Getting Real

Pesto change-o! The day the Yuppies died, a joke began to circulate amid the rubble of Wall Street. It cheekily pointed out the difference between pigeons and young stock-brokers: A pigeon could still make a deposit on a BMW. This was come-Yuppance, providing perhaps the only grin on the otherwise ashen face of new fiscal reality. Indeed, some considered the market crash just deserts--sans cappuccino or something chocolate and flourless. It was the end of a soulless, self-involved era that canonized robber barons (Ivan Boesky) and clown potentates (Donald Trump), plagiarists (Joe Biden) and Kennedy impersonators (Gary Hart). It was a remorseless time driven by strident status seekers; call it the So Sue Me Decade.

Yuppies never got any real respect--not even from other Yuppies, all of whom were loath to hear themselves so labeled. The packaging was odious from the start: running shoes padding along beneath pinstripes, cellular phones twitching inside Porsche 911s, fusilli spooled to the beat of Vivaldi. Yuppies were smug, post-teenage poseurs, unashamedly pretentious, completely unaware of how geeky they looked in their Walkman headsets. They drooled over the mergers and take-overs that ruined small business and eviscerated the American dream as we knew it. They lost sight of quality and time and quality time, confused living well with living fast. But, damn, could they sniff out good Thai food!

The shitake hit the fan last October 19--not Black, but certainly Gray Monday. Yuppies are now Puppies (poor urban professionals, natch) and, thus, lives are being re-evaluated. Priorities have taken an honest turn. The obit for Reaganomics spells the end of ultimate plastic, those twin killers--debt and deficit. Easy money has given way to labor, conscience and simpler rewards. Quality is job one. Even mashed potatoes are beginning to look good again. Indeed, not all is lost--just gross habits and brand names. To help make your way in a confusing time, we offer the accompanying chart, a sure sign that as the text of one era ends, the style of another begins.

Then, on the ensuing pages, we present the enlightened instruction of two gifted thinkers. Financial strategist John D. Spooner imparts cut-to-the-quick wisdom for getting on. Historian Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr., in a feisty special interview, forecasts the end of smug conservatism and the resurrection of idealism for the next generation. Enjoy and take heart.

Life after Yuppies

heed the commandments, a trendproof guide to the new simplicity

Yup

Post-yup

Perrier..........Coke classic

Home as showcase..........Home as home

Arugula ..........Iceberg lettuce

Cybill Shepherd ..........Jami Gertz

Suspenders..........Pocket square

BMW..........Anything else

Kiwi..........Banana

Banana Republic..........Sears

Bryant Gumbel..........Larry King

Neiman-Marcus..........Macy's

Quality time.........Time

Personal Quotron..........Personal bookie

Tarragon balsamic.vinegar..........Lemon juice

Cellular phone..........Satellite pager

Satellite dishes..........Pyrex dishes

Career path..........Career

Investment bankers..........Savings accounts

Money magazine.......... Inc. magazine

L.A. Law .......... Washington Week in Review

Stocks..........Zero coupon bonds

Biblical names..........Common names

Garrison Keillor..........Elmore Leonard

Créme fraîche ..........Sour cream

Valium..........Bourbon

Andrew Lloyd Webber..........Cole Porter

Three-name names..........Two-name names

Tanning bed..........Fireplace

Shar-Pei..........Spuds Mackenzie

StairMaster..........Walking to work

Squash..........Fishing

Making a killing..........Making a living

Tapas .......... Dim sum

David Letterman..........David Letterman

Reeboks..........Converse high-tops

Tofu..........Steak

Blackened fish..........Cheeseburgers

Alex Keaton..........Slap Maxwell

Gentrification..........Rehabbing

White chocolate..........Frozen Snickers

AIDS panic..........Flirting

George Winston..........Ray Charles

Thirtysomething .......... The Tracey Ullman Show

State of the art..........State of the nation

Jane Pauley..........Lesley Stahl

Jane Fonda..........Playmate of the Month

Divorce..........Monogamy

Parenting..........Raising children

AmEx Platinum Card..........Airline Visa cards

Cocaine..........Sugar

Cheers .......... Frank's Place