20 Questions: David Lee Roth

Contributing Editor David Rensin met with the Louis Prima of rock, David Lee Roth, on the San Francisco leg of his "Eat 'Em and Smile" tour. In his hotel suite, Roth shed a safari jacket, offered some sparkling water and nuts, asked his ladyfriend to amuse herself in the bedroom for a couple of hours and started talking even before the tape was rolling. Rensin asked us afterward, "What can I say about Dave that he hasn't already said himself?"

1.

[Q] Playboy: You're surrounded by beautiful women in your videos. But we wonder why we have never seen you socially with a member of the other sex.

[A] Roth: What you're talking about is my private life. I'm not a television star. This is not The Love Boat. I'm not in the movies. I'm not a stand-up comic. I'm not in the National Enquirer unless some TV star gets involved in my little piece of the world. So I guard my privacy—or I'll have an audience for that as well. Look, I share more of what I am and what I do with the public than 90 percent of my colleagues in the music business do. Sure, it's exaggerated. Sure, it's in Technicolor. That's the way I see it and that's the way I live it. But I don't believe in putting nonshowbiz people I'm involved with on the pages of magazines.

2.

[Q] Playboy: Why aren't you as press-shy as most big rockers? Have you ever been at a loss for words?

[A] Roth: America is the only place where people think you're stuck up for not promoting yourself, for hiding out, like Prince—though if you're wearing a Day-Glo red-white-and-blue tuxedo and you're climbing out of a pearlescent limousine at the 7-Eleven, you can't wonder why everyone's looking at you. A lot of musicians are inarticulate because they communicate solely with their instruments—especially if they've spent the past 14 years practicing an E chord in private. I've always seen the press as a communications avenue. I love to entertain people. I'm part of an old, old tradition—only the latest model. But I don't talk much about the music. I talk about what's around me and what I am and what I see, because that lights up the music a little better for you when you hear it. I'm trying to get you to feel the way I feel for three and a half minutes. And when I get finished with my story, I have no problem disappearing. All I have to do is shut up.

3.

[Q] Playboy: Is there life without an audience?

[A] Roth: I couldn't imagine it. I like show-and-tell time. I live for it. [Big laugh] And it means lots of different things. But that's not to say I'm always performing. I'm often asked if the line between David and Dave hasn't blurred quite a bit by now. Can I tell the difference? Absolutely.

4.

[Q] Playboy: OK. Let's talk Dave. Define Daveness. What's the difference between Dave and David? When is Dave too much for even David? When is Dave most alone?

[A] Roth: Daves surf. They catch a wave and make it look good all the way. Daves think five moves ahead or, at least, master the ability to appear to do so—which may be better. A Dave is always stuck with a Paul Shaffer—in my case, Pete Picasso. In my case, Dave does not have a whole lot of responsibility in his life, does not have to worry about having his head in the clouds. Dave doesn't have to count past four. David carries the stop watch. David checks the gas gauge before leaving.

[A] Dave is too much for even David when I get physically tired. I can stand my fair share of partying, and sometimes I just go completely Babylon. But that's intentional. All my training on the road is sport-specific. I can go for miles and miles. I can hurl my body off a drum riser with regularity and still dance until dawn backstage. I'm one of those kids who always bobbed and weaved in the back of the classroom. I'm like a Frisbee dog who chases and chases until he drops. So I have to be really careful of that.

[A] Dave is most alone backstage before the show. It's the quiet before the storm—which is why the parties generally last so long.

5.

[Q] Playboy: What prompted you to follow in the footsteps of Vikki Carr and Linda Ronstadt and re-record your latest album in Spanish? And what was the problem with translating the title?

