20 Questions Kelly McGillis

Kelly McGillis, the strapping beauty who looked as if she might be able to eat Tom Cruise for breakfast in "Top Gun," is just back from the Middle East, where she tackled Zionism in a movie called "Dreamers." The role required lots of research: As the self-confessed "biggest shiksa in the world," she found the job of portraying an Israeli settler her biggest challenge since holding Harrison Ford's gun in "Witness." McGillis--at the end of a three-film binge that included the fall release "Made in Heaven"--wore all black when she met with interviewer David Handelman, who said, "She was still showing psychological vestiges of the insecure 200-pound high schooler she once was."

1.

Playboy: Before your acting career took off, what was the worst job you ever had? McGillis: When I was 17, I worked in a Styrofoam factory, earning about $3.50 an hour. You know those things that go on either end of your stereo when it's packed in a box? That's what I made. My hands would get all bloody because the Styrofoam didn't ever get soft, but my skin did. It was the worst job in the world, but at 17, I could either do that or work at a Jack in the Box, and something about French-fry grease really bothers me.

2.

Playboy: You've also had some nasty experiences on film sets. You were fired from your second film, Bachelor Party. Why?

McGillis: We'd been shooting a week, and the producers came and told me I wasn't pretty, I wasn't pretty, I wasn't sexy. That's exactly how they put it. The first thing I did was get drunk. I was depressed for about a year after that.

At that point in my life, I'd been waiting on tables, so I had taken the part in Bachelor Party--a really trashy movie, not art in any form--thinking, Well, I can learn by doing. And then to be fired! In the long run, it probably saved my career.

3.

Playboy: Were you a good waitress?

McGillis: I was probably best at getting people in and out quickly so I could make as much money as possible. It's a great job--instant cash. Of course, I had to deal with people who treated me like shit because I was a waitress, and I'd get huffy: "You can't treat me like this! I'm more than a waitress. I want to be an actress!"

4.

Playboy: You were a California kid in the Sixties. Were you a wild one?

McGillis: When I was a kid, I was crazy and very rebellious. I grew up at the tail end of the Sixties, the leftovers, and I did a lot of experimenting with drugs, that whole thing. I was never home, and I ditched school about 80 percent of the time. I'd hang out, surf, go to the beach with my friends. They were all much older, in their 20s, and they'd go out drinking, so I started doing that, too.

A lot of what happened had to do with my size. By sixth grade, I was really tall and looked older than I was. And the epitome of cool when you're 13 is to be taken for 18. Then I started eating neurotically and got really ugly and fat. I was a terrible social outcast. I guess I still am.

5.

Playboy: When did you make the transformation from husky to sultry?

McGillis: I lost the weight when I was about 18. I went on a fast, which was crazy. for three weeks, I didn't eat anything. I drank water. It's terrible for your body. But I still think of myself as the ugly duckling, and maybe the makes me work harder.

6.

Playboy: Is your weight still a barometer of your moods?

McGillis: it does reflect how happy or unhappy I am. I'm not huge now, but I still struggle with my weight. I was pretty unhappy breaking up with [Top Gun flight jock] Barry Tubb and sort of let myself go. The breakup took about seven months; these things don't happen overnight. these things overnight. You can't say to somebody, "That's it; goodbye," if you ever invested any true love in him. You can't take away something you've given--nor would I want to. But I was very angry. I don't think it sank in until both of us began seeing other people.

7.

Playboy: When you were working on Top Gun, you were basically the only woman among a crew of hot young actors. How did you pick Tubb out of that gang?

McGillis: I don't know why these things happen. Love isn't intellectual--it's visceral. If there was any one moment, it was on the Fourth of July 1985: We were all walking to dinner and I fell to the ground for no reason. [Laughs] I don't know why. I wasn't drunk, and I didn't trip. I think that was when I fell in love with Barry.

8.

Playboy: The grapevine had it that you two were planning to marry. True?

McGillis: No. I always read that I'm dating somebody or doing something, and it's never true. The best thing I ever read was that I was marrying Sean Penn. And I had never ever met him!

Barry and I did try living together in L.A., but we were never there at the same time. One of us was always working. Let's face it; I'm 30, he's 24. There are certain things I want in my life that he's not ready to have and certain things about me he's not willing to accept. So I moved my stuff out--and told him about it afterward.

9.

Playboy: Have your on-screen love affairs been as difficult?

McGillis: Most of the time, it's just part of the job. I don't really know the people I make love with. It's all pretend.

I'm not willing to rip off my clothes every five seconds in a movie. I don't want it to be extraneous sex. When Tom Cruise and I went back and shot more love scenes for Top Gun after filming was over, I felt that it was necessary. People in the audience wouldn't know that those two people had gotten together unless it was shown. But in general, I think we're inundated as a society by seeing everything. You walk down 42nd Street and there are no secrets. What I think is sexy in love scenes is not seeing everything, when it's left up to the audience's imagination, instead of the director's deciding what happened (concluded on page 162)Kelly McGillis(continued from page 133) for them. To me, it's sexy that I'm allowed to decide what happened.

