The Playboy Readers' Sex Survey

part one

In the beginning was the questionnaire. Almost two years ago, the editors of Playboy decided to launch an investigation into the sexes. As part of a seven-part series of articles (Man and Woman, Playboy, January–July, 1982), we prepared a questionnaire consisting of 133 queries about sexual behavior, habits and attitudes. We enlisted the aid of some of the most knowledgeable people in the field: Marcia Lipetz and Janet Lever, sociologists from Northwestern University who specialize in sex-role research. Psychologist Carol Tavris, who co-authored The Redbook Report on Female Sexuality, and Richard Jaffe, who heads a polling firm called the Institute for Social Action, served as consultants on the final drafts.

What exactly did we want to find out? What had been asked before? Did we allow room for surprises? What could our readers teach us about sex? We pretested the survey on willing volunteers: Members of an all-men's bowling league answered the questionnaire, as did a women's consciousness-raising group and a sex-roles class at a local university. The questionnaire went through numerous revisions; we added questions until the last minute, stopping only when the presses began to roll. We knew we had something, but we were not prepared for the astonishing response from Playboy readers.

The answer sheets began to arrive within days of the questionnaire's appearance in our January 1982 issue. We stacked them in an empty office, in lots of 100, and piled up considerably more than 100,000 responses. Even though we had declared a six-week deadline, questionnaires still keep pouring in from all regions of the U.S., from all corners of the world. Four out of five have come from men, one out of five from women. The breakdown reflects our audience, which is 80 percent male, 20 percent female. The volume of the response was noteworthy. In his landmark studies of sex in the U.S. in the Forties, Alfred Kinsey reported on 5940 women and 5300 men. Shere Hite interrogated 3019 women and 7239 men for the 1976 Hite Report on female sexuality and the 1981 Hite Report on Male Sexuality. Morton Hunt, the author of the Playboy series Sexual Behavior in the 1970s, tried to replicate the Kinsey studies with a survey of 2026 Americans. More recently, Redbook reported on 2278 married women drawn from 100,000 readers who responded to a questionnaire, while Cosmopolitan did a close analysis of 15,000 readers out of 106,000 respondents. The 1982 Playboy survey was different from the last two because it could compare the answers of large numbers of men and women responding to the same questions. We did not try to get a statistically random sample. Our readers do not constitute a cross section of America. (Neither did Kinsey's nor Hunt's participants.) What we can do is talk about the people who are willing to talk about sex; to quote Kinsey, the people "who have believed in the research strongly enough to contribute their histories." If you've ever wondered about the private behavior of a significant number of Americans who grew up during the sexual revolution, this is the place to find out.

The people who answered our questionnaire meet two requirements: They are readers of Playboy and they are interested in sex. Compared with the population at large as reflected in the census figures, the people who answered our survey are younger, more educated and more affluent. The women in our survey are similar in many respects to those who answered the Cosmopolitan and Redbook questionnaires. But it would be a mistake to underestimate the diversity of our group. There are large numbers of people in every major sociological category, people of all ages, all walks of life and all known sexual preferences. Eight out of 20 are single and have never been married; an equal number are married at present. One in 20 is living with someone. In an unprecedented statistical procedure for a sample this size, Playboy ran every response that it received (continued on page 241)Readers' Sex Survey(continued from page 108) by May 15 through a computer except those that were incomplete, illegible or masticated by the U.S. Mail. The figures given here are based on returns from 65,396 men and 14,928 women—almost seven times as many people as Kinsey reported on. If you answered the questionnaire, we've done our best to make sure you are represented here.

The early returns told us we were on to something. Our readers had taken the questionnaire and used it to find out about themselves. One man sent one answer sheet to describe his sex life with his wife and another one for sex with his mistress: "The reason is because I have entirely different answers in my married life (going on 13 years) and in regard to a wonderful affair with a married lady (going on four years plus, with no end in sight). Because of this affair, my actual age is 49 going on 19." Roommates filled out the questionnaire separately and sent their responses stapled together. The write-ins were instructive: We saw where our categories faltered and our readers' experiences began. (In answer to question 56, "How did you lose your virginity?" someone had penciled in: "Mexico," as though that explained everything.)

