20 Questions: Kelsey Grammer

It's only fitting that Kelsey Grammer should be known for his deadpan comic gifts. As therapist Dr. Frasier Crane on "Cheers," the classically trained actor proved that few could match his flair for playing a bewildered-looking, uptight gentleman. His dramatic turf was so much his own that when "Cheers" finally wrapped, it was Grammer who won "Frasier," the witty spin-off about a radio call-in shrink. Last season it was NBC's highest-rated new series; Grammer and "Frasier" both won the top Emmy awards. As most people know by now, the Grammer legend is fueled both by his reputation as an oddball ladies' man and by some well-documented problems involving drugs and alcohol.

Recently, he celebrated his engagement to girlfriend Tammi Baliszewski, and the word is out that Grammer is a changed man. We sent writer Margy Rochlin to an oceanside restaurant in Malibu to investigate. Says Rochlin, "Kelsey showed up—looking extremely un-Frasierish in white shorts, a black T-shirt and flyaway hair—ready to set aside several hours to talk, chain-smoke and refresh himself with liquids. Given Grammer's personal history, I couldn't help but wonder which questions he would balk at. But the only restriction he set was dictated not by topic but by time. As it turned out, he had an appointment with his therapist. Research, I'll assume."

1.

[Q] Playboy: On Frasier you play a bornagain bachelor who's in a dating slump. What behavioral methods does your character use to rechannel his libidinal energies?

[A] Grammer: Frasier is horny, but he is not willing to commit to someone right now. And rather than be irresponsible about it, he prefers to take his time. In terms of the show, it's smart for us to take our time. If it turns into a show about whom Frasier is poking, it will descend into a not-very-interesting format. Frasier has achieved one certain level of identity: He has a son. He had a marriage, but it fell apart. He feels he's been betrayed. But he also realizes that it was necessary to get him to this point. Frasier is a fuller human being now than he was on Cheers. Someday, he expects to be an even fuller human being and maybe have a relationship with someone. But we don't need to do that yet.

2.

[Q] Playboy: You once said that the question you were asked most frequently in prison was "What was it like to work with Shelley Long?" What need did she address in the prison population?

[A] Grammer: How can I do this in the most diplomatic way? Shelley, to many people, is very attractive. I, um, never thought of her that way. I just thought of her as someone I worked with, so I couldn't offer any insight into Shelley's charms. But, frankly, the inmates asked about everybody. "What's Woody like?" "Well, he's a nice guy." "Hey, what's George like?" "Great guy." "Does he really drink real beer?" "Well, not on the show. But George does like beer." It was the normal questioning drill that you go through any time you have a two-minute conversation.

3.

[Q] Playboy: OK. You're on the radio as Frasier. You get a call. It's Michael Jackson. He says, "My wife doesn't understand me." What's your advice?

[A] Grammer: Jesus! I haven't got a clue about Michael Jackson, except that I think he's brilliantly talented. And I think anybody who's brilliantly talented is open to being misunderstood—a lot. So I guess his only hope would be to try to help her understand. [In Frasier's concerned-therapist voice] "Talk with her, Michael. Work it through. Also, maybe you should work on those lower notes a little bit."

4.

[Q] Playboy: You proposed to your future wife on bended knee in front of a studio audience. What's the best part about public displays of affection?

[A] Grammer: You can't take them back. There are witnesses. It makes it seem more authentic. I had proposed to her before that, but I presented the ring to her in front of the audience. I think she appreciated it. You know, I believe we're all connected. If you share a wonderful moment, then everyone has a chance to enjoy it. I'm kind of sappy.

5.

Q] Playboy: You were born in the Virgin Islands. When did you give up your birthright as a Virgin Islander? Was it traumatic leaving the Virgins?

[A] Grammer: Meaning when did I first get laid? I was born in St. Thomas, but we left when I was fairly young and moved to New York. I've been back to the Virgin Islands, and I can see why I might want to live there someday. It's peaceful, soothing, calming, clean. The last time I went was last summer. It may have something to do with another life—who knows?—but I like tropical climates and I feel at home in them. I have a feeling that you're wondering when I lost my virginity. And I'm not going to tell you that.

6.

[Q] Playboy: You are reported to be a skilled pianist. Share with us your standard set. Do you do Feelings? New York, New York? Misty?

[A] Grammer: I know a couple of standards—When Sunny Gets Blue, Summertime, Thanks for the Memory. But as a rule I sit down at the piano for meditative purposes. I can sit down for hours and do it, or sit down for five minutes and do it. Mostly, I play what I make up. And the odds aren't great that I'll ever play the same thing twice.

