20 Questions: Shelley Long

Robert Crane had lunch with the effervescent Shelley Long at Michael's in Los Angeles. He reports, "Shelley is so cute, so sweet that I figured it must be a façade, that there was a dark side to her waiting to get out. Her collegiate good looks and enthusiasm about everything make me long for the Fifties--when lunch was a lot cheaper."

1.

[Q] Playboy: What do you think of women who go all the way on the first date?

[A] Long: Well, I love to travel, so far be it from me to judge anyone's traveling choices. Live in the moment. That allows you to make a decision based on how you feel. Having a passport doesn't hurt, either.

2.

[Q] Playboy: Do nice girls finish last?

[A] Long: Are there any nice girls left? If nice means you're always worried about the other person more than yourself, you're going to be in big trouble. If it means that you have compassion and some sense of priorities, you're going to do fine.

3.

[Q] Playboy: People do crazy things in college. What is something crazy you did that, perhaps, your parents never knew about?

[A] Long: I was artistically spontaneous, in the sense that I would talk to mailboxes. That came out of being in love. I once serenaded the people who were sitting in the lobby of the Palmer House hotel in Chicago. It came out of a real free spirit. I stood on the balcony of the mezzanine of the Palmer House, and the man that I was with at that time was sitting in the lobby and he was trying to hide under a newspaper, pretending not to know who I was. Somebody tapped me on the shoulder, and I turned around and it was Dick Shawn, and he said, "Are you a singer?" I said, "Sometimes." He said, "I'm doing a show here at the Empire Room. Would you like to come and see my show?" I said, "You see that guy who's hiding under the newspapers down there? I'm with him." He said, "Great. Bring him along. Come to my show." We did, and he came over to our table afterward and gave me some advice. I've always respected him.

4.

[Q] Playboy: Since you've moved to Los Angeles, do you tell the truth as much as you did before?

[A] Long: More than ever, because people find it so hard to believe. I enjoy shocking people. When your life is very rich, there's no need to avoid the truth. It's as though I have this basket of goodies and it's all truth. I don't necessarily show the whole basket, but it's all there and it's real to me.

5.

[Q] Playboy: What is the dirtiest thought you can conjure up?

[A] Long: That everyone sitting in this restaurant is really nude. The dirtiest thought that I can think of is the stack of laundry sitting at home. "Dirty" doesn't apply anymore. Isn't it nice that it's OK for a man and a woman to enjoy each other physically and emotionally? It doesn't have to be dirty anymore. It's just good lovin'.

6.

[Q] Playboy: What are the dirtiest words you've ever whispered into a man's ear?

[A] Long: "Get off my foot."

7.

[Q] Playboy: What was the most compromising situation you were ever in?

[A] Long: I made a hasty exit from one man's apartment and, in seeking refuge, inadvertently ran into the apartment of another man--whom I knew. They were friends, and I didn't want to create any more havoc than had already been created. I just wanted to get out of the building. I remember thinking, How did this happen?

8.

[Q] Playboy: When you do a romantic scene, how do you prepare for it?

[A] Long: I bathe, and I'm usually very glad I did. I put some perfume on, because it makes me feel nice. I make it a rule to brush my teeth after every meal. You become as fastidious as you are in the early part of your courtship. You always floss. When you do a love scene, you do the same thing you do in other scenes: You let the character and the moment take over. Sometimes, it's surprising what can happen.

9.

[Q] Playboy: Who is more apt to initiate sex, the Midwestern or the West Coast man?

[A] Long: Oh, they're going to kill me, but I think Midwestern men are hornier. Or maybe West Coast men are a little more comfortable with women's being the initiators.

10.

[Q] Playboy: What can a guy do to make a good girl go bad?

[A] Long: How does a guy get into a girl's pants? Is that what we're asking here? I'm a firm believer in two things: I like men to be men and I like them to care about me and to take care of me. I'm willing to let them do that. If a man wants to be a part of a lady's life, he needs to come on strong and come on caring and be prepared. The other part of that is beyond a man's or a woman's control. If something really special is going to happen, it's a product of who that man is and who that woman is. It's not going to be forced or fabricated. If that chemistry is there, you don't have to do anything--just let it happen.