Then the real fun began. We hired a team of data analysts and programming consultants—Richard Hay, Jr., and Richard Fritz—who translated the responses into computerized data. We found ourselves with more than 2000 pages of print-out. Miles of paper whose alternating green and white bands were filled with bits of information. We felt like the lead character in TRON: Have program, will travel. Sociologists Janet Lever and Rosanna Hertz pored over the data, looking for significance amid the statistics. The questionnaire revealed not a profile of the average American but a picture of the veterans of the sexual revolution. The men who answered our questionnaire defy stereotyping. The women who answered are the most liberated females ever revealed by a national sex survey. The answers taught us a lot about sex; this article is the first of a series that will be insightful and controversial.

We will run articles on the full range of sexual experience: how your lifestyle and marital status affect the kind of sex you have (do singles get more than marrieds?). We will examine the curious world of sexual preference (to paraphrase Woody Allen, does being a bisexual double your chances of getting a date on Saturday night?). We will shed light on the basics (masturbation and oral sex) and on the kinky. We will tell you everything you have told us about yourselves.

First things first

As we pored over the first print-outs, certain answers caught our attention. The questionnaire began with a series of questions designed to test the waters. We wanted to find out if our readers are enthusiastic or disillusioned about sex. Much of what we have read in recent years—specifically, in the Hite reports—suggests that the sexes are bitter, disappointed, angry and unsatisfied. We asked our readers four questions: "How would you rate your present sex life?" "How does it compare with your sex life five years ago?" "Do you think you're a good lover?" "How would you change your sex life if you could?"

A clear majority of men and women who answered our questionnaire are satisfied with their sex lives. More than half think their sex lives have improved over the past five years. Four out of five of our respondents—both men and women—think they are good lovers. (From reading their complete answer sheets, we'd say they know what they're talking about.)

When we asked our readers how they would change their sex lives, the responses were informative. We listed several choices and asked people to choose as many as they wished. Some 77,342 people answered, providing 324,979 suggestions for improvement. Men want more oral sex and more intercourse. They want their partners to initiate sex more frequently. Women want more intercourse, more foreplay and more oral sex. The moral: The more we learn about sex, the more we want.

The Daughters of the sexual revolution

In the past, mothers told their daughters that sex is something men want and women give; that women crave intimacy and barter sex; men crave sex and barter intimacy. But it is increasingly clear that that bit of wisdom was a disservice to both sexes: Women crave sex as well as intimacy; men crave intimacy as well as sex. Some of the more recent surveys—the Hunt report, the Cosmo report and the Redbook study—have suggested that women are the primary beneficiaries of the sexual revolution, that finally their behavior is catching up with men's. The preliminary statistical print-out of the answers to the Playboy questionnaire was broken down by gender. It was instantly clear that women have closed the gap, and then some. On question after question, the women who read Playboy went head to head with the men who read Playboy. By several measures, they have the men beat hands down.

We asked our readers who did what to whom, with how many and how frequently. Even before we compared our findings with those of past surveys (Kinsey's and Hunt's) to find how far we had come, we were struck by how similar the sexes are. Take the basics:

• Approximately 88 percent of the men and 74 percent of the women in our survey masturbate sometimes.

• About 95 percent of the men and women perform oral sex during lovemaking.

• Roughly 47 percent of the men and 61 percent of the women have tried anal intercourse.

• Nearly 36 percent of the men and 39 percent of the women have engaged in anal-oral contact.

The Big three

Economic gurus regularly gather to calculate the rise and fall of the standard of living. God knows what criteria they use. When it comes to the sexual standard of living, our mostly conservative mass media—Time magazine for one—are likely to deal with three variables: the age at which adolescents lose their virginity (the Loss-of-Innocence Index), the average number of partners (the Promiscuity Index) and the incidence of extramarital sex (the Infidelity Index). We found significant changes in all three areas, especially for women.

