Real-Life Dates

----- What Women Want -----

"A guy that asks me to do stuff I can't refuse," says Liz, a 23-year-old studio-art major who went on three dates with Jim, a 30-year-old medical student. Date one: the morgue. "I didn't quite know what to wear, but I didn't want to miss seeing cadavers." Date two: "He called up and said he had a pilot's license. Do I want to go flying? Of course I want to go flying. We did a three-sixty around Alcatraz. It was a blast." Date three: the opera. "No way would I have money to go on my own. I had to go with him."

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"A nice guy with a motorcycle," says Leecia, a senior who works part-time in the university health club. We asked which is more important, the bike or the rider? Leecia bit her lip and thought for a minute. "Hmm. I'd say the guy. Yeah, I think the guy comes first."

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"Mystery, definitely," says Annie, a bisexual sophomore at Wesleyan University, explaining why she pursued the "androgynous fuzzy blond thing" in her government class. "I didn't know if it was a boy or girl and I didn't care," she continued. "I followed it after class one day. I said, 'You're hot, whatever you are.' And that's how I met Mike---a boy." Their first date? "I woke him up and asked him if he wanted to go to breakfast or keep sleeping."

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"I like for the guy to have the date planned," says Karen, a sophomore at the University of Colorado. "The worst is when you get in the car and he says, 'So what do you want to do?' Some guys want you to do the planning. I'm not going to decide how to spend your money. If I'm paying, we're staying in the dorm and watching movies."

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"I don't know anyone who really dates," says Jenny, a senior at the University of Wisconsin. "There are always those nights when a guy is sleeping over after a party and you're just friends but sleeping next to each other. Things happen. That's inevitable."

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"I know what I don't like," says Joan, who went to Florence for her junior year and found dating abroad a bit humiliating. "With tacky shorts and gym shoes, I looked as American as can be, so of course some Italian guy asks me to dinner. We sit down and he says, 'I have a surprise for you.' They bring this big pizza in a heart shape and all the waiters sing Born in the U.S.A. I think I ran away, but I blocked it out."

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"I don't even know what a date is," says Mary, who is on a leave of absence from Kenyon College. "If you fool around at the end of the night, then it's a date. And if you want to fool around, you make sure there's alcohol."

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"You look for a guy who's harmless," says Eloise, a freshman at the University of Chicago. "The type who sits by himself in the dining hall. You just approach him and act really funny and confident. Before he knows it, he's so stunned to get attention from a woman, he's hooked. To kiss him, you have to get him into a crowded place where it won't look strange to be unusually close together. Then, when he doesn't expect it, you just lean over and do it."

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"It depends," says Mindy, a senior at the University of Washington. "On a first date, get a beer, talk a little, relax. A movie isn't really breaking the ice. If you're already involved, a motel room. You want to maximize the sex time and there are always people interrupting you at school."

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"No Frenchmen," says Kristen, a senior at Barnard. "My girlfriend set me up with this French art director from Yves Saint Laurent. We went to a fancy restaurant and we were speaking in French and he said, 'What do you like to do in bed?' I said, 'I'm not telling you,' and he said, 'What are you, a typical American? I bet I know what type of underwear you're wearing.' He guessed right, too---black lace. He thought he was Mr. Sophisticated and I was just not impressed. At least guys in college are goofy and you can relate."

----- What Men Want -----

"Danger, the thought of injury, doing something you're not supposed to do," says Dan, a junior at the University of Akron. "I want a date that goes one hundred thirty miles an hour. I took a girl to a Dread Zeplin concert and stage-dived with her. No one is reckless anymore, which is the cool thing about being young. No one does drugs, everyone wears condoms and seat belts."

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"The right person," says Terry, a senior at Georgetown University whose girlfriend Claudia is deaf and attends Gallaudet, a school for the hearing-impaired. "On our first date, I'd practiced signing the whole first two minutes of conversation and then my car breaks down in front of her house and I forget everything. We wound up spending the whole night sitting on her porch writing messages on our hands."

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"Cooking is always good," says Lance, a junior at the University of California. "One time, I told a date I'd make her Chinese food and then ran out and bought three containers of moo goo gai pan and threw it into the wok before she got there. I had on the apron, had water on my face like sweat, I was throwing around the soy sauce. She came in and wanted to know how I cut the water chestnuts into star shapes."

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"A party is good," says Ben, a sophomore at Boston College. His strategy? "Pretend you're too drunk to walk home alone so she'll go with you. When you get there, sit on the bed and see what happens. Pray you have some beers in the room. If she drinks your beer, that's a good sign."

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"Sex in your roommate's car when it's parked behind your house," says Sebastian, a senior at Middlebury College. "It's a good date and you can tease your roommate the next day."

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"Sneak into the football stadium at night," says George, a sophomore at Northwestern University. "Make her laugh. Tell her something dumb like the Astroturf has a beautiful green glow at night."

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"An expensive dinner you can't afford," says Tony, a freshman at Rice University who dislikes campus food service. "It feels like you're doing something illegal and you get to share the pain of the check."

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"Nothing at all," says Peter, a senior majoring in economics at the University of Michigan. "It just has to happen." And for Peter, it does happen. "I was in a bar after a job interview and somehow I'd lost my wallet and keys. I went up to this girl. I told her, 'I have no keys, no money, no car, but as you can tell from my tie, I have great taste. Could you buy me a beer?' Later I said, 'If you don't take me home tonight, you'll be aggravating one of our greatest social problems---homelessness.' She took me home."

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"There's more coupling now than dating," says Chris, a fifth-year senior at the University of Montana. "Most kids come from single parent families now so they look toward instant intimacy. There are a lot of people looking for father and mother figures in their relationships."