20 Questions: Craig Kilborn

To the dismay of his father, who wanted him to be a baseball player, Craig Kilborn admits that he "just couldn't throw the ball very well." Luckily, young Kilborn had a backup sport. "I started dribbling the basketball when I was in second grade." And his height topped out at 6'4" in the ninth grade. Kilborn's ball-handling skills and long frame propelled him along the jock track right through college. After graduation, he toured Europe with an American basketball team and got an offer to turn pro with a Luxembourg team looking for an American to lend it credibility.

To this day, Kilborn regrets turning down the offer. "I have some eligibility left," he says. "I think I could still play in Europe." But at 22, the basketball addict realized the NBA wasn't in the cards and decided to try a slightly less long-shot career: "I started looking for a TV job."

Before long, Kilborn parlayed his anchorman looks, sports knowledge and aptitude for comedy into radio and television sports gigs in Savannah and Monterey. The California station KCBA-TV also dispatched Kilborn, an aspiring gourmet, to cover such events as the Garlic Festival in nearby Gilroy. In 1993 he went national, signing as an anchor with ESPN. His shift was the two A.M. edition of "Sports Center." "I had no choice when it came to achieving cult status among college students pulling all-nighters," he deadpans. The downside: "I can't think that it was healthy for me to sleep until one in the afternoon. It was hard to grab a workout, and my basketball game suffered."

Two years ago Kilborn made the jump to Comedy Central when the cable network was looking to create a high-profile replacement for "Politically Incorrect." Since its debut, "The Daily Show" has developed an uncanny resemblance to that television staple, action news. The format features fast-moving graphics, roving correspondents and an anchor with a great head of hair.

Contributing Editor Warren Kalbacker met with Kilborn after tapings of "The Daily," as the show's anchor calls it. "Kilborn holds to this principle: Work first, then eat," Kalbacker reports. "And he's serious about both. After one session we broke for a long restaurant meal. Kilborn insisted on sampling--and discussing--five varieties of cheese. But then, the Minnesotan grew up just a couple of miles from the Wisconsin border."

1.

[Q] Playboy: You've made the transition from sportscasting to the wide world of comedy. Do you consider yourself an example to those who labor at the microphone calling play-by-plays and narrating game highlights?

[A] Kilborn: I let other people judge that. But if I've inspired some young sports-casters to branch out, read the front page, see a foreign movie--preferably one with Sonia Braga--that's a bonus. These people can do more than sportscasting. Sportscasting is not work. I don't necessarily want to work. But I wanted to do a little more.

2.

[Q] Playboy: Weren't you worried about running out of catchphrases to describe game highlights? We understand "Jumanji," your signature on a slam dunk, was handed to you by an ESPN producer.

[A] Kilborn: I don't worry about anything. I had fun doing the NBA highlights, using catchphrases that college kids become obsessed with. Gus Ramsay, the producer, whispered "Jumanji" in my ear right before a show. That's not overly creative. That's why I'll let him have that. When I first got to ESPN, I wouldn't take anything. I pride myself on my writing. I would say, "On fire!" when a player made three shots in a row. A cameraman suggested, "How about en fuego?" I said, "No, I'll come up with my own." They gave en fuego to Dan Patrick, who got alot of mileage out of it. I don't steal catchphrases. Keith Olbermann is known for that. I can't figure out why. The man is quite creative.

3.

[Q] Playboy: Pitch The Daily Show to potential cable subscribers.

[A] Kilborn: It saves time. You don't have to watch Peter Jennings and an entertainment show. The Daily Show is news and entertainment rolled into half an hour. That's economical. I hope what I'm all about comes across in the "Moment for Us" and the interviews: We're only on this earth for a little while, so let's have fun. I want to be the night-light when you go to bed. I display a certain flair, a joie de vivre, panache, if you will. I learned those words when I played basketball in Europe.

4.

[Q] Playboy: You've introduced Peter Jennings as a "colleague." Don't you wish?

[A] Kilborn: I have no desire to do that news stuff. None at all. I have freedom, and I can get away with things. You think Jennings doesn't want to go on the nightly news and just say, "Hey, Bubba, keep it in your pants"? I have that luxury. My life is free. You can't beat it. I never applied myself in high school. I've coasted my whole life. I'm an inspiration to a lot of young people who aren't exerting themselves. Because of basic cable, you can make it. Look at me. I make a decent living and I'm still not trying.

