Twenty-Five Things Men Do Right In Bed

If you believe the women's magazines, divorce filings and sitcoms, men are the most hapless lovers since, well, men. Women know our weak spot: We take pride in our sexual prowess, and to question our skills is always a shot below the belt. Women's magazines push articles such as "What Makes a Man Give More in Bed" (as if a woman has to ask twice). Piranhas on the Internet chuckle over "Why Cucumbers Are Better Than Men" or "40 Ways Men Fail in Bed." Even Mae West, who once claimed she liked two types of men (foreign and domestic), stooped to quip, "Some men are all right in their place, if they only knew the right places."

Don't believe it. Men feel at home having sex, and we treat our guests right. Sex is our calling, and there's nothing we think about more. When a woman passes an attractive man on the street, she may imagine being on his arm, kissing him wildly under the stars. When a guy passes an attractive woman on the street, he's invented 16 new sexual positions faster than Big Blue can calculate a chess move. That's the sort of ingenuity that builds nations.

So where did men pick up this reputation for, as one margarita-swilling female focus group put it, "self-absorbed, shallow and selfish" lovemaking? Traditional sex roles play a part. "Men are expected to initiate sex and lead women through it," notes Anne Semans, co-author of The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex. "If they do it wrong, they get raked over the coals." A few clumsy stragglers are all it takes. "Almost every woman remembers a cretin from her early sexual experiences who didn't know where it was, let alone what to do with it," explains Michael Castleman, author of Sexual Solutions. "Men have similar stories, but we don't blame the female gender (continued on page 116) twenty-five things (Continued from page 92) in toto. A guy doesn't write off women just because one girl he slept with lay there like a log."

Bad sex takes two, but more often than not the man takes the blame. "A lot of women write to ask, 'Why is it that men are concerned only with their sexual pleasure?"' says Janet Lever, a sex and health columnist for Glamour. "I'd like to know how these women pleasure themselves. If a woman isn't in touch with her sexuality, the greatest Don Juan on earth is not going to bring her around."

And yet men still dedicate our lives to the task. We see great sex as a challenge, and we're happy to rise for the occasion.

"Sex is like any athletic skill," Castleman says. "It demands physical prowess, communication and stamina. Men become especially good at sex when they have a little coaching and practice." Lever says she often receives letters from men describing how they please women. This doesn't surprise her. "There's nothing men love more than making a woman come. Years ago, when I helped put together the Playboy Readers' Sex Survey, close to 90 percent of the men said they loved giving oral sex. I wanted to shout from the rooftop that men do this right."

The roofs are crowded with women. We asked dozens of them to tell us what men do right. The list that follows is far from complete, but it's a start. We offer it not as a manual, but as a meditation.

(1) Men Love to Lick Things

Carole, 35: "One guy would find my clitoris with his tongue and lick it with a steady, pulsing rhythm, going harder and faster until I would be out of my skull with pleasure. His strength and persistence allowed me routinely to come four or five times. This is definitely a learned skill that must have taken a lot of practice."

Lynn, 29: "I dated someone who said, in all honesty (don't bother lying about this, guys, we'll know), that if he had to give up all sex acts but one for the rest of his life, he'd forgo intercourse and getting head and keep cunnilingus. What could I say to that?"

Allison, 30: "One lover would work his tongue over my body, including my clitoris, until I felt like I was being devoured. Near the end of the relationship, we were in a parked car discussing why we shouldn't have sex anymore. We had what was supposed to be a goodbye kiss, but there was that tongue. We had to finish breaking up later."

(2) Men Adapt to any Situation

Gina, 36: "We rented a house with friends. When we went to our bedroom, it had only bunk beds. Before I knew it, I was hanging on for dear life from the edge of the top bunk as my husband performed cunnilingus and then fucked me. I had such a strong orgasm that I could barely breathe."

Ann, 35: "Late in my pregnancy we couldn't manage any position except spoons. It was becoming routine. So one night my husband put a pillow under my hips to elevate them, then stood over me and masturbated. I masturbated with my vibrator while he talked about how sexy I looked and massaged my breasts. It worked for me."

