20 Questions: Robert Downey, Jr.

Robert Downey, Jr., the 26-year-old star of "Less than Zero," "The Pick-up Artist," "Chances Are," "1969," "True Believer," "Air America" and, most recently, "Soapdish," lives in a Los Angeles gingerbread house he shares with actress Sarah Jessica Parker. When Contributing Editor David Rensin met the energetic young actor there, Downey immediately led him to an upstairs office, where he wanted to video-tape the interview. He quickly abandoned that to show off his electronic keyboards, Macintosh computer, fax machine, stereo setup, video and television equipment. "About the only things that weren't plugged into the wall," Rensin told us, "were the Abdomenizer, the Lifecycle and Downey himself."

1.

[Q] Playboy: What was the biggest risk you ever took as an actor, and did you pull it off?

[A] Downey: It was in Less than Zero, playing a guy who's bisexual, doing a scene with my underwear down and my head between some guy's legs. If I was convincing--and I think I was--it was because I was in the moment. I was paying attention. I was also thinking that there's nothing worse than seeing an actor not commit to something that's uncomfortable. As Kevin Kline once said to me, "Actors today refuse to ever really jump into comedy roles, because they are trying to let you know that they are much smarter than the person they're playing. They want to interject little aspects of how wonderfully brilliant and intelligent and ahead of the game they are comedically." I'd give you examples of who he meant, but I might have to work with one of them in two weeks.

2.

[Q] Playboy: Are there actor peers with whom you can be honest when it comes to their work?

[A] Downey: It's hard for me to imagine that I'm the one who should bring bad news to somebody I consider a worthless dog-fucker of an actor. Besides, it's important to have a couple of clowns around, isn't it? Of course, if you're really good in something, everybody is very eager to share that with you. Even if you're just OK, they're likely to say something positive. But when you suck and they don't say anything, it says volumes. There are definitely people who are very honest with me about certain things. They'll say, "You were just lazy there. You could have done...." I go, "I know." I take criticism well. I just want to know the fucking truth. I don't need to be babied anymore, I'm twenty-six years old.

3.

[Q] Playboy: What matters tremendously now that never used to, and what doesn't matter that once did?

[A] Downey: What matters a lot to me now is longevity. I always had a Dionysian approach to things that I thought really worked for me. But now I have become a little bit more of a grandpa. It's time to build a nest egg. Not just monetarily but emotionally. What's so funny is that ultimately, being in the public eye, you are setting yourself up for a vast and incomprehensible depression when it's over. So what's really important to me that didn't used to be is thinking about my future.

And what isn't important now is leaving a room having convinced everyone that I'm the funniest, most original person they've ever met. I used to have this feeling that unless I had gone nine steps further than was necessary to convince everyone of my comedic genius and spiritual insight, I was invalid. And now I'm just a lot more interested in being OK with myself.

4.

[Q] Playboy: Having helped bring Less than Zero to the world, where do you stand on Bret Easton Ellis' latest contribution, American Psycho?

[A] Downey: Here's how I see it: Anything that is provocative is worth while. American Psycho might not be appealing, it might not be interesting, even, but look what it's created. It's brought out a bunch of people who say, "Oh, you can't do that." Whether it's positive or negative, as long as something breaks through all those subtle areas of your own filtering system and gets you right at the core and gets some sort of response, it has validity. Look, if you asked me if I'd defend someone's right to take a dump on the sidewalk, I'd say yeah. I think "offensive" is definitely in the eye of the beholder. There are a lot of things I'm interested in that everyone else considers offensive.

5.

[Q] Playboy: What's the most regrettable thing you've ever done?

[A] Downey: I was in Amsterdam a while ago. I went to the red-light district and I was really, really perturbed by what I saw. I thought it was going to be like little treasurers from Helsinki, but, in fact, it was vile. Strange even to the strange. I went into a bookstore and I opened a book. I should have known. It was like Kindersex and Habensex. Child sex, dark sex. And then I saw this animal thing, and the minute I opened it, I thought, Oh, fuck, it's too late. I've already seen it; now it's logged in there forever. Hundsex. Dog sex. That was the most regrettable thing that I've done. I can see it right now. There it is, that jazzed-up chick right on this Rottweiler's schnitzel.

6.

[Q] Playboy: What are your rules for sustaining a relationship with that most impulsive of creatures, the actress?

[A] Downey: [Laughs] Be brutally honest. Do whatever it takes to sustain humor. And spontaneity. It sounds so cheesy, but I guess that's what it is. Sometimes it's hard to really draw the line between when you're being honest in order to dump your shit on someone else and when you're being honest to express something that actually is important for you to address. It's really nice how some humans are capable of putting their frustration on hold until someone clears out of a lengthy period of denial, self-destruction, whatever. That's amazing to me.

