Playboy's 20 Q: Catherine Bell

tv's most popular uniformed woman on flirting for fun, nipponese weirdness and how to swear in farsi

When Catherine Bell had a three-line walk-on appearance in the first season of JAG, she assumed it would be her last. In the next scene she was a bloodied corpse. JAG also died a quick death, when NBC scuttled the drama after one season. But a year later, its executive producer, Donald Bellisario, resurrected the idea and sold it to CBS. Bell sent him a letter saying she was perfect for the role of Major Sarah MacKenzie, the gung ho Marine lawyer. Bellisario remembered her as a "good actress with a pretty laugh." Bell was hired and the series became a huge hit.

Bell was born in London, her parents divorced when she was two and she moved with her mother, an Iranian-born nurse, to Los Angeles. Her father died three years later in a car accident. At seven, Bell was recruited to appear in commercials. Though she enjoyed the experience, her real ambition was to become a doctor. She enrolled at UCLA as a premed student but in her sophomore year dropped out to become a model. At 19, she spent four months in Japan walking the runways, homesick and lonely.

Bell returned to Los Angeles determined to be an actress. She took acting classes, appeared in an American Express commercial for Mexican television and landed a job as Isabella Rossellini's nude body double in Death Becomes Her. Still frames from the film are Internet staples.

Bell's career soon received a boost from guest appearances on Friends. Dream On and Hercules. She landed a major role in Miramax' Men of War, co-starring Dolph Lundgren, appeared opposite Maureen O'Hara in the CBS movie Cab to Canada and co-starred in TBS' The TimeShifters, with Casper Van Dien.

Robert Crane caught up with Bell at her home in Los Angeles. He reports: "This woman never rests. When she's not filming, she rides motorcycles with her husband, snowboards, kickboxes, skis, races cars and paints. Bell, who speaks Farsi fluently, is young, talented, beautiful and possesses the same sort of boundless energy as her good friend, the effervescent Jenna Elfman."

1

[Q] Playboy: What are the privileges of rank?

[A] Bell: Telling lower-ranking men what to do. I got promoted at the beginning of the season, before my co-star did. So I outranked him for about six episodes. It's fun. You have the power to say, "End of discussion. Dismissed." It's great! When we were on an aircraft carrier for a few days in the beginning of the season, some of the crew didn't recognize me and thought I was really a lieutenant colonel. These guys see me, see the insignia and go, "Ma'am!" and snap to attention! Our technical advisor told me to say, "Carry on" or "As you were," when they do that because otherwise these guys would remain totally frozen.

2

[Q] Playboy: Care to comment on the proposition that military justice is to justice what military music is to music?

[A] Bell: It's pretty different. There isn't as much leeway in the military justice system. You do something wrong and you are in trouble. Even things that are common in regular society--you have an affair with the wrong person in the military, you're out.

3

[Q] Playboy: How do you recruit when you're looking for a few good men?

[A] Bell: I'm a huge flirt and my husband, Adam, knows it. I've learned who to flirt with and who not to. I've found that even smiling at someone can get you into trouble. I smile, I'm friendly, I hug people, and most people--like the guys at work, who I spend most of my time with--understand. I can sit on one of the guys' laps and hang out and have a great time, and he knows it doesn't mean anything. But I've learned that not every guy knows that, so I'm pretty careful.

4

[Q] Playboy: Would you be good at taking orders?

[A] Bell: I'd be better at giving orders. At work you're essentially taking orders. The director's telling you to do something. It's a little different though--you have more of a say in it. You can never do that with a superior officer. "You know, Admiral, I gotta tell ya, what's my motivation, sir?"

5

[Q] Playboy: You've modeled in Japan. What do Americans still not understand about the Japanese?

[A] Bell: I've been to Europe and countries all over the world, and they're all a little different. But when I was in Japan, I thought I was on a different planet. They're much more serious. There's no holding hands or kissing in public. But at the same time, I've never been grabbed on the street so much. Someone grabbed my breast, someone grabbed my ass. I'm a kickboxer, and I've always been pretty tough and feisty. I would just turn around and slug these guys and knock them down, and they'd go running. It's a very different way of thinking over there. The first week that I was there, I was trying to be friendly and I turned to the guy next to me on the subway and said, "Hi, I'm Catherine. I'm from America." Oh, my God! He was so offended. You don't talk to strangers in public unless you're formally introduced. He gave me this horrible look and moved to the other side of the car.

I was eating with some Japanese people and was joking around with one man. I tapped his chopsticks because he was getting some food near mine. He threw down the chopsticks, walked out of the restaurant and didn't come back for 45 minutes. Apparently, crossing chopsticks is a symbol for death. I didn't know.

(continued on page 192)Catherine Bell(continued from page 157)

6

[Q] Playboy: So what's with their fetish about schoolgirl porn?

[A] Bell: I don't know. It's nuts! I have a problem with cultures that are so sexually repressed that they end up becoming really perverted and twisted. You'd see men on the subways reading these comic books. You wonder, "Why are these men reading comic books?" And you look closely, it's these little schoolgirl drawings--the big eyes, little bitty noses, cute little perky lips and pigtails. I think it comes from all that repression. Let it out, let it go.

7

[Q] Playboy: You ski. Why is there animosity between snowboarders and skiers?

[A] Bell: It's total snobbery. I haven't quite switched over to snowboarding yet. I've tried it a few times, but as a skier I know snowboarders just eat up the mountain, and they knock down skiers constantly. They're just going too fast or they're out of control and they don't know what they're doing yet. Snowboarding's tough to learn. When you haven't gotten it yet, you're all over the place. With skiing, if you lose your balance, you fall right where you are. I'm not sure what snowboarders think about skiers. They just think we're geeks or something.

