Who's been sleeping in my dorm?

an informal campus survey: how women are feeling about sex, what they're doing about it--and how they rate the college men in their lives

A Tantalizing male fantasy is that women must talk about guys the way guys talk about them. One way to find out whether or not the fantasy has any truth to it is to listen to what women on campus are saying about their sexual attitudes after several years of exploding feminine awareness. Have these attitudes changed? Even though it's indulging in a form of eavesdropping, it seems important to determine what women are really feeling about themselves and about men.

The method was empirical, no claims of scientific certitude. What did emerge on many campuses, however, was expressed, in effect, by more than one coed: "Guys traditionally expected us always to be ready to jump into bed and birth control was our problem. Now we're learning to do what's comfortable, not what's fashionable or expected of us." For some, that means sack switching without commitment; for others, "It has to be special; I have to be in love." Some proclaim, "Romanticism is the opiate of the oppressed woman!" ... and the voice of the virgin is still heard saying no in the land. What is new, then, in many of the nation's quadrangles (Ole Miss is in its own little time capsule) is a growing feminine assurance of the right to listen to her own head and body, march to her own sexual drummer ... and even call the tune.

We plugged our tape recorder into six campuses: Yale, a once-male Ivy bastion gone coed (two men to one woman); Vassar--reverse play (two females to one guy); Albertus Magnus, all women, religious overtones; Northwestern, Big Ten--dom; Bryn Mawr/Haverford, commingling of neighboring once--female/male preserves; and the University of Mississippi, a glimpse of the traditional South.

And this is what the women had to say (we've changed their names to protect their privacy):

Kay, 19, Bryn Mawr:

So-called sexual liberation has been a hype for many college women because it's gotten a lot of them jumping into bed, but it hasn't resolved some basic conflicts. When I lost my virginity, at 17, I kept waiting for all the little bells--and nothing happened. I still haven't resolved the conflicts between my strong sexual needs and my romantic ones.

I'm more powerful sexually, in a way, than men are. They're only capable of having one orgasm in a certain amount of time, whereas my body is capable of and sometimes needs ten or twelve in a row. Obviously, a man can't stay hard enough to be able to bring you to orgasm that many times, but there are other ways. And guys who either aren't familiar with them or don't want to put their hands into the mess they just created bug the hell out of me. If somebody puts his fingers into me and then wipes his hands off on the sheets, it makes me feel like my body is dirty and I get really angry.

I happen to enjoy oral sex very much and I had to get over the hang-up of feeling I was dirty or disgusting because my sexual apparatus is internal and, because it can't be seen, you don't know what you're getting into. I started going with guys who wouldn't touch me and who would say, "I'll do anything, but don't ask me to do that!" It's been a point of constant argument in the past, my pleading with then and saying, "What's wrong? I'm really clean!" They expected fellatio from me, but their attitude was, "I'll touch your breasts and maybe kiss them, then I'll make love to you." How did they expect me to get aroused? I felt like saying, "Sometimes I do something for you because I want you to enjoy it, not because it's the biggest pleasure for me." With most guys, it's the build-up, the climax, and then the guy will just fall off, not caring. I've been with only two who asked afterward, "Do you want me to do this? Are you still excited?" Sometimes you have to fake climax so he thinks he's done a good job and you don't get him pissed off. What's the difference? You'll just cross him off your list. I've gotten really good at fooling people or smiling sweetly and saying, "That's Ok, I wasn't that excited, anyway." The point is, a woman is dependent; she's always there, but a guy has to be excited to the point where he's hard enough to make love or there's not a damn thing she can do about it.

I know one guy who has trouble having an orgasm ... he can be hard enough to enter, but he can't come. At first I took it as rejection, then I guess I learned how to use him. I said, Why shouldn't I have a couple of orgasms and a man none for a change?

Sally, 21, Yale:

Goddamn it, nobody should talk to you! Playboy represents every thing I and other feminists have been fighting against: women being presented as unequal and made for man's pleasure. That destroys whatever sensitivity and sexuality people have. But if I can expose that ridiculousness, maybe there's some value in talking.

What is happening on campus is that women are coming to terms with their own sexuality and refusing to be restrained by the values of the past. What we're learning is that women have to continually strive to make sure they aren't being repressed. A woman just can't let herself be co-opted into a man's existence; you have to keep challenging a relationship to make sure it's not hurting you.

I don't really believe in love. People looking for it are looking for someone to possess. I don't think there's much value in long-term commitments or marriage. And you can have kids without getting married.

Most of the men I love best are looking for a monogamous relationship, and if I slept with them, it would just mess them up; they'd have too much emotion tied up in me. I don't sleep with that many men and I'm not pretending that I can jump out of bed and feel nothing has happened. But it's better to love some people from a distance, for their good as well as yours, which is why I don't always sleep with the men I love most. It's usually better to go to bed with someone you don't love. Provided both people like it, it's sort of recreational sex based on human need. The most important thing is that people not hurt or exploit each other.