(3) Men Love Adventure

Jill, 31: "I was dating an artist. During homecoming weekend we were walking to my house when we passed a Dumpster filled with chicken wire and tissue paper from the floats. He helped me climb in, then made his move. Every time he slid into me, little puffs of colored tissue paper flew into the air."

Mindi, 29: "We were driving home when my boyfriend pulled off the road to a secluded spot. He opened my door, took me out of the car and put me on the hood to go down on me. I wouldn't recommend this on a first date, but we'd been together long enough that he knew I'd love it. It was clandestine and risky. The same person once did me against a tree."

Barbara, 50: "We were on the roof of his building having drinks when we heard fire trucks. There was a fire in the building across the avenue. We took our wine to this three-foot-wide wall at the edge of the roof and watched. He started nuzzling me from behind. He had told me earlier not to wear any underwear under my dress, so I figured that he had something planned (although certainly not a fire). I could feel the heat on my face. Suddenly there was a spotlight on us as we fucked. The firemen cheered and yelled wonderfully rude comments. It was incredibly erotic, like being in a porn movie. My date's reaction was to sit me in a deck chair facing the light and go down on me."

(4) Men have Penises and Know How to Use Them

Lisa, 22: "One guy I knew had the most amazing control over his dick. He fucked me with such skill that I'm convinced he could have dipped his penis in ink and written a letter. He was slow and hard and would almost pull out before going back in and hitting the right spots."

Erica, 25: "To this day, I don't know exactly what this guy did. But within two minutes after he slid inside me, I had an orgasm. He knew how to use it, even with a condom on. After my second orgasm, I had to ask him to stop."

(5) Men are Direct

Marcy, 34: "Last week my husband and I were walking up the stairs in our apartment building when he said, 'stop. Bend over.' I'm like, 'Oh, God. Right now?' He put my hands on the banisters, then pulled down my panties from under my skirt and started doing me from behind. This happens quite often, actually. The key is that if I tell him no, he won't push it. I've never told him no."

Natasha, 23: "My boyfriend and I were in a bar, and I was sitting on his lap and teasing him by wiggling my ass around. Finally he said, 'should I take you into the bathroom and fuck you?' I was sort of taken aback, but he said it like he wasn't kidding. We used the handicapped stall in the men's room."

Tammy, 31: "Men don't mince words about what they want. Although since I've been living in San Francisco, I've met sensitive types who ask for permission: 'Can I touch you there?' It drives me crazy. You don't need to ask my OK for the basics. When I lived in St. Louis, they didn't ask permission to a fault."

(6) Men are Good with their Hands

Mary, 27: "My favorite lover used his hands with tactical precision. He would touch me in places like my feet, the backs of my knees, my back--places that you explore when you want to be intimate rather than just sexual."

Marcia, 35: "I had one boyfriend who would stroke me everywhere. He had large, strong fingers, and it always made me feel more naked."

(7) Men Love to Tease

Adrian, 28: "My husband will tie me up and leisurely run his hands over my body. I can't believe his patience. By the time he unties me, I'm in a frenzy."

Katie, 24: "One guy was licking me and it felt so good I asked him to put his fingers inside me. He refused for the longest time. Whenever I moved, he would stop licking for about ten (continued on page 161) twenty-five things (continued from page 116) seconds, just to tease me. When he finally put his fingers in me, it felt that much more amazing."

(8) Men aim to Please

Jennifer, 24: "The first time I had sex with this one guy, he jokingly asked, 'What's your secret formula?' He was giving me permission to tell him what I wanted. That made me relax. For my money, it's not how much you know about women, it's how much you know about me."

Leigh, 29: "My boyfriend follows directions superbly, so he's been able to fine-tune things over the years. And he always lets me come first."

Barbara, 50: "What I love most about men is that they get turned on turning you on."