7.

[Q] Playboy: When is sex overrated?

[A] Downey: Before it happens. I hear if you jerk off first thing in the morning, no woman (continued on page 143) Robert Downey, Jr. (continued from page 111) has the edge on you for the rest of the day. [Smiles] I'm not a really sexually driven guy. I wasn't the first one to get laid. However, I was probably the first one to talk about it.

8.

[Q] Playboy: What phrase opens the sentence that you know is going to lead to an argument with your girlfriend?

[A] Downey: "You make me...." I don't care if it's "happy," "angry," "irritated." People are instantly presuming that I've got some fucking hairy voodoo doll of them and I'm controlling their actions. It implies that they are disempowering themselves. And, of course, I just want to be so benevolent about my relationships. [Laughs]

9.

[Q] Playboy: Can you answer the question of the ages: Do women know what they're showing at every moment that they're showing it?

[A] Downey: It depends. If you really know a woman well, then it's almost like watching a documentary on schizophrenia. "I love you so much--Daddy's a son of a bitch--take me down to the--spank me all over--because you know I control you." It doesn't matter what they're saying, you can see those neurotic shifts in any woman. [Pauses] If you're talking about what parts of their body might be exposed--of course, that's it!--in my case, no. A friend of mine was telling me that he went over to this famous old actor's house recently, and all this actor wanted to talk about was the "dripping hot pussy" going on at a local club. The thing that really had him in tatters was that the club had a glass dance floor. This is a man who's done two of the twenty great films of the past few decades, and all he wanted to talk about was the drop shot on the hot pussy.

10.

[Q] Playboy: In your darkest moment, when you thought that you would never again be employed, which TV advertisement got your attention?

[A] Downey: There was this great noose by Ronco. And I've got beamed ceilings. Ah, it just really brought me around. [Laughs] Also, one for vacuum haircutting. Actually, it sounds kind of interesting. I mean, for a fucking Midwestern pagan who'd probably get a better cut from a vacuum than he would at any of the local places. You hook this thing up to your vacuum--I'm actually rather excited about it--you put in the shear length, and then you just whoosh! No mess. And, of course, I have the knives.

11.

[Q] Playboy: Tell us about your fan mail.

[A] Downey: [Takes a framed letter off the wall] Here it is. From Kashiwara, Osaka, Japan. "Dear Robert: Hello. I'm Japanese girl. My name is Madoka. I became your fan when I watched Less than Zero and Pick-up Artist. I have never seen look you. I have loved you. I have wanted to mail you, but I didn't know your address. I find your address with difficulty. At last I can write letter, but I can't tell you my felling [sic,] because I can't speak, write English well. Why are you American? Why do you live in America? Why am I Japanese? I want to talk you. I love you so much. Could you give me some more information about you? Goodbye. Sincerely yours, Madoka." [Pauses] "I have never seen look you. I have loved you. I have wanted to mail you." This is hot to me. I like this, too: "I love you so much. Could you give me some more information about you? Goodbye." It's like suddenly, in the middle of writing this letter, someone came into her room and said, "Your father just bought Manhattan. Would you like to see it?" Anyway, I wrote her back. I asked her why she was Japanese, and she wrote me back asking me if that was a joke.

I get a lot of this stuff. Either that or "Come join your place in the ring of fire," from Abilene, Texas. Fuck, man, that keeps Magnum in hand.

12.

[Q] Playboy: Explain the Cannes Film Festival to your generation.

[A] Downey: It's the only place where you'll see a Kurosawa ad right next to Evil Maiden Pussy 5. It is twenty-dollar cappuccinos, wrinkly nipples, free hotel rooms, selfish action gods, charging for sun block. [Pauses] Something interesting happened to me at Cannes. Carolco threw a mega, spoil-the-shit-out-of-us dinner for a bunch of directors working with the company. At one table sat Schwarzenegger and Stallone. I was at another with a couple of friends. I'm feeling like it's really funny that I'm here with these action guys. You know, "What's wrong with this picture?" But I was really enjoying myself. It was like an old Hollywood party. I had this vague feeling that I'd arrived, just to be there. So Schwarzenegger, ever the diplomat, comes over with Maria Shriver and goes, "Hello, how are you?" "Great." "Having a good time?" "Yeah." "Got a little sunburn there. You need a better S.P.E" I say, "This is my friend Sam." He says, "Hello, how are you?" And then he turns to his wife and says, "Maria, this is Rob Lowe," and then just floats away from the table. It was some lesson: Never get too comfortable with your supposed stature. Later on, in the bathroom, he walked in and I wanted to introduce him to someone as Mr. Brandauer, but I thought he might not quite get it and snap my spine like an oblong aspirin.