11.

[Q] Playboy: Nice girls do. Does that attitude detract from the notion that sex is filthy and disgusting?

[A] Long: Are you implying that that's an element that needs to be preserved? You know, it's all there. If you feel the necessity for something to be naughty and disgusting, I'm sure there's someone who'll convince you that it is--probably someone in Los Angeles.

12.

[Q] Playboy: If we opened a drawer by your bed, would we be surprised by what we found?

[A] Long: I don't think so. Maybe. I keep a note pad by my bed. I write down my dreams. My unconscious knows more about what's going on with me than my conscious. We take a journey every night. The note pad is a passport back. I also have candles and a couple of toys. I won't describe them. I think we all need toys. I also keep Chap Stick in my drawer.

13.

[Q] Playboy: You've read Valley of the Dolls. Can a sweet girl from a nice home find happiness in Tinseltown?

[A] Long: Yes. She has to learn a few things, though, along the way. Always keep the door open. Closed office doors are a real temptation. I used to laugh about that, but I got caught (concluded on page 162)Shelley Long(continued from page 123) once. That kind of thing is still going on. You can still be nice and know when to put your foot down or your knee in the air. Being nice doesn't mean you have to let people walk all over you or push you around or force you into a situation that you have no desire to be in. It is difficult, because there's a sort of trusting attitude I grew up with. Not everyone can be trusted. I think we all have to be very selective about the people we trust. That's something that people earn. You don't have to give it away.

14.

[Q] Playboy: You're in front of a raging fire, cognac in hand, a guy's arm around your shoulder. Describe your check list before take-off.

[A] Long: Did I bathe? Did I change my underwear? My check list is "Does this feel right?" Get into the moment and "Does this feel right?"

15.

[Q] Playboy: What is funny in bed?

[A] Long: Everything. I think a sense of humor is so appropriate in bed. We're full of surprises. You roll with the punches, and it's all fun. It's easy to get embarrassed, defensive and frightened, because sex and intimacy are real powerful, but you have to realize that nothing is life or death.

16.

[Q] Playboy: As part of your job, you must dine with producers, directors, writers and actors. Who has the worst table manners in Hollywood?

[A] Long: I understand that Rin Tin Tin can get very tacky. I take so few lunches, and all of them are with journalists who do more talking than eating. Look, it's hard to eat and talk at the same time, so I try not to judge. Don't count the stains on my tie and I won't count the stains on yours.

17.

[Q] Playboy: When you want to be sexy, what do you or don't you put on?

[A] Long: Fig leaves, just as an example. Music. In my experience, putting something lovely and luxurious on can be more stimulating to a situation than taking something off.

18.

[Q] Playboy: Is it wrong for us to imagine that some of your bedmates are stuffed?

[A] Long: Does that come out of People magazine? None of my bed companions are stuffed. The stuffed animals are gifts we've sort of accumulated. They're tokens of friendship from friends. The stuffed animals are kept in the den in their trunk. We have none in the bedroom. The bedroom is grown-up.

19.

[Q] Playboy: Describe your compulsions.

[A] Long: Popcorn. I love popcorn. Sometimes, chocolate. Potato chips. If I allow myself that sort of uninhibited behavior, I love to watch a good basketball game on television. I really enjoy that, and if I happen to get into the rhythm of reaching and eating, I do find, oh, it's gone. Guacamole also. It's real hard to stop with guacamole. If I allow myself to finish the guacamole bowl, it's because I'm hungry and I'm entitled. I don't get a lot of pleasure out of overindulging in things anymore. I will allow myself to have sweets and naughty carbohydrates. But that's OK. There's no problem with that. I'm not so strict that I don't give myself some pleasures here and there.

20.

[Q] Playboy: If real men don't eat quiche, what would you suggest they eat?

[A] Long: Oh, dear. Next question. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. Actually, for some reason, lasagna comes to my mind. I have no idea why.

"I think a sense of humor is so appropriate in bed. You roll with the punches, and it's all fun."