A great thing that's happening for women is being able to talk about sex with one another. You find things that many people have in common that maybe even doctors don't know about, things they've never said to anybody. Or sometimes they'll talk about whether a guy is good or fun in bed, even whether his pelvic bone is in the right place. Women think a much wider range of men are good-looking than men allow for in women and are less specific. I don't think they discuss male genital size; men are more concerned about that themselves. What makes a guy good in bed is the atmosphere, how comfortable you can be with him. Maybe close womenfriends talk about orgasm, but not that much. Probably, when women are first having intercourse, they may not have orgasms, but it's kind of kept quiet. When they've had more experience, it's assumed they are having them. There's a real consciousness now that women are supposed to have orgasms, although you meet some who are incredibly naïve and don't even know what they are. One woman I know expected an ejaculation just like a man's.

A lot of men around here talk about how women's groups at Yale are lesbian, when, in fact, the whole Yale superstructure is a lot more male homosexual than lesbian. It may be a kind of latent homosexuality, subconscious and nonphysical, but this is a male society. The division between male and female has hurt the female in the past and one way to reconcile it is to move toward androgyny. I don't know how far it will go, but if everyone ends up bisexual, that might be good. I think most people are basically bisexual and I hope there can be equal feeling and satisfaction in heterosexual and homosexual relationships. There is a real bisexual alternative. Lesbianism may be a necessity on an immediate level, as a means of change.

I think it's significant that so many people see lesbianism as so threatening. If two women are shown in Playboy making love, it's presented like they'd love to have a man walk in and make it a threesome. Well, if lesbianism threatens all the men who read Playboy, that's good, that's the point. But you're from Playboy; what the hell am I doing talking to you?

Barb, 17, Vassar:

I've become less liberal in my sexual attitude since I came to college. When I was 15 and 16, I thought it was great to have these wild, whenever-you-feel-like-it, whenever-it-feels-good sexual relationships. I really don't believe that's valid anymore.

I would definitely set about deliberately seducing some guy who appeals to me, though. I'm not attracted to a man's looks initially, which I'm proud of. We have to have common ground ... things we can talk about, similar values. I need gestures and glances to reinforce the physical aspects of the experience ... a few words to make it more fulfilling.

I could never take part in a sadistic-type situation, but I have no feelings of repugnance toward oral sex--mutual oral sex is very satisfying--or anal intercourse, though I haven't tried it. I had four lovers last year, when I was 16. They all used condoms because I was so young and hesitant to go to anyone about birth control. I'm definitely going to work out a better method. None of my lovers had any sexual problems. Well, one had a (continued on page 164)Who's been sleeping?(continued from page 96) very minor one. He didn't like being kissed in the ear.

I won't be ready for monogamy for a long, long time and would like to get to know many different men, then eventually find one to satisfy me for the rest of my life. I have also thought about sex with a woman, one of my closest friends, as a matter of fact. We've discussed it and we're very attracted to each other, but we don't know if there are sexual overtones or not. I don't envision lesbianism as totally satisfying for me, though there are a lot of bisexual and homosexual people on this campus. I think I'll always have a need for heterosexual sex.

I realize it's only a temporary thing, but I haven't had any at all since I got here.

Ramona, 20, Ole Miss:

Boys have been after me ever since I was born. I've been winning beauty contests since I was a little girl. I used to date this guy and I wouldn't give in to him and that was probably the only reason he stayed around. Until he'd get so horny he'd go to somebody else. I liked that, because he treated me the way I wanted to be treated. If I had given in, he would have just treated me like everybody else. I think that's the way it is with my fiancé, too, but he doesn't sit around and try to lure me all the time. He doesn't give me compliments except maybe once a month. But I don't need compliments as much as I do security--knowing when my parents are gone I'll have somebody else to hold on to.

We've been going together four years. I know basketball comes first for him, I come second. He's going to play pro ball, then we'll get married and I'll be a rich wife after that. When I told everybody he'd signed pro, they said, "A mink coat for you, Ramona; you need it!" I do need a mink coat, that's for sure. It'll give him something to work for; that way--if I keep him broke--he can't get into too much trouble. My mother says, "Do it to them before they do it to you." And so I will do it to him. Keep him constantly in debt; he'll have his hands full and can't run around. Another thing, if a woman has a career and can make as much as her husband, she won't rely on him. I think that cuts off communication, because she has no need for him other than maybe sex. A man should always be striving to keep up her other needs.

My fiancé was raised conservative, like me--"Wait until you're married"; and we believe that. If you've been drilled that way, it's how you think when you go out on your own; and I'll raise my children that way, too, because I haven't gone wrong yet. We want sex. All the time, I'm saying, "Oh, look, everybody else is shacking up!" Once, we even decided we were just going to spend the night together in his dorm--no intercourse--but when I was there, I said, "I really feel bad about this." So I stayed till two o'clock and then he took me home. And he said, "I would have thought you were cheap to spend the night"--just like my parents taught me. There will be enough times once we get married and after so many years we probably won't even want to sleep together and we'll be glad we waited.

All we really do is feel around. I don't take my clothes off. I would be embarrassed about it; it's just a real shy relationship. If I did take my clothes off, it would be in the dark. I never saw a naked man, just some hair ... that was the extent of it. In the dorm, we get the biggest kick out of looking at pictures of naked men!

