City Girls

See For Yourself

Episode 1: giving head

The three women who met me at Lot 61 to dish about their sex lives were so gorgeous and illustrious I had trouble keeping my head above the table during the meal. Though we all got along, we didn't agree on much of anything having to do with sex (except that we all love it). We are all in our 20s and 30s, we all live south of 14th Street and we all have swanky job titles such as fashion executive or comedy writer. In the interest of privacy, we decided to choose pseudonyms from the golden age of feminist TV, the Seventies. The names we selected were Barbara Cooper, Gloria Bunker Stivic, Pepper Anderson and Flo Jean Castleberry. (You'll have to guess who I am.) We began with the age-old controversial question, "Which is more intimate--a blow job or sex?"

Barbara: For some reason during the last few years, having something to do with AIDS and wanting to have safe sex without sucking on a condom_____

Pepper: Who's ever used a condom for a blow job?

Flo: They do in these pornographic books I read. I'm not kidding. They give head with condoms on. She rolls the condom down and gives the best blow job. She sucks that head, whatever.

Gloria: That's ridiculous.

Flo: It's absurd.

Barbara: I'm not saying I've ever done that. I'm just talking about the issue of safe sex.

Gloria: You would be more inclined to have sex using a condom than to give head without protection.

Barbara: But beyond the safety thing, I actually feel more comfortable having sex with someone I don't know well than giving head to someone I don't know well.

Flo: I'm just the opposite. I will give head left and right, but I won't let them fuck me.

Barbara: It would seem like that's the normal thing. But there's something about it I just don't enjoy.

Gloria: I love it!

Flo: But do you finish?

Gloria: Yes.

Flo: I would never swallow, ever, in my life.

Pepper: Why not?

Flo: Because it makes me sick.

Gloria: Have you ever swallowed?

Flo: I have, and I threw up Taco Bell on his stomach. I'm not kidding.

Barbara: The big burrito special.

Flo: It was the worst. At least he was my boyfriend.

Gloria: Is that the only time you've ever swallowed?

Flo: No. I've swallowed in the past, but it just makes me gag. It's so foul, so disgusting.

Pepper: See, I'm aware of what it tastes like because I'm a vegetarian. I can taste the meat, their food, their fish. I'm like, "OK, this person had chicken." I can taste that. I swear to God I can.

Barbara: You have to be kidding. You are so crunchy. To me it all tastes exactly the same, every single guy I've ever swallowed.

Pepper: Well, you guys are all meat-eaters.

Flo: Aren't you grossed out by it?

Barbara: Pretty much, but not enough that I won't do it.

Flo: I don't like a guy going down on me either. Do you?

Barbara: Not that much.

Flo: Do you ever get off from it?

Barbara: No. Like once in my life.

Flo: [Shrieking with joy] Me neither! Like once or something! I'm so glad! Because all the girls I know are like, "Oh, I love it, it's fabulous."

Barbara: They're like, "Yes! Yes! It's the only way!" But in years of sex and comfortable relationships, long-term lovers, I have never been able to train a guy to make me come. The times I have come have been totally random, and I've been fantasizing like nobody's business or grinding myself into them. I especially don't like it early on. I'm just like [whistles and pretends to be filing her nails].

Flo: I'm the same way. I'm like, "Hurry up and get up here so we can fuck."

Barbara: I give them the little tap and beckon. A rap on the shoulder, then a "come here" with my finger.

Flo: That's what I do, too. I do the leg move to tell them to come up.

Gloria: And they want to keep going because they're loving it.

Barbara: And they don't want to deal with the fact that they're not doing it right and I'm not going to come. It's also an ego thing, you getting them up there. Some little part of them knows it's because you're not going to come.

Gloria: Do you explain that it just doesn't do it for you, so they don't take it personally?

Flo: Never, because then they think something's wrong. The general male population thinks women love head.

Barbara: The only guys I've ever explained it to are the guys who made me come, which was like two. I said, "Oh my God. That was unbelievable. That never happens. You are indeed a true genius." But to the others I'll say, "It's tough to make me come that way. Don't worry about it."

Flo: It's foreplay for me.

Pepper: I love it--as long as he's clean. I have to feel like he's brushed his teeth.

Flo: I won't let him go down there if I haven't bathed like two minutes before.

Pepper: I'm so nervous about (continued on page 160) City Girls(continued from page 121) them smelling it.

Flo: Sometimes you can't stop a guy from going down on you even though you're not fresh and clean. And then he kisses you and you smell your pee, your pussy, on his face.

Pepper: The sexiest guy who ever went down on me smelled like baby powder. His whole genital area. It was so clean.