7.

[Q] Playboy: While it's not Percy or even Eustace, being named Kelsey surely must have presented some problems growing up. Care to recall them?

[A] Grammer: When I was growing up they called me Elsie the Cow. And because of my last name, Graham Cracker. Elsie the Cow Graham Cracker. At first, I sort of minded. Then I thought to myself, Why am I worried about them? Fortunately I had the sense that maybe I just shouldn't bother with people who can't get past my name. That turned out to be a very astute observation on my part.

8.

[Q] Playboy: Now that you are successful, tell us: What's the best thing about fuck-you money?

[A] Grammer: Years ago, I decided it was better to have (continued on page 211)Kelsey Grammer(continued from page 157) the ability to say "fuck you" without having fuck-you money. You know, being able to say it when you really need the job. I've turned down lots of jobs. For example, when I was younger, I was offered a part in a porno film. The deal was to sail around in the Bahamas for three weeks on a yacht and do these two women. It was called The Bermuda Triangle. It paid $10,000, which I could have used. I was dying, had no food. But for me, it just seemed wrong. [Pauses] Maybe you shouldn't mention the name of the movie. A friend of mine ended up doing it.

9.

[Q] Playboy: When you hosted Saturday Night Live, you opened with a skit in which you played—convincingly, we might add—a man in denial about his receding hairline. What therapeutic advice do you have for your brothers who are follicularly challenged?

[A] Grammer: I have none. Saturday Night Live did the skit because they thought it would be funny. I thought, Yeah, we can probably make that funny. It certainly wasn't a personal insight into Kelsey Grammer's feelings. The way I see it is that I used to have more hair and now I have less. I'd like to hang on to what I've got. But if it goes, it goes. I like my head. It's a good head. I don't object to it. It's just that I used to have more hair, and now I have less. Now more spots are showing. I also decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to get very far on my appearance.

10.

[Q] Playboy: Come on. Not everyone gets an offer to star in a porno movie.

[A] Grammer: I was 18. I had long blond hair. I looked pretty good then. I always thought that the thing that people will find interesting in you is your brain. That's what I've always found interesting in people. I've been with different people in my life who, by regular standards, might not be considered all that attractive. But that wasn't what I was into anyway. It's the intellect and what you see behind the eyes that make people attractive to me. It's fun if the whole package is there. But you do need the whole package. I've had opportunities to be with people who were physically stunning but so mentally unengaging that it was impossible to find them attractive—except on an objective and entirely removed level.

11.

[Q] Playboy: After two years at Juilliard, you were expelled for what have been shrugged off as "disciplinary problems." Who took the bad news worse—you or the people who knew you?

[A] Grammer: In acting school there was a cut every term. I made it through two full years, then they finally said, "You know, Kels, this isn't working out." I said, "Yeah, I know. That's fine." There was no uproar or serious problem. It was amicable. It's just that I had lost interest in some of the things that were going on there and I needed to move on. It was a big deal to everybody but me. My girlfriend freaked out. We were very serious about each other, and suddenly it was as if her whole world had collapsed. She thought, Oh my God, he's not going to be a provider! Her dad was an insurance executive. But, still, I was surprised.

12.

[Q] Playboy: A few years ago, when you were playing the lead role in Richard II, your stage performance was interrupted by a 6.1 earthquake. What were you thinking about as the footlights trembled and the proscenium shook?

[A] Grammer: I was in the middle of the scene in which Richard is about to be overwhelmed by a superior force—the famous speech "Down, down I come, like glist'ring Phaëthon wanting, the manage of unruly jades." As I started "down"—this is basically his descent into becoming a human being—the earth started to shake. And I thought, Oh, this is weird. Then I thought about the normal things you would think about: I hope that trellis is built well. I hope the light units are mounted well. Then I thought to find the safest spot on the stage—there were about four or five other actors with me. I looked around. Waited. Put my hand on one guy's shoulder. Looked up to make sure nothing was going to fall. Then it was over. I turned to the audience and said, "I think we're OK now" and went right back into the scene. It was great. As I exited, I got a huge hand.

13.

[Q] Playboy: We understand that Cheers was a hit in drug and alcohol recovery units at many hospitals. Why do you think it was?

[A] Grammer: Because it's funny. The greatest value of any sitcom is that it makes people laugh. Since I joined Cheers and even on through Frasier, what I usually hear from people is "Thank you for lightening the load. Thank you for making my life fun for a half hour. You helped me so much." And it was only because they got home from their world of shit and laughed.