[A] Roth: I wanted to go boldly where no rock band had gone before. I grew up in Southern California, going to schools with lots of Spanish-speaking kids. One of my first girlfriends was Mexican; the family owned a Mexican restaurant. My first job, when I was 13, was shoveling shit at a horse stable near the Santa Anita race track. Everyone I worked with spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish. That stuff's close to my heart. On top of that, I keep hearing about how the United States has one of the world's largest Spanish-speaking populations. I've been up and down the highway a few times, so when I hear people in Calgary, Chicago and Hartford speaking Spanish, I begin to discern a pattern.

[A] As for the title, in English, "Eat 'em and smile" means different things. It's sexy, competitive, aggressive—a sense of humor and worldliness is implied. When you're forced to use your imagination to come up with what I meant, that's poetry. If you translate it into Spanish, it means only one thing—and then it's just a bumper sticker. When it's too specific, it ain't poetry.

6.

[Q] Playboy: Every band has its method of spotting beautiful women from the stage and recruiting them for postconcert duty. How do you cast your net?

[A] Roth: Well, this is the Eighties. We have matrix-coded headsets that function on their own crystal wave lengths. We have security guards, wearing these headsets, on either wing of the stage, crouched behind the monitors. And they're connected to all the guys in the pit—which is the barricade between the stage and the audience. It's about four feet wide, and the inside of the pit is numbered in sections. During the guitar solo, I'll dance into a dark corner and say, "Beautiful blonde, red T-shirt, three feet back, number six." And a guard will radio down into the pit, and a guy will be on his way. [Laughs] See, the payoff out here is people. Not money. We're here to make friends. Besides, what the fuck else can I write about in my songs? The hotel? The airports? Sure, I have my girlfriends back home, specific people I always go back to. My best mates, companions. It's till death do us part—or a different time zone.

7.

[Q] Playboy: What do you regret most about your breakup with Van Halen?

[A] Roth: [Tight-lipped stare] I regret most that Van Halen saw fit to kick me when I was down and they were on their way up. It was unnecessary and particularly vicious, and I think they are a bunch of sick little morons for doing it. I'm angry. [Pauses] For six months, I thought I'd play it like a gentleman, because the last time I saw Edward, we shook hands and we both shed a tear and said, "Hey, like any band, we're making [the best of] a career difference." But two weeks later, I'm reading in the international press what an asshole I am and how Edward has had to put up with—I'm quoting—my bullshit for 12 years. And the band maintained that—even on stage—up until the very last show of their tour. They just went after me. They told the press that Dave left to be a movie star. When the public didn't buy that, they said, "We threw him out to get a better singer." When they didn't come up with one, they said there were other problems. Now, after months of this, I'm bitter. They're little-time people, in a little-time band, making little-time music because of it. Spiritually, they're all fucked up, and that's going to come out in their music, their fat faces and their videos. In fact, they didn't make any videos because the people would see it. And it's all the same kind of lying and mindless word drool that led me to leave that bunch of guys in the first place.

8.

[Q] Playboy: Perhaps the press blew it out of proportion.

[A] Roth: No. The press only quoted what was coming out of Van Halen's little faces. But the press sees through it now, because tape does not lie. I've got a new band and a show, and now we see where the spirit came from, where the music came from, where the songwriting came from. And you bet your ass I'm taking credit for it. I don't want to hear any of this crap about Van Halen's being number one, either. Most people don't understand how the record business works. Besides, Van Halen still sold millions less than the last time I was in the band. But I'm already double platinum with a new band. And we're over 4,000,000 internationally—and that doesn't even include the Spanish album. So fuck you, pal. I'm not going to wait for you or anybody else to get out of bed. That's why I'm here and why they spent only 80 or 100 days on the road last year. They're tired and slow. Edward wanted to make music that took more than a year in the studio and play it live for two months. I wanted to make music in half that time and play it twice as much. You get to swing the bat only three times and then you're out. [Grins] It's eat-'emand-smile time!

9.

[Q] Playboy: What's your best memory of Van Halen?

