20 Questions: Bubba Smith

When Bubba Smith does his Miller Lite Beer commercials, the public sees a self-parodying giant. Opponents who faced the former Baltimore Colts All-Pro defensive end saw a different person—a football player whose just-published autobiography "Kill, Bubba, Kill!" is not inappropriately titled. Craig Modderno met with Bubba in Toronto, where he was filming the movie "Police Academy." His report: "Bubba is funny, shy, bright, soft-spoken and calls everyone Babe. His idea of a fun night on the town is taking a writer to a gym, asking the journalist his weight and then bench pressing twice that amount. People mispronounce his first name, but nobody ever makes fun of it."

1.

[Q] Playboy: In your book, you imply that the 1969 Super Bowl game between the Colts and the New York Jets was fixed. What makes you think so?

[A] Smith: We went into the game an 18-point favorite. The Jets weren't fit to be on the field with us. We had just set a record as the best defensive team in the N.F.L. I knew something was wrong the morning of the game. We got inside the 20- or 30-yard line three times the first half and came away with no points. A bookie in New York and members of the N.F.L. Players Association told me that the game was set up, because if the old A.F.L. didn't establish credibility with the N.F.L. by a certain year, the merger would never take place. That Super Bowl game, which we lost by nine points, was the critical year. The game just seemed too odd to me. Everything was out of place. I tried to rationalize that our coach, Don Shula, got outcoached, but that wasn't the case. I don't know if any of my teammates were in on the fix. I've never said anything to them about my suspicions, because I didn't want to believe it and I still don't. I love football.

2.

[Q] Playboy: How difficult would it be to fix a pro football game today?

[A] Smith: You'd need at least two key members of the offense to be in on it: a flanker to drop a few passes or fumble in a key moment and a quarterback to throw a key interception or to fumble. On the other hand, a defensive back's slipping at a key moment can result in an important touchdown for the offense. A missed downfield tackle can have the same effect. Everybody can fail. That's why fans don't question errors on the playing field.

3.

[Q] Playboy: Has organized crime infiltrated pro football?

[A] Smith: [Shakes head, pauses] You know just like I know, and everyone else does, too. Bookies know everyone who is hurt the day before the game, and that's not supposed to get out. How do you think they establish the betting odds? The owners control everything that happens in the N.F.L. If Pete Rozelle gets out of line and causes waves, the owners will fire him. I was told that the then–Baltimore Colts owner, Carroll Rosenbloom, bet $1,000,000 on the Jets in the 1969 Super Bowl. It was ironic that the next year, the Colts joined the American Football Conference, one of only three established N.F.L. franchises to do so. Where was Rozelle during all that? But the N.F.L. has been very good to me. It just happened that I was part of something I didn't think was right. There are no sour grapes on my part about that game, because later, we won the Super Bowl.

4.

[Q] Playboy: You filed a negligence lawsuit against the N.F.L. for a knee injury you received while running into a down marker during a Colts game against the Steelers. Were you amazed at the negative response you got from your fellow athletes?

[A] Smith: I saw people I admired lie for the N.F.L. Somebody was bought off. The judge had to keep telling the witnesses to make sure not to perjure themselves. I was a loyal Colt. When you put everything into an organization, as I did with the Colts, and you find out that it doesn't care, man, that shit hurts. The Colts knew I was damaged goods when they traded me to the Raiders. The league knew that also. The Colts had me practice the day I was traded. As soon as I tackled the quarterback, the coach screamed at me not to hurt myself. Later that night, I had to show rookie linemen how to tackle the quarterback for two hours. All this happened before they told me I was traded. And when I went to court, I realized why my salary tripled when I got traded. The N.F.L. claimed I was making my highest salary at the time I was saying I was hurt. [Raiders owner Al] Davis had to know I was damaged goods when he traded for me. Ed Garvey, the former head of the N.F.L. Players Association, wouldn't testify on my behalf, even though he was staying only 20 miles away. The Players Association should be happy that it's finally gotten rid of Garvey. In my opinion, he acted as if the N.F.L. owners owned him.

5.

[Q] Playboy: How widespread are payments to college athletes by alumni? Do some college jocks make more money than professional athletes?

[A] Smith: That depends on whom they have negotiating for them. Any university that's winning ball games is giving its athletes something extra to make college life easier. When I was 16, the University of Iowa lent me a car for a week and gave me money so I would put in a good word to my older brother Beaver to attend it. The schools make a lot of money from television on their athletic programs. I remember that after my junior year at Michigan State, three of my teammates had Dodge Darts. My football coach claimed thathe didn't know where they had gotten them, but they sure couldn't afford them. College teams today are just like the pros. They go after the best athletes money can buy.