8

]Q] Playboy: Which sport is harder?

[A] Bell: Snowboarding is harder, but I started skiing a long time ago. I mean, when you fall while skiing, you don't really hurt yourself. When you're learning to snowboard, you catch an edge like you always do, and you don't just gently fall to the ground, you slam to the ground and either break a wrist or crack your tailbone. After two days of that, I was so bruised and banged up.

9

[Q] Playboy: You own a pair of Italian greyhounds. Can you train greyhounds with peanut butter?

[A] Bell: Yes! They love peanut butter. It's really fun. You just give them a tiny bit and they do that [licking sound] thing forever. You can train these guys with anything. But I always feel so bad when I do that. One time I gave them a piece of dried apricot. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal, but it stuck in their teeth, oh my God, for an hour. It was so bad, trying to get it out. It's cruel. These guys are really smart. That's one of the reasons we got them.

10

[Q] Playboy: What can you say in Farsi that can't be translated in English?

[A] Bell: You couldn't print it, because some Iranian would read it and be really offended [laughs]. My mom taught my husband all the swear words, and they're really bad. In Iranian, if you want to insult someone, you insult his family and his mother. How about madar jendeh. It basically means that your mother's a whore [laughs]. Kharcoseh is another zinger, and it refers to a woman's intimate body part, and not the nicest way to say it either. My mom taught Adam that word. She and I say that to each other because it's so over the top that it's like, "Kharcoseh! What are you doing?"

11

[Q] Playboy: Better name--Persia or Iran?

[A] Bell: I like Persia. I know it's not Persia anymore, but Iran has so much shit attached to it now, unfortunately. It used to be a beautiful place. I never went after I was a baby, but my mom tells me it was like Paris. It was beautiful. My grandfather used to work for the Shah, so my mom lived like royalty over there.

12

[Q] Playboy: We read somewhere that men can say anything in front of you. Is that true?

[A] Bell: Totally. You can ask my husband. The guys at work know this, too. If there is a pretty woman and the guys are talking about her, I jump right in. "Yeah! Check her out! She's really hot!" I don't have a problem. I don't get offended easily. It would take a lot. Yesterday, my husband bought a new video game, a fighting game with women with huge breasts. The graphics are amazing, and they fight and their breasts actually jiggle. Sometimes a girl's skirt flies up and you see her panties, and I'm like, "Cool! Check out her panties! My God! Her tits are huge!" You know, that's how I talk. I have no problem.

13

[Q] Playboy: Do the guys say what they want to do to other women in front of you?

[A] Bell: Yeah, a little bit. Some guys, if they're just total pigs, need to take it easy there. Down, boy. But if they're appreciating women, you know, I can understand you'd want to do certain things.

14

[Q] Playboy: You play drums. Who is your favorite drummer?

[A] Bell: Since I'm a new drummer, I just started listening to everybody: John Bonham, Neil Peart. I've got all the Led Zeppelin and Who CDs in my trailer. I'm trying to listen to the old greats. And then there are some of the new guys like Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins. I love jazz drumming. It's beautiful. Again, I'm new. I never used to pick out the drumbeat by itself. Now I'm actually listening to the drumbeat.

15

[Q] Playboy: Do you have wacky nights with your close friend Jenna Elfman?

[A] Bell: Like when we get naked and roll around in hot oil? I'm sure your readers would like to hear about that, but I'll never tell! Jenna is really fun. We were just in the Caribbean with a bunch of our friends. She has so much energy. I think she's amazing. We met in our acting class. We're both Scientologists, but we were in the same acting class, too. I knew her husband better than her because her husband and I were in the same class. She was in a different class at the same place. She's so talented. She's funny, silly and fast. A lot of fun to go out with.

16

[Q] Playboy: Have you guys gotten into any trouble?

[A] Bell: No, not yet. Good idea, though.

17

[Q] Playboy: There are websites featuring photos of your body-double work for Isabella Rossellini in Death Becomes Her. In an article you said there is worse stuff out there. Where can we find it?

[A] Bell: There's some soft-core I used to do. No. There was a rumor about that on the set once. I did a love scene in a cable movie that wasn't a big deal. Kind of a Red Shoe Diaries sort of thing. I was almost topless on Dream On. So that's about it. Nothing too embarrassing.

18

[Q] Playboy: Why is the company of men more interesting than that of women?

[A] Bell: I think because I was an only child and a tomboy. Women can be tough on women. I used to be really shy and a lot of women thought I was stuck up. I had to be nice and be a regular person and let them know I wasn't there to steal their boyfriends. Women can be so insecure. Let's just be girls. Now I have some female friends, but I'm still more comfortable with men. I have more male friends than I do women. I'm more of a guy. Let's have a beer and just have fun.

19

[Q] Playboy: Your belly is pierced. What are the limits of good taste in piercings?

[A] Bell: For me, it's my belly button. That's it. At some point, it gets into self-mutilation and some weird psychological aberration.

20

[Q] Playboy: What can be expressed in a tattoo that can't be expressed verbally?

[A] Bell: I've got one here [pointing to ankle]. It's a heart and it says Love. I could certainly say "love." But it's just a creative way of expressing myself. Tattoos represent something about yourself, but nothing you couldn't express verbally.

"I have a problem with cultures that are so sexually repressed that they end up becoming really twisted."