For some time now, women have been wearing jeans that are so tight that they appear to be a seamed, blue condensation on the skin. All of this is perfectly fine with us, of course, but it does make one wonder how in the world women get into them. We thought we'd do some field research on how it's done. On a random tour of two chic New York jeaneries, Fiorucci and The French Jean Store, we looked on as two women wiggled their way into the lean look. As one jeans fitter put it, "Your eyes should bulge when you first put these on." In addition to bulging eyeballs, the women experienced puckered crotches, the rearranging of lower-torso internal organs and shortness of breath. There are a couple of methods of squeezing one's buns into denim bondage. At Fiorucci (bottom), our girl goes it alone; huffing, puffing and stuffing, until, Mama mia, a compromise between flesh and fabric is reached. Cheeks and balances, so to speak. However, at The French Jean Store (top), the salesmen are eager to supervise the progress. Once the girl is able to pull the jeans over her hips by violently jumping up and down, help arrives to squeeze from the side of the zipper. In special cases, the help lays the girl out flat on her back on a table and, using a pair of pliers, yanks the zipper into place, often shearing away pubic hair in the process. As a final touch, the backside of the jeans is sprayed with water to loosen the fabric and the girl is told to do deep knee bends. Why do women undergo this torture? One girl we interviewed told us while trying a pair of jeans two sizes too small for her, "Over the past month, I've dropped ten pounds and my old boyfriend. I'm trolling for new prospects." She must be, because we're hooked.