Katrina, 34: "My husband loves to play with my sex toys. When he takes me from behind and touches one of my vibrators to my anus, it throws me into outer orbit. He'll ask me if I'd like him to make me come with his mouth, a toy, etc., and I'm so excitable that usually just his question gets me off."

(9) Men have a Way with Words

Michelle, 34: "In the middle of doing the nastiest things and talking dirty to me, my boyfriend will stop, say my name and tell me he loves me. Hearing him say that, especially my name, raises everything up a notch."

Mary, 25: "I was dressed in a shabby T-shirt and shorts for painting and my boyfriend wanted to make love. I laughed and said to him, 'C'mon, I'm a mess.' He had me after he said, 'But you always look lovely.' Flattery will get you everywhere."

Tammy, 31: "My last boyfriend was a talker. No one had talked dirty to me before. He would say complimentary things like 'I love your pussy' or 'I love how you stroke me.' It sounds weird repeating it. He was so good that I couldn't wait for the words."

(10) Men are Always Primed

Rachel, 26: "Men are so positive about sex. My lover says that he always wants to have sex with me--he's just waiting for me to say 'Go."'

Sarah, 18: "The great thing about guys is that they never say no. The other day we were at the library. My boyfriend had a term paper due. I started kissing him, and then, you know. He's always willing, and I'm a very sexual girl. I was wearing a dress, so I slipped off my stockings and we did it against a wall, then finished in a chair. I never would have gone with him to the library if I didn't think I would get sex out of it."

Anna, 34: "My husband has as much enthusiasm for sex as he did the first time we were together years ago. Knowing that I excite him is a powerful ego boost. I don't have to make myself sexy for him; I am sexy to him."

(11) Men Invented Multitasking

Laura, 28: "My boyfriend does something with his thumb on my clitoris while his middle and index fingers massage my vulva. I can't explain or duplicate it, but it feels like I am being reborn."

Maxine, 19: "Men work hard, and that's good, because a woman can never have too much stimulation. The vibrator covers the clitoris, the fingers go everywhere else."

Gina, 28: "My boyfriend has this move where he fingers my nipples and licks them at the same time. It's wonderful."

Casey, 24: "You know a guy is good when he uses both hands to fondle you."

Dana, 24: "My boyfriend is able to bury his erection inside me while running his tongue along my six-inch stiletto heels. He makes it look easy."

(12) Men Take Charge

Liz., 23; "I like it when a guy gets aggressive, pulls my hair, scratches my back, smacks my ass, fucks me hard. Being sensitive doesn't mean being a pussy in bed."

Ashley, 31: "I love guys who make me wait and beg. Slow, hard and steady is the road to orgasm, but fast and mean is the way to get me in a good mood."

Wendy, 22: "I had a one-night stand with a musician who put me in positions I'd never been in, spread my legs apart, put me totally under his control without making me feel unsafe. It was a blur of dreadlocks and biceps. I came even before I knew what was happening."

Monica, 29: "I like a man who lets me know he's the guy and I'm the girl. When he's on top of me and uses a healthy grip to pin my arms above my head, or when I'm on top and he grabs my hips, the pure power turns me on."

(13) Men Are Curious

Susan, 30: "One ex-boyfriend had a movie theater seat in his office. He took off my clothes, sat me in the chair and asked me to throw my legs over the arms. Then he sat down and explored with his fingers. He circled, squeezed, probed, stroked, very slowly, with the lights on, while he stared at me to gauge my reaction. I could barely sit still."

(14) Men Return the Favor

Kate, 24: "One guy with whom I used to have relations had a brilliant technique of suckling my clitoris. How can I describe it? He would pull my clit into his mouth and give me a little blow job."

Cindy, 27: "I had a girlfriend who said that every time she gave her boyfriend a blow job, she would get a gift. That's an excellent program."

(15) Men know their Pleasure

Paula, 25: "I love guys because their bodies aren't a patchwork of off-limits areas."

Renee, 34: "I have never met a man who is shy about masturbating. There is nothing sexier than a live show, and nothing more telling. I learn his rhythm, his favorite techniques and the amount of pressure to use."

