Do-It-Yourself Sex Tricks

Every morning I pour myself a cup of coffee and think hard about sex and how to make it better. I invent sex tricks for a living.

My job is not without its pressures. I have never taken a vacation, because inspiration can strike anywhere. When it does, I grab my lover and test the idea, over and over. As you can imagine, this can be exhausting--for him. Using this method, I have perfected enough sex tricks to fill several best-selling books. How do I do it? The truth is, I have a formula. It's a plan for seduction that works every time.

Let's start with an example that the Playboy Advisor mentioned this past summer. The maneuver came from one of my compilations, 52 Invitations to Great Sex. You begin the seduction by mailing an invitation to your girlfriend or wife, asking her to bring two shiny nickels to the bedroom at a specific time a few days after receipt of the note--let's say Saturday at 10:17 P.M. The Advisor didn't explain any more than this, so my answering machine filled with messages. "What happens with the two nickels? Where do they go?" The answer is simple: They go on the backs of her hands.

That doesn't sound hot? Remember, your invitation will arrive a few days before the event, so your lover will have time to ponder what lies in store for her. If she's like most women, she'll imagine all sorts of kinky scenarios. By the time Saturday arrives, she'll be ready for anything. She may even be wet before she walks into the bedroom.

The nickels are part of a game. After sweet talk and kisses, ask her to bend forward over the (continued on page 212) Sex Tricks (continued from page 125) dresser, leaning on her forearms. Place a nickel on the back of each of her hands, smile as wickedly as you can and explain the rules. You are going to try to knock them off. She's going to try to keep them in place. Make a bet on the outcome, if you wish. Then get behind her and, well, use your imagination. Do anything you can think of to get her so aroused that she goes weak at the knees (bonus points if you manage to wedge the nickels in the ceiling).

The nickel trick is an example of my sex trick formula. I call it the Erotic Equation:

Anticipation + Creativity = Hot Sex

Every couple starts their relationship with these two ingredients. Anticipation is the foreplay that leads to foreplay. The nickel trick is loaded with anticipation. Your lover was intrigued the moment she opened your invitation, and she was reminded every time she opened her purse and saw those shiny coins. The fact that you went to some effort to seduce her--and how much effort was it, really?--made her feel desirable. That's the first step toward arousing a woman.

The payoff for creating anticipation is regular, awesome sex. Honeymoon sex. Do it right and that sweet little lady, president of the PTA, mother of your children, will be howling for you to fuck her.

The second factor in my erotic equation--creativity--is the only cure for bedroom boredom. If you're not careful, eventually your girlfriend or wife will be thinking to herself during sex, He's about to tweak my nipple, then five minutes of licking, and next he'll turn me over....

If you want better sex, be prepared for inspiration, even when you're doing ordinary things. A few years ago, for example, I was packing for a trip and grabbed a wooden hanger, turned the metal hook sideways and hung it over the top of my closet door. I must have done this a thousand times before. But this time I looked at that hanger, polished and sturdy and dangling high up off the floor, and thought, That looks promising. It led to this sex trick: Send an invitation to your lover asking her to bring a heavy wooden hanger and a necktie to the bedroom at an appointed time. (Like the nickels, the everyday aspect of these objects makes your seduction more intriguing.) Your lover will arrive to find the room lit only by candles and filled with relaxing music. Ask her to grab the bottom rail of the hanger with both hands. As you blindfold her with the necktie, explain rule number one in a strong, seductive whisper: She must not, under any circumstance, let go of that hanger without your permission. You then lift the hanger and hook it over the door. This will be a hot scene, trust me, especially when she realizes she's "helpless" as you undress and play with her.

That's just the beginning. As I explain in 52 Invitations, by the end of the evening, your lover will be kneeling on a pile of pillows and straddling a vibrator--to which you have the remote control and thus the power to reward her for good behavior.

Here's another great trick that came to me while I was working up a sweat--not in bed but in the snow. Many skiers carry hand warmers--small pouches that give off heat. When I first picked one up, my immediate thought was, This would feel good right about... here. And it did. To add to the fun, I recommend a massage using hot and cold packs alternately, with just enough of the extremes to bring your lover's skin to a heightened state of sensitivity.

Then there was the day I walked into a gym and saw my first Thera-Band Ball. They're sturdy inflated balls a few feet across; people use them to stretch their backs. I thought the ball would put me in the perfect position to give an upside-down, backward blow job, and wouldn't it give him an awesome view? I bought one and put it in our bedroom, and didn't say a word about it for almost two weeks. The suspense nearly killed him--as did the eventual seduction.

This same concept can be used in a more romantic scenario. Put a bouquet of helium-filled balloons in your bedroom. Tell your girlfriend or wife that the small slips of paper inside the balloons contain special favors, or gifts, or specific fantasies that you want fulfilled, but that she can't pop the first one until the weekend. For the next few days she won't be able to get out of bed, get dressed or make a trip to the bathroom without seeing those floating reminders of her upcoming surprise.

Your seductions don't have to be expensive to be effective--just creative. Ten dollars will buy a couple of fine sable paintbrushes at an art supply store, and unless you make your living as an artist, she'll be deeply curious when she notices them on the bathroom counter. And she'll be deeply aroused when you finally use them... on her, dipped in warm massage oil, twirling and flicking across the sensitive canvas of her skin.

Some of the most popular seductions in my books don't even involve sex--not directly, at least. Any woman would melt over a scene like this: Move one of the dining room chairs to the bedroom. Don't say anything, even if she puts it away. Just slip it back into the bedroom the next day, and this time, put a pair of her shoes on it. The day after, add panties and a sexy bra; the next day, lay out a nice outfit. And finally, leave a love note on the chair, explaining that you would like her to wear that outfit for a dinner date.

For any woman who has ever started to feel invisible in a relationship, this will be proof that her man loves the way she looks. Guys, it's also foreplay. Like most of my seductions, this one isn't about how much you spend. But to be honest, anticipation plus creativity plus a new pair of shoes may increase your mileage.

You're welcome to use my Erotic Equation to invent your own tricks and seductions. Don't worry about coming up with hundreds of wild ideas--that's my job. Tonight, you just need one inventive way to let her know how much you want her, one devious plan that makes her think about sex but forces her to wait. And one interesting twist--a toy or household item or a place you've never used for stimulation before, and that she will never see in the same way again. I'll give you a prop that you can start with:

White athletic socks.