The Personals

With That Look You Stole My Heart

Boy sees Girl

We met in Price Chopper surplus, by the pallets of macaroni and cheese. Me in the orange flannel shirt with one sleeve, you in that blue dress with the belt. I saw you appreciate the load on my shopping dolly--the five cases of Drizz Ale and the trampoline. You were holding the gag-size Cheese Helper, reading the box with that nerd in the button-down. When I put one of the steel wheels into your foot, you gave me a look that stole my heart--right as you fainted and went down. You might have heard me say, "That's got to hurt." Anyway, I want to see you again. Lose the cheeseball. I have the trampoline set up in the side yard, and we could have some fun.

Girl sees Boy

Boyfriend! Carry me back to the ambulance. Me with the broken foot in Price Chopper, covered with Cheese Helper. You in your blue EMT uniform, name tag: Chuck. You took my pulse and lifted me onto the stretcher. Listen, no one has ever sat by me in the back of an ambulance before; when you pulled my eye open with your thumb and looked at me, you stole my heart! And when you let the others wheel me into St. Luke's, I could have cried. Listen, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck. I'll be in physical therapy at Minute Clinic. Stop by Thursday afternoons and join me on the treadmill.

Boy sees Girl

I want to see you again! We met at Boogaloo Arena during the Forked Tongue concert. You were on he-man's shoulders, waving your blonde ponytail and flashing your beautiful boobs at the stage. I was just another black T-shirt bobbing up and down next to you until you saw my camera. When the flashbulb caught those puppies, you pointed at me and yelled something. Later, I took four more good shots. You were so funny pointing at me! I know you saw me. What were you saying? When our eyes locked, you stole my heart. Can you get rid of the horse you rode in on and meet me at the Blue Tang concert? I'll bring the photos. All the other EMTs think the shots are fabulous.

Girl sees Boy

You thin thing! We saw each other at Mosh and Knosh after-hours last Sunday. I came in with a group after the Forked Tongue concert, and we sat in the window booth and were chowing down on the Round-the-World pizza. My boyfriend kept warning you back, waving his finger, remember? He's a giant. You were barefoot. Was that your blue motorcycle helmet on the counter? You looked like a starving angel. I saw you take that guy's wallet, but when you passed our table, our eyes met. Skinny man, you stole my heart. Meet me? Please reply.

Boy sees Girl

I could tell you understood me from the first time our eyes met. All Nightie Quick Stop, last Sunday at four A.M. Me: barefoot with the blue motorcycle helmet. You in capri pants and that large white T-shirt with the sleeves rolled, a bunch of bangles on your left wrist. You were buying feminine hygiene products, and I was being cuffed by those two meathead police guys. They had me pretty bent over the counter, but I could see the caring look in your sleepy eyes, and it stole my heart. That wasn't my gun. I want to see you again--in one to five years.

Girl sees Boy

We were going up! In the express elevator in the Kelsign Building last Wednesday, just before lunchtime--we were crammed in with those blue suits from Collections, and I was in the other corner. Could you hear my bracelets? Everybody else got out on 17, and then you went to 20. Are you an underwriter? You were wearing a seersucker suit with some, like, action figures in the breast pocket. Just before you got out, I farted--not too loud, just loud enough for you to hear--and when your eyes met mine, the look you sent my way stole my heart. I'm up on 26 in Liens and Means. Come up and see me sometime.

Boy sees Girl

Hey, bookworm, time for a study break. Where: Metro Basement Library. When: 3:15 Thursday afternoon. You: big stack of those red law books and that one giant gray book. Me: right across the table with five action figures from Feudal Demon Empire. Twirnal led the explorers up to two of the red books while Walvin made a break for the opening underneath the open gray book. This left the E-Twins and Dilffe in a bind. Who would they follow? When I (concluded on page 146)The Personals(continued from page 76) asked you what they should do, the look you delivered unto me stole my heart. What did you mean by "elsewhere"? I'll bring the guys and meet you there. We must see you again. Walvin is OK. He's back. Have you seen Feudal Rescue or Feudal Firedragon? Pruxi-pruxi!

Girl sees Boy

I'm guilty! But I need to see you again. Me: Eloisa de Foint gold silk suit, Carmen Mencara red silk scarf--defense attorney. You: cranberry sweater vest and Gap khakis in the back row of the jury. The Davenpork murder trial. When I said, "Just how many people have such a gun?" you rolled your eyes big-time and stole my heart. Of course, I was winging it. Davenpork is guilty as hell; he would have killed them all twice if he'd had the chance. I thought this was just a job--until I saw you. I work for the state, but I must see you again. Next Tuesday in Municipal Court; wear the cranberry sweater again.

Boy sees Boy

Heartbreaker one-nine! We met in traffic last Monday outside the courthouse. I was the guy in the Civic who turned left in front of your big red rig. How'd you stop that thing? You were wearing some kind of black leather cap and eating a Subway meatball. I love that red mustache! Your eyes were as big as eyes get, and when they met mine, you stole my little heart. Hey, we don't have to be gay to get coffee. Everybody drinks coffee. If I looked upset, it wasn't you. I've got jury duty in a stupid murder trial until next week, but I really want to ride in that rig. Get back to me, good buddy. And thanks for stopping.

Boy sees Girl

Nature girl, I don't know if driving naked is your thing or if you're a health nut. But I must say, I give it a big thumbs-up. I haven't seen anything look so good wearing nothing but a seat belt for many a moon. You and your little Lexus drove right by my red semi, just after I'd skidded to avoid some idiot in a Honda downtown Monday afternoon. You looked up, and I've been looking for my heart ever since. Listen, I spend my life driving, and all of a bare-naked sudden, I am very interested in going for a drive. I'm up for it. Are those leather seats?

Girl sees Girl

Is there a love letter in your bag? You: short blonde delivering mail on Bloomfield Avenue, Monday, late in the day. You look good in those blue post office shorts! And, I like your funky truck. Me: in the Lexus. I pulled up and asked if I'd need extra postage on the J. Crew return package. It took you a minute to see I was nude, but when our eyes met, you postmarked my heart. I could see you wanted to make a special delivery. Can we meet when your rounds are done?

Girl sees Boy

You are a genuine jumping jack. I saw you bouncing up and over your front fence last Monday, just off the corner of Bloomfield. You were wearing a strange orange shirt and drinking a blue can of Drizz Ale, which I love! I was in my post office duds, dropping the Price Chopper fliers into your mailbox. Every time your head popped up, our eyes met and you stole my heart. What have you got in there, a trampoline? You're a wild man and I'd jump at the chance to see you again. Send me a letter, you kangaroo!