10.

Playboy: How can an actor help you most in a love scene?

McGillis: By not laughing.

11.

Playboy: You're known as an avid reader. What's on your nightstand?

McGillis: If you really want to know, I've just finished Real Rape, and now I'm reading How to Convict a Rapist. It's just light reading! [Laughs] No, it's research--I play a deputy district attorney in my next movie. For pleasure, I'm reading The Little Prince, a Dr. Seuss book, Eloise, Les Liaisons Dangereuses and Hemingway's Garden of Eden.

12.

Playboy: Why so many children's books?

McGillis: I love children's stories--they're simple and concise, not bogged down by any technicalities. They're like children in that way. I think children are great: They're so available; they don't have any of the woes of the world, haven't gotten muddled up by any false ideology. They're very direct, and they're not judgmental. I never thought about being a mother until I made Witness. I had such a great time with Lukas Haas [who played her son], it almost scared me.

13.

Playboy: You've lived in New York for ten years. Have you ever been mugged?

McGillis: A few times. It's hard to be 5'10" and blonde, ride the subway and not have things happen to you. One night, during the first snow of the year, a friend was walking me home and two guys came up with a gun and said, "Give us your money." I started laughing; I didn't know what to do. I said, "What? I don't have any money." I was a student at Juilliard; I lived on $30 a week. I had this huge mailbag full of books, heavy as hell, and I said, "Here, take my bag," figuring there was no way they could pick it up and run with it. One guy was convinced I was wearing jewelry. He said, "Give me your rings or I'll fucking kill you!" I said, "I'm not fucking wearing any rings" as I was ripping off my gloves and thinking, Don't shoot me just because I'm not wearing jewelry! Then they told us to turn around and walk down the street; that was that.

14.

Playboy: You've also lived in L.A. What's your worst story about it?

McGillis: I'd just moved there, and I was driving around on Melrose Avenue when this guy in a Mercedes pulled up beside me. He was masturbating furiously! Then he started to follow me. I was so panicked I didn't know what to do. I stopped at a gas station and then realized what an idiot I'd been. I had a telephone in my car. I could've let him follow me and just called for help.

15.

Playboy: Does being famous make meeting guys easier?

McGillis: No--far more difficult, because you tend to doubt people's sincerity. A lot of people want to know you for what you are and not who you are. And me, I'm a trusting idiot. I'm always one to start talking to people--maybe it's sort of field research for acting. It's terrible, because a lot of guys misinterpret it as asking them out for a date. No, no, no, no, that's not it. I just love talking to people.

Since Top Gun, it's gotten worse. I think that this is the longest period of being alone I've had in years. It's been a good experience for me; I've learned a lot about how to be alone. I don't think you can be with somebody until you've learned that.

16.

Playboy: Do you prefer being alone to being with someone?

McGillis: Oh, I love being in love, and I fall in and out of love easily. I think it's the best thing in the world. There have been moments when I really wanted to get married, but it's best that I didn't. I can become so fanatical about someone that I don't see all sides of his personality. I'm a terrible romantic: I fall in love with the idea of being in love, not necessarily with the person. It hasn't happened in a while. Maybe I'm growing up a bit.

17.

Playboy: Are you dating anyone now?

McGillis: Yes, if you can call it that--it's more like long-distance dating, over the phone. It's hard to keep a steady relationship going in this business; it's one of the sacrifices you make. I would like to settle down with one person, but it's hard. Most people I see are nine-to-five-ers, and they aren't available to fly around and meet me in Vancouver, San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York. So . . . I meet people. I'm very passionate; I love that.

18.

Playboy: Are the names in your little black book written in pen or in pencil?

McGillis: Oh, pen. I always remember them. It doesn't mean I have to see them!

19.

Playboy: You've played them all--blondes, brunettes and redheads. Who really has more fun?

McGillis: I'd definitely say redheads. Having red hair makes me feel a bit wild.

20.

Playboy: Now that you've been in a few hit movies, your disposable income must be way up. Do you like to shop?

McGillis: I used to. I have a great passion for buying sexy underclothes. But now I have this phobia and I don't go out shopping anymore. Maybe it has to do with being recognized. You know. I'm out looking at underwear and someone says, "Aren't you Kelly McGillis?" and I say, "Yeah, but can I just pick out some underwear by myself, please?"

She's been mugged in New York and flashed in Los Angeles, but the real cost of fame is that she can't shop for sexy underwear

"It's hard to be 5' 10" and blonde, ride the subway and not have things happen to you."