Rachel, Rachel

This can be tough for manly men, but just for a second, try to imagine that you make a living by being one of the most beautiful women in the world. You have blonde hair and green eyes and you're considerably taller than most of the men you meet. Probably even stronger than they are. Billions of images of you are scattered around the world. You're the center of attention whether you're modeling on a runway, attending a party, walking down the street or buying lug nuts at the hardware store. Everyone has ideas about you before you open your mouth. Everyone treats you differently. Men ogle, women whisper. Being beautiful is no piece of cake. Rachel Williams doesn't want all that attention. She really is sick of tropical islands. She doesn't care if she ever goes to another perfect beach.

She doesn't like to talk about being a model or the dumb things some models like to talk about. She's world-famous and she hasn't even decided what she wants to be when she grows up--but she does have some ideas. The only thing Rachel really likes about being a famous model is that now she has enough money to hire architect Tod Williams, her dad, to build her a house in L.A. Now she can have a father-client relationship and finally give the old man orders. Rachel Williams might be the only model in the world who doesn't want to be an actress. She really doesn't. She wants to direct. Usually, models become actresses and then want to direct. Rachel wants to skip the middle step. She'll probably make a good director. She'll probably be able to get her cast and crew to do anything she asks. She has a certain quiet authority about her. The name Rachel is Hebrew for "ewe, emblem of gentleness," and the name William is German for "helmet of resolution." So Rachel Williams is a pretty good name for this resolute supervixen. She is calm, polite and obliging, but she's not somebody to trifle with lest ye be trifled. Rachel is serious, but she's funny in a serious way.

She knows what she likes and she knows what she wants and, odds are, she'll get what she wants. What does she want? What does she like? Rachel Williams is a morning person. She likes to get up at seven and breakfast on granola and fruit. Her favorite fruit is cherries. She takes a lot of sugar in her coffee. Although she lives outside L.A., Rachel's favorite city is New York. She's also keen on Iceland because of its cool beauty. The best vacation she ever took was dorying down the Colorado River with the whole Williams clan last summer. The best date she ever went on was a drive from L.A. to Sonoma. Her favorite car to drive is a muscle car. Rachel likes money. Her favorite kind of money is the English pound coin that they don't make anymore. Rachel doesn't own a purse; she keeps things in her pockets. The only things in her refrigerator, she claims, are organs ready for transplant and a few bottles of Diet Squirt and Glacier water. Rachel's favorite way to dress is casual, chic and understated. She likes to wear Armani pants. Her favorite suit is her birthday suit. Her favorite kind of men's underwear is edible. Her favorite pants belong to her man. Rachel doesn't like hats. Her favorite (text concluded on page 140) Rachel, Rachel (continued from page 70) shoes are Manolo Blahnik, size 11. Her favorite watch is the Rolex Explorer II. Rachel's favorite fast-food restaurant is Orange Julius. Her favorite cocktail: a bloody mary. Her favorite pasta: shells. Her favorite appetizer: figs and prosciutto. Her favorite sandwich: avocado, tomato, sprouts and mustard. Her favorite pie is blueberry.

Rachel's favorite flowers are peonies. Her favorite smells are Vicks VapoRub and bread baking. Rachel's favorite building is Mies van der Rohe's Barcelona Pavilion. Her favorite architects are Poppa and his partner, "Momma-san" (her stepmother).

Her favorite artists are Picasso, Léger, Caravaggio, a Japanese artist who steams and bends tree trunks, and Sophie Calle, who impersonates hotel maids so she can photograph guests' possessions. Her favorite authors are Gabriel García Márquez, Marguerite Yourcenar and Émile Zola. Her favorite dancer is John Travolta; her favorite criminal, Philippe Petit, who walked a tightrope between the towers of the World Trade Center. The song going through Rachel's head is YMCA, by the Village People.

When she gets the hiccups, Rachel cures them by tickling the back of her throat with her tongue while holding her breath. You can fantasize about her curing your hiccups this way, but don't hold your breath.

Claustro is her favorite phobia. Her favorite curse is "fuck a duck." Her favorite cartoon is The Far Side, by Gary Larson. Her favorite cartoon character is Wile E. Coyote, who she swears lives in her back yard in the hills of Beverly.

Although she's not especially political, Rachel wouldn't mind seeing a President who cares about building a future for our planet, our children and the poor. She doesn't want to meet the President; she'd rather meet Marlon Brando, or if it were possible, Joan of Arc.

Rachel's favorite name for a waitress is Sandra. Her favorite name for a gas-station attendant is Sandra. Her favorite comedian is Sandra Bernhard. She thinks Sandra Bernhard should get more recognition and maybe should be sainted.

Rachel's favorite bedtime is midnight. Her favorite sleeping position is horizontal. The weirdest dream she ever had involved two pink Gumbylike creatures trying to drown her because she couldn't read. Boy, were they wrong.

Rachel Williams' favorite season is the mating season.