The Russion Playboy

Social Uplift for Comrades

Sizzling Pictorial on New Ural Power Plant!

Girls of Novosibirs

Larry L. Kingski on Good Old Boychiks in Soviet Georgia

Anson Mountov gives five-year-plan predictions! Playboy's History of Organized Collectives!

And much more!

New Soviet Edition!

The Playboy Advisor

Please to help! What is cheap way to have sex but no children?--L. N., Omsk.

Cheapest way is being called rhythming method. Is simple, cost nothing. When making sex with wife, turn on phonograph record with good, lively beat on him. Tap foot to rhythming while sex making. Best is polka or Russian folk song. Also good is Soviet national anthem, but is difficult to make sex while standing, no? (This is joke here.)

Am tourist guide for Western capitalists and was showing peoples from Cleve Land sights of Moscow and grew warm for girl in tour group. I ask when alone if she wish to drink vodka and make sex. She say, "Go fuck with yourself, bozo." I find out what fuck on myself mean and try for many nights to perform Western sex act this way. I break arm and sprain neck. Is something only Westerners can do?--P. V., Moscow.

Is true Westerners make sex with. themselves. Is why they have not so many good scientists, only foolish people.

At restaurant other night, waiter ask what I should want for wine with dinner. I eat cabbage and bowel sausage with lump sugar dessert. What is good wine to order? Is vodka wrong wine?--R. V., Leningrad.

Vodka is not correct wine for bowel sausage. Good domestic gray wine from Georgia very much good or, if you're wanting to spending more, buy delicate imported Bulgarian Elk wine. Nicest of color and strong odor, great personality, great character, cleans teeth at same time.

This summer, am planning nice vacation trip to Moscow. For this am needing new wardrobe. What style clothes Soviet cool cats be wearing in city?--O. Y., Minsk.

Many good-looking types. Soviet man now have prosperity enough to own two pair pants, extra shirt and two pair socks. This summer, urban cool cats be wearing nifty striped sporting jacket with inch-wide lapel, striped buttoning-down shirt with collar on, bow tie with dots preferably, shiny pair blue pants which go down to shins only, white socks and new kind brown-leather shoes with slot in for keeping coins. Is sounding snappy, no?

Some nights past, I ask woman to take off arm underhair. I think naked under the arm is big sex thrill. She say I should go to hospital to have mind fixed for saying sick thing. Should I need mind fixing for thinking naked under the arm sexy?--P. T., Warsaw.

Is perfectly OK to have naked under arm woman. Is very much sexy to some mens, but must remind that losing hair under arm also loses sexy aroma which builds up over months.

What, please to advise, is best turning table to buy for high-fidelity music machine?--L. H., Putsk.

Best is high-costing turning table being manufactured in Bulgaria. Is costing 2400 zlotych, is light, is perfect in every way except is turning in wrong direction, so records are not sounding good.

Playboy After Curfew

Very much funny error appear in Pravda when Marshal Tito visit Soviet Union! Official guide, Inga Sminsk, take Tito and wife to factory and beneath photo in newspaper is error: Inga Sminsk Displays Pair of Titos at factory.

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Is not true all Americans have big money! K.G.B. agents report that when big-time American come on trip business, they see through keyhole American woman undress and see also that she have underwear with great hole its crotch! No money to buy wife new underpants!

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Big joke fire back! At party in Moscow apartment, man think would be good joke to throw womens out of window 14 stories high. Womens think funny also. Big joke until womens fall on car of K.G.B. deputy. Man is taken to prison and womens are fired from jobs and children taken away from.

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New crazy fad from university is to swallow alive sturgeon fish. Org Stoltz makes most fish swallow with 23. He say, "We try first fad to see how much peoples can fit in car, but can find no car. Plenty sturgeon to find."

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Who is that say Americans know good deal when they see? American tourist meets man from Minsk who have at home five daughters virgins. American makes with daughters sex. For sex he gives father dozen packs Wrigley chewings gum and Bic pen. Father say, "Man is finished with sex, but I chew gum and use pets for many month."

