Writing on the Wall

Why Do women take so long in the rest room? They're creating graffiti. That's what I concluded after numerous trips to women's rooms in a liberal arts building at the University of California at Berkeley, where I was doing postgraduate work. In fact, the most entertaining stuff from my time there was what I found in the bathroom. Armed with my notebook and tape recorder--for when my hand got tired--I began to transcribe what I saw in the campus' most well-read and well-written women's bathrooms.

On Relationships

I'm 21 years old and I've had 11 lovers. Is that normal?

--Define normal.

--Do you mean serious lovers or casual flings--one-night stands?

--Honey, by the time I was 21, I'd had 15 lovers. It seemed pretty normal to me and my friends, but that was before AIDS.

--Did you love all 11? Or did you just have intercourse with 11 males?

--Who said anything about males only?

--You're doing great. By the time I was 21, 1 was turning tricks.

--Whatever feels right for you is normal--just have safe sex.

--Statistics say the average woman has nine lovers in a lifetime. I'm 23--I've had 14. I guess it's an old statistic.

--What is normal? Most of my friends, including me, have had at least three and we're 22.Are we slow? Or do we have different definitions of the word lover?

--I know many women who are 23 and older who have had 30-plus lovers. It depends on how you feel about it personally, not on what anyone else says. The better I feel about myself, the more comfortable I am with sex but the fewer lovers I have. I have a boyfriend now who keeps me satisfied and I don't want anyone else.

--You are fine as long as you can deal with it. No one has the right to say anything about your lifestyle because in the end, you are stuck with yourself. I'm 20 and have had the same lover for three and a half years. He is my first and only.

•

What do you do about a boyfriend who is sweet, wonderful, kind, generous, sincere and intelligent but doesn't know what passion is?

--Drop him now, unless you can live with boring sex all your life.

--Yeah, sex is great. But what about the next morning and the rest of your life? Sex becomes less important.

--Is he young? Give him a chance. Teach him right. Say erotic things to him, tell him fantasies, eat figs in bed. After a year, if no luck, move on.

--Teach him passion--or at least try.

--Passion is rooted in doing what it is that you love. It is a feeling of being absolutely absorbed in something that feels very good to your mind, body and soul. There are many things in my life that I'm passionate about. Sex usually takes a backseat to all of them.

•

love Fernando. But he's married and has a kid. He's showing interest in me also. Should I walk away?

--Yes, you slut, he's a pig.

--Some friendly advice!

--Think about his wife and her pain.

--The guilt and trauma you'll go through with love relations with a married man are not worth it.

--I was in the same situation. I pursued the relationship until I figured out it was worthless, that I didn't mean half as much to him as he meant to me. There are lots of other men who are loyal and trustworthy. Any man who will cheat on his, wife is definitely not worth the trouble.

--He will cheat on you, too!

•

I like my boyfriend because we match. We're both good-looking, with brown hair and very toned bodies. Can I help but be proud of us?

--You're not just proud, you're insecure enough to have to brag. Is he as insecure as you?

--My love is 6'4" and white. I'm 5'1" and Indian, but our minds match and that's why we're in love.

--Truly loving someone means loving your differences as well as loving your similarities.

--Like, how totally boss. Gee, you're so great. I wish I could be like you: dumb, insecure and superficial.

--Congratulations! I bet you two make a cute couple. More power to you.

--What kind of insipid nonsense is this? "I like my boyfriend because we match." Are you human beings or Underoos?

•

What do you say to having an affair with my professor? We're now friends, but I want some kind of relationship.

--Run like the plague. Bad, bad idea.

--Run fast, far away--don't do it.

--I'd suggest waiting until he ceases to be your professor (at the end of the semester). Going for it that way, the authority-figure thing won't be a problem.

--That's what we decided to do. Thanks for the advice.

--Maybe it's the authority thing that attracts her to the professor?

Wanted: A nice, sexy bi to participate in a ménage à trois with me and my boyfriend. Must be willing to have sex with both of us.

--Fine. How about with a couple?

--Are you all AIDS-free?

--OK. What's your phone number?

--Have safe sex, whatever the answer. Most people haven't been tested and still think the answer is definitely yes.

--Why is it always female-male-female? Why not male-female-male? Or female-female-female?

--I tried both and male-female-male is just too much work.

•

I need a big, strong construction worker to keep me warm at night. Mmm.

--Male or female?

--Get a blanket. It has the same IQ!

--Good call!

--Very classist o f you rich college kids who'll probably never do an honest day's work.

On Oral Sex

Last night my boyfriend got on my face and said that it was so pretty he wanted to fuck it. It seemed weird to me but I let him. Is this abnormal? Please help. I want to know.

--The point is, do only what you feel comfortable with. Nothing is abnormal if it feels good between two or more consenting people.

--I don't think it's weird or abnormal. The passion of sex sometimes makes people say things that they wouldn't normally say. Besides, men love oral sex. I think they enjoy it more than most women do.

--I totally agree.

--No way!

•

My boyfriend seems to enjoy tasting vagina. Is this normal?