6.

[Q] Playboy: Is the sexual drawing power of N.F.L. players exaggerated?

[A] Smith: If you're a ballplayer of any status, you run across at least three women in every city who want to play with you. When I was a young player, I had sex with more than 1000 women. It was an ego thing. When Mel Farr and I were roommates at the College All-Star game, a girl came up to our room. She told us she had been out with Jim Brown at a previous All-Star game. We couldn't have sex with her after that. We realized she was too old for us.

7.

[Q] Playboy: Can sex before a game sap a player's strength?

[A] Smith: It never did mine. I a theory that in order for me to he loose, I had to have sex the night before a game. If I was with a woman, it took my mind away from the tension or the importance of the game. If a girl ever got in a locker room during half time and had sex with a player, it wouldn't last (continued on page 172) Bubba Smith (continued from page 131) more than a few seconds. Players' minds are on other things. One summer, I bet my roommate I could have sex with more women than he could. I was averaging three women a day. After a while, it became tiresome. Sometimes, you reach a point where you're about to climax, then you shoot a blank. That happened to me, and it got scary. When you have to prove your manhood during sex, you start to lose interest. Who needs the hassle or the pressure?

8.

[Q] Playboy: Does sex with a cheerleader enhance team spirit?

[A] Smith: I've never had sex with a cheerleader. I'm allergic to pompons.

9.

[Q] Playboy: Can a homosexual player find happiness in the N.F.L.?

[A] Smith: Not if he goes looking for it in my hotel room. I had a teammate, a wide receiver on a pro team, who was a homosexual. I didn't know it for a long time. He had a hard-on all the time in the shower—and that's not normal in a shower room filled with guys who've practiced in the hot sun for a few hours. So I asked him about it. He told me he always got a hard-on when the water was really hot. I tried that and nearly burned mydick off. You know a player's gay if he's got a hard-on in the shower afterthe team loses.

10.

[Q] Playboy: How does a pro football coach motivate his players?

[A] Smith: He has to be a great actor. Coaches usually put you to sleep with their speeches. The players are pros. They know what they have to do to win. But they'll pay attention to a coach who's a little crazy. John Madden, who coached me at Oakland, is a super actor. He would make me laugh at half time. He'd say stuff like, "Let's go out and kick ass, like the Raiders of old." One day after I had just joined the Raiders and was trying to learn their system, Madden told me to watch him. He went over to the offensive unit and went crazy. He yelled, "What the fuck is this? Who the fuck do you think we're playing? We're playing Kansas City, you motherfuckers! You don't give a shit if we win." I was standing there thinking, What's wrong with this man? Then he screamed for them to get in a huddle and run a play. Everybody kicked ass on the play. Madden turned to me and said, "How was I?" I freaked out.

Davis used to shake his head at the players after practice to shame us into thinking we did badly and should play harder. So one time, I told him I was having some trouble with my old lady. You know what he told me? "What's she look like? The only thing you have to do is tell me and we can find one just like her." Was he going to clone my woman? Al said that would be no problem. Life with the Raiders was a strange head trip!

11.

[Q] Playboy: Describe a filming of a Lite Beer commercial.

[A] Smith: Filming the alumni commercial, where everybody is there, is like going to training camp. We're filming and partying for five days. It's a good time. The night before we did one commercial, I was assigned to look after Yankees manager Billy Martin. We were at a bar, and Billy had six vodka martinis. He was talking weird! I figured the only way I was going to understand him was to get on the same wave length with him, so I drank vodka real quick. Before I knew it, I had about ten drinks. Now I was starting to understand Billy, which was strange. We closed the bar and tried to find our rooms. I was so hung over the next day, I played some tricks on him. He was asleep on the set, so I put Tabasco sauce on his mouth. He woke up licking his lips and called me something you don't call a cat from the street.

12.

[Q] Playboy: Does Rodney Dangerfield get any respect? Or is he too Hollywood?

[A] Smith: I like Rodney, but he thinks he's a star. We might have an eight-o'clock call on the set, but Rodney wouldn't show up until ten. One day, he was late and everyone was pissed. Boom Boom Geoffrion said he was gonna kick his ass. You don't screw around with hockey players, 'cause you never know where they're hiding their stick. I went outside and I saw Rodney coming in. I said, "Rodney, the troops are a little pissed off." He started playing with his tie and making excuses. I told him I'd take care of everything. I went hack and told the guys, "Rodney doesn't care that he's late." [Grins] I just wanted to get some trouble started. Rodney came in and yelled Boom Boom's name. He suddenly got real tense. Everybody got quiet. Rodney said, "Boom Boom, I think I went out with your sister last night. Is her name Bang Bang?"