Playboy Interview: Alexandr Krzhyzki

candid-conversation talk with bigmouth soviet dissident leader

Hey, swingers men! Here now is much romantic setting for seducing of sexy womens! Which Soviet girl would be not strongly impressed by place such as this one? Is what in West is being called "understating of elegance." Is owned by First Deputy Commissar of Arts and Concrete Yuri Kutchakokov, who is here in photograph (above) enjoying leisurely glass vodka with favorite of playmates, Getya Roxoff. From left side to right is: sitting room with chair in. kitchen for cooking of Soviet gourmet dinner, living room with picture of landscape above, bedroom with picture of Lenin above, den, rec room, lamp room, sitting room again with chair in and private bathroom with automatic toilet! What is such spacious place as this costing? Only 7000 rubles per monthly! Kitchen have for features all of modern, Soviet conveniences--stove with two burners working, refrigerator and machine for automatic making of coffee! At right corner side is rec room, which has for main feature stereo radio! Radio have many power for loudness and receive both channels. Cost only 45,000 zlotych! Smart comrade order him today, have for 1988. How can ordinary Soviet citizen get great pad such as this? By being friendly with someone high up in Politburo.

Playboy Pad: Elegant? You Bet!

Party Line Jokes

We are hearing it requires five Americans to put light bulb into socket. One American to put in bulb and four Americans to beg on streets for single light bulb which are so few of only rich capitalists have.

Once was there a comrade named Serge With trouble controlling his urge.

He made forward pass

At Chairman's wife's ass, So he was shot.

Unabashed Dictionary describe whore as woman who make sex for money!

Girl is laying in bed with boy and boy looks upon tits of girl and very stupid boy say, "What is it that those are?" And girl say, "Is my headlights." Then girl looks down on boy's legs and points to stick and say stupidly, "What is that?" Boy say, "Is sedan." Then boy points to girl's legs and say, "What is hole there?" and girl say, "Is garage." Boy laugh and say, "If I lick headlights, you let me park sedan in garage?" (Not finished yet.) Girl say, "Only yes if you don't leave oil stain!" (More laugh yet to go.) Boy say, "Maybe I leave stain in other garage behind." Girl, not laughing, say, "You park there, secret police tow sedan away."

Unabashed Dictionary describe well hung as what is happening to defectors who are being caught.

Big-shot commissar is being served nice soup course at four-red-star restaurant in Moscow. Takes one look at borscht and is crying out: "Waiter, is no fly here in soup!" Waiter be hurrying back to kitchen to get fly for commissar's soup!

Beautiful girl is seeing secret-police friend on Moscow street and is saying to him: "Hey, Boris, is that pistol in your pocket or are you happy of seeing me?" All of a sudden, then, is loud gunshot sound and beautiful girl is falling dead on sidewalk. Was pistol.

On the Scene

Vladimir Dimnikov

Is no greater author in world than Dimnikov, who has made books like Hamlet, Moby Dick, Jaws. "Words are in blood," say Dimnikov. "I can write book like Ragtime in morning and do Dimnikov Book from World Records at night." But Western capitalist thieves steal Dimnikov's work, sell for great money, not pay Dimnikov. Is pity. Now Dimnikov secretly working on big blockbursting hook--is story of boy who go down Volga on boat--is being called Huckleberry Petrovitch.

Nicolai Piztov

Much praising is throughout Soviet Union for brave, patriotic cosmonaut Nicolai Piztov, who is now proudly holding world's record for orbiting in outer space--14 years continuously in small Soviet spacecraft of whom, unfortunately, radio transmission is not working. But not to worry! Brave cosmonaut is A-OK! Latest space photograph of Piztov (above) show that health is good and spirits very high!

Olga!

our January workmate make things to grow high

In all of Soviet Union is existing no better exampling of beauty and perfection than Olga, Jewel of Ukraine! All day she love making with hard work in fertile farm fields. To touch rich soil of Soviet Union is what she is being made for! She is doing many things--she is laying fertilizer, helping with harvest of big Soviet wheat crop which is being sold for many rubles to hungry Americans. pulling heavy loads through fields, and planting many acres wheat which is later being harvested and sold for many rubles to hungry Americans. All farmers from all over Soviet are much admiring Olga and are wanting to mount her. And why not, we are asking? Olga, as you are seeing in photographs here, is some well-built piece! Have sturdy frame, firm and pretty seat, one real classy chassis, nice headlights and best-looking knobs in all of Soviet! Soviet farmers are surely knowing good thing when they see! And great many farmers have had Olga for workmate. Originally coming from small factory town outside Kiev, Olga has worked in many farms and even once was model in Peoples' Official Farming Exhibition in Moscow, where farmers have came to admire her parts! "Olga is good, strong farmworker," say Ukraine farmer Ivan Ivanovitch. "Every Soviet farmer should be having her!" You are better to be believing it, comrades!