Travel by Robert B. Desalvo
The Facts: Tijuana is the ultimate border town, geared toward day-trippers and night crawlers looking for cheap drinks, nightclubs, legal gambling, no-prescription pharmacies, Cuban cigars, odd souvenirs and a wild time. More than 36 million people cross from California into Tijuana every year, earning Tijuana the title of the world's most visited city.
Getting There: Plan your trip on Friday or Saturday when the girls pour into the city to party. Take Interstate 5 south from Los Angeles or San Diego until you see signs for the Camino de la Plaza exit (you're close when you start seeing the road signs that feature the silhouette of a family running, designed to warn motorists of the illegal aliens who may dart across the freeway). Exit and park at one of the several lots on the American side and walk across. You'd be a fool to drive into TJ if you're staying for just one day-- your U.S. insurance policy is mostly worthless in Mexico (so you'd have to buy Mexican insurance first), and you'd join an infinite line of cars waiting to come back over the U.S. border.
Crossing Over: The first thing that you'll notice when you enter Tijuana is the army of cabbies jockeying to take you to the main drag, Revolución. Skip them--it's only a few blocks and you'd miss the Plaza Fiesta, where you can ride a mechanical bull in the middle of a huge courtyard, much to the delight of drunken tourists. Don't bother converting your dollars into pesos--American money is preferred--and don't spend it all on sombreros, knickknacks or Mexican artwork. Walking to Revolución, you'll pass off-track betting lounges where you can gamble on anything that moves, shops that proudly display We've Got Cuban Cigars signs, and pharmacies where you can get drugs dirt cheap. Not only do you not need a prescription, but some of the drugstore owners actually sell morphine and Dexedrine as well as cocaine and LSD. Don't be stupid--you may be able to just walk into Mexico, but getting back entails a march through the U.S. Border Patrol building.
Sidewalking: Revolución itself is jam-packed with nightclubs pumping pulsating music onto the street. The Cave, People's Sports and Rock, and Iguanas Ranas are the clubs that attract the best-looking crowds for a party that usually lasts until well after two in the morning. Two-for-one margaritas are the norm and cover charges are unheard of. Beware the waiters who blow their whistles--they love to grab your head, pour tequila down your throat and shake you around a bit. It's 100 percent low-rent, but everyone is having a blast. It helps to think of Revolución as your Yellow Brick Road--the best thing you can hope to find by exploring the side streets is a donkey bar where locals watch strippers fornicate with livestock.
Aftermath: After stumbling out of a bar in the wee hours of the morning, it's inevitable that one of your wildcard friends will suggest crashing at one of the questionable hotels on Revolución like the Caesar or the Nelson, most of which offer rooms for under $40 a night. March onward, soldier--the USA, a Denny's and some good old-fashioned American motels are just a 15-minute walk away. Run for the border!