After you're married, you can do as much as your imagination tells you; just laying in bed every night, having intercourse, that would get a little old. I did read Dr. Reuben, but I feel like his purpose was kind of diluted, because it's supposed to be a book with information and he had to put filth in it to sell it. Words like screwing. I feel kind of sorry for teenagers today; they'll never be able to find out the truth if they have to go to literature like that.

I started off on the wrong foot with my fiancé. I've let him see me bleach my hair and with my false eyelashes off, the whole bit! I wouldn't want him laying around without shaving. You have to keep up your appearance.

I need security more than, sex. He's got to be with me, no matter what. I've pulled some dillies on him. I've never gone out on him or anything, just what he calls flirting. The other night at the picture show, all the boys seemed to be telling me hello and he says, "Darlin', do you always have to be friends with boys?" I just told him, "Honey, I function better around men." I just do not function up to par with girls. When you're decent, pretty and you've got nice clothes, girls are very jealous of you; they are just real kind of sneaky. You have to watch them, they want to drag you down. But boys admire you more...so most of my friends are men. I just know how to handle them better than I do girls. You've just got to decide which category you're going to be in. I'm with the male population!

Rita, Laura, Cindy, all 19, Northwestern:

Rita: When I got here, every girl on my floor was on the pill. Those who weren't heavily involved with boys wanted to be and it put a lot of pressure on you to get rid of your virginity. It was a burden. I just wanted to get rid of it! Then I realized how stupid that was and wouldn't let anybody touch me. When I met someone I cared about, everything came easily. I've been going with him for a year, but I had to be in love.

Laura: When I got to college, I lived in a coed dorm, and seeing all those people having sexual relationships so openly helped me have a more positive attitude toward my own relationship.

Cindy: There used to be bad-girl and good-girl classifications. I don't think that exists anymore, but I think it's just as important to do what you want. If a woman wants to be a virgin when she gets married, that's just as liberated as somebody who wants to sleep around. I would like to sleep with more people before marriage. My boyfriend sometimes says, "If we get married, aren't you going to wake up someday and wonder how someone else makes love?" He could be right, but at the moment, I'm satisfied.

Rita: Men just aren't consistent about what they expect. They say women should be as liberated as they are about sleeping with people, but I hear my boyfriend put down a woman who does.

Cindy: Sometimes, though, we look at guys as sexual objects. I'll see a guy go by and say, "Wow, what a bod!" Or look at guys in T-shirts and shorts at the gym and examine legs. But before you've had any kind of sex, you don't really know what to look at.

I'm never turned on by looking at stuff. I get bored at porn movies; I'd rather perform the acts myself. I fantasize about other guys sometimes, though, when I'm making love with my boyfriend. Sometimes you'll just see someone and think, "Oh, my God; if he ever asked me to bed, I wouldn't have to think twice." I'd never tell my boyfriend that.

Rita: I used to be really repressed about oral sex, but I enjoy it now, as well as total nudity and having the lights on. I appreciate creative, diversified sex. I had to tell my boyfriend there were certain things I like him to do to me and that was very hard to express. Like, I enjoy being touched all over and he was getting to intercourse too fast.

Laura: Last summer, my boyfriend and I read one of those sexual self-help books to improve our relationship, but I can't imagine doing some of those things. I have a fetish for chocolate, but I can't imagine doing anything with it. He likes oral sex and doesn't mind doing it to me, but I have a hard time doing it to him. I've been practicing.

Cindy: I've also heard about watching each other masturbate. We talk about it, we're frank ... but even though watching somebody do it might be sexually arousing, I don't think I could get involved. I have a bad hang-up about masturbating, anyway. I've been taught it's good, but I can't see myself standing there doing it without feeling guilty.

Laura: It's really hard to get rid of some hang-ups. Even though we've been going together for many years and sleeping together for a long time, I still won't take a shower with my boyfriend. I don't know why that is, but I just want to wait until we're married. We never saved anything else, so I guess I want to save that.

Abby, 21, Yale:

The boys here are a very messed-up group. I think they have more sexual problems than the girls. They think the ultimate thing is to sleep with you, and then they think you want to get married and they break off. I don't have any big career planned out, so they think, well, she doesn't have anything to do, she'll probably want to marry me or something. So my closest male friends are people I've never had a physical relationship with.

I go around with some homosexual men, too, and my friends can't understand that. There are so many glamorous types here that you're sort of attracted to, and yet in the long run they hurt you a lot more. And, basically, their girlfriends are not very bright ... just very glamorous and never say a word. They come up on the weekends and these guys parade them around.

My first two years here were just an amazing experience sexually, sleeping with a lot of different people. I thought it was really neat at the time, but it wasn't satisfactory at all; I wasn't getting much out of it. There are girls at Yale who have slept with absolutely everybody. They're real big whores around campus, known for it and don't mind. They've slept with a different guy every weekend of their Yale career and they don't want anything. You can see their names in the bathrooms. I've slept with a lot more boys than my friends have, but we don't sit around comparing notes.

