Will Women Change?

As the roles of men and women in society evolve, relationships between the sexes change as well. The liberation of women in the 20th century is a prelude to more significant shifts in the future.

This trend does not mean that traditional male and female characteristics will disappear. In general, women will still be more nurturing than men, and men will be more competitive. Men will want to fix a problem rather than just listen sympathetically, and women will want to share their feelings regardless of how disinterested their men may be.

While much of what we are is wired into us, many of our actions are motivated not by basic instinct but rather by the times in which we live. As the Wild West was tamed, the role of men in our society went from protectors and providers to simply providers. The pioneer man of 18th century America became the rugged, individualistic male of the 19th century. In the 20th century, his role evolved into the working man: the Father Knows Best guy who left for work early and came home late. The ideal man was greeted after a long day with a kiss from his wife, slippers from his daughter and the sports section of the newspaper from his son (or dog).

This man, like many of our fathers, stayed in the same job for 30 years and was completely perplexed by his wife whenever she lamented that "something was missing." How could that be? He was the man his father told him to be, the man the world expected of him: He was a good provider. Then, millions of women began to enter the workforce in the Seventies (some in search of a better standard of living, some pursuing their own career goals) and the role of the male as provider began to change again.

In 50 years we have witnessed a remarkable transformation in females--from the sexually frustrated woman portrayed in Pleasantville to the sexually enlightened woman of the year 2000. Yet the sexual awareness of today is only a prelude to the evolution of the woman of tomorrow. The most significant shift will come as women attach (concluded on page 275) Women (continued from page 166) increasing significance to men's ability to provide for them emotionally rather than financially. Men will then have to cope with how to satisfy the emotional needs and expectations of the women they desire.

The cliché in which one woman turns to another and says, "He's not romantic, he's not a good lover, but he's a good provider," may well change. In the future, she's more likely to say, "I've got a great job. I don't need a provider. But he's romantic and a great lover."

As women are better able to provide for themselves, men's earning power will be less of a lure than their worth as romantic companions. Consequently, a woman's need for romance as a condition for a committed relationship will become an extremely popular topic.

Your grandmother did not expect your grandfather to surprise her with flowers. Your mother was pleased if your father remembered their anniversary and sent her flowers on Valentine's Day. What was OK back then won't cut it with the working woman who sees romance all around her.

Film and television are filled with happy romantic couples. Magazines and print ads show people smiling and holding hands. From Club Med to Centrum Silver, everyone is looking lovingly into each others' eyes and saying, "I love you." It looks good, it feels good and we want it in our own lives as well.

We as a society are becoming increasingly comfortable and open in our communication about love and sexuality. We will continue to set new and higher standards of what defines a fully romantic and sexually rewarding relationship.

Can modern man adapt? A change from provider to romancer is by no means an impossible standard for men to fulfill, even though most men have been conditioned to believe that romance begins with courting and ends with marriage. The truth is this: The ability that men have to be wonderful lovers while courting can be sustained ten, 20, 40 years into marriage.

Men know how to be romantic. They simply let most of those abilities slip away. A common reason for this is that most men have had only their fathers as role models. We may say that we want to be different--and in many ways we are--but we unknowingly repeat patterns of behavior that we saw as children. If we rarely saw our fathers being romantic with our mothers, we received the subliminal message that this was not expected in marriage. In the 20th century model, courtship and marriage are two distinctly different stages of life.

Most women do not share that view. They are growing increasingly independent as providers and protectors for themselves, and they will become increasingly insistent that the men in their lives fulfill expectations as good lovers and caring companions.

A degree of friction between men and women will continue to be part of the process of change. Our roles are evolving. Some will adjust to those changes with greater ease than others. Change brings uncertainty, but over the early decades of the new millennium that uncertainty will begin to fade.

I believe that by the midpoint of the new century, when the grandchildren and the great-grandchildren of the baby boomers are settling into committed, long-term relationships, much of that social upheaval will have dissolved. From it, a new understanding of roles and role models will emerge.

The men of 2050 will be better listeners and better lovers than their grandfathers were. The women of 2050 will have a better understanding than their grandmothers ever had of how to communicate their needs to men. Lasting love is an ideal. As we grow and learn in this new millennium, we will move closer to that ideal. And in doing so, we will make the world a happier place than the world we found.