Gloria: You don't like the smell of sweat? It turns me on so much.

Flo: [To Gloria] You're kind of earthy. I can tell.

Gloria: What do you mean? I shave my pits.

Flo: No, I know that. Still.

Gloria: But there are so many hot smells during sex. The dick smell and pussy smell and sweat smell and come smell.

Pepper: I don't want to smell anything. I want it to feel good and not smell.

Flo: What happens if you go down to give him a blow job and you smell that been-working-all-day kind of smell between the balls? Do you give him a blow job?

Gloria: I love that smell!

Flo: I hate that smell! But I go ahead and do it anyway. I bite my tongue and I do it.

Pepper: First of all, I've never been with a man who has that working-all-day smell.

Flo: Oh, come on! What is she talking about?

Pepper: I'm not with construction workers.

Gloria: It's not just construction workers. I love smelling the balls. It's kind of dirty, but that's exactly why it turns me on.

Pepper: It's not like I'm saying, "I won't go down on him if he smells." If I'm attracted to someone, I can get past the smell because I know in the future I'll be able to edify him. It took me a long time to learn to like getting head. It was difficult at first because the face is very public and the vagina is very private. It was like public meets private, private meets public. It was very confusing. There was a real disparity and I had to reconcile it. Then I got used to it. [To Barbara and Flo] I can understand why it would make you uncomfortable.

Barbara: It doesn't make me uncomfortable. It just doesn't hit the right spot for me.

Pepper: My theory is that you're not relaxed. If you could relax, you might not be uptight about it.

Barbara: I can get pretty relaxed, sweetie.

Gloria: Have you ever had a guy go down sideways--give you a lip job?

Flo: What do you mean, sideways?

Gloria: [Demonstrates with her fingers a guy lying perpendicular to the woman, crouched over her pussy from the side] I was the same as you until I met a guy who did it sideways, so his lips ran parallel to my pussy and his tongue moved against the grain of my clit. When the guy goes perpendicular the friction is much better. The other way, he's lifting the hood and then the hood's going down and sometimes it's too intense and sometimes it's not intense enough. But this way he's on top of it the whole time. He's also got a finger in there at the same time, which is a huge turn-on.

Pepper: Wait a second. That's like a whole other ball of wax. I don't like double duty.

Barbara: Me neither.

Flo: Me neither.

Pepper: I like one or the other. Tongue or finger. I get overwhelmed when both are down there.

Flo: The rhythm is not right. There's no way you're going to get the tongue and the finger working in the same way. They're competing against each other.

Gloria: I'm not talking coordination, just general finger action. The rhythm is all in the tongue.

Barbara: General finger action I always get rid of immediately. I yank it right out.

Pepper: I didn't understand how good oral sex could feel until I was with someone who did it really well. Now it's so much easier for me to have oral sex than it is to have intercourse. With intercourse, I'm being penetrated and it makes me so much more vulnerable. With oral sex it can just be about the orgasm, whereas with sex I get much more attached. When someone's inside me and they withdraw, I start to cry and get very emotional. Oral sex both ways, giving and getting, is much more detached.

Flo: I have to disagree with that. Giving head is detached. But I won't let them give me head until after we've had sex and they've gotten to know me. That's so personal for me. But giving head_____

Gloria: You give it just like that [snaps fingers].

Flo: I do.

Barbara: I'm just the opposite. I'll take it whenever, but I don't enjoy it.

Flo: You're such a martyr. "I'll take it--but I won't enjoy it, damn it!"

Barbara: I enjoy that they're doing it and I enjoy that they're into it.

Flo: I have a problem with a guy who doesn't want to do it. He should almost beg to do it.

Pepper: But what if he just doesn't like it? Then what do you do? I said lightheartedly to someone once, "So, how do you feel about oral sex?" As in, "Hint, hint." And he responded, "Not good."

Gloria: That's really fucked up.

Pepper: How come guys can't have the option not to feel good about it, but women can? Why isn't it acceptable the other way around?

Gloria: Because there's this whole history of men claiming that going down is nasty. And I feel like we can't control the fact that our genitalia are inside. That we have holes and not sticks.

Pepper: If you go over to someone's house and they make you dinner, you offer to do the dishes. If a guy doesn't offer to give you oral sex, it's like he's come to your house and won't do the dishes. You want him to at least be interested in helping out.

Barbara: I'm with you. I appreciate the effort.

Pepper: It's the effort. Most guys don't understand that their interest in it is the thing. "You wash, I'll dry."

Gloria: What about getting a finger up the ass? Do you like that?

Pepper: That is an exit, not an entrance.

Gloria: I love doggy with a finger in the ass.

Flo: I love it too. It puts me over the edge.