The Loss-of-innocence index

In our questionnaire, we asked readers when and how they lost their virginity. The answers are startling. To put the figures into perspective, let's review earlier studies. In the Forties, Kinsey's researchers found that 71 percent of the males and 33 percent of the females had lost their virginity by the age of 25. By 1972, the time of Hunt's survey, 97 percent of the males and more than 66 percent of the females had experienced sex by the age of 25. A decade later, the 25-year mark belongs on the trash heap of sexual history. Ninety-six percent of the males and 98 percent of the females in our survey lost their virginity by the age of 25. When we look at our statistics, we discover how profound the change is. Kinsey shocked a nation by suggesting that three percent of the women he studied had engaged in intercourse by the time they were 16. Thirty percent of our female respondents report that they lost their virginity before they were 16. (Only 26 percent of the male respondents engaged in sex by that age.) The average age for sexual initiation among the Playboy generation is 17.8 for men and 17.5 for women.

We know when and how. Sixty-one percent of the women (compared with 38 percent of the men) say they lost their virginity in a serious relationship. Forty-five percent of the men (compared with 27 percent of the women) say they lost it in a casual relationship. Eight percent of the men visited a prostitute for their first time.

Young women today are losing their virginity at an earlier age. We found that 58 percent of the women in the Playboy survey who are currently under 21 lost their virginity before the age of 16. Only 38 percent of the men in the same age group did so. Consider the chart at right, comparing age of first intercourse among females and males by generation.

These figures indicate an intensification of a trend that's been evident for some time. In a nationwide survey conducted by social scientists John Kantner and Melvin Zelnik in 1976, 18 percent of the women studied said they had had sexual intercourse by the time they were 15.

What does it mean? Kinsey found that for males, the age of first intercourse was a critical factor. Men who started early did more of everything. The Redbook study confirmed that relationship for women. It compared age of initiation against a variety of behaviors. Early initiates did more. Fifteen seemed to be the magic number. Playboy verified that finding. The men and women who start early go on to have more active and varied sex lives. In comparison with men who start later, they are more likely to enjoy oral sex frequently, to have tried anal sex, to have had 25 or more partners and to have had a homosexual experience after adolescence. The Redbook study suggested that there was a burnout, that women who started early became disenchanted with sex. We found no evidence to support that theory. Women who start early are as satisfied as women who lose their virginity after they reach 16. Men who get it on early are more likely than late starters to be satisfied with their sex lives.

The high number of young sexual initiates points to another interesting development. Kinsey found that sexual behavior was directly related to the level of education. College-educated people had more sex and more varied sex than less-educated people. We found no connection between education and sexual behavior. If everybody is doing everything before he gets out of high school, that makes a kind of backward sense. It almost suggests that sex is no longer reserved for the rich and the educated.

In practice, the double standard is fast disappearing. But attitudes may be lagging behind behavior. In our questionnaire, we asked whether or not our readers would be disturbed if their daughters had sex by the age of 16. Half of the men and women say they would be. In contrast, only 18 percent of the men and 29 percent of the women are worried about their sons' sexual initiation. Those old values die hard.

The Promiscuity index

Question 35 on our survey asked, "If you were about to marry, would you want him or her to have had a number of sexual partners?" Again, the responses reflect a double standard. Forty-one percent of the men and 57 percent of the women want a partner with experience. Fifty-three percent of the men and 37 percent of the women want to marry inexperienced partners, if not virgins.

Question 57 asked, "How many sexual partners have you had?" There are two useful ways to present the answers—by the mean (average) and the median. The mean, in this case, represents the number of partners divided by the number of respondents. But that figure can be distorted by extreme responses from a small number of individuals—the relative few who have done a lot to many, so to speak. The median can be a more useful figure. It represents the middle point among the respondents—half the people score higher, half score lower. The mean number of partners for the men in our survey is 19.8, with a median of 16.3. The mean number of partners for the women is 16.1; the median is 7.8. And the zipless fuck is alive and well. Thirty percent of our female respondents say that they have asked strangers to have sex. Four percent have asked and been turned down.

For years, men were expected to have all the experience. Now you are just as likely to run into a woman who has tasted the fruit of experience. You may find that she knows as much about sex as you do.

Does promiscuity lead to disillusionment or despair? The evidence suggests not. For both men and women, experience contributes to a good self-image. The more partners you've had, the more likely you are to say that you are a good lover. We also discovered an interesting discrepancy between the sexes. The more partners a man has, the more likely he is to say that he gets enough intercourse. The more partners a woman has, the more likely she is to say that she wants more intercourse.

