The Playboy Advisor

I have become quite close to a girl who works at my office. We do everything together except sex. I don't really know what she wants. The people at the office think we are going steady, although it's common knowledge that she has someone who could be considered a fiancé in another city. We've talked and I've discovered that she will not go to bed with anyone but her fiancé (not that she comes right out and says that, mind you. One can deduce it from what she says in conversation). Her actions hint that she has a great need for male contact--she holds herself so close to me that 90 percent of the time our bodies touch. Would you say that she is dropping hints in hopes that I make advances or that she is merely being a tease? Or could it be that my mind, clouded with feelings of lust and love, sees her actions as an invitation? The gentleman in me says that I should respect her relationship with her fiancé. What should I do? I don't want to make any mistakes; even if love is out of the question, I couldn't bear to lose her friendship.--W. W., Richmond, Virginia.

Your situation reminds us of a classic called "A Tail of Two Cities"; a young man bent on self-sacrifice plans to relinquish his interest in a damsel out of respect for the prior claim of someone who "could be considered a fiancé." At the last moment, he realizes that his idea of a gentleman is based on the "After you, Alphonse; no, after you, Gaston" routine. He decides to give her a try. The fiancé turns out to be a polite fiction; and as he mounts the damsel for the first time, the hero is heard to say: "It is a far, far better thing I do now than I have ever done before, and a hell of a lot less frustrating."

Some of my friends and I have been discussing human sexual response. One of them suggested that, contrary to women's lib, there was no reason to expect a lady to have an orgasm, since, as a rule, the females of other species don't. Can this be true? Do female animals have orgasms?--O. R., Los Angeles, California.

We never asked. Actually, Dr. David A. Goldfoot brought up this topic in a recent issue of Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality. If you define orgasm in physiological terms--i.e., the body changes that Masters and Johnson divided into four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasmic and resolution--the answer is probably no. A female rhesus monkey that was mechanically stimulated went through three of the phases but did not actually experience the orgasmic phase. (Nevertheless, her social calendar is filled for the year.) According to Dr. Goldfoot, "Certain behaviors of females … occasionally look like orgasmic responses to observers, but obviously this is hardly acceptable evidence for orgasm. For example, the rhesus female sometimes repeatedly clutches her leg, the leg of her partner or even his scrotum … in a vigorous manner during copulation…. The female stump-tailed macaque occasionally displays muscular body spasms, rhythmic expiration vocalizations and an openmouthed expression during coitus which resembles facial expressions described for humans during orgasm. These behaviors, including the characteristic facial expression, are very similar to the responses shown by male stump-tailed monkeys during ejaculations." (They probably knew they were being filmed.) Most other species don't even come close. Also, several studies have shown that rodents will behave the same way during intercourse even when their genitals are anesthetized. So, although it appears that females of other species do not have orgasms, this in no way suggests that the same applies to human females. In fact, one of the things that differentiate man from other animals is his ability to use a tool, and woman, her ability to appreciate it when he does.

The clothing stores in my neighborhood are stocking up on suspenders. The patterns (stars and stripes, rainbows, etc.) caught my eye and I purchased several pairs, but now I'm at a loss. Is it all right to wear them on pants that have belt loops and, if so, do I wear a belt at the same time?--J. P., Chicago, Illinois.

The Clarence Darrow look (if you can imagine Clarence Darrow in decorator colors) is definitely in style this year. The vertical bands of varied hue provide the same comic relief once supplied by ties. Also, what with pockets disappearing from the front of high-fashion pants, you have to put your hands somewhere, and what better place than hooked into a set of Day-Glo galluses? Ideally, suspenders should be worn on loopless pants that are tight enough to provide their own support. You can wear them with pants that have loops as long as you leave the belt behind. It's a snap.

Have you come across the Binaca Blast? It's something that every sex enthusiast should know about: Each partner places six to ten drops of concentrated Binaca Breath Freshener on the tongue before performing oral sex on his or her mate. The sensation is fantastic: What's more, you never have to worry about bad breath.--S. O., Copenhagen, Denmark.

There are some things even your best friends won't tell you. Obviously, this isn't one of them. Thanks for the tip. To borrow a line from another campaign--it's one way to improve the taste you hate to use twice a day. With moderation, there should be no harmful side effects.

I have heard that Montrachet is one of the best white wines that money can buy, if for no reason other than that it comes from a single very small vineyard. However, when I go to my local wine store, I see more varieties of Montrachet than one would think possible. For example, there is Le Montrachet, Bienvenue-Bâtard-Montrachet, Chevalier-Montrachet and Chassagne-Montrachet Ruchottes. What do these other words mean?--B. J., Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Rabelais called Montrachet Burgundy divine. Dumas said that one should drink the wine only while kneeling. Montrachet (or Le Montrachet) is produced by a single 18 1/2-acre vineyard, owned by several distinguished vintners (Marquis de Laguiche, Baron Thènard, Bouchard Père et Fils, Comtesse Lafone and Juilen Monnot, Domaine de la Romanee-Conti, M. Duvergey, Fleurot-Larose, M. Roizot and Thevenin, and Dr. Blanchet and P. Mathey). If you want to authenticate a bottle or a brand, write to one of them. However, adjoining vineyards that produce extremely fine grands crus have been allowed to use the word Montrachet on their labels. (In which case, Montrachet will be preceded by a word such as Chassagne or Bienvenue-Bâtard). They are great rival wines, but they do not command the price of the simple Montrachet. A vôtre santé.

I have undertaken an independent, indepth survey to determine the origin and accuracy of the term blow job. Most of my subjects report that the actual act of blowing--i.e., puckering the lips to direct a stream of air at the object in question--does not do too much for them. However, reversing the direction of the air flow does wonders, as you can imagine. My question is this: Why, if men like it so much, did they choose such a misleading adjective?--Miss E. A. E., St. Paul, Minnesota.

