Step right up, folks, no shoving, Please go 'Way, Girl, You Bother me. For not one thin additional tenth of a dollar, We give you the greatest extravaganza of male flesh ever assembled under a single big top. Can you find the 17 guys you always wanted to be? Can you find the 17 guys they always wanted to be? Could we have eldridge cleaver without John Wayne? Brando without bogart and huck Finn? Dylan without holden caulfield? But who invited Judy Garland? see Page 210.
Heroes (from page 149)
you mean you didn't recognize e. howard hunt? we were afraid something like that would happen. but this should help. . . .
You might still be wondering who invited Judy Garland. It happened--as did the whole circus--like this: We were sitting around thinking about male heroes instead of working and someone, probably our fallen Jesuit, said that they were like all the begats in the Old Testament--while each of us created ourself by trying to be like our favorite one, they were all creating one another. Hmm. Out came the wax pencils and layout paper and for a while there it looked like final exams at Miss Havisham's Kindergarten for the Hopeless . . . who belongs, who connects, arrows, vectors . . . hopeless, indeed.
We did manage to get it down to the wild bunch here. And we discovered that most of the arrows went to or from five Main Men: John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, John F. Kennedy, Marlon Brando and Mick Jagger. Beyond that, it was just too complicated--although we did figure out a few things:
• Attila the Hun and Horatio Alger begat John Wayne.
• Wayne begat Robert Mitchum, who in turn begat Joe Namath, Evel Knievel and Super Fly.
• Wayne and Superman begat each other.
• So did Elvis Presley and James Dean.
• But Brando and Jack Kerouac and Holden Caulfield also begat James Dean.
• And Elvis begat Dick Clark, who begat with haste all the Fabians and Pat Boone--who then begat Mark Spitz.
• J.F.K. begat Neil Armstrong and Paul Newman and together they begat Robert Redford.
• And J.F.K. begat James Bond, who of course begat E. Howard Hunt.
• J.F.K. and Norman Mailer begat each other.
• And Judy Garland?
Well, without her there would have been no Little Richard. And without Little Richard we wouldn't have Bob Dylan or Jagger. But it's a little more complicated than that. While Jagger and the Beatles created each other, Jagger and Fabian created Marjoe. But then Fabian and Knievel and Jagger created Alice Cooper. And what about David Bowie? Jagger had a hand in it, certainly, but who else?
You got it.
Judy.
And you get it. You won't agree, but you get it. Sharpen your crayons and go to it. But don't send the results to us. Send them to Miss Havisham.
The Players
1. Attila the Hun
2. Joe Namath
3. John Wayne
4. Mark Spitz
5. Pat Boone
6. Ernest Hemingway
7. Clark Gable
8. Humphrey Bogart
9. Robert Mitchum
10. James Dean
11. Marjoe
12. James Cagney
13. Alice Cooper
14. Charles Manson
15. Bob Dylan
16. Dillinger
17. Fred Astaire
18. Holden Caulfield
19. Jack Kerouac
20. Fabian
21. Dick Clark
22. Elvis Presley
23. Frank Sinatra
24. Paul Newman
25. Little Richard
26. Neil Armstrong
27. David Bowie
28. Judy Garland
29. Dick Powell
30. John F. Kennedy
31. Eldridge Cleaver
32. Muhammad Ali
33. Clint Eastwood
34. Super Fly
35. Valentino
36. General Patton
37. Audie Murphy
38. Marlon Brando
39. Evel Knievel
40. Tarzan
41. Superman
42. The Lone Ranger
43. Horatio Alger
44. Huckleberry Finn
45. Tom Mix
46. Roy Rogers
47. Billy the Kid
48. Joe Dimaggio
49. Norman Mailer
50. Robert Redford
51. Teddy Roosevelt
52. Donny Osmond
53. The Beatles
54. Mick Jagger
55. Charles Lindbergh
56. E. Howard Hunt
57. James Bond
58. Peter Revson
