Solar Power

The Beach is a great place to beat the heat. And it's the only corner of the world where you can indulge yourself in full public view. Treat your eyes--watch the stripped-down version of those lovely bodies you wondered about all winter. Treat your body--let the hydro and solar therapy get at your uptight muscles and clogged pores. Treat your mind--vacate the premises completely. Ponder questions like, "When does a wave decide to break?" or "What exactly is a freckle?" (The answers are inside.) Admittedly, there are risks in beach partying--so read this and you'll know what's good for you. One early word of caution: Wearing lots of bright, reflective jewelry can get you in trouble with sharks. So if you must swim with Sammy Davis Jr., try to do it in the pool at Caesars Palace.

Shore Enough

You probably think of sand castles as the exclusive enterprise of six-year-olds with cartoon-covered buckets. But what is stopping you from becoming the Frank Lloyd Wright of the sand dunes? You can build a replica of the Tower of London or the ancient home of Edward, the Black Prince, with just a spatula and a trowel. Pick up a copy of Jan Adkins' wonderful book The Art and Industry of Sand-castles and learn all about crenelations and barbicans and moats. With a little practice, you can cover the beach with models of the Great Wall of China and move on to more swinging constructions like Playboy Mansion West (see example at right). Don't get too attached to your creations, though. Remember that the tide giveth and the tide taketh away.

Rub It In

Be careful when you're uncovering parts of your body that normally don't get exposed to the sun. You'll find one example at left. It helps to take a friend along to apply protective sun screen (lotion, that is) to the vulnerable parts. Don't forget the tops of your feet. They can get painfully burned, whether you're lying down, standing up or sitting in a rowboat. Tanning is nature's reaction to sunlight. Our skins contain melanin in varying amounts. Sunlight--specifically, solar radiation--stimulates melanin production, which results in a suntan. The more melanin, the darker the skin. If it is unevenly distributed, you'll get freckles, but that certainly didn't do Sissy Spacek any harm. As far as we're concerned, a suntan is only as good as the body wearing it. Keep these tips in mind while you're soaking up that sun, whether you're basking on a beach blanket or doing some vertical tanning in a volleyball match. Cover your head. A burned scalp is easy to get and pure anguish when you part your hair the next day. If you perspire heavily or play in the surf, reapply tanning lotion often. Drink plenty of liquids--dehydration causes sun sickness. What to drink? We'll get to that later.

Do You Love Me, Do You, Surfer Girl?

Early in the Sixties, the beach party as secluded rendezvous gave way to orgiastic mix of fast cars, sun and surfing. The rage centered in Southern California, where beaches were celebrated for their awesome curls as well as their awesome girls. Landlocked teenagers from Omaha and other inland ports wore Hang Ten T-shirts, while curious phrases like hangin' five and walkin' the nose entered the national lexicon faster than a fuel-injected Sting Ray. Dick Clark even took American Bandstand to the beach. When they heard the surf music of Dick Dale and the Del-Tones, American youth power-shifted into surfdom. Back then, the Beach Boys were the hottest musical blondies around. Through song, they immortalized the surfer way of life, not to mention a new beach etiquette: You put on your baggies and huaraches, drove your Woody to the beach and, with luck, left with a surfer girl at your side--only after you had "watched her on the shore, standing by the ocean's roar," natch.

Recently, we checked in with Mike Love, Beach Boy and coauthor of the song Fun, Fun, Fun. He returned our call from the hot tub of his Santa Barbara beach house. Honest--we heard him splashing. Apparently, huaraches and baggies are out--Mike just wraps his towel around his waist over trunks and wanders out to his favorite seashore--right behind his house. Because he considers a woman's physical fitness her key attraction, Mike advises everybody to get down to summer weight before hitting the beach. His fondest beach memory? The time he rolled in the surf with a real live Honolulu lulu on the island of Kauai. We inquired whether or not he'd invite Annette Funicello to his beach party. "I'd have to think about that--more likely Earth, Wind & Fire," he demurred. Sorry, Annette.

Ancient Greeks, Romans and Egyptians were also known to head for the seashore, but Americans have made a ritual out of it. Here are period postcards from 1940, above, and 1907, above right, to let you see what your forebears did for fun in the sun. A choice activity for contemporary beachniks is tubing with a friend in a giant inner tube, right.