--This is normal.

--Count yourself lucky.

--Amen!

--No, this is not normal, it is an abomination. You need to really think about yourself and to get yourself together because you both have serious problems. God bless you.

--This is not normal.

--Who has the problem?

--Either you've never been eaten out or you're frigid. Self-righteous, to be sure. Get a life and a mind of your own. If there's a God, He created the clitoris, which has no purpose but to give pleasure. So what does that tell you? When you stop criticizing others, you might learn to enjoy your own experiences more.

--Come on, you wieners--you take yourselves too seriously. Wake up. This is a joke.

--Most older, more experienced men I've been with d o this, but the younger ones are less likely to do it well, if at all.

--I'm not sure, but my girlfriend enjoys tasting my vagina and it feels perfectly normal to me.

--I just wish I had a girlfriend to taste mine.

--I'm addicted to cock. Don't get me wrong--it's not that I don't love to have my pussy eaten, but nothing is better, than a nice stiff cock.

--Gag me.

--Can't you enjoy both?

--I said that for years. Then I met this sexy woman--and I've never wanted cock again, [signed] Lesbian come home

--I'm curious. Do you like feeling that you're pleasing somebody or do you enjoy the softness or both?

On Oral Sex

I finally took it up the ass. It felt good but it did hurt. Will it always?

--Yeah, if your boyfriend's hung like a rhino, like mine.

--Yeah, because it's about their pleasure, not yours.

--Well, do (concluded on page 147) Writing on the sWall (continued from page 83) a lot of girls like it?

--I sure do!

--Me, too.

--I know it feels good, but it's dangerous--lots of chance for disease(unless, of course, you use a condom) and the possibility that your colon will be punctured. Don't try it again.

--Do.

--Wrong! Uninformed! As long as you use a condom and lubrication it's perfectly safe and will stop hurting.

--No, it's true! The colon is not meant to stretch so far as to hold a penis. You have to make sure you have a considerate boyfriend and lots of lubrication before you do it. He should wear a condom to prevent infection.

--No, it is not true. What do you mean by "not meant"? A gentle partner is no problem.

--I manage.

--Just relax and it can be very enjoyable--it all depends on ho about it you are.

--Actually, if you ask gay men, they usually don't like receiving it, they like doing it and receive to be fair.

--Ten million gay men can't be wrong. Try using anal lube.

More on Sex

Do you like to fuck a man or he fucks you? I like both. How about you?

--Sex is not a subject--object relationship. It's something two people do mutually. We fuck each other.

--I like all three kinds: mutual, fucking an d being fucked, as long as all three can happen with the same person.

--Don't know about you but I feel like I've been fucked sometimes.

•

Phuck physics.

--I did, but it wasn't very good.

•

Has anyone experienced reduced sexual desires because they were using birth control pills?

--Some women get real mood swings, even depression, so perhaps that's what's going on. Read up about side effects of the pill.

--There seem to be so many. I've been on it for years. I now want to quit and return to normal (if possible).

•

My friend gave me a vibrator for my birthday. God, what a gift. Also, my skin is better. Why?

--Orgasms aid in blood circulation throughout one's entire body. No sexual frustration, no more chocolate binges, no pimples.

--Maybe you've become a plastic entity.

--Shit, 1 left my vibrator in New Mexico. Bummer.

--I don't get this vibrator thing--aren't your hands good enough? What about getting back to basics (for sexual stimulation, that is)?

--You obviously haven't tried one.

•

I love boys that get hard quick. It gets me horny. I like when they feel my breasts and I whimper. Then he takes his finger and rubs between my hot, wet, juicy lips and thighs.

--Did a guy write this?

On Homosexuality

I would like to experience gay sex.

--Why? Why not?

--I don't understand gay sex. We're not physically built to have sex with other women, correct?

--We don't have penises but we can do things. How shall I put it? We can still have fun. Sexual intercourse with a penis ain't everything.

--But it's the real thing.

--Not for me.

--Honey, you're sick if you don't like dicks.

--Honey, you're sick if dicks are all you like, whether you love women or men.

I eat pussy and love it!

--Are you bragging or complaining?

--I do, too. Yum.

--Where are you guys? I've never been eaten by a girl and I'm dying to have it. I'm wet just thinking about it.

--Women who eat pussy are all over. I love eating pussy and I'm right here right now and so ready. Sex with another woman is real fulfillment!

•

I fantasize about women. Can one experiment without emotional commitment?

--Yes, if you are honest about your emotions. Don't break a woman's heart. She feels heartbreak so much more deeply than men do.

--Usually true.

--Bullshit. You are sexist.

On Graffiti

Why are women so supportive of each other on bathroom walls, but so critical and backstabbing to one another in the real world?

--Because you don't know who they are.

--Because women are critical and backstabbing to themselves as individuals in the real world. Other women look, act and seem to be too much like themselves for them to be supportive.

--No, it's what men have taught us.

--Maybe we've just been taught to think this about ourselves. Is it really true? Are we misrepresenting ourselves?

--I don't backstab other women. I like and respect women myself.