Pepper: OK. That, to me, is not right.

Gloria: And, Flo, I'm not talking deep, are you?

Flo: No. I'm talking first joint, just circling the anus range.

Barbara: I like doing that to them.

Flo: Guys love it.

Barbara: When I discovered it for the first time it was like hitting the magic button.

Flo: They get so hard. It's because the prostate is up there.

Pepper: I don't want to give him a prostate exam.

Gloria: I'm much more willing to take it than give it. I get grossed out about sticking it in_____

Flo: Doo-doo.

Barbara: For some reason it doesn't bother me.

(concluded on page 220)City Girls(continued from page 160)

Gloria: When a guy sticks a finger up my ass, I keep my eye on that finger for the rest of the night and make sure that baby goes nowhere near my you-know-what. [To Flo] Are you good about separating that finger? Once you do it to him are you conscious of where that finger is going?

Flo: Hell yes!

Gloria: [to Barbara] Are you?

Barbara: No. I stick it in his mouth.

[Flo and Pepper simultaneously squeal, clap their hands over their mouths, and slide their seats two feet away from the table.]

Barbara: [Laughing] I'm just kidding.

Pepper: I don't like this conversation.

Barbara: That was a joke!

Flo: I thought you were serious!

Barbara: I don't generally put my fingers in my own mouth, let alone his.

Gloria: [To Flo and Barbara] Have you ever had a guy lick your ass, then try to kiss you?

Flo: I have.

Gloria: What did you say?

Flo: "Don't kiss me."

Gloria: But you don't want to come off as being mean.

Pepper: The guy's going to give you a hundred diseases!

Barbara: Why is that different from him going down on you and then kissing you?

Gloria: There's not as much bacteria in your vagina as in your ass.

Pepper: I don't let faces go anywhere near my ass. That's not happening. I barely let faces go near my face.

Gloria: Once I was having sex with a guy doggy style, and he had a finger in my ass. I said, "That feels really good." He said, "Do you like it when I play with your butthole?" and the word butthole made me crack up. He said no other girl he'd been with had ever found that word funny.

Flo: Ass is better.

Gloria: You say ass, though you're talking about the anus.

Flo: Do not call it the goddamn anus and expect me to have an orgasm.

Pepper: Once you say the word anus, it's a very long way back to sexy. You can't say that word and expect me to get wet.

Flo: What about anal sex? Have you ever had that?

Pepper: I have, as a favor on his birthday. Once. It was not good. It was really not good. It was painful and it was also_____

Flo: Did he complete the act?

Pepper: No.

Gloria: How deep did he go?

Pepper: I didn't measure.

Gloria: I've had a guy go in two inches but I've never had a guy go in all the way. I would fucking freak!

Flo: I have.

Gloria: Did you like it?

Flo: No. It takes a long time for them to open you up so that it's not painful.

Gloria: Have you done it too?

[Barbara nods.]

Gloria: To the point of him coming?

Barbara: I made him take it out.

Gloria: How can you relax enough?

Flo: You just do. You can. And you open up. It's amazing. I don't mean that in a good way, but you really open up.

Gloria: Does it feel good?

Pepper: It didn't feel good to me.

Flo: It can if he's stimulating your clitoris at the same time. Or if your hand is reaching down there. Or you have a vibrator on your clitoris.

Pepper: If you have all that other stuff going on while he's in your ass, why does he need to be in your ass?

Flo: It's tighter.

Pepper: For him.

Flo: It's a giving thing. And also the mentality of doing something so atrocious and dirty and forbidding.

Barbara: That's the appeal for me too: "Fuck me up the ass."

Gloria: I like that forbidden dirty thing. And guys like it too. That's why they get so turned on when you're having your period.

Pepper: The guys I've been with are generally so squeamish that if I have my period they don't even want to go near my vagina.

Barbara: Does that upset you?

Pepper: I totally understand it. I don't want to go near my vagina when I have my period.

Flo: I like sex when I'm on the rag. I'm in the mood then.

Barbara: I just put down a towel.

Pepper: I don't know about that.

Gloria: I've never had it right in the middle. Usually it's at the beginning or the end. I put down the towel, but nothing comes out onto it.

Barbara: I've had it really bloody. Like the shower scene in Carrie.

Flo: Holy shit. That's a lot of blood.

Barbara: I like it. As long as I don't have cramps.

Gloria: Orgasms relieve cramps.

Pepper: They also relieve migraines.

Barbara: They're really good for back pain, too.

Flo: I'm sure they cure cancer. I'm sure of it. I just have to prove it.

If a guy doesn't offer to give you oral sex, it's like he's come to your house and won't do the dishes.