telepathy

B. Wheaties

C. Ajax, the foaming cleanser

D. Skippy peanut butter

E. Gleem tooth paste

5. Ted Mack's Original Amateur Hour went to TV from radio in 1948. One great talent that everybody should remember was three-time winner Liber Frenkel, an Israeli who imitated:

A. a pickled gefilte fish

B. Humphrey Bogart

C. David Ben-Gurion

D. Al Jolson

E. Frank Sinatra

6. In 1953, Goodyear Television Playhouse telecast Paddy Chayefsky's classic Marty. Starring Rod Steiger and Nancy Marchand, it was about:

A. two hours too long

B. a lonesome sailor on a three-day pass

C. a nebbish butcher who falls in love

D. a teenage romance

E. Liber Frenkel's bar mitzvah

7. During the classic Nixon-Kennedy debates of 1960, Nixon lost points for:

A. not knowing about Article 187

B. not knowing his zipper was open

C. not knowing about Quemoy and Matsu

D. not knowing whether he was Nixon or Kennedy

E. not knowing the gross national product

8. Florian ZaBach is best known for:

A. sequined outfits

B. his resonant voice

C. playing 1280 notes on the violin in 100 seconds

D. catching for the Pittsburgh Pirates

E. ordering a frozen daiquiri in a longshoreman's bar

9. In the original version of Ozzie and Harriet, Ozzie's profession was:

A. lawyer

B. dentist

C. buttoning his cardigan

D. Mafia don

E. never revealed

10. Pete and Gladys, starring Harry Morgan and Cara Williams, was an offshoot of:

A. The Allen Brady Show

B. December Bride

C. a cholera epidemic

D. Romeo and Juliet

E. I Love Lucy

11. Liberace's flamboyant piano style was often ridiculed by critics. Liberace answered them with this well-known rejoinder:

A. "Shove it."

B. "I cried all the way to the bank."

C. "Here's my brother George."

D. "Don't knock it if you haven't tried it."

E. "All Gaul is divided into three parts."

12. Father Knows Best, first shown in 1954, starred Robert Young and Jane Wyatt as the parents. Billy Gray, Elinor Donahue and Lauren Chapin played:

A. strip poker

B. the cello, the violin and kazoo

C. Bud, Betty and Kathy

D. Bud, Betty and Karen

E. Bud, Betty and Chiquita

13. Perry Como, the ex-barber turned singer from Canonsburg, Pennsylvania, was popular in the Fifties. His easygoing nature earned him the title:

A. Duke of Windsor

B. Mr. Easygoing Nature

C. Mr. Nice Guy

D. Mr. Swell

E. faggot

14. The Goldbergs, once a radio classic, went to TV in 1949. It was created by Gertrude Berg, who was often seen leaning on the window sill and calling out:

A. the National Guard

B. "Yoo-hoo, Mr. Bloom."

C. "Yoo-hoo, Mrs. Bloom."

D. "Yoo-hoo, Mrs. Calabash."

E. "Yoo-hoo, sailor."

15. In the popular game show Queen for a Day, winners were determined by

A. the number of cardiac occlusions they had survived

B. their sex appeal

C. audience response

D. a panel of judges

E. a computer named Bill

16. Arthur Godfrey and His Friends was a long-running favorite of the older set. Occasionally, Godfrey would take out his trusty:

A. appendix

B. ukulele

C. guitar

D. harmonica

E. talking squirrel Ralph

17. A show called Those Two, starring Pinky Lee, made its TV debut in 1951. Lee's first co-star was Vivian Blaine, who was later followed by:

A. a hungry basset hound

B. Martha Stewart

C. Totie Fields

D. Roberta Hemoglobin

E. a detective

18. Ever since she began on television in 1951, Dinah Shore has traditionally ended her shows by:

A. saluting the flag

B. saying, "Good night and God bless."

C. nine o'clock

D. throwing a kiss to the audience

E. throwing up

19. Bishop Fulton J. Sheen's religious program Life Is Worth Living lost some of its audience because:

A. life wasn't worth living in 1952

B. it was sponsored by Raid

C. it was shown on Saturday nights

D. it was on opposite Milton Berle

E. God never showed up

20. Pat Boone, originally a winner on Arthur Godfrey's Talent Scouts and later host of his own show, was known for his distinctive white:

A. supremacy

B. shirts

C. teeth

D. bucks

E. socks

21. In Dragnet, a show that arrived on the tube in 1952, Sergeant Joe Friday worked for:

A. 65 cents an hour

B. the N.Y.P.D.

C. the L.A.P.D.

D. the S.F.P.D.

E. Hadassah

22. Yancy Derringer, set in New Orleans, was one of the first Westerns not set in the West. Jock Mahoney played Yancy and an actor named X Brands played his Indian side-kick named:

A. Gandhi

B. Yahoo

C. Pahoo

D. Hachoo

E. Gesundheit

23. Elvis Presley was a sensation on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1956. However, in order to spare a puritanical America great shock and outrage, he was shown only:

A. in Quemoy and Matsu

B. from the shoulders up

C. from the waist up

D. from the chin up

E. from the ankles down

24. Leonard Bernstein got his first TV break in November 1954. Appearing on Omnibus, he was given half an hour to explain:

A. the facts of life to Jack Paar

B. Beethoven's Fifth

C. Seagram's Fifth

D. Mahler's Fourth

E. visitors nothing

25. Television soap operas have been with us since 1949. CBS' First Hundred Years, brought to the home screen in 1950, was the first soap opera to:

A. keep the director awake

B. stay on the screen more than two months

C. be fully sponsored by a soap company

D. not be sponsored by a soap company

E. make sense

Answers

1. C

2. C

3. D

4. D

5. D

6. C

7. C

8. C

9. E

10. B

11. B

12. C

13. C

14. C

15. C

16. B

17. B

18. D

19. D

20. D

21. C

22. C

23. C

24. B

25. C