I don't think people are into sex as much this year. When Friday comes and no one has called, I find it depressing, but I've noticed the freshmen and sophomores now aren't fazed at all if they're not invited out on the weekends.

Recently, sex hasn't been all that great for me, because it's always these things that last for only a month. It takes time to get used to a sexual partner; when you sleep with someone on a regular basis, you enjoy it more. Personally, I would just as soon not sleep with someone. I used to think I owed it to them; now my views have changed. I find that most boys at Yale aren't that experienced and they don't give a damn if the girl has an orgasm or not. For the little pleasure you get out of it, frankly, it's not worth it.

Julia, 18, Vassar:

There are two kinds of healthy sex: One is objectified, where you pick somebody up and never see him again--pure biological release--and there is sex that comes out of attraction. But any relationship based just on sex is not going to stand. Too many people think about it too much.

Kinky sex is like a Marx Brothers comedy. I once did an S/M thing with a guy. I tied him up, but I wouldn't hit him. We compromised: I poured hot chicken soup on him.

I've been in four ménage à trois situations. Once my friend Arnie, who is homosexual, wanted to sleep with this guy Mark and Mark wanted to pick me up. I was walking out of a bar, very weirded out on some really shitty strawberry mescaline. Mark was trying to seduce me, Arnie was trying to seduce Mark and I was sort of coerced into the whole thing. I had a fairly mellow experience, but I should have said, "Arnie, you're a real asshole; if you want Mark, you get him."

Then there was an experience I initiated with a woman I was really attracted to. We had all gotten drunk and taken a lot of Quaaludes and I knew the only way to get her was to bring her boyfriend into it. We enjoyed ourselves, but it was bad for him; he couldn't cope with it. He had a lot of problems dealing with her sexuality and needed dope in order to free himself.

I've made it with two other women at the same time, too. Group sex is really more interesting. It goes on much longer; you pace yourself differently. The last session I was involved in lasted 12 hours. One went on for nine. There's a lot to do. It's not at all like fucking, it's like fooling around, hours of foreplay.

Men just seem to like to fuck and lie back; women sort of like to fuck and fuck some more. I had been very upset with that sort of thing. And then I slept with someone who came eight times in one night and went through, like, 22 positions. It happens with him about once a month that way. But by the sixth or seventh time he comes, I get a little tired.

Male sexual lovers--heterosexual lovers--really don't know what they're doing. Just as it's difficult for me to relate to what a man really likes, because how do I know what goes on in his body? He might say he likes what I'm doing, he might act that way, but I don't know.

Now, you would think that in 1975, any heterosexual man, your average college student, would know what a clitoris is. When I was in bed with that couple, I suspected that he didn't know. He knew what the clitoris was, but not where it was. When he started going down on his girlfriend, he just couldn't find it. Now, there is no woman in the world who can't find another woman's clitoris. It is the easiest goddamn thing in the world. A lot of male lovers I've had just didn't know and had to be shown.

Or take a man who is bisexual; at least 50 percent of his sexual experience is based on other men; what the fuck can he know? And the clitoris is not the only erogenous zone. It's a matter of pacing, too. Maybe he can last ten times as long, which is fun but not what good sex is built on.

Most people I know have had more sexual experience than I have. One of my friends had 37 lovers her freshman year. Some were crummy, some were good; she really cares about people. One guy I know has 44 lovers marked on his calendar.

If I really knew my sexual orientation, I'd be a lot happier. I try not to think about it too much.

Seena, 20, Bryn Mawr:

I used to call myself a one-penis female. The one-penis female is a product of guilt and insecurity. I found I could only really enjoy a man's body, including his penis, if I had emotional feelings as well. Sex is the ultimate enjoyment and I know instinctively that it shouldn't be restricted to the emotion of love; but unless there's a tremendous factor of reciprocity, I feel like a tramp. I enjoy sex more and put more of myself into it when I'm in love.

I have two important relationships going on right now. One began three and a half years ago, the other about five months ago. I was spending four-day weekends with the first guy and stagnating playing the role of little wife; marriage has no interest for me. Then I met the other person and realized it was foolish to repress the attraction I felt toward him. Sex with him was satisfying, but it lacked something. I felt I gave him more than he gave me. Lately, I've felt I've gotten an equal amount and the sex--as well as the orgasm--has gotten better. In fact, in terms of cold-blooded sex, it's probably more satisfying with the second man, which may have to do with its newness.

I've never been turned on looking at pornography. What I do enjoy are the noises that are part of sex and talking during it about how good you feel--tender loving expressions.

Marla, 20, Albertus Magnus:

A statue of the Virgin Mary got me into trouble. A guy I knew from a nearby college wanted it for his birthday and we stole it from the library. It was very old and worth a lot of money and the nuns were crying all the time and having Masses for it. The Virgin was huge and we had to sneak it through the bushes at three o'clock in the morning. The guy ended up spending the night and I got caught.

I used to think you had to sleep with somebody if you dated him for a while, that people didn't even look at it as a decision you made but just expected it. I feel different now. I'm going out with this guy and I've decided I just don't want to sleep with him. And I don't feel I have to. He keeps asking me if I'm frigid or something.