13.

[Q] Playboy: What talk-show host fills you with dread?

[A] Downey: Letterman. He decimates people. I've been on his show, but I got lucky. It's the scariest thing I've ever done, because, in a sense, I was raised on it. I always said, "God, he's funny, but he can be really mean." If you don't score the second you get out there, by either saying something or doing something, it's over. I said something funny within the first sixty seconds, and I saw immediately that he decided not to hurt me. I was so thankful. I don't think he really wants to hurt anyone, but especially with young actors, his attitude is, "OK, what are you made of? All right, so everyone loves you if the lines are written funny. But here's you. What are you about? Are you worth four minutes on my show or should we bring the guy out who's going to fuck something up with the blender, or should I put on some Velcro and go jump on something? This is an entertainment show." On the other hand, there's something about Johnny Carson that's so endearing that I feel like if I started fucking up, he'd help me through it.

14.

[Q] Playboy: AS a former bus boy, give us the dos and don'ts of proper table etiquette.

[A] Downey: You want to bus men before women. And always pour women before men. But the most important is never judge when anyone is done with a meal. I had that done to me recently and I almost wanted to take this young gentleman aside and give him a learnin'. I had the bread out to go for the sauce that was left, and the plate was gone. He'd left me there like an idiot. Then again, I used to say, "May I take that for you, sir?" and they'd go, "No, I ain't done yet!" and the plate would be empty. So I'd have to moke in his sundae or something, because he had shamed me in front of his attractive teenage daughter.

15.

[Q] Playboy: What was the most inventive compliment ever paid to you?

[A] Downey: Someone visiting me on the set said, "You know what we were all impressed with? You did all those takes exactly the same way." It was like someone saying to me, "I was really blown away by your lack of spontaneity." The only thing I strive for is to find nuance and make it different.

16.

[Q] Playboy: She was once the teen goddess of the screen, the girl who might say yes but didn't. Can you help us understand Molly Ringwald?

[A] Downey: She was the Gidget of the Eighties. She's very intelligent. She's very eager. I was surprised at the energy she takes in educating herself. She's always reading. And she's a smart businesswoman. In The Pick-up Artist, we were doing a scene where she's walking away from me and she drops a bottle of Maalox. I have to pick it up before she can get it and say, "God, is there something wrong with your stomach?" She has ulcers because of all the stuff going on with gambling [in the movie]. There's usually this understood thing between actors that if something has to happen in a scene, we help each other make it happen. But while we were doing it, she dropped the Maalox and I went to pick it up. But she picked it up before I did, and the scene was over. What she was saying was, "Listen, if you're really going to be in the moment, you've got to get it before I can." It was just a really ballsy thing to do. It was probably one of the more important lessons I learned, especially because it's so easy to be desensitized and wish to be in the station wagon going home.

17.

[Q] Playboy: What did you learn from your dad that you'll always remember?

[A] Downey: There are phrases in movies that he did that go through my head: "If there's nothing left but originality, who'll be bored?" "The best thing to learn is how to make new mistakes."

18.

[Q] Playboy: What's the most pathetic thing a woman has ever said to you?

[A] Downey: "I'm saving my ass for when I get married." I said, "Come on, you're a whore, aren't you?" Actually, a friend of mine said that.

19.

[Q] Playboy: Why do you suppose earrings were invented?

[A] Downey: Actually, I'm very interested in facts like that. Like how the handshake was started--to show that you didn't have a weapon in your hand. Or that clinking glasses means that if I have poison in my glass, it will get into yours. When I was filming Air America in Thailand, there were these Karen tribes who have these silver things on their head. The older people have more. It's like they have their fucking banks on their head. Withdrawal is made with relative ease. At this point, though, I'd probably have to reconstruct my spine to be able to keep my wealth on my head.

20.

[Q] Playboy: When are you at a loss for words?

[A] Downey: Probably when trying to talk about how I really feel about the valid things in life. A lot of people are interested in hearing what I have to say. [Smiles] I have a completely original point of view. But there are just a couple of sacred things in life that leave me almost speechless. For instance, "Why do you think you are where you are?" "Why do things seem to come to you?" "Do you believe in God?" "How have you been able to sustain a relationship for so long?" It seems to me that being able to explain those things is almost like saying that there's a trick to it, as opposed to just being in this state of grace that you're born into.

hollywood's most self-propelled young actor revs up on american psycho, regrets his encounter with a rottweiler and explains why he dreads letterman

"I don't think Letterman really wants to hurt anyone, but his attitude is, 'OK, what are you made of ?' "