[A] Roth: When the band was hungry, working to get somewhere, to make great records—to be great at whatever we did. That's where we put our hearts, souls, money. The concept of buying an allterrain vehicle or going on a prolonged vacation never entered into it. Off? How do you spell that? Everything that happened while we were locked into that fast-forward mode is my best memory.

10.

[Q] Playboy: After leaving your old band, you almost made a movie. Will we ever see it? What was the story? Did you want to be a movie star instead of a rock star?

[A] Roth: I was in no way going to give up singing and dancing and touring and making albums to make movies. I was just hoping to take the videos to the big screen, because it would look better. It's more colorful, more icing on the cake. The cake is music. The cake is being on stage live. The cake is the studio. Everything else is icing. Wanna make a video? Pink icing. Wanna sell a T-shirt? Orange icing. Wanna make a movie or talk about it all in an interview? Green icing. None of these aspects is essential, but what's a cake without the icing? The story was based on all the characters and the nuts and bolts of everything that is Diamond Dave. Essentially, my evil manager, Bernie Colon [laughs], sells my contract to a couple of clowns who are determined to have me work six shows a day at Caesars Palace. Then they follow me on my first vacation in many, many years.

11.

[Q] Playboy: You're known for your jungle trips. What do you pack, and why?

[A] Roth: I always take books, for three reasons. First, toilet paper immediately rots from the jungle humidity. So you have to stay at least 15 to 20 pages ahead of yourself, because you're gonna get a bug and get sick. Unless you're a fast reader, you're gonna get ahead of the book. Second, personal reading enjoyment while you're sick. In fact, probably the only time you'll have to read is when you're lying around in your hammock. Third is to read out loud. After the 12th hour of the 12th day, you just don't want to carry your Walkman anymore. Besides, the batteries are dead and everything is rotting. I remember in New Guinea once, we didn't even bother setting up tents. We'd go for 14 hours, stop, carve a little place in the jungle, put up a tarp and everyone would camp down together like dogs and Australians—excuse me, aborigines. [Laughs] Five or six of us, plus eight little guys with bones in their noses and tribal scarring on their faces, were under a tarp in the pouring rain. And I was reading out loud to put everyone to sleep—only it was National Lampoon's A Dirty Book, so everyone was laughing. And the book was ultimately going to a great use anyway. But the only book the little guys had ever seen was a Bible, with a thumping missionary attached. And they couldn't figure out why everyone was laughing when I was reading from the Bible. [Laughs]

12.

[Q] Playboy: After giving away some prizes on the MTV Awards show, did you discover any TV-show-hosting ambitions?

[A] Roth: Not for someone else's show. But I thought of one recently. We'd go on every Wednesday and have no specific format. We'd start with a Letterman-type interview, but we could always go ringside or show videos or just talk. And mostly we'd talk about what was wrong with everything. Mind you, I wouldn't critique somebody unless I thought he could stand up to it. This business is tough enough. We'd call the show What's Wrong [tiny pause] with Dave?

13.

[Q] Playboy: Are your body-hugging jump suits more dangerous to get into or out of? And while you're at it, defend Underalls.

[A] Roth: The tough part is not getting into or out of them. It's finding somebody dependable who can get down on his knees and suck all the air out of the cuffs. Then you have to seal them off with a couple of bandannas—and even then, you never know. I had a blowout recently in Seattle. I started taking air in my left leg about the fifth song. Rock 'n' roll can be ugly. Ugly. It was a stage-front blowout and, of course, I can't carry a spare tire.

[A] I'd have some trouble defending Underalls, counsel, because I love panty lines. They're the second-greatest thing I've seen in my life, the first greatest being what's contained therein. Packaging is only half the battle. The people at Pillsbury will tell you that. Jesus Christ, I discovered panty lines when I was seven years old, and I don't see why women would want to smooth that out. As for my jump suits, well, that's truth in packaging. I can't very well write the ingredients on my sleeve.

14.