I have this horrible habit of meeting wimps, guys who were probably pussy-whipped by their mothers. Like, if it's storming out and I say, "I wish I had some pistachios right now," he runs out and gets them. No backbone. It's very annoying always to be right. The guy I'm going with now doesn't let me get away with a thing. But I think he's lying about my being frigid. There's such a thing as mental rape--trying to outwit you into bed.

Sophomore year, we never thought of experimenting in our sexual activities, like trying oral sex. We'd have group readings of The Sensuous Woman--probably the most ridiculous book I've ever read--and we read this part about whipped cream; I think it's called the butterfly flick because of the way you flick your tongue. One girl said, "Make sure you spit everything out; there're a lot of calories in semen." Everyone thought, really? How many? Who could possibly measure the calories in a thing like that?

There are still a certain number of virgins around. You can tell who's who from the seating in the cafeteria; everyone sits at the long tables in their own groups--the virgins apart from the non-virgins, the cool separated from the noncool. You can tell by their dress, too. The virgins tend to walk around in little skirts and stockings--maybe go-go boots, with a ponytail and pink ribbon--and their hair set when they aren't going anywhere. There is promiscuity and virginity here. And lately, lesbianism has been fairly rampant on this campus and at Yale, too, I hear. At Albertus, it just sort of erupted last year, I think from women's spending too much time together rather than from actual tendencies. I'd say there are about eight or ten out of the 25 in this house who are bisexual--but they don't peddle their wares.

Last year, we had this group of girls who had tremendous orgies. They were lesbian, bisexual...they just didn't care. They felt they were very fashionable and let everybody know what they did. Not that anyone cared. Once they put the elevator on stop and had a little orgy in it.

I think women with a Catholic upbringing have more conflicts about sex than other women. There's this old Catholic notion that sex is not for enjoyment, it's for making babies, so there's an inclination among some of the girls I know to feel if they don't enjoy themselves, they're not doing anything really wrong. At the same time, unlike Jewish males I know, who seem to have a freer attitude, Catholic males often look down on women who will sleep with them. And some girls won't use birth control; four of my close friends had abortions last year. One who had a diaphragm hid it in my drawer; I don't know who she was hiding it from. Another friend had a nervous breakdown last year after two abortions. She still thought birth control was wrong! On the other hand, I have a friend--a great person from a very strict family--who has slept with about 30 people in the past two years and doesn't see anything wrong with it.

If my parents knew I wasn't a virgin, they'd just probably only die!

Maggie, Alice, Susan, all 20, Yale:

Maggie: My roommate and I were out with two guys and one of them said something about the "knockers" or "jugs" on a woman who went by--words I cannot abide. About two minutes later, some men passed us and my roommate said, "Would you look at the balls on that guy!" The three of us were just floored. I thought, boy, she's really flipped. But it was perfect, deserved--she really shut 'em up!

Alice: We saw a film that showed two homosexuals making love and you could see that they cared about each other and were taking the time to make each other feel good and were open and romantic and gentle, and that's what turned the women on who were watching the film. In heterosexual relationships, if men could understand that sensitivity doesn't undermine their male sexuality but enhances it, they'd be a lot more attractive to women.

Susan: Women are discussing contraception more and comparing methods. Before, it was the pill and nothing else. A lot of women don't want to put any chemical substances into their bodies and it's good to hear they're thinking about alternatives and putting themselves first. If they want the pill, fine ... but contraception should be more of a selfish thing. When you're on the pill, you're saying, in effect, "I'm always ready." Choosing the diaphragm this year is almost a political statement; a woman controls when she feels like having sex, and I think spontaneity is secondary to control. And some women are insisting on condom and jelly or condom with the diaphragm ... makes the guy work for it, too!

Kathy, 18, Ole Miss:

I'm a virgin, but I don't know what would have happened if me and this guy had kept dating. I don't think I'm capable of having intercourse yet. I'd feel guilty, 'cause that's the way I've been brought up. I've known all about sex since first grade, but it was never discussed. It was a kind of a dirty thing.

Me and this guy were more than just necking, you know, he touched me, and it was nice ... but it wasn't anything. I was talked into it--well, not talked but just kind of led. Well, I know, it takes two. I never yet saw a man naked in the flesh.

I wouldn't want my husband to be a virgin. I would think it was a little queer. Somebody's got to have a little experience. You're brought up to believe men need sex more than women, but maybe women just suppress it. I was taught you have your good girls and your bad girls. And men go to bad girls to lose their virginity, and then they marry the good girls. I can't say I don't believe it; the idea was put in me. But people should be left alone to do what they want to do!

Every other school in the nation has open visitation in the dorms. Here we have, like, a Friday-night four-hour deal. The boy leaves his I.D. at the desk, you escort him up and he's out by ten!

Girls here do sleep with their boyfriends, but you do not talk about it. You do it discreetly. That's the code.

