Newsfront

For the Birds

Detroit--U.S. agents seized nearly 40,000 pounds of sterilized hemp seed at the Canadian border because the shipment contained trace amounts of THC, the active ingredient in marijuana. The seed had a THC content of 0.0014 percent, which isn't enough to get even a bird stoned. Nevertheless, the Drug Enforcement Administration says products that contain any amount of THC cannot be imported without registering with the agency, and no companies had registered. The U.S. government also ordered the farmer who shipped the seed to recall 17 previous loads of hemp oil, nuts, horse bedding and animal feed. Three months after the seizure, it relented and allowed the seed into the country. Hemp production has been legal in Canada since 1998, and nearly 700 farmers grow it.

It's a Dirty Job, but . . .

Columbus, Ohio--An internal police report obtained by The Columbus Dispatch revealed that at least one undercover vice officer had sex with prostitutes on several occasions before he arrested them. The department initially said that the officer allowed the sex to occur only so he would have stronger cases in court. Later, a spokesman elaborated: The prostitutes began the sexual contact too quickly for the officer to prevent it. He further explained that, to establish trust, vice officers have to allow hookers to touch them and must also return to prostitution dens repeatedly to gather enough evidence. If that weren't unpleasant enough, the detective had to pay $120 and $160 for blow jobs and an additional $180 for intercourse.

Fuck on the Rocks

Colorado Springs, Colorado--A state liquor agent confiscated 29 signs from Leonard's II tavern because they contained profanity. The state attorney general's office said the removal of the signs, 21 of which included the word fuck, wasn't a free speech issue but a matter of public safety (he worried that the F word might prompt intoxicated people to become violent). A judge ruled that the tavern owner, Leonard Carlo, could hang new signs while a higher court considers whether the state can suspend his liquor license. Carlo, who has the word fuck tattooed on his bald head, celebrated by posting a sign that reads You say Tomato, I say fuck you. He told a reporter, "I want my signs back and my constitutional rights. We have them fucked and they know it."

Message for the Man

Bowling Green, Kentucky--A jury found a General Motors Corvette plant worker guilty of drug trafficking, then recommended a fine of one cent because it found the automaker's method of policing employees "underhanded and nonprofessional." GM had hired a security firm to investigate reports of drug use at its plant. The firm sent in an attractive female agent who posed as a new employee. She befriended workers and made comments about how she would enjoy having a joint or a few pills. Several employees allegedly sold her small quantities of drugs, which the security firm stored in an apartment until police raided the plant. They arrested 17 workers, most of whom GM fired. Many of the accused have filed suit, alleging entrapment and invasion of privacy. One worker who lost his job after 23 years asked, "If GM thought I had a drug problem, why didn't they come to me?"

P.S. I want you

Phoenix--A female manager employed by the Maricopa County Parks and Recreation Department sent an administrative e-mail to a male co-worker who then forwarded the message to his boss. Unfortunately, he hadn't scrolled down to the bottom, where the woman--with whom he was having an affair--had written, "Sometimes I will fantasize about something we've already done, like our encounter the other evening. I'm getting aroused writing this. Must finish this later, as I also have fantasies about things we haven't done yet." When the county human resources manager announced that the couple would be demoted, the woman told reporters she had printed out e-mails sent by other workers that contained sexual remarks and racy jokes. "There's a little word in my dictionary that describes what's happening here," she said. "That word is hypocrisy."

Tree Believers

St. Paul. Minnesota--A group of loggers filed suit against the U.S. Forest Service and two environmental groups, claiming the agency has been unduly influenced by the philosophy of "deep ecology." Forest Guardians and Superior Wilderness Action Network routinely appeal the industry's permits to harvest trees in Superior National Forest. By allowing the appeals to delay cutting, the loggers argue, the Forest Service favors one belief system over another, which violates the Constitution. "Spirituality that venerates the earth cannot be taught in public schools, and it should not be the basis for policy at the Forest Service," says the lawyer who prepared the suit. A spokesman for Forest Guardians called the lawsuit and its demand for $600,000 in damages "frivolous, baseless and ridiculous."