Wheels for the Man Who Thinks Big

Alamborghini Miura? Here? In God's country? No way. No self-respecting man of the world, man of women, man with real hair on his balls would call on a ladyfriend in that roller skate.

Alfa Veloce Spiders, Porsche Targas, Ferrari GTs and Aston Martin DB-8s are all fine for teenagers, fine for cutting teeth on—nice playthings until a man has matured enough to take his rightful place in the world. When he has made it up the ladder and gained the security and respect that come with success, he should take that big step upward and climb into the perfect personal vehicle for today's man. He should not aspire to an exotic foreign machine whose power will first be emasculated by the Federal emission standards and then castrated by the gasoline situation. No, he should look for a domestic name—such as Kenworth, or Diamond Reo, or White Freightliner or Peterbilt. The personal vehicle for today's man in today's world.

How many of us, tooling along the freeway in a more mundane machine, have been blasted off the road by a tractor trailer tearing by with earth-shaking ferocity? Think of how those same tractors would perform without the burden of a trailer—or two—in tow. A diesel tractor without the trailer—the ultimate driving experience. Imagine the thrill testing your driving skill to the utmost, taking your Peterbilt along the Pacific Coast Highway or through the Vermont hills. Envision the superb handling, with ten wheels on the road, and the taut suspension, including a front axle rated at 12,000 pounds, all in that neat, short wheelbase. Imagine—13 forward gears and two reverses in that crisp Fuller gearbox. Why, you'd be able to teach Nuvolari a few things.

Why settle for a small, finicky, dual-overhead-cam engine, with its moody Weber carburetors, when you can get a turbocharged Caterpillar diesel with a displacement of almost 1100 cubic inches, weighs only a bit more than 3000 pounds, puts out 450 horsepower and twists out more than 1350 foot-pounds of torque? Torque, as you know, is what makes things move—and it will move your 15,000-pound Pete along fast enough to get a ticket anyplace you take it. Of course, you may not want the Cat 3408PTCA in your Pete; you may choose a Cummins engine, also turbocharged for more power and less noise from those gleaming, solidly erect exhaust pipes. Or you may opt for the newest, the Detroit Diesel 8V-92T. That's a V8 diesel engine with each cylinder displacing 92 cubic inches to give you 430 horsepower and enough torque to blow your mind.

As your selection of engines is myriad, so is your choice of practically everything else that goes into your custom-built Peterbilt. For you, along with Pete's engineers, decide which engine you want, what size, which slick-shifting gearbox, how many gears, whether you want two or three axles (the extra tolls are well worth it for that extra set of wheels), which drive ratios you'll be happiest with to get the most satisfactory performance from the rest of the drive line—whether climbing the Rockies, cruising along the interstates or tooling around town. And you'll find power steering worth it for parking downtown. Then you decide what appointments you want in that distinctive, taut aluminum body, painted any one of Peterbilt's more than three dozen color combinations or, if you prefer, painted in a design of your own, in any colors you choose, to personalize the vehicle and label it you. In the interior of that eight-foot-wide cab, you'll find it well worth the extra $240 or so for an air-cushioned driver's seat, a seat that makes certain that the big steering wheel will never get in your way, no matter what position you happen to find yourself in. And it should never get in your way—not with a $1040 air-conditioned master bedroom right behind the seat. It is imperative in this vehicle to have a twin-sized bed, with piped-in stereo music, climate-controlled temperature and insulated, cushioned walls (a perfect place to hang your original Mucha poster). All this goes wherever you do to comfort you on those long nights out.

In addition to the driving excitement that comes with owning a big purple Pete is the just as real, and just as powerful, static excitement. There you are, sitting at a stop light, ten feet above the road with a maze of switches and gauges in front of you, around you and even above your head, gauges and controls for things that lesser men don't even know exist, let alone are necessary for the better automotive life. Air pressure? Most men think that has to do only with tires. Front and rear drive-line temperature? (What the hell is that?) Sitting at an intersection on those three-foot-tall tires, with, of course, aluminum wheels, and feeling the power surging beneath you—literally—since you are actually sitting on top of the engine, you can see over the roofs of the other vehicles to calmly survey the traffic situation and, always, enjoy the view, while all the other drivers can see, in total frustration, is your chrome bumper, level with their windshields.