If you get a bad name, it gets to the fraternities, it gets back to your sorority and they bring you up before what they call standards. I just got initiated into a sorority. I was in one in high school and that's what they've got here. I'm ready for something different! It's just like having another set of parents. If you want to be a little sorority girl, you have your slacks and your scarf and necklace and earrings and you date. There are all these Joe College types here, too, with their big cars and their clothes and styled hair. I like a few freaks, you know. Social status and tradition is real big here. And girls come find a husband, marry, settle down, raise their kids and send them to Ole Miss.

All you have here generally is one opinion; everybody conforms. Well, shit!

Diana, 18, Bryn Mawr:

If I like someone for a night, he attracts me for an evening or I've been watching him and I want to sleep with him ... I will! And then I'll get out of bed and not think any more about it, no commitment.

I guess there really are two sides of me: nice Diana, the good-girlfriend type, and the barhopper who sleeps with a bunch of guys and is really cold and calculating about it.

I used to go barhopping in New York every Friday and Saturday night last summer. I went by myself, very dressed up--I like to feel I look nice! Guys at the bars would say, "What are you doing tonight?" and I would drive myself to their apartments later and go home at four or five. Sometimes I heard from them again, sometimes not. Occasionally, I worried about why I had this compulsion to go into a bar and kind of pick the person I wanted to hit. But I enjoyed myself, the guys did, too, and, basically, we knew we were playing the same games.

I don't like it when a guy tries to act like a big stud: "I'm great and you're just going to love this, baby, so get ready." No one is super in bed; no one is supergreat at anything. It's all a matter of mood, how much time you have. Everyone's a little nervous, you might as well be honest about it; sex is so intimate it leaves you vulnerable.

I can't get aroused to orgasm just by a tongue, whereas I can easily with a finger. I think my boyfriend really doesn't like oral sex, he just does it to make me happy. Which, of course, doesn't make me happy at all. I'm very proud of my body when it's the right weight and I think it's very beautiful, but the vaginal area just does not smell pleasant. Whereas, when I do it to a man, it's like kissing an arm or something. Actually, I really often disliked doing that; I thought I would choke or throw up or something. Obviously, that's with the people I meet barhopping. I'm just trying to be nice to them, so I'll say, "Ok, but don't you dare come in my mouth!"

I like guys who are physically fit, with muscles. I don't mean big, stocky football players. I like slender guys, skinny but not scrawny ... slim legs and little asses. And I prefer larger penises, although I don't find a penis very attractive at all. In fact, I think they're ugly. But I'm getting more accustomed.

Marybeth, 20, Ole Miss:

I'm old-fashioned, I guess. I just don't like anything that's real involved. I've done just really normal things--like kissing--but I've wondered how I would handle the situation, like, when I do fall in love with someone. Right now, from my viewpoint, I wouldn't go very far.

I think men are more aggressive than women, like, more easily excited. For instance, I wouldn't look down on a person who had been raped. A man, you know, can get excited over something like bare skin. I've read some novels that have sex in them, like The Godfather. The part I really didn't know about was where the girl was talking about some kind of special sex she and Sonny had. Maybe it was oral sex or something. I never did really know. I've read about oral sex, but I don't really know that much. I kind of can imagine what it is; I don't think I would like that. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't, in fact. I don't have feelings on masturbation. I've never been involved.

I'm in favor of using some form of birth control but not pills for myself. I know a girl who got blood clots in the neck because of that. I'm not really sure of the name of it; I think I'd use that little disk that goes inside you.

I'd want a man to be intelligent but not too intelligent, because they're hard to communicate with. Usually, I don't like the best-looking boys, the real knockouts, because they're so conceited. I'd want him to have some sort of religious background. Maybe not too far from mine or too way out, like Hinduism or something. I couldn't switch over. I don't think if I fell in love with a Jew it would stop me from marrying him, but it would depend how strong he felt about Jewism.

Meredith, 25, Yale (grad school):

My gynecologist asked me if I knew what I looked like and I said of course. And he said, "Well, would you like to be refreshed?" and he got a mirror and showed me--very gently and straightforwardly--which was very nice. And I realized what I looked like, what I was. I had to accept it, because it was there; I mean, there's no denying what he showed me.

I was brought up to believe my man was everything, but David wanted me to acknowledge the fact that I could be attracted to other men, which was something I couldn't believe. I love him very much, but he kept pushing the idea on me, and then I did develop a wandering eye. So I told him I wanted to branch out. And I did.

I'm afraid I haven't been very nice about it, simply because I didn't know how to do it. And what's really awful is, the other guy is his best friend. I've made it impossible for them to be together, which I could shoot myself for ... except I kind of like some of the other things about it. It's confusing, but it's good to understand that it does happen, that women can have several meaningful sexual relationships at once.

And ... there's a third! It started out as a purely physical attraction, which was delightful, because I'd never looked down the street and said, "Isn't he exquisite! I'd like to sleep with him." But that's exactly what I did. It's so totally unlike me that it's comical. It does give me another angle on my responsiveness, though. What makes it so good is that this guy doesn't know about the other two.

I guess this kind of sexuality is usually hard for women to acknowledge in themselves and is rather admired in men. I don't have any problem having orgasms, because I won't go to bed until I'm relaxed. A tremendous amount of the feeling I get is from watching the man's response. I'd really rather just lie in bed and talk.

