The Year In Sex

Heidi, Show Us Your Ho's

Tinseltown trembled as purported madam to the stars Heidi Fleiss, busted for pandering and drug possession, hinted she might tattle on her clientele. Victoria Sellers (right) stuck up for her pal, accompanying Heidi to her arraignment, but one skittish studio exec disavowed involvement even before the charges were announced. Billy Idol went on TV to tell Jay Leno that he has never paid for sex, and a spokesman for Charlie Sheen reportedly claimed the actor hadn't endorsed those 18 traveler's checks cops found at Heidi's place--once owned by Michael Douglas, who (you guessed it) denied being a patron.

Nude Dude Viewed Lewd

Andrew ''Naked Guy'' Martinez' habit of strolling the University of California's Berkeley campus starkers motivated the school to outlaw nudity and expel him, sparking First Amendment protests (below). Berkeley city fathers then enacted a similar ban, duly challenged by Andy (right), whose guilty plea got him probation.

Barefoot Boy With Cheeks

Moon rhymes with June and also cartoon: Bart Simpson proves it, making the befuddled Homer and Marge endure another juvenile wise crack.

Today's in-flight movie is....

Too chicken to do it on Delta? The aeronautically amorous can rent a discreetly piloted Cessna from Florida's Mile High Club (whose slogan is ''We fly for love and it shows'').

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Barbie's new beau, Earring Magic Ken--a gay blade--sports what appears to be a cock ring on a silver thread around his neck. ''Absolutely not,'' claims a Mattel spokeswoman. ''It's a necklace.'' Maybe she's right. Although a Mattel survey suggested that girls would like Ken ''to look a little cooler,'' he remains anatomically incorrect.

Once In Love With Amy....

Talk about media overkill: The Amy Fisher-Joey Buttafuoco saga, in which Amy was jailed for trying to off Mrs. B., spawned three TV movies, a comic book, even trading cards. After more than a year of denials, Joey admitted he had boffed the teenager after all.

So Many Girls, So Little Time

Julio Iglesias, explaining why he hadn't provided a blood sample in a paternity case: ''I wouldn't have time to sing if I had to take a blood test every time a girl said I got her pregnant.''

Let's Get Naked--Not!

The latest trend in magazines appears to be the coy cover-up. None of the others, however, can hold a candle to Spy's spoof of Tina Brown, now the editor of the new--and sexier--New Yorker.

She Enjoys Being A Girlie

Critics say she's losing it, but 72,000 fans packed London's Wembley Stadium for Madonna's Girlie Show, which, hype promised, would ''put a lump in your throat and perhaps in your trousers.'' Police in Toronto, where she was once busted for obscenity, said they'd pass this time: Nothing's obscene there anymore, it seems.

That Smarts!

No pain, no train? Finding a condom in her husband's jacket, a Moscow wife decided to teach him a lesson. Dousing the rubber with pepper, she resealed it and returned it to his pocket. A local clinic subsequently treated the philanderer for a badly swollen penis.

Wankers Aweigh

Despite Navy vows to prosecute the perpetrators in Tailhook's sexual harassment scandal, more than half the cases have been dropped.

Zorba Goes To Seed

At 78, Anthony Quinn (here proving that he loves art, too) has fathered his fourth child out of wedlock, irking his wife of 29 years.

Branford's Briefs Encounter

After losing a Super Bowl wager to band member Kevin Eubanks, The Tonight Show's Branford Marsalis stripped to bikini bra and leopard-skin briefs on camera, breaking up host Jay Leno.

And She Did

Cable TV stripper Robin Byrd backed out of a run for Manhattan borough president when she failed to gain enough signatures to get on the ballot.

The Love That Won't Shut Up, Or Girls Will Be Girls

Lesbian chic was in the headlines as magazines, newspapers and TV programs dedicated space to the same-sex lifestyle of females. Gays and lesbians marched on Washington, marketers wooed homosexuals as potential customers, and many women, among them singer k.d. lang (quoted in Vanity Fair, near right), came out of the closet.

And the Winner in the Category of Best Actor in a Female Role is....

Is she is or is he ain't? It's hard to tell in this age of gender bending. Wherever you turn, guys are impersonating gals. Take films: Robin Williams tries to gain access to the offspring he lost in a child-custody case by masquerading as a nanny in Mrs. Doubtfire (below); Quentin Crisp, self-described as ''one of the stately homos of England,'' impersonates Queen Elizabeth in Orlando (inset); and, in one of the most controversial performances of the year, Jaye Davidson, as a transvestite singer in The Crying Game, had millions of moviegoers gasping when ''she'' revealed a full set of male genitalia. Or consider pop, video and the MTV awards (towering superdiva RuPaul Andre Charles conquered all three). Onstage, John Epperson (far right) stars in Lypsinka! A Day in the Life. Author Tama (The Male Cross Dresser Support Group) Janowitz, bottom right, asked about a published rumor that she had been born Tom A. Janowitz, had a spokeswoman reply, rather weakly: ''It's very personal, and I don't feel that it's anybody's business.''

Scent of a Woman

Following other designers into the fragrance business, Paris couturier Jean Paul Gaultier dreamed up a curvaceous, corseted perfume bottle--and then, for some reason, put it in a can.