And so, as you and a ladyfriend roll off, long into the night, perhaps two states away, to catch The Maltese Falcon at a drive-in where you are certain to be the center of attraction, you know you won't have to worry about running out of gas, not with two chromed 100-gallon saddle tanks full of cheaper, plentiful diesel fuel tucked under the cab. You know you won't have to ruin every Friday night waiting in line to fill up. No, you'll be out on the road enjoying life. And what a way to enjoy it, indeed. Watching a movie through that distortion-free, full-cab-width, unique four-piece windshield—no squinting and nobody's roof in your way—and you can even watch from bed.

There is nothing to match this distinctive, luxurious and yet so sporty Peterbilt cab-over as the perfectly individualized personal vehicle for today's man and his companion. You'll find it well worth its over $40,000 price and six-month wait to have it built just for you. But, alas, what do you do when there are more than just the two of you? The intimate tractor trailer will not suffice. Then you must turn to one of your other vehicles—say, your fire engine.

What better way for the superb host to take a group of friends for an old-fashioned picnic than in—and on—an American La France pumper? You can not only carry all your friends, food and other picnic diversions but you can also carry and deliver all the liquid refreshment anyone could desire. Think of it: a beautiful Sunday in late August, a sunny and warm morning that promises to be not too hot—what a day for a picnic! The only drawback is that almost everybody else in town has the same idea and those who haven't are on their way to the beach. The roads are jammed past capacity. You, however, will be a model of virtue in your single vehicle, conserving gallons of fuel, and you will be rewarded for your unselfishness. You can beat all that traffic by riding right down the fire lane. Why, you have only to ring the bell at intersections, and if your town has the Opticom emergency-traffic-control system, you won't even have to do that; you'll be able to change all your traffic lights to green as you approach them. You'll be out of town and out of traffic in no time. And if the unforeseen happened, you could have your picnic right there on the truck. By removing the 1500 feet of hose, you would reveal more than enough room for a party. Of course, if you order a portable, light-giving gasoline-powered generator and accompanying spotlights, you can have that party well into the night. And when the picnic is over, no matter where you have it, Smokey the Bear will not have any complaint with the way you leave the area, despite the size of the bonfire.

In 1832, when John F. Rogers started his fire-extinguisher company in New York, he could not have imagined that almost 150 years later his company would be turning out the epitome of elegant yet practical fun vehicles—the American La France. The Century Series pumper, powered by the venerable Detroit Diesel six-cylinder diesel, offers such indispensable features as a stainless-steel 500-gallon booster tank that is warranteed for five years, in this day of ever-shortening and limited automotive warranties. The cab and pumper sections of this truck are flex-jointed for improved road-ability and handling. And in the luxurious cab, there is indirect heat to keep you warm and comfortable in the most adverse weather, as well as five separate seats, each one having a fine view of the road through optional electric windows. Offered, of course, are optional armrests, along with your own gold-leaf decal designs and paint job. After all, you'll want the sharpest $75,000 rig on the block, with a stainless-steel bumper and double chrome towing hooks, along with that highly practical and yet so elegantly designed oversized lighted chrome pump-gauge panel on the side of the truck—a panel that conveniently swings out of the way for servicing the double impeller pump, capable of delivering 1500 gallons of whatever liquid you may be serving, per minute, forcing it through three-inch hose, to make sure everyone gets his share. Of course, the diamond plate decks are all aluminum to end the perennial painting problem. And the siren, air horns and bell are all chromed, so you won't worry about corrosion, no matter how wet it gets.

