Swing's the Thing!

playboy's guide to the mellow side

It's late Saturday night. A soft rain falls on the weary city streets. You're standing outside one of the hippest nightclubs in town, hands in your pockets, waiting to get in. Suddenly the door opens, and you hear a sound that starts your toes tapping and your fingers snapping. Dancers twirl across the room, skirts are swirling, trumpets are growling, saxophones are honking. Get hep, daddy-o, it's Swing Night!

The bands are jumping, the dancers are bumping. It's where the hippest chicks and coolest cats hang out. New clubs are popping up all over the country, making room on their stages for saxes and cornets.

They join such havens of the Swing Revival as the Supper Club and Irving Plaza in New York, where jitterbugs cut the rug every weekend.

Here's how to get in the know on what you need to be hep. We'll wise you up to the lingo and the right music. We'll clue you in on the proper clothes. And then, once you're togged in some swellelegant vines, we'll give you the lowdown on what to do on the dance floor. It's your official guide to the mellow side. Follow our line, Frankenstein, and you'll be able to walk into any joint that's jumpin' and feel right at home, a mellow fellow, a killer diller, a very hep cat.

Let's Mop

If your chick is in the know, she'll want to be out on the dance floor, jumpin' and swingin' with the rest of the couples, if you haven't spent any time at Arthur Murray's lately, you may have to ad-lib it, Fortunately, faking the lindy is easy, as long as your partner knows what she is doing. Once on the floor, act cool.

Keep hold of her hand while suavely leaning to one side, then to the other as she twirls around. Raise your arm and she'll duck under it. Spread your feet and she'll slide through your legs. Pull her gently and she'll spin toward you so you can wrap her in your arms. Just hold on tight and when in doubt, wiggle your finger, tap your toes and keep a co-pacetic look on your mug at all times.

Finger Poppin'

You're standing in the club, glomming the chicks for a dish delish to dance the next number with. You want to look cool, hep, a solid sender. Here's how: Step one: Keep your hand relaxed and low--by your waist or just off your hip. Keep your forearm loose, moving only your wrist. Start counting to the music "1-and-2-and-3-and-4-and." Snap on the offbeat--the first "and." Step two: On the second offbeat, tip your head slightly to the side. Don't force it just let it drop gently, while maintaining a diffident aloof expression. OK, now you're ready for Step three: Repeat step one, locking in the gaze of the jitterdoll you have your spotters on, Step four: Establish eye contact while bringing your hand up to your fedora. Tap the brim with the tip of your index finger while simultaneously tilting your head down slightly. Then direct your finger in her direction, accompanied by an inviting glint in your eye.

Don' That Crazy Hand Jive!

Repeat these moves twice. (1) Slap those grabbers on your thinks. (2) Clap 'em at the waist. (3) Shuffle 'em, right over left and left over right. (4) Tap your fists in the same order and then (5) make like you're going to hitchhike, each hand raised over your shoulders, then together.

Instrument Names

Woodpile: Xylophone

Gutbox, 88s, goola: Piano

Potato masher: Drumstick

Doghouse: Bass fiddle

Licorice stick: Clarinet

Tubs, hides: Drums

Ivories: Piano keys

Pot lids: Cymbals

Gas pipe: Trombone

Iron horn: Cornet

Jive Talk Glossary

The lingo you'll need to sound hep while talking to your duchess between dances:

Abercrombie; Know-it-all

Able Grable: Well-built girl

Apron: Bartender

Bag with a sag; Unattractive, heavy girl

Beat to my socks: Very tired

Blow your wig: Uncontrollably excited

Boodle: Lots of money

Cake eater: Sissy

Chamber of commerce: Men's room

Chicken à la king: Your steady girl

Cooking with gas: Doing fine

Copacetic: Everything's OK

Dead pigeon: Uninteresting person

Dicty: High class

Do a Garbo: Remain aloof

Drip: Undesirable person

Droolin' with schoolin': Overeducated

Duchess: Steady girl

Fire extinguisher: Chaperone

Gams: Legs

Grab the ozone: Please go

Gruesome twosome: Engaged couple

Kink in the konk: Headache

Leaky: One who talks too much

Lip: Attorney

Marble town: Cemetery

Nodbox: Bedroom

Percolate: Stroll

Storked: Pregnant

Walking the plank: Falling in love

Wear a smile: To be naked

You melt me, Jackson: I'm thrilled

(from the "Hepcats jive Talk Dictionary")

Corpus De Hepcat

Air bags: Lungs

Blinkers, gims, spotters: Eyes

Bark: Skin

Benders: Knees, elbows

Hinges: Elbows

Grabbers: Hands

Feelers: Fingers

Groundpads: Feet

Brush: Mustache

Choppers: Teeth

Floppers: Arms

Flippers, mikes: Ears

Schnozz: Nose

Stems: Legs

Dreambox: Head

Map: Face

Snags: Tonsils

Shutters: Eyelids

Togged to The Bricks

Barkers: Shoes

Pulleys: Suspenders

Threads: Wardrobe

Striders: Trousers

Bluff cuffs: Narrow cuffs

Coffee bags: Trouser pockets

Racket jacket: Zoot suit

Violin cases: Big shoes

Long with links: Fancy key chain

Dicer: Hat

Choker: Tie

Pinchers: Tight pair of shoes

Squeezer: Tight belt

Latch for the gate to your front yard: Stickpin

White one: Shirt

Reet pleats: Wide pleats

Spinnning the Platters

An Essential Swingn Discography

For Jitterbugging

These are the discs to play at your house party, to keep the dancers mapping all night:

Duke Ellington, "The Blanton-Webster Band" (RCA): Quintessential swing.

Count Basic, "The Complete Decca Recording" (GRP): Kansas City swing at its best.

Cherry Poppin' Daddies, "Zoot Suit Riot": Contemporary jump blues.

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, "Big Bad Voodoo Daddy" (EMI-Capitol): The name says it all.

Benny Goodman, "greatest Hits" (RCA).

Music from the movie "Kansa City" (Verve): Old wine in a new bottle. Young cats play the Kansas City standards.

Got Hep

Dig these discs to maintain the proper decree of hipness:

Louis Jordan, "One Guy Named Louis" (Capitol): Jumpin' and stompin' till the break of dawn.

Slim Gaillard, "Laughing in Rhythm: The Best of the Verve Years" (Verve); No one was hipper than Slim-a-rooni.

Cab Calloway, "Are You Hep to the Jive?" (Columbia): Mr. Hi-De-Ho.

After Hours

After you get home from the club, here are some mellow sounds for your late-night listening pleasure:

Ben Webster: "Soulville" (Verve).

Frank Sinatra: "In the Wee Small Hours" (EMI--Capitol).

"Count Basie Swings, Joe Williams Sings" (Verve).