Homeland Security To crush the foe, George Bush will spend Whatever sum of cash will Do the trick and nail that prick. Osama? No, Tom Daschle.
The Stock Market Stockbrokers lied, they touted crap, And fleeced us with bum steers. The "Wall Street numbers" we like now: Fifteen to 20 years.
Church Scandals Tales of abuse grew so profuse, It was an ugly story. If half were true, some priests will do Hard time in purgatory.
Botox Though botulism's fatal, Botox Shots are all the rage. Because, It's clear, we'd much prefer To die than look our age.
FBI Our G-men swore, "We'll track foes in Their caves, huts and madrasas." This pledge from "pros" whom we're not sure Can even find their asses.
Michael Ovitz Mike Ovitz moaned, "My life's been ruined By Hollywood's gay mafia!" Oh Mike, don't prate; there are scores of straights Who'd love the chance to screw ya.
Dick Cheney "Attack Iraq!" urged Dick, who was, We hope, not just divertin' Everyone's attention from the Mess at Halliburton.
Air Travel With bankruptcies and service cuts Air travelers seem screwed. The good news: Fewer airlines means There'll be less airline food.
The Environment "Global warming's nonsense," said Polluters, "spread by liars." As half the country battled droughts Or major forest fires.
Whistle-Blowers Ms. Watkins and Ms. Rowley made Their weasel bosses bristle. But damn, it got us hot just watching Women blowing whistles.
Liza Minnelli & David Gest Gossips sniped, "He's gay! Why he Got married, heaven knows." Our guess is 'cause he gets to try On all of Liza's clothes.
John Ashcroft From pot to guns to choice to porn, Big John went on a binge Of "Justice" that sprang hard-ons all Across the far-right fringe.
The Pledge of Allegiance Some right-wing Christians got so steamed, They damn near dropped a clod When judges freed the pledge from its Confinement "under God."
Martha Stewart For Martha, queen perfectionist, A new array of gripes: "Those cells are cold, the food has mold, And I look fat in stripes."