The Infidelity index

Kinsey reported that about half of all married men and one quarter of all married women eventually fooled around. Twenty-five years later, Hunt found that the figure for men had not increased. Indeed, his figure was 41 percent. He suggested that young wives were catching up: They were three times as active as young married women in Kinsey's study. In our survey, 48 percent of the men and 38 percent of the women say that they have had an extramarital affair. When we break down the figures for extramarital sex by age and gender, we discover that among young marrieds, significantly more women are having affairs than men. We will analyze this phenomenon in a future issue.

Sexual heat

Next, we looked at a group of questions that were intended to give us a reading of the sexual temperature of our readers. We know that the culture has changed since Kinsey conducted his survey; acts that were too delicate to discuss 30 years ago have become common practice. We assume that people are doing more of everything, but not even we were prepared for the numbers.

For example, Kinsey claimed that up to 92 percent of the men in his sample masturbated at some point in their lives. By the age of 30, the single men who still masturbated did so with a median frequency of 30 times a year. Hunt found that up to 94 percent of his sample masturbated. By the age of 30, single men did so with a median frequency of 60 times a year. Nine out of ten men in our study still masturbate, with a median frequency of 140 times a year. The median frequency for women in our survey is 44 times a year, compared with 37 times a year for active single females for Hunt and 21 times a year for active single females in the Kinsey report.

The same kind of sea change can be seen in the figures for oral sex. Kinsey reported that fewer than 50 percent of the married men in America had ever engaged in oral sex of any kind. By the early Seventies, Hunt found that half again as many men had discovered oral sex. Six out of seven of the women surveyed by Cosmopolitan and Redbook had performed oral sex. Our figures suggest that oral sex has not just become acceptable, it has become an indispensable part of lovemaking.

More than half of the men and women in our survey say that they include oral sex almost every time they make love. Eighty-seven percent of the men enjoy giving head, as do 77 percent of the women. Oral sex is a critical factor in a woman's sexual self-image. Those who perform fellatio are more likely to say they are good lovers, while those who don't like to are more than three times as likely to say they are not good lovers. All things considered, they're probably right.

The figures on anal sex show change more clearly. Thirty years ago, Kinsey wrote: "Anal activity in the heterosexual is not frequent enough to make it possible to determine the incidence of individuals who are specifically responsive to such stimulation." In 1972, Hunt found that attitudes and behavior had changed. One quarter of his married sample occasionally included anal intercourse in their lovemaking. Approximately half of the married men and women who answered the Playboy questionnaire have engaged in anal intercourse. Of those, 13 percent do it more than once a month. Some 63 percent have tried forms of anal stimulation other than intercourse.

We've gotten the word from the sexual frontier: There's some good news and some bad news.

• At least a third of the men and women in our survey have engaged in public sex.

• A sizable minority (roughly a third) have had sex with more than one person at the same time.

• More than half of the men and women have had sex with more than one person in the same 24-hour period.

• Almost half talk dirty during sex.

• Two thirds of those sampled have used devices for sexual stimulation.

• Forty-seven percent of the men and 59 percent of the women have used drugs to enhance sex.

• Seven percent have engaged in S/M.

• One out of ten people we surveyed has had a venereal disease in the past five years. Of those, a disturbing three out of ten did not tell their partners about it.

• A third of the women we studied have had an abortion. That is not surprising when you look at the figures on birth control. Almost a third of our readers say they rely on withdrawal or blind luck.

We will have more to say about these findings in future issues.

Who's on top

Kinsey reported that the males he interviewed almost universally did it on top, in the missionary position. The woman-on-top position had been tried by one third of his sample. Hunt found that his respondents had tried several positions, but he did not ask for their preference. The 1982 Playboy survey asked readers to rate their favorite positions. There were some surprises. Fifty-three percent of the women chose male on top as their favorite position, while 25 percent preferred female on top. Men are more evenly divided in their preferences—37 percent chose male on top as number one, while 35 percent chose female on top as their favorite position.