14.

[Q] Playboy: You're about to wed for the third time. Rebut the remark, "Marriage is a triumph of hope over experience."

[A] Grammer: Experience is the triumph of hope over adversity. In other words, you've been burned so many times that you would think you'd just forget it, but you still have hope—hope springs eternal. We still try. And a good marriage certainly is that. Nothing in our experience tells us it's a good idea, but we can imagine. I guess hope comes from our imagination. Without experience, we wouldn't be able to hope. Hope has value only if you've known despair. You have a chance to fight for something worthwhile. Suddenly it's personal. You have an opportunity to make choices that turn your life into something good again. Now, that's accomplishment.

15.

[Q] Playboy: You have had significant experience with kooky relationships. What kind of women do you find more attractive—those who are eccentric or those who are just plain nuts?

[A] Grammer: I was always attracted to people who didn't have boundaries. People who would just do anything, anywhere and I'd sort of go, "Ooops!" That's where it starts, but it can get worse than that. You can get spit on by your wife in front of the president of the United States—that's a good one. But I really can't say much more than that because there's a gag order on it.

16.

[Q] Playboy: When you were eight years old, you drew a map of a place called Grammerland. Was there a theme to your park? If so, what was the park's main attraction?

[A] Grammer: When I drew it, of course, there were just some really cool rides. Water rides, a big Ferris wheel, a roller coaster. It was very green, very neat looking. The main attraction? Maybe the Hall of Windows, which would be a place where you could put your eyes in front of a certain device that would show you who you really are and teach you how to love yourself again. That would be the main attraction.

17.

[Q] Playboy: When is bad Grammer more useful than good Grammer?

[A] Grammer: My definition of bad is very loose. Human experience is basically good. I've always tried to stick with the golden mean: nothing in excess, everything in moderation. I have, by a series of excesses, found moderation. But never to my regret or shame, really. People would interpret some of the things that have happened to me as being shameful, but I don't. I see them as watermarks on the way to becoming a higher-evolved human being. I'm the whole ball of wax. At some level, you are the sum total of your experience, and my experience has been pretty interesting. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Good Grammer goes hand in hand with the bad. But the good helped me prevail.

18.

[Q] Playboy: Recall some advice that seemed meaningless when you first heard it but makes perfect sense now.

[A] Grammer: When I was 11 years old my grandfather taught me a phrase that I didn't understand. I was in fifth grade and complaining, "Oh God, these guys are really bugging me." He said, "Kels, you see a bug, you step on it or walk around it." I was like, "Oh, thanks for the help." But you can walk around it. This is bugging you right now? So what? Let that bug go on its way. If a real bug were about to bite my daughter, who would die as a result, I'd step on it. But in most cases you don't need to do that. You can walk around it, diplomatically.

19.

[Q] Playboy: You're not a therapist, but you play one on TV. Are there certain rules of ethics that you refuse to let Frasier break?

[A] Grammer: One thing we're conscious of is the idea that Frasier and his brother, Niles, are good psychiatrists. They are professionals who don't break the rules. So if there is a crisis of professional acumen or behavior, it becomes the issue of the show—whether or not it is proper or ethical. It started a long time ago, when I read for the part of Frasier on Cheers. They originally had him as being Diane's therapist. I said, "You can't do that. The key to this guy is that he is a good therapist. That's just wrong. It's unethical." So the writers went, "Oh, OK," and made Diane and Frasier's meeting accidental: While she was institutionalized, he stopped her from hitting an old woman over the head with a croquet mallet.

20.

[Q] Playboy: To the untrained eye, your life seems not to have a central organizing principle. Do you have one?

[A] Grammer: A long time ago I coined the term requisite disrespect. Requisite disrespect has to do with the way I work and with the way I live. You can't take too much too seriously. In terms of craft, you have to get to a place where you trust all your gifts to the point where you don't think about them anymore, where you don't consciously try to make a statement, you simply make one. That's requisite disrespect. Let's say you're the guy who does the spinning plates in the circus. You've been spinning plates for 25 years. There is no part of spinning a plate that you don't know. So you end up not thinking about it. You can keep 40 plates going and you don't know how. It has just become what you do best. You're no longer trying to do it better than somebody used to. You just do it. You know when one plate's going to fall off—you don't even have to look at it. Requisite disrespect is the same as that. It's as though you were the plate and the stick and the spinner, all at the same time. You don't have time to think about everything you know in order to do it right. It's disrespect for yourself, basically—for your own sense that you're more important than the work.