5.

[Q] Playboy: Critics have described The Daily Show as tasteless, snide, sophomoric, insensitive and cruel. Care to offer a rebuttal?

[A] Kilborn: It's all those things. Why stop there? I remember watching Johnny Carson once, when he was interviewing Dolly Parton. He leaned over and said, "Can I just have a little peek?" He immediately recoiled and his face turned red. He said, "I'm so sorry, I lost myself. Would you please forgive me?" That was classic Carson.

There's a place for every kind of humor. We know when we should move forward on a subject. Monica Lewinsky gave us a handful of jokes, and we thank her for that. I think it was a fan--maybe one of the few guys she rejected--who offered us a tape of Monica's performance in a high school production of The Music Man. We paid maybe $20 for that thing, so we had to use it. We even used it on consecutive nights and during the credit roll. We're the fun place to be. People in the public eye are fodder. Sonny Bono's death was blown out of proportion. When Sonny passed away, we noted in a related story that his daughter Chastity suffered mild neck strain when she ran headfirst into a bush.

6.

[Q] Playboy: Cite five qualities of a sterling anchorperson.

[A] Kilborn: One: The voice has to be mellifluous. Talk from the diaphragm. There are (continued on page 175)Craig Kilborn(continued from page 95) exercises for that, like lying on your back with the phone book on your chest, holding a cocktail. Two: dramatic pauses. You have to have an effective delivery. Three: soft features. Look at my face. Look beyond someone who didn't shave this morning. You want soft features, a delicate but strong nose and supple skin. I don't believe in makeup--I go occasionally to a tanning salon. Four: big frame. You want to be a tall drink of water so your jacket and tie hang nicely. You want to be graceful, elegant and able to go to the hoop. Five: You should have blond hair. Obviously.

7.

[Q] Playboy: You've put out a story about devising the show's signature "Five Questions" interview in a bar. Does the truth more accurately reflect the "Jumanji" episode?

[A] Kilborn: The real story is that after I escaped from ESPN somebody invited me to the Bowery Bar in New York City. Across the room I saw a beautiful young lady, 5'6" with long brown hair. Her name was Jill. She says that when I asked her where she was from and she replied New York, I cringed. I could tell right away she was bright. I surround myself with brilliant people because I'm shallow. I said, "Can I ask you five questions?" She said, "Yeah," and she perked up. I asked, "What do you think of garlic?" She said, "I love it." And I love it. Then I asked, "Ever been to Carmel?" I was missing Carmel. She answered yes and told me her grandmother used to live there. Then I asked, "What does peripatetic mean?" And she said, "What the hell kind of question is that?" There were really only three questions. We never got to four and five. We continued talking for a while, and she would say, "If that's your fourth or fifth question, let me know."

8.

[Q] Playboy: The NBA. Is something wrong?

[A] Kilborn: The NBA isn't as good as it used to be. In the Seventies, when the Knicks won their first championships, the crowds were chanting, "Defense!" There was real teamwork at Madison Square Garden. The prediction was that pro basketball was going to be the sport of the Seventies. That was a decade off. It was the sport of the Eighties. It went crazy. Dominique Wilkins was getting endorsements that top NFL players weren't getting. Basketball is intimate. You can see the players' faces. There are no helmets. You don't sell football cleats, but sneakers sell. Basketball was at its peak when you had Larry, Magic and Michael. Then the NBA got greedy. It added more teams. The level of play is down because of the expansion. The talent is diluted. The players make outrageous money, and the coaches don't have as much authority as they used to. An article in The New York Times said 60 percent to 70 percent of the league players smoke weed. But I'll always watch basketball because I like the sport.

9.

[Q] Playboy: Women's basketball is coming on strong. Should men be following the games, as in, "Honey, the Liberty was en fuego last night"?

[A] Kilborn: If you need to talk about the WNBA to connect with a woman, you're in trouble. I would hope that dinner and a movie still work. And you know what they say about the WNBA: Follow it because you like the sport. I never watched women's basketball. Then a friend of mine, Rebecca Lobo, plays for the New York Liberty, gave me tickets. It was really entertaining. One of the reasons is that it's a purer form of basketball. There's finesse in moving the ball. I'd like to point out that when I play Rebecca one-on-one, I kick her ass. That bothers some people. But, as Rebecca says, they're not competing against men.