Just A Little Off The Top, Please

Veteran stripper Pama Powell has opened a 24-hour topless hair salon in Atlanta. For $75, customers can get a shampoo, a haircut and a glass of wine or bubbly.

Stay Tuned For An Interview With Bubbles The Chimp

Tabloids, both print and electronic, had a field day with child-molestation allegations involving eternal kid Michael Jackson, said to have shared his bed with young boys. Complicating the picture: a child-custody battle, dueling celeb lawyers and a Los Angeles private eye.

That Smarts, Too!

Facing rape, a Mississippi nurse grabbed her assailant's privates, twisted and hung on until the man fled. Cops, noting a name in the pants he'd left behind, found him at home with an ice pack.

Bye-Bye, Baser Instincts

After treatment at the Sierra Tucson Clinic, Michael Douglas allegedly said that, cured of his addiction to exciting sex, he would return to his wife, Diandra.

I Schwing The Body Electric

We've been hearing for several years that computer sex is the coming thing. It took a while, but with the increasing popularity of network bulletin boards and interactive CD-ROM discs such as the hot-selling Virtual Valerie (above), it may finally be happening.

The Year In Pecs

Something for the girls: With many apologies to Rodin, thinker Sylvester Stallone became a cover boy au naturel. Not coincidentally, Sly had a new movie coming out at the time.

For She'S A Jolly Stringfellow

No longer hangouts for Joe Six-pack whiling away his lunch hour, topless clubs--such as Stringfellows, above--have gone upscale from Texas to New York to London.

Will Loni Get Custody Of The Rug? Film At 11

We've heard all we want to about Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson, who have been battling via tabloids and television. Loni claims she was faithful during their marriage, but Burt admits to having had a two-year affair with yet another blonde, Tampa bar manager Pamela Seals (inset photo).

What's Thong With This Picture?

Arrested as a traffic hazard, hot-dog vendor Annette Baerman is back on the streets of Fort Lauderdale, pedding a new message.

Tales From The Crypt

Life after death turned sleazy for a host of famous folks who became subjects of new biographies: Judy Garland is labeled a bisexual by writer David Shipman; Walt Disney, according to author Mark Eliot, had a pathological fear of sex; Marilyn Monroe was, depending on which book you read, (1) a suicide, (2) killed accidentally or (3) murdered by politically connected Mob hit men after aborting a Kennedy kid; FBI chief J. Edgar Hoover is dragged (in more ways than one) from the closet by scribe Anthony Summers; George Washington's biographer Thomas A. Lewis dodges rumors of adultery but brands him a fortune hunter; Marlene Dietrich's daughter Maria Riva credits her mom with innumerable liaisons (sample: Gertrude Stein, JFK, Yul Brynner, Edith Piaf, Maurice Chevalier and Edward R. Murrow); and Howard Hughes, according to author Charles Higham, bedded Bette Davis, Katharine Hepburn, Rita Hayworth, Cary Grant, Tyrone Power and Randolph Scott, to mention just a few.

Tops Off For Tee Time

These lovelies are caddies for Rick's Topless Classic, a Houston-area golf tournament that changes sites every year, usually after receiving complaints from some irate neighbors.

Naked Came The Jumper

The second annual Vancouver Island nude bungee jump near Nanaimo, British Columbia drew an estimated 150 male and female participants.

Royals Flushed

If 1992 was an annus horribilis for Queen Elizabeth and her brood, 1993 was worse. Spies caught Princess Di skinny-dipping, eavesdropped on lovey-dovey chats between Prince Charles and gal pal Camilla Parker Bowles (in which he expressed a desire to live in her knickers) and generally provided graphic gossip for the scandal-hungry Brit media. On this side of the Atlantic, Saturday Night Live's Dana Carvey dressed up as a tampon (right) in order to impersonate one of Chuck's more vivid recorded fantasies.

Blue Proves True Blue

Steamy scenes such as this from TV's NYPD Blue had that bluenose clergyman Donald Wildmon yelping, but ratings went off the wall.

That Really Smarts!

Claiming marital abuse, Lorena Bobbitt sliced off two thirds of her sleeping husband's penis and then tossed it into a field. Rescuers located the organ and took it to a hospital, where surgeons (successfully, they think) reattached it. We await the miniseries.

Two No Trump

The off-again and on-again romance of Maria Maples and Donald Trump took another turn when they announced that she was pregnant with his baby. Disputes over a prenuptial agreement reportedly ensued, and when Tiffany was born in October, Donald still hadn't got Miss Marla to the church on time.

Look, Ma, No Bra

The folks at Cary's Creations in Bremerton, Washington designed Suspend-Hers to help big-bosomed women (cup sizes D to K) achieve the nobra look, letting it all hang out while seemingly defying the laws of gravity.

Just Keeping In Touch With His Constituency

Oregon Senator and diarist Bob Packwood, formerly a staunch champion of feminist causes, found himself facing a Senate inquiry when a score of women accused him of unwanted sexual advances over a period of some 20 years.

In Praise of Bigger Women

Since skinny waifs (e.g., Kristin McMenamy, near left) are all the rage in fashion mags, one publication insisted that womanly Guess model and Playmate of the Year Anna Nicole Smith had had her bosom augmented. Nah, says Anna (far left), ''it's all mine.''