Current definitions of the word blow offer seeds for some intriguing speculation. For example: Blow can mean to put out of breath with exertion or to melt when overloaded. Hear, hear! Blowing in means to arrive unexpectedly. ("But you promised…." "I couldn't help myself.") Slang dictionaries reveal that the word had sexual connotations in the 17th Century, but none relating to oral sex per se. The old sailor's hornpipe "Blow the Man Down" indicates the end but not the means. Blowing off the loose corns was akin to getting your rocks off; but again, the method is missing. To blow the ground sells meant to lie with a woman on the floor or the stairs. Blow referred to an act of copulation from the man's standpoint, which, given the 17th Century, was either on the top or from the rear. To hit the blow was to steal the goods. ("Where did it go?") And, finally, a blower was a harlot or the mistress of a highwayman. Our guess is that, since most men do not visit prostitutes for regular sex, the term came to mean an act of fellatio. But that's just word of mouth, so feel free to continue your research.

My old tennis racket has seen better days. The pro at the indoor club where I play during the winter has been trying to sell me a metal frame. Is metal better than wood?--P. Q., Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Metal frames vary in performance according to the material from which they're made and how they're designed. The tubular-stainless-steel rackets tend to be more flexible than wooden ones, which means a whippy swing but less control. The aluminum frames are stiffer than wood. What both metals lack is the feel of wood. Most pros use metal frames because they are paid lots of money to do so. Give a pro enough money and he can play well with a butterfly net strung with cyclone fence. When pros get off their game, one of their first moves is back to the old wooden frame. Our advice: Play with a racket before you buy it. Most pro shops have demonstration models for that purpose.

T he other night, in my favorite bar, I met a slim, sultry brunette, who is one of the greatest people I've ever talked with. We had an instant rapport. After talking and drinking until four in the morning, we went to her place and made love ecstatically. I fell asleep, only to wake up two hours later itching like crazy. I went to the bathroom, turned on the light and found that I had broken out in hives. I went to the doctor the next day and he said it was an allergic reaction. Since I ate nothing extraordinary that night (well, you know what I mean) and have never before shown an allergic reaction to anything, could I be allergic to my new friend?--K. K., New York, New York.

Probably not. A Chicago specialist in allergies estimates that pollens, molds and dust account for 80 percent of allergic reactions. Since your new friend wasn't expecting you, there could have been a healthy amount of dust in her room (or was it a crypt?) kicked up by your athletic lovemaking. Also, he suspects that feather pillows, a wool blanket or a down comforter might have been the culprit. It's possible that you are allergic to something she was wearing, but the doctor says it isn't likely. Now, about that 14-foot potted ragweed in the middle of her bedroom.…

I've given up all hope of winning a state lottery or making a killing in the stock market and have decided to become a part-time treasure hunter. My question is this: Is it against the law to look for treasure sites on Federal land?--D. C., Schenectady, New York.

You might have better luck with the lottery. At least if you win, you get to keep part of the loot. The Federal Antiquities Act has taken the profit out of amateur productions of "Treasure Island." The Government claims all historical artifacts (articles made by man such as gold coins, boxes, chests, jewelry, arms) discovered on Federal land or the continental shelf. (You might be allowed to keep about half of the unstamped gold, gold dust or unmounted jewels you find, but after taxes, there wouldn't be much left.) In order to ensure that all explorations of their back yard are done in a scientific manner, the Feds usually require that a treasure hunter be affiliated with an educational institution or archaeological foundation. If you're still interested in undertaking the venture and have connections with a recognized group, you must first apply for a Federal Antiquities Act Permit and then negotiate a contract with the General Services Administration, the agency responsible for the disposal of all Government property. You must specify exactly where you will be conducting the search (i.e., you won't be allowed to explore the entire Gulf coast line or the inside of Fort Knox). If the treasure isn't where you think it is, you have to go through the entire procedure again. If, for some strange reason, you're still interested, you can get details from the Office of Personal Property Disposal--FWS, Federal Supply Service, GSA, Washington, D.C. 20406.

My sexual experiences to date have been of the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am variety. In short, not very satisfying for myself or my partner. I believe that my problem of premature ejaculation stems from my younger years, when I was prone to excessively quick masturbation. I've read various theories that claim my problem is the result of an unconscious sadistic impulse toward women or that it's the result of an especially sensitive penis. Needless to say, I'm confused. Recently, I've noticed ads for desensitizing creams that promise to increase endurance. Do they work?--R. E., Seattle, Washington.

Not really. For one thing, the snake oil also desensitizes your partner. According to Masters and Johnson, the creams may actually increase the problem. Premature ejaculation is nature's way of telling you to slow down: Most doctors feel that it is the result of anxiety and that it reflects a lack of voluntary control of the ejaculatory response. The prevailing forms of therapy try to decrease anxiety (learn to love the one you're with) and increase the man's perception of the internal sensations that signal the approach of orgasm. Master those signals and eventually you will learn voluntary control. (The procedure has been described as erotic toilet training, but don't let that throw you. It's part of growing up.) Find a cooperative partner and try either the tease method (letting yourself almost reach the point of no return and then doing absolutely nothing) or the squeeze method (reaching the point of no return and having an arm-wrestling match with your girlfriend). The two simple mechanical cures have about a 95 percent effectiveness rating--so hold off on a session with a shrink until you've given these methods a fair shake. Practice, and next time your ladyfriends ask you to make love, your response won't be "No sooner said than done."

All reasonable questions--from fashion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette--will be personally answered if the writer includes a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Send all letters to The Playboy Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The most provocative, pertinent queries will be presented on these pages each month.