20 Questions: Jon Stewart

He is so determined to distinguish his show from the glut of talk programs that he stripped to his underpants for a publicity poster that appeared on walls all over New York. Jon Stewart admits the parody of a Calvin Klein underwear ad was embarrassing ("I'm not exactly buff"). And in it, the man who confesses to preferring women who look like Cindy Crawford posed with a waif model, no less. But the talk show experience hasn't been too painful for Stewart. Crawford herself appeared on "The Jon Stewart Show," which debuted on MTV in the fall of 1993 and was syndicated nationwide--and expanded to a full hour--on broadcast television last September. Stewart's hallmarks include cutting-edge bands and guests who relax on a bench seat salvaged from a car. Shortly before his move from MTV, the furniture was upgraded to classier British Rover bucket seats. And Cindy Crawford has returned.

Stewart was reportedly in contention for Conan O'Brien's job as NBC's late-night host. NBC passed but MTV gave him a second chance after he bombed on the channel's viewer-scripted show "You Wrote It, You Watch It." Stewart had worked his way around the comedy-club circuit for seven years--he admits to making a living from stand-up for about five of those years. His live dates ranged from a New Jersey Division of Mental Health Christmas party to Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, Appearances on HBO and Letterman followed.

Warren Kalbacker met with Stewart a couple of times. Kalbacker reports: "On one occasion Stewart announced he had a date with the model who had created a sensation in New York with her bus stop ads for thigh-high stockings. He placed a strict limit on how long we could talk. I glanced uneasily at his office clock. Then he admitted his 'date' was for taping a segment to be used on his show. Our other meeting, fortunately, was a long, open-ended conversation."

1.

Playboy: The Jon Stewart Show features a monolog, musical guests and celebrities plugging their latest projects. How did you come up with such an innovative format for late-night television?

Stewart: I have no idea. Originally, I wanted to do a syndicated show about lifeguards, but apparently there's one of those shows already. We are not shocking anybody. Originality, boy, I wish. I wish there were people--maybe there are--in America who'd think, Wow! This guy is a genius. How did he invent this? We're probably running in certain markets where the general manager of the station has absolutely no idea what kind of show this is. For all they know it could be an infomercial. Initially, we weren't going to do a monolog. We were going to do something different. So we tried it without a monolog in run-throughs and, boy, there's a reason for the monolog. If you just come out and start, people get confused. Is this a game show? Is someone going to win something? We did research. I watched a bunch of Carson's and Leno's and Letterman's old shows and thought, Let's flatter these fellas.

2.

Playboy: On one cable show you told Cindy Crawford that you carry your penis on the right side of your pants' crotch. We've noticed that since you've moved over to broadcast television, the word hand has been bleeped from a reference to a hand job and you've mentioned pubic hair, but not the penis. So have you had to tone it down?

Stewart: Those are the distinctions. Those are the lines we draw--penis and pubic hair. Those are the battles we fight in the boardroom--a bunch of guys sitting around yelling at one another, "What do you mean we have to drop the 'hand' out of 'hand job'?" In general we're still on late enough at night so that the content is not particularly prurient. We don't really do that kind of show anyway. I don't come out in a G-string, though I would. Anything for the ratings. Daytime TV is far more prurient than what we do at night. To have a whole show centered around goats that have sex with sheep--to me that's far more lurid than using the term hand job in context or mentioning the penis. People use these words in conversation. On network television, you can only hint about where your penis is. On cable you can actually point to it. By the way, Cindy was talking about how she posed as a man and had to tuck a sock in her pants to give the illusion of a penis.

3.

Playboy: Have you had any unpleasant encounters with the men in suits from Standards and Practices?

Stewart: There are times when I'll be in rehearsal and I'll say something and I'll hear footsteps. Somebody will walk out and say, "If you could just tone down that Long Dong Barney thing." The oddest subjects will set them off. We had a simple little skit called Great Moments in Pot History. Tremendous problems. We couldn't use the word great because that was deemed too kind to pot. So we changed it to Moments in Pot History. Apparently that was OK. Who knows where the line is? You never know until you do it. My basic concern is what's legal. Tell me what we'll get sued for--will we have to pay money if I say this?--and I'll stop before I get to it. But don't tell me what you think isn't funny or what isn't in good taste.

4.

Playboy: The topic of dating supermodels surfaces regularly on your show. Would you care to comment on your fascination with these women?

Stewart: Recently we did this skit in which Jon goes out with a supermodel, and in Jon's head he has to realize that this is a bit on the show. The reality is that I've never gone out with any of them, I merely talk about it. People confuse that issue all the time. A friend called me and said he wanted me to get Cindy Crawford's autograph for a friend of his. I said, "I don't know Cindy." I've talked with her a couple of times and we've hung out. I think he had the idea that all I had to do was roll over and say, "Cindy, this guy needs your autograph." I don't even know where she lives. It's hard to separate TV reality from reality reality. Models talk to you for six minutes and they're very nice and they say thank you and then they go off to the larger European men they actually have sex with.

5.

Playboy: Do you deny that you are worried about (continued on page 124) Jon Stewart (continued from page 109) the ratings battle with Conan O'Brien and Tom Snyder?