Maybe my independence now makes me attractive to men; it does give me a lot of confidence. I'm not very fond of other women, by the way; I suppose it's because they're so competitive.

I don't know how much longer my first boyfriend is going to be so patient. Sometimes I want someone to come along and take me away, so I won't have to decide anything; I'd love it if someone dragged me away by my hair. But I wouldn't go.

In a way, this is a cold-blooded experiment. You have to be cold-blooded or you'd never survive a thing like this.

Olivia, 22, Albertus Magnus:

We were 16 when I decided it was time for Scott and me to lose our virginity. It was just a question of getting the right things into the right places; I wasn't nervous at all. We did it on the golf course-- our parents are loaded. Wow, we thought--this is it, the big S! We were stoned; it was very pleasant and I'm glad the first time it was someone I loved. No great trauma, very natural. But wow, the places we've made it: the bunkhouse, his pool, on the beach--a dog pissed on my leg while we were doing it--on a pool table with people running around. We were so intent on sleeping with each other no obstacle was too much; we'd clear snow off the ground and once we were caught naked behind the country club. We still see each other, and even though we're not in love, we've been sleeping together for six years.

When I arrived at college, I wanted to try different things and a week after we broke up, I started sleeping with someone else. With the second guy, it was love instantly; and when that broke up eight months later, I was one of the walking wounded, a spastic case. I couldn't give up on him, but I didn't hassle him or anything. After that, I had fun sex with people I knew, about 18 of them in three years. I needed a shoulder to cry on. I wanted someone to hold. I guess I've been lucky that sleeping with people usually goes well for me, even the first night. But it's never been the same as with the second boy, not the same way at all.

When the first guy and I broke up, we agreed it was Ok to sleep with other people. But he just went off the wall when we separated, so I didn't tell him about the other guys for months and he finally got over the shock. He doesn't even know about half of them.

We've really stuck it out together. Well, we were best friends besides being lovers. He doesn't sleep with a lot of women, but I wouldn't care if he did. Except a few weeks ago; some girl in his class gave him the crabs and I almost got them. That really bummed me out. I was very angry. This girl has a really different sexuality; she's a very masculine type who has offered to "pull train" for a group of guys--that means sleep with many in succession, one right after another. She ran into Scott at a party and made it her business to sleep with him, too. I really don't care, except for the crabs.

I told my mother what oral sex is. She was shocked. Married 24 years, five kids. What the hell was going on--virgin births? She said, "Oral sex?" with this huge question mark hanging there. I was almost in tears. I said, "Please, Mother, tell me you know what I'm talking about." She said she didn't. I said, "Mother, oral--you know, mouth. And your hand sometimes, too." She said, "Oh, what do you do with the--uh--" "Swallow it, Mother!"

Maybe I'm looking for love, but I'm in no mad rush at the moment. In the meantime, I pretty much sleep with anybody I want to. I've never been overwhelmed in bed by anybody and I don't think I've ever overwhelmed anybody. Oh, yeah, this one kid. We had a really strange relationship. He had a girlfriend he intended to marry; she didn't know about me, but I knew all about her. He and I palled around and slept together, purely friendship. One night, we were having oral sex. Well, I mean blowing-- I can't think of another word I find pleasant to use for it. I was making him come and it was taking a long time. I was the most inspired I've ever been; I was just flipped out and he went crazy. He was ripping the sheets and pulling the pillow over his head. He told his friends, "I looked down and there she was--just killing me!"

But I don't want someone to beat me into the ground every time we make love. I think I like it kind of calm and affectionate more than out of our minds with passion. I'm finding that a lot of guys feel that way, too.

Melissa, 21, Ole Miss:

Boys here have been brought up admiring the Southern belle. That's what their mothers were, that's what they want their sisters to be and they don't want to admit they're dating anyone who has slept with three or four other boys. That's a whore!

If a couple are really in love, they'll probably go to bed and neither one will mention it. And they won't be ostracized. But most girls here have the basic fear that he might be gone the next morning, maybe sex was all he really wanted. You get it from your parents and then you find that they knew what they were talking about.

Girls here don't talk about sex, they talk about marriage. They'll tease someone who's engaged, like, "You better go on a diet, because you're going to be naked soon," or "Just think what you're going to be doing in six months!" The attitude is, "I'm totally ignorant, but from what I hear about sex, you're going to have a good time." I don't think they're scared of sex; they're more afraid of what their roommates might think of them. If someone gets excited, she'll say, "So-and-so down the hall is having a big O"-- that means orgasm--but there's not too much actual knowledge. People pass around Dr. Reuben's books or Playgirl or Cosmo. I like Playboy, but I get a lot of static; women aren't supposed to read that. You get 'em, like, under the counter or send someone out to buy it for you. Girls will look at a male centerfold and say, "Boy, he's really hung!" or "He looks like So-and-so's fiancé." You don't know if they're kidding or they've actually been there.

Most of them think oral sex is the most disgusting thing they've ever heard of. The virgins are really grossed out and the ones you think are having sex just can't cope with anything but the missionary position and the dark for sure--"If I don't look, maybe I'll forget it in the morning"--and always reassure themselves, "We're going to get married." Everybody needs to say that.

