Honky-Tonk Angels

It was back in the mid-Fifties that Hank Thompson, the immortal country-and-western singer-songwriter, wrote the tune Wild Side of Life, which includes the line "I didn't know God made honky-tonk angels." Well, until a few months ago, we were operating under the same delusion. Since then, we've made a few discoveries. One, country music is now the hottest category in the music business. Two, the basic honky-tonk has grown into a rip-roaring, coast-to-coast, pleasure-palace phenomenon. And, three, there are more beautiful women per square (text concluded on page 318)Honky-Tonk Angels(continued from page 191) inch in these country palaces than there are fleas on a pack of hound dogs. For the uninitiated, that's a lot of beautiful women.

Even more surprising is the fact that some of these new big-time honky-tonks are smack-dab in the middle of big cities--Yankee cities, at that. They're packing them in like steers going to market and there's not a decent drawl in the bunch. You'll see the local dentist in a pair of ostrich Tony Lama's, stockbrokers in a feather-banded Resistol, Vegas high-rollers in rhinestoned shirts from Nudies. You can call them cowboy duds if you want to, but the fact is, the dress code is strictly American. Psychosocial implications notwithstanding, these threads are more us than anything Giorgio Armani ever designed. They feature flash, swagger and comfort. To paraphrase the Smothers Brothers, "If you get an outfit, you can be a cowboy, too." Of course, once you get the outfit, you've got to learn to wear it properly: Jeans go outside the boot tops, unless you have at least four oil wells. Thumbs always go inside the waistband or hooked in the front pockets. Straws should not be worn past Labor Day in the North. Belt buckles should be large enough to prevent the touching of toes. And, of course, accessories should be limited to a long-necked beer bottle carried in the hand while jawing or tucked in the back pocket while dancing. Then you've got it. You're ready to mosey. (Lots of folks confuse moseying and sidling. Moseying requires a fer piece to go, but you can sidle in an area the size of a horse stall.) As to where to mosey, we've got a couple of suggestions: In New York City, try the Lone Star Cafe, with live music onstage and a live crowd listening. Show up with any polyester on your bod and you will be directed to Xenon.

In Miami--Fort Lauderdale, it's Cowboy's. Cowboy's has not only a mechanical bull to break your bones but also a Western boutique, should you split your jeans while riding it.

In Las Vegas, you'll find cowpokes and gamblers gathering at The Country Club. The jukebox does not pay off; so don't stand around waiting after you put your quarter in.

Kansas City cowpunchers mosey to Jerry's Westport Country Playhouse. Now in its fifth year, the Playhouse features live bands that specialize in country rock. Learn the Texas swing before you go.

Peabody's in Minneapolis holds some 1776 people, but if you're the 1777th, they'll find a spot for you. They have an electronic game room for pinball freaks and a mechanical bull for hard-riding freaks.

Rocky Mountain trail riders wet their whistles at Rodeo in Denver. Don't be surprised to find a ski parka under some of the Stetsons there.

Ranchers, gentlemen farmers and real live cowboys populate the Electric Stampede in Phoenix. Sit in the house barber chair and order a margarita. They'll tip you back and pour the ingredients, unmixed, down your throat.

At Rodeo in Chicago, some nights--try Sunday--the girls outnumber the guys three to one. More Budweiser is sold there than anywhere else in the city besides the Stadium.

Cowboy in Houston and Cowboy in Dallas are both part of a chain of seven country palaces. Houston has the younger crowd, which dances to taped and d.j.-played country sounds. The polka and two-step are favored. Dallas crowds are slightly older and slightly richer. It's the home of Texas chic and the occasional Dallas Cowboy. A three-piece suit is not uncommon there.

The Blue Eagle in Atlanta opens at eight P.M. Grab a long-necked beer bottle and do a little buck dancing to the live country bands.

The recording industry in Nashville chooses Cactus Jack's. Moosehead beer is the chosen brew. Ride the bull, eat nachos and dance the cotton-eyed Joe.

In Seattle, drink your margarita out of a Mason jar at the Rio Cafe. The barbecue and potato skins are especially nutritious. Business types mingle with the college crowd on the big weekends.

Those were the places we scoured in our search for the quintessential urban cowgirl, the true honky-tonk angel. And, to tell you the truth, we had a ball doing it. It took six photographers half a year to do the job and, as usual, there were a lot more women willing to be a part of this pictorial than we could possibly use. To those who were left out, we send our sincerest regrets. To those who made it, our heartiest congratulations. Chances are we left out a lot of good country palaces, also. The way this phenomenon is going, every city in the nation has or will soon have its own chic watering hole. A simple mosey is all you need to find one near you. Luckily, they have their own contingents of honky-tonk angels, too. Y'all have a good time, now, heah.

"Some of these new big-time honky-tonks are smack-dab in the middle of big cities."