You worry about ratings because if they suck, you have to leave. They say, "No one's watching. See ya."

Stewart: Conan's not stalking me. I don't think a fistfight is going to happen. He is bigger than I am, but I' am harder to knock over. It would be a pleasure to get my ass kicked by Snyder. He is a legend in the broadcasting world. What's weird about syndication is that we are up directly against Conan in only 13 markets. In others we're on at various times, midnight or one A.M. And our lead-in every night is different, depending on where we're on. In some places it's Top Cops. In others it's that infomercial with the crazy blond guy who makes people cry when he predicts their futures. You worry about ratings because if they suck, you have to leave. They come in one day and say, "Guess what? No one's watching you. See ya." But in the sense of day-today worrying, you have to ignore it because it's such an abstract concept. They hand you a number and say, "This is your number." You don't have a feel for it. If we have a shitty show it seems that the same number of people watch it as when we have a good show. I did Conan's show. He's extremely tall. I was impressed by that. That always impresses me more than anything else. I'm five feet seven. Not that short. But for some reason the illusion on television is that you're larger, and so the comment I get most from people is: "You seem taller on TV." And richer and better looking and they all think I have a nicer apartment.

6.

Playboy: Are you trying to create a viewer cult to distinguish yourself from older and taller talk show hosts?

Stewart: It would be nice. I prefer to create a show that is more niche-oriented. One of the things that's different about working for Paramount is that their idea of what we should do with the show and my idea are somewhat different. They would love for us to broaden out and embrace all that is out there, but my feeling is that's already out there. I would much rather make it an odder show, create something on television that people can't get other places. If you can see Clint Black on Leno and Letter-man maybe you shouldn't want to get him on my show. Maybe you want to get Bad Religion or Compulsion or some other band on our show.

7.

Playboy: Do you want your viewers awake or would you prefer they tape your shows and watch the next day?

Stewart: I prefer they use a VCR because to me that's a higher level of civilization, one that I can't begin to approach. If they know how to program their VCRs to tape our show, these are bright people. These are good people.

8.

Playboy: We noticed a recent mention of Joey Buttafuoco. Just how long will you talk show hosts invoke that name in an attempt to get laughs?

Stewart: We aren't allowed to mention Buttafuoco too much because that name is the intellectual property of David Letterman. I brought up Buttafuoco because Ralph Macchio was a guest. He's from Long Island and I wanted his take on the madness that seems to be exploding there. My hometown is right outside Trenton, which is the home of Champale and Trojan rubbers. You'd think far more scandal would come out of Trenton than Long Island, which is an aerospace community. Trojans and Champale is a recipe for trouble, but it never happens. We also played Clue to decide the O.J. Simpson case. We did that about two weeks into the new show. I thought we were breaking new ground.

9.

Playboy: How hard do you work to plug a guest's latest film, TV show or CD?

Stewart: Not very. But we realize that's typically why they're there. It's not like anybody does the show because they really like me or really want to sit on a car seat.

10.

Playboy: In one recent week, you mentioned the value of the U.S. dollar against the Canadian dollar, the Swiss franc and the Japanese yen. Are you trying to lock in the viewership of economics students who are pulling all-nighters?

Stewart: We're here to educate. A lot of our writers come from The Wall Street Journal. So we've done a lot of jokes about Paul Volcker. I have to cross Paul Volcker jokes off the list all the time. We are nostalgic. We don't go with Greenspan because Volcker is big, and if you're an economist and you don't have a cigar you're not worth shit. If nothing else, my vocabulary is expanding at an enormous rate. William Shatner taught me what desultory means. Last week I learned veracity.

11.

Playboy: Do you take time to visit with your guests in the green room before they appear on the show?

Stewart: I introduce myself so that when they come out they know who they should walk toward. On MTV, the green room was more like the waiting area between dressing rooms. Now we actually have a little area where people hang out and watch the show. I don't want to brag, but we've stocked it with much of New York's finest discarded furniture and we've upgraded the fruit plate and everyone gets sandwiches. It's a whole new world out there for us right now. We're not trying to chintz people. We want them to have a nice time when they come here. If you want coffee you can have it. We're unbelievable with the beverages. That's sort of our calling card. Your mouth won't go dry on our show, and that's how we pitch it to guests. Too many times they're parched on shows.

12.

Playboy: Your parents divorced when you were young. Were you scarred by your experience with the breakdown of the American family?

Stewart: I am still bitter and hurt, and when I get big enough to criticize them on the cover of People magazine, the bitterness will come out. I'm sure at some point I'll be able to use it to my advantage, as the seed for my alcohol addiction or some sort of rehabilitation that I'll need to go through. Or maybe it was the catalyst for the pain that drove me into a shell of defensive humor, which led me to what I do now. I'm sure that if my parents hadn't divorced, I'd be totally different and you'd be interviewing me about my job at the State Department. My dad left my mother when he was about 40, and he married his secretary. I thought, Wow, that is so hackneyed. Dad, couldn't you come up with something a little more original, like marrying maybe a cheerleader? My dad had a kid when he was 50-something. I'm sure he's going to be like Anthony Quinn. He'll be 80 years old and he'll tell me, "Guess what? You have another brother!" "Oh, that's great, Dad."