An interesting side light—Kinsey found that only a small number of couples had tried the rear-entry position. The times have changed. Not only have people in our survey tried it—they've tried it enough that some favor it above all others. Almost 14 percent of the women and 20 percent of the men rank rear-entry sex as their favorite position for intercourse.

There are myriad ways to interpret those data: One theory suggests that there is no such thing as a dominant position—man on top, woman on top—it all adds up to sex. The man on top has a lasting popularity—a lot of women want the man to do the work. (Question 104 asked, "Do you think women want men to be dominant in relationships?" Fifty-eight percent of the women say yes. What can we say? It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.)

The State of the orgasm

Contrary to popular belief, orgasm is not the be-all and end-all of sex. We asked, "What's the best moment in intercourse?" Readers could choose among six answers: "Foreplay," "Penetration," "Genital stimulation," "When my partner comes," "When I come" and "The cigarette afterward." Some refused to settle for one answer and checked several. There were 23,516 extra responses. The most frequent response for men (36 percent) was that the best moment of intercourse is "When my partner comes." It seems men may be more caring than they have been given credit for (though just as goal-oriented). Of course, men do enjoy their own orgasms. Twenty-six percent chose that answer. Foreplay follows closely (24 percent). Penetration was selected as the best moment by 19 percent of the men. We asked men if they think they are good lovers and compared their answers with the frequency of their partners' orgasm. There is a direct relationship—the more frequently she reaches climax, the more likely he is to think he's good.

Unlike the men, the women most frequently chose foreplay (32 percent) as the best moment in intercourse. Like the men, the women enjoy their own orgasms. That response was chosen by 29 percent of the women. Undoubtedly, the most important difference is that only 23 percent of the female respondents list their partners' orgasm as the best moment of intercourse, ranking it fourth behind penetration (28 percent).

Female self-image is tied to the ability to come: Women who don't usually or never have orgasms were asked if they think of themselves as good lovers. They were more than twice as likely as orgasmic women to say no.

If the female orgasm is the standard by which we judge sex, what have we learned about the experience? A few years ago, Hite made headlines by suggesting that two thirds of all women have trouble reaching orgasm through intercourse. In contrast, Hunt found that 53 percent of the married women he surveyed reached orgasm all or almost all of the time. An additional 21 percent climaxed three fourths of the time.

Forty percent of the women in our survey are very orgasmic—they say that they never or rarely have intercourse without orgasm. Thirty-eight percent of them say that they sometimes have intercourse without orgasm. Only 20 percent report that they have difficulty reaching climax during coitus.

We discovered an interesting discrepancy: Seventy-seven percent of the men say that their partners reach orgasm always or usually. Only 40 percent of the women say that they come that frequently. How do we explain the difference? Question 59 asked, "Have you ever pretended to have an orgasm during sex?" Almost two thirds of the women have faked a climax. Perhaps more surprising is the revelation that 28 percent of the men have faked an orgasm at one time or another. At first, we were somewhat puzzled by such figures. If so many people can get away with faking an orgasm, are we really paying attention to each other? Apparently we are: Men and women substantiated each other's claims on another set of questions. We asked women how long it takes them to reach orgasm. The average is 11 minutes. When asked to estimate how long it takes their partners to reach orgasm, men suggested an average of 10.8 minutes. Men take an average of ten minutes to reach orgasm; women estimated that it takes their partners an average of 9.6 minutes. Those figures suggest that most men still come before most women.

For men, the threat of premature ejaculation lurks as a potential destroyer of the masculine ego. While our survey shows that coming too soon is an occasional problem for a majority of men, it's not the crushing blow that has been feared.

Eighty-one percent of the men admit that there are times when they feel they come too quickly (62 percent say it happens occasionally; seven percent, frequently). Fifty-one percent of the men who confess to premature ejaculation say that they deal with the problem by stimulating their partner in another way; 24 percent say they simply wait and start over. Question 29 asked, "From what activity do you get the most intense orgasm?" Thirty-nine percent of the women who answered cite intercourse; 33 percent, cunnilingus; and 22 percent, masturbation. (Men have the same preferences: Forty-six percent cite intercourse; 33 percent, fellatio; and 14 percent, masturbation.)