The word masturbation is nonexistent, not even mentioned, no, ma'am! I have nothing against it; people are human and need some kind of release. I don't do it, though; too damn busy and exhausted. Vibrators sound nice.

I'd sleep with somebody before I'd marry him and I did sleep with one I almost married. We tried to hang on after it was really over; sex was one reason. We thought since we'd been to bed, we might as well get married; but when he graduated, we got irritable and desperate because we couldn't see much of each other. There was a lot of grief. I don't have any guilt feelings. If you regret something, you've ruined it--and it might have been pretty.

I've heard that some women in other schools can sleep with anybody they want and go about their business and not expect the guy to call again. I think that would be great. But in the South, you'd be a social outcast, a joke, a whore. Nobody would take you to a party or out in public.

I'd really like to be able to sit around and talk to people at Vassar or someplace like that. But I know it would be like being in another world.

Carole, 18, Vassar:

Some people are very shocked at my behavior. It doesn't have much to do with outside influences and it is very natural for me. I've probably had about 30 sexual partners since I started at 14. Well, at 14, I did feel guilty; the sex was Ok, but I didn't like the guy very much and I thought, this is terrible--I'm supposed to be in love. But I never have really been in love.

The thing is, I don't get too emotionally tied down to things like sex and brief sexual partners. I look at it very objectively, not in terms of how this is going to affect me later. The physical sensations and reactions are the same with a person you like a lot and one you don't like as much, though the whole general feeling is nicer if you do like someone a lot.

My independence has nothing to do with feminism; I'm not political. It's just the way I feel. A lot of guys get very upset and jealous, which might have more to do with their own egos than feelings for me.

Male bodies are really beautiful; there are a whole lot of different kinds. They're basically just as nice as a woman's. I can't see the attractiveness in a male-nude centerfold, though, or a woman's centerfold, either. I don't respond to a piece of paper. Voices can be a turn-on--the way someone talks to you. And touching--the way a hand grazes your knee. Movies, too, but not pornographic ones.

It's very important to me that a man I sleep with be very good-looking. That comes first! And healthy, very healthy. I don't like sickly people, people who look like they might fall apart. I like men who look strong, competent, masculine. I've never talked to other women about male genitals, but just last week we saw this enormous guy and my friend and I were trying to figure out if height has anything to do with size.

I have different fantasies, usually imagining I'm having sex with someone different from the person I'm seeing at the time. Like, I was having a great one about Cary Grant, and I've been having them about one of my professors lately, too. I usually have orgasms, which I consider a plus, but sometimes I don't. I think sex is neat even without them.

A lot of guys don't really know what is going on in a woman's body and what parts get excited, and when they don't know that, it is very, very shitty. And when you're pushing them a certain way you want them to go, they have to be able to figure out what's going on. Some guys basically don't like parts of a woman's body--not too common, but it happens. I never slept with a guy who couldn't get an erection. I don't know how I'd react.

Sleeping with someone seems to me like a church ceremony; I get a feeling of something that's been done for thousands of years--so many people have done it, but nobody does it exactly the same.

Donna, Marcy, both 18, Northwestern:

Donna: The majority of girls on this campus are not virgins, I guess, but I think there are a lot of us. Virgins are put in a position of being on the defensive. I don't like someone who isn't a virgin attacking me--and this happens-- saying, "Well, why don't you give it up?" This person might go from bed to bed and she sits there making fun of my morals. I think mine are better than hers, but I don't feel it's my place to say anything.

Marcy: I don't like the phrase giving up your virginity. It's not like you're losing something, it's deciding you love someone enough to share a part of yourself. He's giving a part of himself, too.

There were a few times I could have gotten involved sexually and emotionally with guys who really cared about me. But when we talked about it, they didn't want me to lose my virginity. I don't think I want my husband to be a virgin, though. I'd like to feel he knows what to do and does it well.

You wouldn't believe how naïve I used to be. In high school, someone mentioned the word lesbian and I didn't know what it was. Now I can be friends with a male homosexual, even if he wears make-up. But when I know that a girl is one, I can't so much as talk to her. Maybe I feel she'll turn to me or something.

Donna: I sometimes get teased for wearing clothes that show cleavage, but it's just style. I like to look as good as possible. And I enjoy compliments-- like, when a guy tells me, "You look very sexy"--but it doesn't give me more of an urge to jump into bed with him. One thing that I think about, though, is what if I die before I've slept with a guy?

I Once did an S/M thing with a Guy. I tied him up, but I Wouldn't hit him. We Compromised: I Poured hot Chicken Soup on him.

We've slept together for years, but I still won't take a shower with him. We're Saving that for Marriage.

The Boys at yale are a very messed-up Group. I think they have more sexual problems than the girls.

All we do is feel around. If I did take off my clothes, It'd be In the dark. I Never saw a Naked Man-just Some hair.

One Girl told me, "Make Sure you spit Everything Out; There are a Lot of Calories in Semen."

Some girl in his class gave him the crabs and I almost got them. That really bummed me out.