[Q] Playboy: Suppose you've had a lunch invitation from Tipper Gore of the Parents' Music Resource Center. How would you smooth things over and sweep her off her feet?

[A] Roth: Tipper Gore is not to be swept off her feet; she is to be contained. Besides, I think she has ulterior motives. Her husband, Albert, who wants to be President, is concurrently attacking the entire music industry, hustling to expose more payola and promotion scandals. They think that's going to get them a big name. People like them come along every eight to 12 years, peddling this nonsensical hysteria about lyrics' ruining our kids. But we can't ignore Tipper. She's sawing away at some of the basic tenets of our great society. I don't want to trade off my constitutional rights to someone who feels capable of censoring my reading and listening material. She wouldn't want me censoring hers. I would suggest to the record industry and my colleagues at large that we not play ostrich on this one, regardless of who is spearheading the latest movement. Never play ostrich. You know what happens to ostriches' butts.

15.

[Q] Playboy: How does Dave say no to drugs? What's your message for the youth of today?

[A] Roth: Oh, I go through my phases, though certainly not the way I used to. I do more than my fair share of partying—fooling around with my body chemistry—just in terms of pure energy. I've gone three days without sleeping, without any drugs, without any outside stimulus except sex—which finally wore me out. I guess I'm type A. I handle it by finding things I like better [than drugs]. I substitute. See, I like to throw myself around with great abandon, and I can't do that if I'm hung over, fat and slow. I've been fat and slow and know the difference. I love motorcycles, but I like dancing better. Maybe I'm not good enough to beat my addictive little personality. I won't even approach that question. I just substitute. It's a great way to start.

16.

[Q] Playboy: All right, about what are you still insecure?

[A] Roth: I've got a big dream here to do it all. It's easy to hide behind saying the agent fucked up or the record company didn't do its job or blaming the manager. But I'm out in the open now, and it's not toy time anymore. There are no auteurs in rock 'n' roll—though the press peddles it that way. When a rocket goes up and comes back OK, everyone interviews the astronaut. But there are 1700 guys in Houston who did all the major stuff. We're flying rockets here, and people are waiting for us to fail. What makes me insecure is the possibility that the different facets of the different teams may fall apart. Or that I'll do something wrong, make a bad decision that costs not in money but in time. And in career.

17.

[Q] Playboy: What do you have left to prove?

[A] Roth: That we can complicate things even more, that we can really twist things up. We want to take complete control here and expand. We want to set up our own tours, videos, recording. There are bands that did these things singularly. The Stones had a record company. Zeppelin did a movie. But no band did it all—and I know we can. That is the rock-'n'-roll dream to me. This is a $1,000,000 empire run by Spanky and Alfalfa. Maybe by Huck Finn. No—the two guys Huck picks up on his raft. [Laughs] That's who the Picasso Brothers are and where we're headed, and it will change some things in this industry. Maybe people will now think twice before signing everything away to the intermediaries.

18.

[Q] Playboy: If a brand of rock 'n' roll were named after you, what would it be called?

[A] Roth: Big Rock. Big fun. Big time. Big sound. Big feeling on the way to the show. Big feeling afterward. Big videos. Big popularity. Big money. Big mouth. Big ass. Big tits. Big fist. Big microphone. Big laugh. Big everything. Big Rock!

19.

[Q] Playboy: When is sex the last thing on your mind?

[A] Roth: [Very big smile]

20.

[Q] Playboy: You once required that the brown M&M's be removed from the candy dishes backstage. What are your current idiosyncrasies?

[A] Roth: I tie the right shoe first and turn clockwise in the shower. Lucky pennies are heads up. And things are going just great. Fucking A! I used to work for a living. Now I've got my ninth platinum album. I'm not fucking around. If that's all I've got to do to stay in this tax bracket, I'll tie the right shoe first for the rest of my life!

rock's spandex whirlwind of showmanship, swordsmanship and how van halen hurt his feelings