Stocking Stuffers

What would the holidays be without the crème de menthe blow job? Is it better to give than to receive? We'll let you decide. Find someone you love and curl up in front of the fire with these time-tested techniques.

Santa claus is coming

Are you naughty or nice? Only Santa knows for sure, but talking dirty is more fun than singing Christmas carols. In this trick, the man invites the woman to mount him while he sits on a chair. As they make love, she tells him all the sexual adventures she would like to try. Be specific. Mention body parts, all of the forbidden fantasies you've kept to yourself. Consider each of the five senses and describe an act that will satisfy. You don't actually have to perform these acts to enjoy them. For his part, Santa can tell you what he would like—for Labor Day.

That Christmas spirit

For him: Here's the original crème de menthe blow job: "The woman holds a sip of the minty liqueur in her mouth, touches the man's penis to her lips and then parts them slightly, allowing the liqueur to spread over his glans and down his shaft. Then she opens her mouth wider, goes down on his penis and exhales forcefully. Her warm breath on the crème de menthe gives the man an exciting sensation of heat. After that she backs off so that her lips encircle only the head of her lover's penis. She inhales forcefully, and the man experiences an exquisite cooling sensation."

For her: In return, the man can take a small straw, dip it in the glass of liqueur and use it to blow warm air at the clitoris. After she has her first orgasm, put an ice cube in your mouth and try to cool off her clitoris. The mixture of hot and cold can produce a second orgasm if done quickly.

On the 12th day of Christmas

For him: This is usually done with the man lying on his back. Sit or kneel beside him or between his legs. Taking his penis in one hand, gently caress it for about ten seconds. Then give it one quick up-and-down stroke. Repeat the caressing for another ten seconds—perhaps doing slow up-and-down strokes, perhaps doing other things that feel good. Then give his penis two quick up-and-down strokes. Repeat the caressing, then give three quick strokes. Then more caressing, followed by four quick strokes. Then more caressing, and five strokes. You get the idea. You can vary the caresses—adding twists or tongue or scratches—for each verse of the song. See if he can last for 12 full strokes. This same trick works for oral sex—his and hers.

Not a creature was stirring

Suspense is part of the holiday season. Remember lying in bed, pretending to be asleep while you listened for Santa? Here are two tricks that use stillness to spike sex: Take a piece of tinsel from the tree and tie your lover's thumbs behind her back. Then ask her to make love without using her hands. If she breaks the tinsel, she forfeits the round. A variation: Your lover lies on her back with her hands at her sides and her palms facing down. Place a Christmas cookie on top of each ankle and on the back of each hand. The game is simple. Your lover tries to hold still. You try to turn her on so much that she moves and the cookies fall off.

Tinsel, take two

Rub a longish piece of tinsel back and forth across her clit like a violin string.

No fair peeking

Give each other blindfolds or sleep masks. Wear them while you touch each other.

Santa's whiskers

A large, soft artist's brush or a makeup brush or shaving brush can create a thrilling sensation. It can be used for delightful teasing and also (more easily on women than on men) to bring your partner to orgasm. (Note: Use it without lube.) Hold her vaginal lips open with one hand and use the brush on the inside of her outer lips, on her inner lips (using it both back and forth and up and down) and on her clit. Working repeatedly from top to bottom on her clit, i.e., hood to tip, works especially well.

Up on the rooftop

This is a subtle point, so please pay attention. When caressing a woman's genitals, don't be too quick to insert your fingers. Keep stroking her exterior until you are invited in. The person who taught me about this said, "Let her contractions pull you in."

O Christmas Tree

For her: Use a pine branch to slightly abrade your partner's nipples (make sure she's not allergic to pine). This makes them more sensitive to strokes, etc.

The carnal candy cane

For him: Grasp the erect penis, placing your thumb and forefinger just below its tip. (If you are right-handed, this may work best if you use your left hand.) Keeping your grasp slightly firm, slide your hand down the shaft of the penis to its base. You should now have his penis in your hand with its skin pulled somewhat tight. When a man masturbates, gets his cock sucked or has intercourse, this skin usually slides. Pulling it tight and then stimulating his penis produces a more intense, usually highly pleasurable, sensation. One caution: Your stimulation may feel unpleasant if the penis is dry, so use enough lubricant to keep things slippery—especially during masturbation.

For her: Normally when you lick a nipple, it moves back and forth under your tongue, which means some sensation is lost. To prevent this, spread your index and middle finger slightly apart and place them on either side of the nipple. (Don't push down on the chest so much that you cause pain.) Once your fingers are in place, spread them even farther apart. Your lover's nipple may noticeably bulge as you do this. With the nipple in this exposed and immobile position, apply your tongue and notice the difference.

On prancer, on vixen

This will really make those sleigh bells jingle. Take a thick bathrobe sash or similar type of material, preferably at least six feet long. Fold it in half and knot together the two ends. During rear-entry intercourse, the man then loops the sash around his partner's hips and grabs the ends that come out from either side. (It may work better if the knot protrudes from one side.) Grab the two reins thus created, and enjoy.

With all the trimmings

For her: The wire loops used to hang Christmas tree ornaments are perfect for use as nipple clips. Attach one to each breast. The point is not to cause pain, but to draw attention to a specific set of nerves.

Good vibrations

For him: Apply a vibrator to your face while performing fellatio. Move it around. Hold it against your cheek, then your chin, then your tongue.

Spreading Christmas cheer

For him: For many men, the only touching that feels erotic is the touching of their genitals. (For some men, it's only their penis. Even touching the scrotum doesn't feel erotic.) One good way to eroticize more of a man's body is to touch and stroke (or, perhaps, lick and suck) his penis while simultaneously touching and stroking another part of his body. His scrotum, nipples and inner thighs are good places to start. (Building pleasurable sensations may take several sessions.)

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One tip: Don't try to eroticize too many different places at the same time. Spend several sessions on just his nipples, for example, before going on to other areas.

Deck the halls

One woman told me that her lovers enjoy it if, during intercourse, she keeps time to music by contracting her vaginal muscles.

Jolly Saint Nick

The following trick is a little sneaky, but it can be great fun. While your lover has your cock in her mouth, crack a joke or otherwise make her laugh. The resulting sensation can feel marvelous, and your lover probably won't mind too much.

How to open a present

For her: For many women, the sensation of being opened carries a heavy erotic charge. While she is on her back, try holding her legs together as you run your tongue up and down the seam where her thighs meet. Tease her pubic hair and dip your tongue into her cleft as if you were trying to reach her clit.

Open her legs after you feel she has suffered enough, but (gently) pinch her labia majora shut with your fingers and continue the teasing. Next, spread her majora lips with your hands while you suck the minora lips (together, so you keep them shut). Then treat her to the final opening. The tension created can be exquisite. The first full-contact lick of her clit can be almost unbearable.

Popping the cork

While performing fellatio or cunnilingus, stop occasionally to place a sip of champagne in your mouth. A soft drink provides a pleasant nonalcoholic alternative.

Merry Trickmas to you, and happy New Year!

Editor's note: In our June issue, "The Playboy Advisor" mentioned the crème de menthe blow job, taken from "Tricks: More Than 125 Ways to Make Good Sex Better," by Jay Wiseman. Literally hundreds of readers wrote in asking how to buy the book. It's available from Romantasy in San Francisco or your local erotic boutique. For ordering information, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 1261, Berkeley, California 94701.