We asked readers to identify the most sensitive parts of their body. Judging from the number of responses, everyone has at least three sensitive areas. We got 224,667 choices, including a flood of write-ins for pleasure zones we neglected to mention. Three quarters of the women pick breasts. Sixty-nine percent cite genitals. In third place are lips, followed by ears. (Similarly, men cite genitals, lips and ears.)

What turns us on

Question four asked, "What's the most important quality in a good lover?" Question six asked, "What are the sexiest features in the opposite sex?" Question 100 asked, "What qualities attract you to a person of the opposite sex?" Question 101 asked, "What are the qualities you need in a steady lover?" And question 87 asked, "About whom or what do you have sexual fantasies?" For years, we have been told that men and women have different concepts of desire, that we are turned on by different things. To put it bluntly, men are supposedly turned on by anything that moves, while women need romance. Our survey puts an end to that bit of folklore. We discovered that men and women want essentially the same things. Both think the most important qualities in a lover are enthusiasm and gentleness (men favor enthusiasm, followed closely by gentleness, while women cite gentleness as the top quality, followed closely by enthusiasm). A small number of both agree that willingness to experiment is crucial. What attracts us to the opposite sex? Women cite looks, common interests, sense of humor, brains, sexual energy, money and power. The men's list is identical. (Looks are somewhat more important for men—55 percent rank them number one, compared with 33 percent of the women.) Apparently, men and women are looking for the same things in a steady lover, as well: Women list trustworthiness, intelligence, humor and sexual energy. Men cite trustworthiness, intelligence, looks and sexual energy. Surprisingly, money didn't seem to be a major consideration. When asked to name the sexiest features of the opposite sex, the majority of men answer breasts (67 percent), ass (63 percent) and eyes (56 percent). Women answer eyes (71 percent), ass (59 percent) and, in a tie for third, lips and genitals (36 percent). We've always known that men are girl watchers. It turns out that women are just as observant.

Does penis size matter? Roughly 80 percent of the men and women who answered our questionnaire do not think so. Men who say they are poor lovers tend to be hung up on penis size. There are no differences in self-image between women who think it's important and women who don't. Only 28 percent of the men and 26 percent of the women think breast size is important to a woman's sexiness.

We've been told that women don't respond to pornography as much as men do. Our study found just the opposite. Thirty-eight percent of the men and 42 percent of the women say they watch erotic movies occasionally for sexual arousal. Forty-seven percent of the men and 52 percent of the women say they read erotic books. Those figures are almost the same as those in the Redbook survey, in which 46 percent of the women said they frequently used movies or books for arousal.

Perhaps the most significant finding in this section concerns fantasy. Roughly half of the men and women report having sexual fantasies about strangers. A sizable majority say that they fantasize about close acquaintances. Forty-seven percent of the men and 30 percent of the women have erotic daydreams about coworkers. We eroticize our environment. Many of our readers felt that the list of choices we gave them—ranging from rock stars to sports figures—was too limited. There were some interesting write-ins (though the numbers are too small to be of statistical significance). Three percent of the men mention that they fantasize about centerfolds. (We love you guys.) Four percent of the women wrote in to say that they fantasize about their lover or mate (compared with one percent of the men). A tiny percentage mention having erotic fantasies about relatives and ex-lovers.

What makes us happy? Both men and women rank their priorities as love, family life, friends, sex and money—in that order. Men and women are not so different in their values. What surprises us is the low position given to work (women rank it sixth, men rank it seventh).

With the importance given by our readers to love and family life, it should prove interesting to examine the differences among various lifestyles. Part two of The Playboy Readers' Sex Survey, "Is There Sex After Marriage?" will examine the lives of the single, married, divorced, remarried and those who just live together. The initial findings are intriguing. It seems that the people who live together do more of everything and never seem to lose the flame. And it may be that divorced and remarried people learn from their mistakes and go on to more fulfilling sex lives. Look for it in the March issue.

how often do you do it? with whom? how many times a night? how many ways? do you enjoy it? are you a good lover? more than 100,000 readers responded to our questionnaire—their answers celebrate sex, love and lust

"Four out of five of our respondents—both men and women—think they are good lovers."

By James R. Petersen in collaboration with Arthur Kretchmer, Barbara Nellis, Janet Lever and Rosanna Hertz.