Beach Moves

If you've been watching the afternoon movies on television for the past few years, chances are you think beaches were invented by some Hollywood producer as backdrops for footage of Frankie and Annette getting the urge and then not doing it. After a heavy dose of such movies, you might think nobody ever won at beach-blanket bingo. But it can happen. The bad news is that the irritations of sex on the strand may outweigh the advantages. First, remember that sand causes friction. Just as it grates on the focus apparatus of a telephoto lens (kkrruckg), it can foul up the anatomical works. As you know, the body comes equipped very nicely with convenient antifriction lubricants that can make life a dream. But when you hit the sand, your dreams of Suddenly, Last Summer may fade into Sands of Iwo Jima. An assignation on a pebble beach isn't so wonderful, either. Look for a patch of grass or take an air mattress. Remember, you're supposed to be doing this in a secluded rendezvous. Don't hold us responsible for local ordinances and run-ins with members of the constabulary.

Take your love to the beach. It's only natural that after you get to know her you'll want to see more and more of her; these barely essential swimming togs by designers Kamali and Elon will let you see almost all of her. And she'll be glad to know that certain sensitive areas are protected from abrasion and sand flies. The miracle of Lycra spandex makes the suits fit snug and dry fast. Quite a difference from the demure attire shown at top. Kind of makes you believe in evolution, no?

Fun Fax About The Beach

1. The best way to get tar off your feet--rub them with salad oil.

2. Don't be fooled by voyeurs at nude beaches--they're the ones with the metal detectors and black shiny shoes.

3. If you are stung by a jellyfish, rub the sting with meat tenderizer to reduce the pain (and improve the flavor).

4. The safest place to be during a thunderstorm? Behind a sand dune.

5. It is illegal to eat or drink anything on the beach in the town of Ocean Beach, Long Island.

6. It is not true that sweating a lot will prevent you from getting a sunburn.

7. The bluest water occurs where there is the least amount of sea life.

8. Flotsam is anything from a ship that is found floating in the water. Jetsam is any part of a ship or its cargo that has been washed ashore.

9. Dark sand absorbs heat and burns your feet, while white sand reflects heat, giving you a sunburn but keeping your feet cool.

10. Where do beaches come from? Soft, powdery Bahamian sand is made of crushed coral and shells. If sand is black, it's probably volcanic. If the beach consists of cantaloupe-sized rocks, you are on the Riviera and are paying dearly for your sore feet.

11. When does a wave decide to break? When the water depth becomes less than one seventh of the distance between wave crests.

So you brought your Sony Sound-about to the beach, but the Berlitz Urdu tapes just aren't working out? How about a just-for-the-beach cassette? Start with School Is Out, either by originator Gary U. S. Bonds or by Ry Cooder. Then build to a climax with 87 more minutes of hot wax. Some suggestions: Debussy's La Mer, any version you choose; Morgana King's rendition of Summertime; Linda Ronstadt's of Blue Bayou; Boz Scagg's We're All Alone; Sonny Rollins' St. Thomas; Eric Clapton's Lay Down Sally; Jimmy Buffett's Cheeseburger in Paradise; Bob Seger's Hollywood Nights; The Rolling Stones' Hey Negrita; Heat Wave sung by Martha and the Vandellas; The Eagles' Desperado; and the Beach Boys' Surfin' U.S.A.

This one's for the sipper. The trio below may soon need the pause that refreshes. But before they do that, a Blue Hawaii (two parts vodka, one part blue curaçao) will help them get a little crazy. Take a pump jug of that stuff along and you'll get a little crazy, too.

How to Have a Clam Bake

Your basic seaside clambake is a primal event, one you should not miss this summer. You get earth, wind, fire and water in large doses, plus one of life's great meals and a chance to run off and screw in the cranberry bog while dinner cooks on the beach and wine chills in a tidal pool. Debates over the proper contents of a real Down East clambake will probably never end, but everyone agrees that you need a narrow beach (be sure to check the tides first!) with plenty of rocks and driftwood. First you pile the wood atop the stones and ignite. Drag lots of seaweed out of the water (here's where the narrow beach comes in handy) and toss it onto the glowing rocks. Add clams, lobsters, corn on the cob and chicken to the pile and cover with more seaweed. Other ingredients, from hot dogs (very déclassé) to crabs or mussels, are optional. Now fish the white wine out of the ocean and start the party. After 30 minutes, blow a whistle and reassemble everyone who has disappeared into the dunes. Dinner is served. If you've done everything right, someone will have remembered to bring along the melted butter.