(16) Men Come Prepared

Donna, 28: "The best lover I ever had brushed his teeth, clipped his nails and shaved prior to getting under the sheets, kept mints on his bedside table and never ran out of ice for my drinks or for other things."

(17) Men are Protective

Deborah, 36: "I will always think fondly of the man who, after our first intercourse, when I had turned my back in a loose spoon position, pulled me against his chest with one arm and held me like that all night. He was a big guy, so I could sleep with my head on his shoulder all night without cutting off his circulation. I haven't found anyone else who can do that."

(18) Men have Hearty Appetites

Liz, 23: "This one guy put Nutella all over me and licked it off because the package said, 'Spread it on something special."'

Sue, 32: "Things that have done it for me: One: The guy who lapped single malt from the small of my back. Two: The guy who took bite after bite until he had measured my bum in careful mouthfuls. Three: The guy who didn't freak out when I needed a good long cry. He just sat me down on his face and ate me while I sobbed. It was ultravoluptuous and a million times more comforting than the just-hold-me treatment."

Kim, 20: "My boyfriend drove me to his house and blindfolded me. He took me through the back door and told me to lie down. I felt pillows. I heard a refrigerator door open. I tasted champagne. He unbuttoned my blouse. I felt whipped cream on both my nipples and then his tongue licking it off. More champagne. Then I felt whipped cream between my legs and more licking. At that point I had to rip off that fucking blindfold."

(19) Men Embrace their Feminine Side

Lauren, 32: "One lover poured me a glass of wine as I lay in bed, then painted my toenails and fingernails. After he'd finished--a great job, too--he gave me a massage. Then he licked my pussy, sucked my nipples and made love to me. I was so turned on I still get wet whenever I pass a Cutex display."

(20) Men are Easy to Please

Danielle, 26: "This may sound crude, but it's not meant to be dismissive. It's just that you have to admire anyone who can be satisfied in bed just having his penis sucked."

(21) Men Take Responsibility

Tracy, 28: "I was with one guy for the first time and he reached for a condom at just the right moment. I didn't have to ask, and he didn't make it an issue."

(22) Men are Overachievers

Kristen, 31: "My lover practices tantric sex. The first time we were together we fucked for four hours. He came five times and never lost his erection. When it was finally over--he finished by going down on me--I was like, 'What the hell was that?' He must have practiced for months to have that sort of staying power. Once he was upset because he lasted only 45 minutes before he ejaculated. I told him it was OK."

(23) Men Expand Horizons

Sara, 29: "There is a store in San Francisco called Stormy Leather that sells latex dresses. Once when we were running errands, my boyfriend said, 'Let's go in there.' I told him, 'I don't think so.' But we went in. I found this expensive silver dress and poured myself into it. I walked out of the dressing room and his jaw dropped. We've broken up since, but he sparked my interest in fetish clothing. Now I love to go to fetish clubs wearing my shiny clothes."

Rachel, 26: "The first time a guy sucked my toes blew me away. I was surprised, but it was sensual. There's no feeling like a wet mouth over your toe. The message was, 'Everything about your body turns me on."'

(24) Men are Focused

Sandy, 22: "One night my boyfriend went down on me and wrapped his arms tightly around my thighs, holding them together. It caused him to concentrate on my clitoris, but the psychological benefits were what got to me--having him hug me like that made me feel that he was embracing me, oral sex and our lovemaking in general. The visual was cool, too--he has great biceps, and it was obvious I wasn't going anywhere for a while."

(25) Men Leave an Impression

Molly, 25: "On a summer night I ended up in a goodnight kiss against my car with a date. He reached under my sundress and slowly pulled down my panties. 'Cooler now?' he said. It was so damn over-the-top, I told him I had to go. I drove away without my panties--I could feel the car seat against my ass. By the time I got home I was so turned on I had to pull out my vibrator. I wrote him an e-mail and said we needed to get together again. I had to sleep with him."

"Every time he slid into me, little puffs of colored tissue paper flew into the air."