Are You Tired of Your Girlfriend?

Sometimes you know you're stone-cold in love. Other times you know you have to cut your losses, collect your toothbrush and head home. But what if you're not sure? Let this Playboy quiz determine whether your girlfriend still lights your fire or if the relationship has run its course.

1. You've made dinner plans with her, but an hour before your date, a friend calls with Beastie Boys tickets. What do you do?

(a) Keep the dinner date.

(b) Leave a message on her answering machine, canceling dinner.

(c) Go to the concert only if you can get in touch with her first.

(d) Tell her you have to cancel dinner, then ask if you can stop by after the show for sex.

2. How many times have you heard her favorite joke?

(a) A few.

(b) Enough that you change the subject as soon as she starts telling it.

(c) Who cares? It's funny every time.

(d) You would rather gouge your eyeballs out with a rusty butter knife than listen to it again.

3. She likes to play James Taylor really loud at home. How do you cope?

(a) That's fine, you play Guns n' Roses at your place.

(b) Hide her compact discs behind the microwave.

(c) Turn down the volume a bit.

(d) Put her compact discs in the microwave.

4. How many times have you cheated on her?

(a) Once, but you regretted it.

(b) Never---but you plan to rectify that situation soon.

(c) Never---why screw up a good thing?

(d) Whenever she's not around.

5. She wants to go see The English Patient II, but the remastered The Wild Bunch is opening the same weekend. What's the plan at the multiplex?

(a) Two tickets for the chick flick.

(b) One ticket for each; you can meet afterward.

(c) Flip a coin.

(d) You're watching The Wild Bunch---she can do whatever she wants.

6. Whom do you fantasize about during sex?

(a) Sometimes Uma Thurman, sometimes nobody.

(b) Anybody from Miss September to the coat-check girl, just so long as you don't have to think about your girlfriend.

(c) Nobody---it distracts you from the moment.

(d) Your girlfriend's mother.

7. You have an anniversary coming up. What are your thoughts?

(a) I should make a reservation at a nice restaurant.

(b) I probably shouldn't break up with her until after the anniversary.

(c) I remember our first kiss.

(d) What's the cheapest gift I can get away with?

8. How often do you have an argument with her?

(a) Every three weeks.

(b) Three times a week.

(c) Every three months.

(d) Like MTV's broadcast schedule: 24 hours a day, every day.

9. You're invited to an orgy in a hotel room by Elle Macpherson, Scary Spice and Pamela Anderson. What do you do?

(a) Regretfully decline the offer.

(b) Join them, but only for an hour so your girlfriend won't become suspicious.

(c) Ask if you can take Polaroids instead of participating.

(d) Grab a taxi and leave your cell phone at home.

10. That funny noise she makes when she laughs---how do you feel about it?

(a) It's certainly an endearing quirk.

(b) OK most of the time.

(c) It's no worse than your snoring.

(d) When the two of you go to a Jim Carrey movie, you want to sit seven rows away from her.

11. She has scheduled dinner with her parents the night you get back from an international business trip. What do you do?

(a) Pick up a bottle of duty-free schnapps for them at the airport.

(b) Take a quick shower and try not to yawn when her dad tells jokes.

(c) Tell her to reschedule the dinner so that you won't be jetlagged when you want to make a good impression.

(d) Call her from the airport and tell her your plane was rerouted to Kansas City.

12. She asks you to marry her. Do you:

(a) Say no, but tell her perhaps someday.

(b) Need a week to think it over.

(c) Break up with her: She has a totally different idea of this relationship than you do.

(d) Say yes and make her an impromptu ring out of a twist tie.

13. You're in jail. Who do you make your phone call to?

(a) Her.

(b) Your best friend.

(c) Your lawyer.

(d) Anyone but her.

14. You have tickets to see your favorite team play in game two of the NBA finals on the same day that her college roommate is getting married. What do you do?

(a) Give the tickets to a friend.

(b) Go to the game.

(c) Go to the game, but send a really nice gift to the newlyweds.

(d) Feign illness the day of the wedding and go to the game once she's out of the house.

15. The new secretary at work has an awesome rack, and she's been flirting with you. You:

(a) Politely fend her off.

(b) See if your girlfriend has any interest in a ménage à trois.

(c) Flirt back, but don't take it any further.

(d) Lock the two of you in a supply closet during lunch.

16. She always forgets her wallet when you go out on dates. How do you handle it?

(a) No problem---it's your pleasure to treat.

(b) Grin and bear it.

(c) Discuss the issue with her.

(d) Make lots of long-distance calls when you're at her house.

17. Do you pick her up at the airport?

(a) Always.

(b) When it's raining.

(c) When you are able to get away from work.

(d) Never---if you do it once, she'll expect it every time.

18. She falls off a stepladder and twists her ankle. What do you do?

(a) Drive her to the emergency room right away.

(b) Have her elevate her foot and give her the TV's remote control.

(c) Give her some ice and a couple of aspirin.

(d) Tell her to stop the whining and walk it off.

19. You're in the shower when the phone rings. On the answering machine, you can hear it's your girlfriend. What do you do

(a) Grab a towel and hustle for the phone.

(b) Call her back when you've finished rinsing.

(c) Listen to see if it sounds like it's really an emergency.

(d) Finish the shower and watch some television; if it's important, she'll call back.

20. If you won the lottery, would you stay with her?

(a) Yes---and you'd buy her a Porsche.

(b) Yes---unless she started hitting you up for loans.

(c) Yes---especially because she cared about you before the money.

(d) Not so long as there are young, impressionable catwalk models in the world.

Scoring:

For questions 1 through 8, score 3 points each time you answered (a) or (c), and 8 points each time you answered (b) or (d). For questions 10 through 20, score 1 point each time you answered (a), 5 points each time you answered (b) or (c), and 10 points each time you answered (d). For question 9, if you answered anything except (d), subtract 10 points from your score and slap yourself until you come to your senses.

25 to 75 points:

Not only are you not tired of your girlfriend, you're smitten with her. Enjoy it while it lasts! If you've been seeing her for more than a year, consider the possibility that this girl is the one.

76 to 125 points:

Welcome to real life. You can't be infatuated with someone forever. But as you know, even after a relationship's glow fades, there can be a lot of good reasons to stick around and make things work.

126 to 174 points:

You are not just tired of your girlfriend, you're exhausted. This isn't doing you any good, and it probably isn't doing her any good either. It's time to plot the great escape.