10.

[Q] Playboy: You're the son of an insurance executive. Do you recommend whole-life insurance, or do you prefer to buy a term policy with cheaper premiums and invest the difference?

[A] Kilborn: I was having dinner with my producer, Madeleine Smithberg, and my father. She asked him the difference between the two. I was busy eating rock shrimp tempura in spicy cream sauce while my dad explained it all. I listened for the first few seconds. It was tedious. I didn't pay attention. Wait, was it rock shrimp tempura in a spicy cream sauce? I can't remember. Go with whole-life.

11.

[Q] Playboy: Does your passion for garlic ever prevent you from getting close to a woman?

[A] Kilborn: If she's also eating garlic, then it's a wonderful thing. I grew up in Minnesota and have fond memories of food. We ate a lot of chicken. We ate meatloaf, which was always dry. I'm not about to criticize my mom and her cooking. I want to tell Mom that I love her. And I want her to read that for the first time in Playboy. We had chipped beef on toast. We had good dinners at Christmastime--prime rib and Yorkshire pudding. When I got out of college and went to Los Angeles, I worked as a waiter in a tiny family-owned Italian restaurant. After your shift, they gave you a meal. If you work at McDonald's, as I did for a couple of months in high school, you just get half off on a Big Mac. At the Italian restaurant I fell in love with food: garlic, garlic bread, garlic alfredo sauce, pesto, Caesar salads with anchovies, cannoli. Now I sometimes go to a restaurant and order only appetizers. That's when you know you've reached a special level.

12.

[Q] Playboy: Defend white bread. Wonder and the other variety.

[A] Kilborn: I never really liked Wonder bread. I always eat wheat bread. And I'll eat sourdough. But I will defend white-bread. I'm 99 percent British, and I have a little Scottish in me. But I can dunk a basketball. I grew up listening to Barry White. The first album I owned was The Best of the Stylistics. My first concert was the Jackson 5 at the St. Paul Civic Center. The music is good and I was naturally drawn to it, maybe because I was a big basketball fan. My sports hero growing up was Julius Erving, the Doctor. He was graceful, he dunked, he flew. I took to basketball because I was tall, agile, quick and, dare I say, smooth. I put style way up there. And I like to dance. Anyone who has seen me dance knows I can move. I'm agile, coordinated and live. There's something special about someone who's white-bread who can dunk and finger-roll and who has a little soul. My persona doesn't match my looks.

13.

[Q] Playboy: How did you know it was time to put aside your hoop dreams and hang up the jockstrap?

[A] Kilborn: I realized I was a slow white boy and got tired of being embarrassed. And Pops was always reminding me that no matter how well I did in basketball, I would not play in the NBA. I'd say, "Dad, I'm leading the high school team in scoring. I've got colleges calling me." And he'd say, "Son, that's great. You're not going to go pro. Get an education." "But Dad, I just made all-state." "Great. What did you get on your last English report?" And I'm yelling, "Why can't I just enjoy it now? Come on, at least let me have fun here. I just scored 30 points." He'd say, "You're going to have to use your mouth somehow." As my mom says, I was very verbal.

14.

[Q] Playboy: You made the acting rounds in Hollywood but left after a short time. Didn't David Hasselhoff offer you a spot on Baywatch?

[A] Kilborn: I did get a callback from David Hasselhoff, but that was a dark period I don't want to talk about. I didn't return the call. It can be really futile out there. You'd ask a fellow actor how it was going. They'd answer, "I got a callback for a Bud commercial." That was their encouraging news. Then they wouldn't get the commercial. After college, I went to Hollywood. I wanted to perform. I took a class at the Improv on Melrose and did well. The teacher encouraged me. I took a few theater classes. Comedy was a natural thing for me. But I didn't do standup. There were too many people doing it. I thought it would be difficult to stand out, even at a muscular six foot four. I wanted to somehow circumvent the Hollywood system, so I went to do sports-casting in Monterey.

15.

[Q] Playboy: Keith Olbermann appeared on your show to promote his book and wound up being suspended by ESPN, his employer at the time, for violating company policy. Comedy Central suspended you last year for making off-air sexist remarks, for which you later apologized. Then you were suspended for identifying yourself on the air as Keith Olbermann. How does a suspension differ from a vacation?