And, wet or dry, your fire engine always looks right. After all, how can it miss, with all that stainless steel and (concluded on page 270) Big Wheels (continued from page l84) chrome glistening beneath those gold decals and the red paint? With those blazing looks and elegant features, your La France will be just as comfortable going formal. When you have this beauty in your stable, it will be on the go often, formal and informal, for you'll have to be prepared to be the chauffeur for large theater parties and other get-togethers. But chauffeuring will be a pleasure as you move that 25,000-pound, almost-30-foot-long truck through town; for, despite its size, it has a turning radius of a mere 25 feet, with the 265-hp diesel meeting all your power demands, driving or pumping (as it must, to be approved by the strict Underwriters' Laboratories. How many people can claim to have a vehicle that is U.L. approved?). Yes, you and your friends will be quite the envious sight as you drive through town—gowns and tails blowing in the breeze—and head for the opening of the opera season.

As good as your La France looks going formal at night, it performs chores during the day, such as filling the pool in a hurry or helping you wash itself, as well as the rest of your stable or even your house. It will feel right at home, too, when you perform certain civic duties, such as fetching errant kites and kittens from trees. But such tasks cleave easily to the successful, respected man.

A solid and concerned citizen of the community should also have a vehicle that caters to that aspect of him and, at the same time, is useful around the grounds. When the frost thaws and the scars of the long winter are visible, you may feel the need for a little landscaping or home improvement. What could be better for you than an Autocar dump truck or a Crane Carrier Company cement mixer or, if you're not too strapped for money, both? (It would be well worth the little more than $100,000 to get the two.) The regal Autocar, with its classic hood and angular three-piece fenders, would elegantly grace anyone's garage. In addition to being useful for porting a new collection of bonsai trees and topsoil for the front yard, or perhaps fresh clay for the tennis courts, that massive Autocar dump truck, with its just-won't-quit work-horse Cummins engine, has multiple uses for the sharp-thinking man. It can certainly be handy for carting away the trash after a party or even for taking home a few guests who have spent a little too much time at your La France pumper. And with its towering ground clearance and low gearing, you'll have no trouble driving everybody downtown after a two-foot snowfall.

The C.C.C. cement mixer, distinctive with its utilitarian offset one-man cab, also never runs out of worth. What with pouring concrete for the new pool or redoing the driveway or patio, it won't even be breathing hard. And think of how easily it can mix up a batch of cocktails, either to serve on the spot or be pumped from the La France; or you can save time and mix them on your way to a BYOB party. For a quiet, relaxing night at home, what better way to be lulled to sleep than by its soothing, rhythmic rumble?

To round out your stable of highly personal vehicles, you will need a small knockabout everyday vehicle for running downtown or stopping at your tobacconist's. After all, when the weather between you and the shopping center gets a little sloppy and the craving for an enchilada comes upon you, there's no sense getting muck all over the aluminum wheels of your cab-over and it's foolish to haul the dump truck across town for a bottle of cognac. A knockabout is therefore a necessity. Especially one that can carry not only you and your purchases but also a friend or two and theirs. And what more perfect balance between practicality and luxury could one hope for than a Cadillac station wagon?

Few people realize that America's most noted auto maker has, in addition to its traditional line of personal cars, a station wagon that bears all the elegant features of its brothers yet has a tremendous, sumptuously luxurious cargo area that can easily carry another passenger. You should definitely order from a local supplier a special rear passenger container (they come in an infinite selection of styles and colors, ranging from Spartan pine to brass-handled, satin-cushioned, double-doored solid-mahogany models) to neatly fit into the rear of your Cadillac.

Despite being a knockabout and light-cargo-carrying vehicle, this wagon, which comes in basic black, features all the appointments (including rear-window curtains) and technologically advanced features that have made the Cadillac name synonymous with fine motoring. Foremost of these is the extremely quiet, almost tomblike silence of the ride that can best be filled with your favorite organ recitals or Gregorian chants played on Cadillac's superior tape deck.

This is the vehicle for those restful, solitary afternoon drives in the rain. And when you decide you no longer want to be alone, all you need do is turn on your headlights. Suddenly, you will have a following.

The Cadillac station wagon has the kind of strength and durability to last you a lifetime and a week. After all, you must remember, a hearse—as the brochures insist on calling it—is everyone's most favored last vehicle.

With this collection of diversified yet highly striking and practical vehicles, each one bearing the stamp of a well-to-do, successful man, you should be fully equipped to handle all situations—automotively, at least.

"As good as your La France looks going formal at night, it performs chores during the day."