13.

Playboy: Analyze your publicly expressed ambition to be a veterinarian.

Stewart: I actually wanted to be Dr. Doolittle. I wanted to help creatures who can't help themselves. For some reason I always felt a certain romance--platonic, mind you--with animals. There was something about being able to communicate with them. But then you realize that, basically, your life would be putting your thumb up a cat's butt. And squeezing the anal glands of a ferret. Which is not so romantic as thinking, I'll heal horses. Then you think maybe you'd rather play a vet in a movie. Then you'd just get a stunt double--a hand model with a rubber glove--and make him take care of it.

14.

Playboy: You've decried the lack of hot Jewish girls on television while you were growing up. Has the situation changed for the better?

Stewart: Now I don't think I care as much about it. It was all very much white America on TV when I was a kid. Blond kids. Except for The Munsters But I don't think they were Jewish. Not that they would have had any sitcoms like The Rothsteins: "This week it's Purim. Betty dresses up like Esther." I grew up in an area that wasn't very Jewish. And we weren't very traditional. But I did know that it was an odd thing to be Jewish. And I went to college in the South, where it was an even odder thing. I met these guys from Danville, Virginia who were nice, sweet guys but who would just say, "So you're a Jewish fella. We've never met a Jewish fella like you before." They would always follow it up with, "You're all right." And they were trying to make me feel good: "Let me tell you, I saw Yentl and I enjoyed it. I really did. Saw Fiddler on the Roof. I love those songs you people sing. How about them bagels? How about 'em? Mmm-mmm. I love the way you control the media and banking." "Well, thank you, sir, I appreciate that."

15.

Playboy: Tell us something surprising about Jewish mothers.

Stewart: Excellent dancers. The stereotype is that they're oppressive, but get them out on a dance floor and they're as light as a feather. They spin around. They lead and they won't allow you to lead.

16.

Playboy: Why in the world did you want to leave the suburbs of Trenton, New Jersey?

Stewart: Trenton is a lovely area filled with--OK, I'm trying to think of what it's filled with--nothing. That's why I left. I don't think the comedy clubs in Trenton and the TV production that's done there would have allowed me to do what I'm doing. We do have the state capitol and the planetarium. I could have worked at the planetarium.

17.

Playboy: You once worked as a lab assistant. Can the citizens of this country sleep better knowing that you no longer oversee the disposal of biomedical waste?

Stewart: Yes, they can. I wasn't very responsible. I was there for three weeks before I realized that I was supposed to wear gloves when I handled any of the materials. And oversee is the wrong word. It was more like clean up. I worked at a lab in New Jersey. The people in white coats were lovely and bright. They were working on a new cancer research test. I was basically busing tables at a biology lab. I'd throw away all the stuff that looked like it was glowing, and then throw the orange bags into the special radioactive bin. There was a reason why things were supposed to be handled with care, but I wasn't the most diligent at that sort of thing. I also made agar, the jelly stuff that they grow things in. I became very accomplished and had a recipe down, and I'd add certain touches that would make it special. I was proud of it.

18.

Playboy: Is success at stand-up comedy a requirement for hosting a talk show?

Stewart: Good question. I don't know if stand-up is a requirement for anything in life. I feel weird that it's what I'm most trained for, because it's really the thing that's most useless in today's society. If this gig ever ends, I don't know if I can walk into the business community. At a job interview they'll say, "There's a hole in your résumé. Now, what did you do for seven years? Were you in prison?" "No, I was doing stand-up. I goofed around and distracted people and made them laugh." "Oh yeah, we need that in the office. Yes, we'll hire you."

19.

Playboy: You performers from MTV may have a reputation for being hip, but don't you feel a little sorry that you missed the Sixties?

Stewart: Oh yeah. The comedians who came out of the Sixties had truly fought oppression. Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce had amazing things to talk about. They really opened people's eyes. I don't think anything I could say would ever shock, or amaze people. I have a very suburban background. My comedy doesn't come from pain. At times I wanted a pair of Keds and didn't get them, but it's hard to make a 20-minute stage routine out of that. I'm probably sillier than that anyway. People marched in the Sixties. Now we come up with ad campaigns against certain things. We're not marching, we're just cutting 30-second spots. We have Choose or Lose. We have Stop the Violence campaigns with really nice, cool music. Come on. We make a difference.

20.

Playboy: Can any boy or girl in the U.S. grow up to be a talk-show host?

Stewart: I think so. Every channel will have its own talk show. I'm sure the Weather Channel will have a talk show. Al Roker will host. "What's your next project?" "Well, I'm working on Hurricane Bertha right now. It's very exciting and here's a clip. Let me set this up for you, What you're seeing is rain." The people will applaud. You know, I dread the day when there will be some sort of uprising. The public will say, "We have had enough. We don't want to know what the celebrity's next project is. We don't care. We don't want to take a look at the next clip." At some point the public's curiosity will end, and unless you actually bring the celebrity to their houses, unless Schwarzenegger comes to sit with them and tell them what he's doing, they won't care.