[A] Kilborn: I try to combine the two. Keith laughed about his suspension. It got great publicity for The Daily Show, and for Keith himself. My approach to life is, we're here just a brief time. Let's turn that suspension into a vacation. And you want to know something? That was the best week of my life. I partied so hard. I did introduce myself as Keith on ESPN2. I was burned-out from doing five nights of shows at two A.M. I needed a break, so they "rewarded" me by putting me on the Deuce. I was doing wrap-ups and updates between college basketball games--and we had a handshake agreement that if I was going to appear on ESPN2 it would be only on Bodyshaping or Kiana's Flex Appeal. I was being silly on the air. But Keith is way ahead of me on suspensions. He also led ESPN anchors in sick days. He's soft and he's a hypochondriac. Our goal is simultaneous suspensions. But Keith will want to go to the Baseball Hall of Fame, and I'll want to go somewhere warm, where I can play outdoor basketball and work on moving without the ball, which is a lost art.

16.

[Q] Playboy: Minnesota: 10,000 lakes and cold winters. Tell us about the ice-fishing experience.

[A] Kilborn: This is from a nine-year-old's perspective: "What do you mean, Dad? We can actually walk on a lake?" "Yes, it's frozen, son. You'll be OK." "You sure I won't go in?" I thought Dad would actually send me out to test the ice. But the cool thing was digging the hole. And we had this apparatus--it wasn't a fishing pole but two boards that hung on the ice, with a red flag pointing down. If a fish started pulling, the flag would go up. And we'd wait. But mostly Dad would drink his Hamm's, and my brother and I would have our hot cocoa. We didn't catch anything. We didn't catch anything in the summer, either.

17.

[Q] Playboy: While working for ESPN, you lived high atop downtown Hartford in an I.M. Pei-designed apartment building. Did that sophisticated urban living transform the Minnesota-bred boy?

[A] Kilborn: Aesthetically, it was nice. On my days off, I don't like having to get in a car. I like to walk. I would walk to the Congress Rotisserie near the hockey arena for a sandwich of Black Forest ham, Swiss cheese, red onions and pickled mustard relish. A bar with jazz opened right off the park when I moved to Hartford. Here in New York it's great to just walk. There is a romance to having an apartment with a view. I say that now as I peer out at Central Park. Alas, my next move will be to a prewar building that will not have a view. The prewar building is going to have hardwood floors and high ceilings. All the Mission-style furniture that I've carefully purchased will look much better there. I'll give up the view, but I'll have warmth and a rustic feel.

18.

[Q] Playboy: If it all goes south tomorrow, are you prepared to work as a small-market television anchor or as a game-show host?

[A] Kilborn: I'm going to go one step further. I would coach high school basketball, because I love the game. I would teach the chest pass, get back on defense, and I would have a say in who makes the cheerleading squad.

19.

[Q] Playboy: Janeane Garofalo has confessed to having sexual dreams about you, and she's even appeared on The Daily Show without having a movie to promote. Do you and Janeane have a thing going despite the difference in height?

[A] Kilborn: Do you know how tall Janeane is? Five feet, one and a half inches. I would understand if she had a dream about Gary Coleman. Janeane just talks and talks. I don't understand or want to hear any more about the sex dreams. She gets in the greenroom and is graphic with me on exactly what happens in them. And I always tell her, "Janeane, I'm not that flexible."

20.

[Q] Playboy: Do you view The Daily Show as a stepping-stone?

[A] Kilborn: I'm going to do this for only a few years. Once I hit 40 I'm retiring to Pebble Beach. I like the idea of golf, but I'm such a bad golfer. However, I did birdie a hole at Pebble Beach. I shot a 95 and birdied number seven, the par three near the water. The famous hole is 17, and that's also a par three. That's where Tom Watson chipped from the fringe to beat Jack Nicklaus. Unfortunately I won't be able to afford anything at Pebble Beach or Carmel. I'd probably have to work at the Carmel post office. That would be fine too.

"the daily show's" sassmeister on suspensions, garlic and the "bay-watch" gig that got away

A friend of mine, Rebecca Lobo, plays for New York. When I play her one-on-one, I kick her ass.