In one of the commercials, Dick Butkus and I had to grab Rodney. He was supposed to say, "I tell you, I get no respect." We shocked him so much by where we grabbed him that he yelled, "I tell you, I don't deserve no respect."

13.

[Q] Playboy: How tough is Dick Butkus?

[A] Smith: When Dick was playing football, he was the toughest player I'd ever seen. People don't realize that he's now studying to be a minister. We're also planning to do a television series together. The show will run for a long time, because it takes Dick a long time to learn his lines. He was on another planet when he was playing. He once said that he wanted to hit a player so hard that his head would fall off and roll down the field. To me, that's a heavy dude.

14.

[Q] Playboy: Is there anything about being black that white people would enjoy?

[A] Smith: The sexual myth. The way that black people dance. It's more fin spitting watermelon seeds if you're black. I've always been proud of the gap in my teeth because I can blow out the seeds through it. At one time, watermelon was considered the steak of the ghetto. A lot of blacks were just about brought up on it. Just because you got money doesn't mean that watermelon ain't good for you. I eat it all the time. You have to have a certain amount of class to spit out a watermelon seed properly.

15.

[Q] Playboy: What are the differences between white and black women?

[A] Smith: They're no different during sex except for their sound effects. White women are less vocal. It's the same when white women laugh. They'll go "Ha, ha, ha" and then suddenly stop. Black people often laugh not to be sad. And because black people know laughter is cheap.

16.

[Q] Playboy: What pisses off black people?

[A] Smith: Saying bad things about your mother. I don't care if you're Superman or Superfiy, you go on the streets and talk that trash and you're history!

17.

[Q] Playboy: Tell us—is what goes on in the locker room as juvenile as we suspect it is?

[A] Smith: When I was with Houston, we used to line guys' underwear with some red-hot stuff When a guy fell asleep in the whirlpool, we'd always throw electrical things at him. We got rid of a lot of rookies that way. When I was with Baltimore, some other players and I ate some marijuana brownies left by accident in the locker room. We were taking a shower and one of the players said, "Man, look how big these drops of water are!" I felt the same way. Guys in the locker room will do anything to create trouble. Also, players always tried to get women into their rooms the night before the game. In New York, I made a girl go out on the ledge. We were 12 floors up. The coaches checked everywhere. If I had been caught, it would have been a $2000 fine. The girl was a little cold when she got back inside. She was probably scared, too, but she was a good sport.

18.

[Q] Playboy: Many fans who watch Monday Night Football aggressively dislike Howard Cosell. Will you come to his defense?

[A] Smith: Yeah. Howard is probably the best thing to happen to black athletes. Before Howard, nobody in the media talked about Grambling University or Jackson State. TV sports didn't do profiles on black athletes. Howard made 0. J. Simpson bigger than life. He made you stay on top of your game, especially on Monday Night Football. You knew that if you were screwing up or getting beat on the line, Howard would tell the nation. If you shined, he would magnify your star regardless of your color. I walked into a restaurant one night where Howard and his wife were dining. His wife is a good friend and a great lady, considering she has to put up with him. I kissed her hello. Howard stood up and started screaming, "Where is the manager? Who is this black man kissing my wife?" I wasn't ready for that response, but that was Howard's way of having a good time.

19.

[Q] Playboy: For athletes, is there life after Astroturf?

[A] Smith: I don't think there's anything after Astroturf. When it's 90 degrees outside, it's 130 degrees on Astroturf. If a nuclear bomb is ever dropped on this country, the only things I'm certain will survive are Astroturf and Don Shula. Shula's about as hard emotionally as Astroturf. I call him the thug of pro football. That's not to take away from his brilliance as a coach. He'll find an opposing team's weakness and he'll run at that weakness until you make adjustments or die. You don't have to like Shula, but you have to respect what he does and can do to you. That's the same attitude I had toward Astroturf.

20.

[Q] Playboy: What things scare you?

[A] Smith: I was frightened the first time I was given some lines. That's lines of dialog to say in a movie, not cocaine. I'm scared of strangers' laughing unintentionally at what I do, he it either football or acting. The movie The Exorcist scared me. The idea that one could be possessed by Satan is a bitch. After seeing that film, I went home, got out my gun and set it on the night stand. That film did weird things to my head. The people living above me had a dog that I could hear walking across the floor. Man, I shot up the ceiling and almost killed the dog. Seeing The Exorcist scared me so much that I slept with the lights on all night. Let me tell you something: Big bad Bubba never sleeps with the lights on!

"Watermelon was considered the steak of the ghetto. A lot of blacks were just about brought up on it."